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Friends before lovers?

kunta

New member
I just had two friends that were close for many years, start dating which was a suprise....but what are your thoughts on friends before lovers, have you tried and it work out or know of anyone that has done that?

IMO it doesn't work because if the two were really attracted to each other, they both would have pursued each other(I'm talking about longterm friendships) near the beginning, unless they were married or in a very serious relationship, it seems more of I'm settling for you since I haven't had any luck with anyone else.

Opinions?
 
My wife and I hated each other at first. Then, we became friends a couple months later. Then, a couple months after that we started dating. Seven years later we got married, and the rest is history. I think friendship before marriage makes things last longer because you are attracted to the person, and not just what you see at first.
 
i agree with you on the point that it helps make things last longer, but the attraction must be there at first, it still seems like settling if you've been friends for a while
 
The only way it could happen is if you wanted to bang 'em all along. Like in that Billy Crystal movie, A guy can't be friends with a woman unless he wants to do her. Not just acquaintances, but good friends.
 
from zero was it mutual or was one of you pursuing the other when you got together with your friend, what was the reason for the breakup?......... what happened to you happened to three of my friends which furthers why i think it doesn't work
 
Why do you care if your friend starts dating one of his friends? Did you like the girl as well?
 
it could work....but in my case i pretty much lost a good friend as a result....no, not good friend....a very very close friend.....ahh well....
 
i dated guys who were friends first...it never worked out. but, we were able to remain friends after we stopped dating.
 
well i asked a friend out i guess, but i only knew her for 2 months or so before hand...things are good now but i hope we stay close when the inevitable happens...which it will

i think it can be good, but if you let things get to the friends stage it becomes more hard to actually get her. i tend to have a disposition towars the friends thing, and hope she develops feelings....and decided not too with this girl and it worked.

so i'd say if you are interested in a girl, make a move quick, and if you become friends then go for it...if you break up amicably there's no reason you still can't be in each others life
 
crew9: no i don't like her but, if they don't work out it will be weird when i hang out with one or the other, and i'd have to watch what i say too.
 
kunta said:
from zero was it mutual or was one of you pursuing the other when you got together with your friend, what was the reason for the breakup?......... what happened to you happened to three of my friends which furthers why i think it doesn't work

It was mutual. We both had feelings for one another, so we decided to give it a go. We became incredibly close. She was like my best friend and my girlfriend in one. Breakup is a long story, so don't worry about it. The bottom line is, I often feel like shit because of the whole thing ...
 
Friends before romance has never panned out for me. If I grow to think of a guy as a friend then that's where he'll stay in my mind even if we both decide for some reason to try to make it into something else.

And on a related note.....I find it impossible to really throw down with a guy once we develop a real emotional relationship. Its like once we really get to know each other and I care about his opinion of me I feel too inhibited to really kick it with him so the sex gets pretty tame. For me at least really hot sex and love are a difficult combo.
 
Friends before lovers absolutely rocks. I'm in such a relationship now, although she's out of state.
 
PHATchik said:
Sometimes, being friends with someone allows you to see what you would have previously missed out on.


Yep. I was friends with my 1st girlfriend then we dated for 3 years. I was friends with my 2nd then dated to 6 months. I was also friends with my 3rd and we're now engaged. :)
 
If you're really close, then no I don't think it's a good idea -- because then you have to start relating to them in a totally different way. Too many speed bumps for my enjoyment.

If you're not best friends, then by all means bang bang bang
 
Stangfriik said:



Yep. I was friends with my 1st girlfriend then we dated for 3 years. I was friends with my 2nd then dated to 6 months. I was also friends with my 3rd and we're now engaged. :)

Congrats. For some, it works. I guess I have mixed feelings on it. I agree with Taps a lot on this one. But then at the same time, it gives you a good foundation to build on. I'll admit it's never worked out for me thus far though.
 
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