If all else fails use Uncle Dragon's toilet clogger recipe:
1 bunch of kale
1 bunch of collard greens
1 tblsp crushed garlic
2 tblsp olive oil
Rinse collards and kale well in a large bowl of cold water. Drain and cut off the tough stems. There will be about 3/4 pound of each green. Cut leaves into 1/4-inch strips. There will be 6 to 8 tightly packed cups.
In a well-seasoned pan, heat the olive oil over moderately high heat. Add the garlic and cook, stirring, 30 seconds. Add half of the greens and cook, stirring, 30 seconds. Add half of the greens and cook stirring, for about 1 minutes, until they begin to wilt. Add the remaining greens and cook, stirring constantly, for 8 to 10 minutes, until the greens darken slightly and are fairly tender.
Season with the salt, pepper, and lemon juice.
If THAT doesn't do it I suggest surgery
