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Guys - If you pay on the first date, what do you expect?

I expect her to work her ass off to entertain me. But she should be doing that anyway or else the date won't last to the check paying stage.
 
Very true you could be hot but if you don't keep my attention, BYE BYE!

KillahBee said:
I expect her to work her ass off to entertain me. But she should be doing that anyway or else the date won't last to the check paying stage.
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KillahBee said:
You're paying for it, right? Nothing wrong with expecting a prostitute to hold up their end of the deal.
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lol


I usually get laid by the first or second date. i think it's normal for my age group and/or the selection of women I choose
 
string_bean00 said:
lol


I usually get laid by the first or second date. i think it's normal for my age group and/or the selection of women I choose
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lol at and/or. I can probably only remember one or two chicks in the last 7 years who actually made me wait longer than the first or second date. It's just immature to wait.
 
yonkers weights said:
It should not take longer then 2 dates to close the deal. If it does, your fucked up or she is crazy!
Click to expand...

That's not necessarily true. Most women in the US have a lot of pressure put on them to *not put out too soon* because then the man (regardless of what he says) will most likely not respect her. Which is total bullshit, but it is true nonetheless. The funny thing is when this is turned around on most men and THEY don't know what to do with it. Now THAT is classic humor.

I have had men straight up not to on any more dates because I wouldn't screw them on the first. Shit, I just spent a few hours with this guy and he thinks that I am *that turned on* by his line of rap that I just can't control myself? Puh-lease... It would usually take me two dates just to be attracted enough for me to WANT to kiss him.

Anytime physical contact came too soon (I went against my head and just said, "Fuck it. What am I being so old-fashioned about?" and connected with the man physically before I REALLY REALLY wanted to) it was always, always, ALWAYS disappointing at best, pretty lamo pathetic embarrassingly -oh my God I cant get out of here quickly enough BAD.
 
yonkers weights said:
It should not take longer then 2 dates to close the deal. If it does, your fucked up or she is crazy!
Click to expand...

If all u want is sex, then yeah!
My guy and I dated on and off for a couple of months before we even got to the sex part.
 
I'm interested to hear INTELLIGENT and LOGICAL thought on this whole idea of the man paying.

Now, listen carefully - let's put aside the whole random glamorized societal outdated idea that it's somehow "right" for the man to pay for the woman...

What we are talking about here is a man paying for a woman's company (once again, read the previous caveat). Plain and simple. How is that a good thing for either party?
 
Nah, I'm not tryin to say a dude shouldn't pay, but I'd be interested to hear why people believe a man should pay above and beyond the gratuitous "it's what the man does" which isn't really an answer.
 
KillahBee said:
Nah, I'm not tryin to say a dude shouldn't pay, but I'd be interested to hear why people believe a man should pay above and beyond the gratuitous "it's what the man does" which isn't really an answer.
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BOOM!!

My point exactly, just said in a shorter more concise way
 
I don't pay because I expect anything in return. Probably pride as well.

I always try to buy though - even if it's not a date. I am overly generous.
 
yonkers weights said:
I do it for Pride and Respect. That's the way I was raised.
My father always paid so I always pay.
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So IF a man allows a woman to pay when HE can't, what does this say about the man? He's worthless, cheap and has no respect for himself?

FYI: I paid 100% of the time when I met my hubby in College. As a matter of fact, I paid his car insurance and food expenses too. HIS family had nothing and he struggled to get the basics while in school. I was lucky to have folks who supported me in the fiance department.

He was worth every chance I took on him. He also is still payin for that chance...lol
 
yonkers weights said:
I do it for Pride and Respect. That's the way I was raised.
My father always paid so I always pay.
Click to expand...


Bro, I was raised in the typical ITalian family. So pride and respect were the most important aspects of my learnings in that environment (and loyalty).

This doesn't mean, however, that I don't have the ability to question the logic behind acts that are always just "a given".

Pride about what?

And respect for who? The woman? So that must mean she doesn't respect herself if you pay?
 
KillahBee said:
Bro, I was raised in the typical ITalian family. So pride and respect were the most important aspects of my learnings in that environment (and loyalty).

This doesn't mean, however, that I don't have the ability to question the logic behind acts that are always just "a given".

Pride about what?

And respect for who? The woman? So that must mean she doesn't respect herself if you pay?
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Pride in th esense of I AM FUCKING INSECURE and need to prove to everyone I am better and have more financial resources.
 
YES to everything.

BIKINIMOM said:
That's not necessarily true. Most women in the US have a lot of pressure put on them to *not put out too soon* because then the man (regardless of what he says) will most likely not respect her. Which is total bullshit, but it is true nonetheless. The funny thing is when this is turned around on most men and THEY don't know what to do with it. Now THAT is classic humor.

I have had men straight up not to on any more dates because I wouldn't screw them on the first. Shit, I just spent a few hours with this guy and he thinks that I am *that turned on* by his line of rap that I just can't control myself? Puh-lease... It would usually take me two dates just to be attracted enough for me to WANT to kiss him.

Anytime physical contact came too soon (I went against my head and just said, "Fuck it. What am I being so old-fashioned about?" and connected with the man physically before I REALLY REALLY wanted to) it was always, always, ALWAYS disappointing at best, pretty lamo pathetic embarrassingly -oh my God I cant get out of here quickly enough BAD.
Click to expand...
 
NO> I never said if you can't pay your a looser or anything. Just in my life I always did! I have friends that get help from their wifes or gf's. That does not make them any less of a man. You do what you need to get by. I have just been lucky, I guess.


vixensghost said:
So IF a man allows a woman to pay when HE can't, what does this say about the man? He's worthless, cheap and has no respect for himself?

FYI: I paid 100% of the time when I met my hubby in College. As a matter of fact, I paid his car insurance and food expenses too. HIS family had nothing and he struggled to get the basics while in school. I was lucky to have folks who supported me in the fiance department.

He was worth every chance I took on him. He also is still payin for that chance...lol
Click to expand...
 
I never said anything about your questioning the logic.

Pride - For myself. To be in a situation to be able to do it.
Respect - For myself. I am a person who cares for others. Always been that way. I am the giver, the protector, ya know.

*I grew up watching my father pay for everything for our family. So when that's all you see and know, that what you follow. Not saying it is right or wrong but it is the way I grew up and the way I am. I don't see it as a problem so I keep it that way.

My biggest fear in life is not being able to provide for my family. I bust my ass day in and day out so I can have a certain life and be able to care for my family as it grows. I want my wife to have the option not to work when we have kids. She might end up working and she might not but having that option is important to me.


KillahBee said:
Bro, I was raised in the typical ITalian family. So pride and respect were the most important aspects of my learnings in that environment (and loyalty).

This doesn't mean, however, that I don't have the ability to question the logic behind acts that are always just "a given".

Pride about what?

And respect for who? The woman? So that must mean she doesn't respect herself if you pay?
Click to expand...
 
yonkers weights said:
NO> I never said if you can't pay your a looser or anything. Just in my life I always did! I have friends that get help from their wifes or gf's. That does not make them any less of a man. You do what you need to get by. I have just been lucky, I guess.
Click to expand...


I was brought up that money does NOT define the man....

When my mom and dad were alive, my hubby thanked my folk's for their wisdom and my up-bringing. :)
 
yonkers weights said:
I never said anything about your questioning the logic.

Pride - For myself. To be in a situation to be able to do it.
Respect - For myself. I am a person who cares for others. Always been that way. I am the giver, the protector, ya know.

*I grew up watching my father pay for everything for our family. So when that's all you see and know, that what you follow. Not saying it is right or wrong but it is the way I grew up and the way I am. I don't see it as a problem so I keep it that way.

My biggest fear in life is not being able to provide for my family. I bust my ass day in and day out so I can have a certain life and be able to care for my family as it grows. I want my wife to have the option not to work when we have kids. She might end up working and she might not but having that option is important to me.
Click to expand...

And there's nothing wrong with your point of view. I grew up the exact same way and also exist in the provider role.

But man, something AMAZING happens when you consciously decide not to pay for women "just because" - you root out the low value ones who only want money and feel they deserve it by birth right AND in the end, the women actually respect you more.

That's what I found, at least.

Still, I almost always pay and that includes with friends too. habits are hard to break
 
I see your point. I guess I have been lucky with who I have been out with. One of my best friends does not make a lot of money. He is still my best friend and I do anything for him. When we go away, I help him out. Buy his tickets to South Beach or pay for the hotel. Things like that. I know he is not in the situation to spend like some of us and we all help him out. It is all good. As for dates, I had some who think I must pay and I will but they never go out with me again. I like when a girl offers. I always take care of it but atleast offer.
My wife does to this day. We have been together for over 3 1/2 years and she still offers. That's why she is my wife.


KillahBee said:
And there's nothing wrong with your point of view. I grew up the exact same way and also exist in the provider role.

But man, something AMAZING happens when you consciously decide not to pay for women "just because" - you root out the low value ones who only want money and feel they deserve it by birth right AND in the end, the women actually respect you more.

That's what I found, at least.

Still, I almost always pay and that includes with friends too. habits are hard to break
Click to expand...
 
yonkers weights said:
Money does not define a man. Where did I say that???
I just have been lucky to work hard and have money to have that option of paying.
Click to expand...


You did not say it.. I did.


My hubby also worked VERY hard getting his degree, he just did not have the extra money to wow me at the SAME time.

Trust me, I'd take the poor hubby at the time, than some of the monied jerks I dated at OSU. Just sayin.
 
I look at dating like any other form of gambling. You pay your money and take your chances, you can't expect anything and you shouldn't be disappointed when you don't get anything.

Now as for the paying: I look at it like compensation for spending time with me. KB has endured my company once!

Cheers,
Scotsman
 
Cool. I agree. It is the person, not the money! Your a good one!

vixensghost said:
You did not say it.. I did.


My hubby also worked VERY hard getting his degree, he just did not have the extra money to wow me at the SAME time.

Trust me, I'd take the poor hubby at the time, than some of the monied jerks I dated at OSU. Just sayin.
Click to expand...
 
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Reactions: jh1
KillahBee said:
I'm interested to hear INTELLIGENT and LOGICAL thought on this whole idea of the man paying.

Now, listen carefully - let's put aside the whole random glamorized societal outdated idea that it's somehow "right" for the man to pay for the woman...

What we are talking about here is a man paying for a woman's company (once again, read the previous caveat). Plain and simple. How is that a good thing for either party?
Click to expand...

I think a lot of it just has to do with the nature of invitations. When my uncle invites my dad me out to dinner, he pays. When my dad invites my uncle and his family, my dad will pay. i think whether or not a man pays depends a lot on the context of the date. "lets meet for dinner and drinks" would generally = stag, while "i really wanna take you to this favorite restaurant of mine...blah blah...when can i pick you up" just sounds like you're paying. Something about the girl having no idea of what kind of food or prices to expect makes it seem unreasonable to have her pay
 
First date, I am polite and friendly unless the guy is absolutely RUDE. At the end of the night I thank him and give him a hug if there is no chemistry. If there is chemistry, I will kiss him.
 
CHECK OUT MY NEW THREAD ABOUT THIS!
:-)

heatherrae said:
First date, I am polite and friendly unless the guy is absolutely RUDE. At the end of the night I thank him and give him a hug if there is no chemistry. If there is chemistry, I will kiss him.
Click to expand...
 
heatherrae said:
First date, I am polite and friendly unless the guy is absolutely RUDE. At the end of the night I thank him and give him a hug if there is no chemistry. If there is chemistry, I will kiss him.
Click to expand...

I am guessing, in reality, Jack got the hug. :worried:
 
I've never expected anything, and I always pay unless we'd been out a few times and she insisted upon it. I usually grit my teeth and feel like a tool if a girl pays, but I know she wants to. I guess maybe pride or whatever. I don't know why you'd expect it just for spending a huno +. There's a good chance that she'd get on your nerves and you wouldn't like her and the whole night would be a bust.

Fuck, I don't know. I haven't dated forever, so if/ when I do again, I'll probably be a deer in headlights and will go through a pootie draft that makes JH1's pale in comparison.
 
jh1 said:
I am guessing, in reality, Jack got the hug. :worried:
Click to expand...
Word on the PM circuit is he got full blown buttsechs...

I guess all the feminist rhetoric about equality goes out the door when a chick can get something for free. :)
 
Dating at the age of 20 something while still in school is different than dating as a 30 something year old single mother so you'd better believe the criteria is different.

I wouldn't expect most 20 something year old guys to have much to offer in the way of money as most (unless they are very fortunate to be trust fund assholes) are starting out in life. So there a young girl would have to consider his upbringing (as far as how he behaves) and his earning potential (how smart he is).

When I dated whether I was younger or older the man ALWAYS paid. If there was a question about it, there was no date. He could always decline a date with me if he found me to be not pretty/smart/interesting enough in kind.

I dont see what the big mystery is. We all have our own criteria for who it is that we choose to spend our time with.

If a woman chooses to pay for a guy, that is on her but then I dont want to hear her bitch and moan if the guy turns out to be a user and dead beat down the road because not only is she sharing her whole self with him but she gets stuck footing the bill too. <---- THAT IS ON HER.

I would NEVER go out with a man who would question who pays as we would not get along - period. Simple.... shmimple. Why should I waste my time or have him waste his?
 
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