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Favorite Simpsons quotes?

T

TheGreatSatan

Banned
One of mine.

"Who is that goat legged fellow Smithers? I like the cut of his jib"
"That is the Lord of Darkness sir, he is you eleven o'clock."
"Excellent"
 
One of my faves was on yesterday. The one where monty tries to get with the cop chick. He takes her on the date to the fair, and he is trying to act all cool. When they are on the ferris wheel she says

" So what's fun to do for a hundred and four year old"

Then monty says " oh i enjoy all the youthful trends"

Monty looks around and sees the kids driving the cars that go around in a circle and says

"like piloting motorcoaches"

He looks around again and sees a kid scooping up dog poop

" And collecting dog waste"
 
Marge! I said Yoo Hoo. - Homer J. Simpson.
 
Stuff Bart writes on the blackboard

I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not spin the turtle
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover burping
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I am not my long-lost twin
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face
A fire drill does not demand a fire
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
My butt does not deserve a website
"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
"The President did it" is not an excuse
It does not suck to be you
I have neither been there nor done that
Fridays are not "pants optional"
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
I won't not use no double negatives
I can't see dead people
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I was not touched "there" by an angel
I am not here on a fartball scholarship
I will not dance on anyone's grave
I cannot hire a substitute student
I will not obey the voices in my head
I will not surprise the incontinent
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
Science class should not end in tragedy
I will not "let the dogs out"
I will not hide the teacher's medication
The hamster did not have "a full life"
I will not flush evidence
I should not be twenty-one by now
 
Homer: (in stupid disguised voice) Hello, I'm Mister Burns
Mail Clerk: OK Mister Burns. what's your first name?
Homer: I don't know
 
Moe: So, I was out buying some cotton balls ...
Carl: The absorbent kind?
Moe: You got that right, my friend!!
(High fives all around)

Carl: Sending some outgoing mail?
Lenny: Yep.
Carl: I was thinking about doing that tomorrow.
Lenny: I hear that!
(High five.)

Moe: I'm just saying ... isn't that a good parking job?
Wiggum: Hey ... hey that IS good! Hey Lou, check out the park job in 7A!
Lou: Ooooh. That's sweet.
 
Lou: So I went to the McDonald's in Shelbyville.
Wiggum: McDonald's?
Lou: Yeah, I've never heard of it either. Apparently they have 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Huh. Must have sprung up overnight.
Lou: Yeah, but it's the little things ...
Wiggum: Example.
Lou: Well, you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. Only, they don't call it Krusty Burger with cheese.
Wiggum: Well, what do they call it?
Lou: A "quarter pounder" with cheese.
Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese!? I can picture the cheese, but ... do they have Krusty-brand partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them "shakes."
Eddie: Shakes? You dunno what you're getting ...
 
Ralph: This is my swingset, this is my sand box! I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. Thats where I saw the leprechaun.
 
Ralph to his parents: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet and they were making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at
me.
 
Smithers "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre." Mr.Burns "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"
 
"I got a funny story about that. Well it's not so much funny as it is long." -- Abe Simpson

"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory." -- Homer Simpson

"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!" -- Homer Simpson
 
"Homer if you dont show up for work today, dont even bother coming in monday!"his boss. Homer replies "whew who! 4 day weekend!"
 
Fill me up with petrolium distolate poste haste- Mr. Burns

Dude your mom's hot.- Otto

Kent, you can make statistics prove anything. 16% of people know that.- Homer
 
Ralph: "Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers! I'm learnding!"
Homer: "Here's to alcohol! The cause and solution of all of life's problems!"
 
I actually hung out with the simpsons in high school. My best freind and I were total trouble makers, and graduated hs by the seat of our pants, his sis was really smart and went to college, his dad had the 40 hour a week daytime factory job making good money, and their mother acted just like Marge. Except their last names weren't the simpsons.
 
"Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more." -- Comic Book Guy
 
"Me fail English? That's unpossible!" -- Ralph
"My cat's breath smells like catfood!" -- Ralph
"Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!" -- Ralph
"I used to be with it, but then they changed what 'it' was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me." -- Abraham J. Simpson
"Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in
Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?" -- C. Montgomery Burns
 
My location, when Homer owes money to PBS and he is hiding in the church when a trash can gets thwon through the window.

Oscar the grouch pops out and says in a Ralph-like voice: "Elmo knows where you live."

Homer: You gave both dogs away? You know how I feel about giving!

Homer: There, there. Shut up boy.

When they are on Mr. Burns' boat outside of American waters and taunting the coast guard through a megaphone:

Coast Guard: We cant hear you. Come 300 feet closer.
 
When Lisa tells Ralph she doesn't like him, and Bart is watching the replay on the VCR, and keeps rewinding it:
Bart: Look Lisa, you can pinpoint the exact moment his heart is breaking....

That is the funniest ever...

Oh yeah and -
Nelson: Hah- hah!
 
homer: are you gonna release the dogs?
homer: or the bees?
homer: or the dogs that when they bark they shoot bees out of thier mouth
mr burns: smithers...release the robotic richard simmons
 
When Moe open a Family Restaurant.

Homer:"Bart! You didn't finish your spaghetti!"
Homer's Brain:" Wait!! This could be ours!"
Homer:" Run Bart!!! Run for your life!!!"
 
The one in my signature and also when Bart says "Don't worry about the presents. On Christmas shouldn't we focus on what's really important? Celebrating the birth of Santa."
 
"Son, I just called to say I don't love you... you are a very bad son Montel..."

- Homer talking to Mr. Burns on the phone, pretending to be his mother.
 
Just thought of another good one... When Homer is mayor of New Springfield, and he sits on a lawnchair on the sidewalk and says "Now all we have to do is sit back and wait for a NFL franchise to knock on our door". Then a guy comes up and says "excuse me, I represent the Arizona Cardinals" And Homer goes "keep walking buddy, no one is buying what your peddling here" (Or something like that) Best burn on the Cardinals ever!
 
Marge: All right children. Let me have those letters,
I'll send them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole.
Bart: Oh, please. There's only one fat guy who brings us presents
and his name ain't Santa.

Homer: "We live in a society of laws.
Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies?
For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"

Homer:Son, a woman is a lot like a refrigerator! They're about 6 feet tall and weigh 300 lbs.

God has no place within these walls (school), just like facts have no place within organized religion!
- Superintendent Chalmers

Ralph: Miss Hoover?
Miss Hoover: Yes Ralph what is it?
Ralph: My worm went in my mouth and I then ate it, can I have another one?
Miss Hoover: No Ralph there aren't anymore. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning
Ralph: Oh boy Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!

Homer: Here are your messages:
"You have 30 minutes to move your car"
"You have 10 minutes to move your car"
"Your car has been impounded"
"Your car has been crushed into a cube"
"You have 30 minutes to move your cube"

Come see the battle to determine what the greatest nation on this planet is: Portugal or Mexico!
- TV commercial
 
Last edited:
hahaha...all good ones so far. especially the ralph ones

one of my favs

Carney's son when he's on the school bus
"I sleep in a drawer".

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!" - Homer

"That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!"- Ralph

" I start fires (in ralph's voice)" - Bart's classmate when the simpsons move to a new town
 
From who shot Mr.Burns:

Kent Brockmen(reporting)
In our town of Springfield there are 3 to 4 shooting deaths a day..
until today none of them have been important..

talking about when Mr.Burns got shot.
 
OK, Simpson's fiends, I have a question (and supposedly only a true fan knows this)>>>>>

What does it say at the opening credits when the shop assistant scans Maggie over the cash register...what does it say on the price read-out?
 
well spanky...
On the Simpson's 138th Episode Spectacular show, it read "NRA-4-EVA"
However, the cash register normally says $847.63, a figure once given as the amount of money required to raise a baby for one month in the United States.
 
ZKaudio said:
well spanky...
On the Simpson's 138th Episode Spectacular show, it read "NRA-4-EVA"
However, the cash register normally says $847.63, a figure once given as the amount of money required to raise a baby for one month in the United States.
Click to expand...

oohhhh, you're good

:D
 
ZKaudio said:
well spanky...
On the Simpson's 138th Episode Spectacular show, it read "NRA-4-EVA"
However, the cash register normally says $847.63, a figure once given as the amount of money required to raise a baby for one month in the United States.
Click to expand...

THANK YOU !!!
 
Oh yeah and my favorite line is when Ralph is playing in the ocean and picks up a jellyfish. After being bit he floats away on his back saying, "I'm going to Africa. I'll see lions, tigers, Santa Claus..."
 
grampa simpson: of course back then we called suitcases swedish lunchboxes, but i was the only one who knew that

homer: ah boy, look at those suckers back on land with their "laws" and "morals" they know nothing of the simple joys of a monkey knife fight / moe: ooo he aint pretty no more!

ralph: i cant belive i used to go out with you.

the amount of times me and my ex have used that one on each other. priceless!
 
ZKaudio said:
well spanky...
On the Simpson's 138th Episode Spectacular show, it read "NRA-4-EVA"
However, the cash register normally says $847.63, a figure once given as the amount of money required to raise a baby for one month in the United States.
Click to expand...


"excellant"
 
"AH HAAA" That pesky kid always says. I don`t like him. bastard.
 
Halloween episode: A Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace:

Bart awakes from a nightmare and screams.

Homer yells up from downstairs in a concerned tone: "Bart, is that you?!?!"

Bart: "Yes."

Homer (in a nagging voice): "Take out the garbage."
 
this just goes to show how redundant EF can get
 
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