Family is so jealous

[thelion2005]

And they should be ashamed!

Oldest daughter is whinning that new youngest daughter is my favorite. Oldest son has disappeared ... no messages at all. SO is livid at the time I spend with her.

Sure new daughter gets a lot of attention. But each other is my fav within their position. I have limitless love for all them. This is what Dad's do.

I'm getting pissed at their lack of compassion and understanding. New daughter makes me happy.

http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/c...-just-met-my-16-year-old-daughter-566890.html

 

[nefertiti]

And they should be ashamed!

Oldest daughter is whinning that new youngest daughter is my favorite. Oldest son has disappeared ... no messages at all. SO is livid at the time I spend with her.

Sure new daughter gets a lot of attention. But each other is my fav within their position. I have limitless love for all them. This is what Dad's do.

I'm getting pissed at their lack of compassion and understanding. New daughter makes me happy.

You could probably stand to have a little compassion for them as well. Consider how this whole thing makes them feel. it's great that you're happy but that doesn't mean you get to expect everyone else in your life to just follow in suit. That's a very selfish way of thinking. Siblings can have jealousy to new babies when they are born of both their parents. Your situation is even more precarious. You expecting them to just accept and be cool and loving with everything in a situation where they've had no choices or control has probably compounded the problem.

 

[BOWTECH]

Hang in their LION you are as tough as they come. Good to see you around still.
BOWTECH

 

[stilleto]

You could probably stand to have a little compassion for them as well. Consider how this whole thing makes them feel. it's great that you're happy but that doesn't mean you get to expect everyone else in your life to just follow in suit. That's a very selfish way of thinking. Siblings can have jealousy to new babies when they are born of both their parents. Your situation is even more precarious. You expecting them to just accept and be cool and loving with everything in a situation where they've had no choices or control has probably compounded the problem.

^
what she said.

 

[EnderJE]

^
what she said.

Seriously.

It goes both ways. They can always ditch you for not looking out for them when they need you.

 

[biteme]

My nephew bought cars for his sisters. I'm proud of that boy. He didn't have to do that. He's very generous.

 

[velvett]

You could probably stand to have a little compassion for them as well. Consider how this whole thing makes them feel. it's great that you're happy but that doesn't mean you get to expect everyone else in your life to just follow in suit. That's a very selfish way of thinking. Siblings can have jealousy to new babies when they are born of both their parents. Your situation is even more precarious. You expecting them to just accept and be cool and loving with everything in a situation where they've had no choices or control has probably compounded the problem.

I thought the same when I first saw this thread - I didn't think if I could express what I was thinking with as much sensitivity as you have here.


It definitely goes both ways and if you are as joyous and boastful about your new daughter with your family as you are here on a forum of strangers I can see why they would feel the pain that they do.

 

[nefertiti]

I thought the same when I first saw this thread - I didn't think if I could express what I was thinking with as much sensitivity as you have here.


It definitely goes both ways and if you are as joyous and boastful about your new daughter with your family as you are here on a forum of strangers I can see why they would feel the pain that they do.

It kind of reminds me of toy story....and how woody was the favorite toy but then the newer, cooler buzz lightyear came along and woody kinda got left in the dust for a while.

Lion - if you want things to go smoothly you need to remember that your choices have sent your children's lives into upheaval. You need to take things slowly and remember that you have a responsibility to EVERYONE in your family. Including your other children. If we were talking about something you had that made you happy that had no effect on them - like a new job or something - then you'd have a valid point. But this DOES affect them. You've had 16 years to get used to the fact that she even existed. They probably had a few weeks before you started expecting them to just "understand." It's a HUGE transition. A fully grown sibling your father had by another woman that you never knew about that he's suddenly spending all this time with. I'd be hurt if my father did that. Really hurt.

Slow DOWN. EASE her (new daughter) in. Make sure you spend even more time with your other children so that they are reassured that they are not being replaced by buzz lightyear. Eventually - WITH TIME - you might be able to make all this work in spite of some initial missteps.

Good luck.

 

[silverstar1025]

You could probably stand to have a little compassion for them as well. Consider how this whole thing makes them feel. it's great that you're happy but that doesn't mean you get to expect everyone else in your life to just follow in suit. That's a very selfish way of thinking. Siblings can have jealousy to new babies when they are born of both their parents. Your situation is even more precarious. You expecting them to just accept and be cool and loving with everything in a situation where they've had no choices or control has probably compounded the problem.

Nicely said!

 

[LuluDeren]

You could probably stand to have a little compassion for them as well. Consider how this whole thing makes them feel. it's great that you're happy but that doesn't mean you get to expect everyone else in your life to just follow in suit. That's a very selfish way of thinking. Siblings can have jealousy to new babies when they are born of both their parents. Your situation is even more precarious. You expecting them to just accept and be cool and loving with everything in a situation where they've had no choices or control has probably compounded the problem.

TITCR

 

[H_T_]

how old is this one?

 

[myway]

I agree with what she said....... but I get a strange irritation when my dad takes my mother's side of an arguement or if he puts her before me. I don't know why. It's kind of a jealousy thing, too.
I agree with nefertiti.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Nefertitti and Velvett/Stilleto have very valid points. Sibling rivalry in a "perfect" situation is normal, now put that in the twilight zone happenstance that has been thrust upon all of you. There will be an adjustment period, no doubt. And as much as it hurts you to realize it, it is NOT your older children's place to welcome this new child with open arms. They are "innocent bystanders" here....

Ahhhhhh the joys of parenthood.

*sigh*

Be patient with your older children and do everything you can to reinforce your love for them. They should come around eventually, but it will most likely take some time.

Remember they REALLY didn't ask for any of this so you have to be very VERY patient. Even though they are grown, they are still the children and you are still THE ADULT. (You have NO IDEA how many times I have to remind myself the same thing).

Good luck Lion! I hope there will come a time when your children will appreciate how lucky they are to have each other and to have a father who cares so much for ALL OF THEM.

 

[gonelifting]

I agree with everyone. You really need to look out for them even moreso than before.

We bent over backwards to include our first born daughter when our second child was born. It's still impossible to "plese" the first child, but you can still "ease the pain" of someone new coming into the scene. Jealousy among children is definately there. It's natural, I guess.

Honestly, you have to rethink things or you will be living a potentially horrible future. Rethink it and correct it asap for everyone's sake. Seriously. You CAN do it now, or you may regret it when it blows up big time.

do it.

 

[thelion2005]

It kind of reminds me of toy story....and how woody was the favorite toy but then the newer, cooler buzz lightyear came along and woody kinda got left in the dust for a while.

Lion - if you want things to go smoothly you need to remember that your choices have sent your children's lives into upheaval. You need to take things slowly and remember that you have a responsibility to EVERYONE in your family. Including your other children. If we were talking about something you had that made you happy that had no effect on them - like a new job or something - then you'd have a valid point. But this DOES affect them. You've had 16 years to get used to the fact that she even existed. They probably had a few weeks before you started expecting them to just "understand." It's a HUGE transition. A fully grown sibling your father had by another woman that you never knew about that he's suddenly spending all this time with. I'd be hurt if my father did that. Really hurt.

Slow DOWN. EASE her (new daughter) in. Make sure you spend even more time with your other children so that they are reassured that they are not being replaced by buzz lightyear. Eventually - WITH TIME - you might be able to make all this work in spite of some initial missteps.

Good luck.

Interesting.

This is the advice I consistently get from females. And I do see their point.

I get a lot of support from males or those who had no Dad and picture this happening to them. And I get support from females who want to take the SO's place.

I am now giving the family a lot of room and time to think and adjust. I have made myself available to them for as much as they want so they feel more secure.

However .... how much time is enough before I can reasonably expect these 30 somethings to show compassion and understanding for me and their sister? I am not young and my clock is ticking. This rejection hurts the new daughter. She is just 16.

We (family) got together for Thanksgiving ( a bit early due to schedules) and the tension was thick. I almost set a place/plate for her next to me at the table so it would be vacant. But I did not. Instead I took the new daughter out for a night on the town with me on Friday.
- New gown
- Small limo
- Dinner at the Detroit Whitney
- Ride back through the Hines Light Festival.

Any of you in the Detroit area knows this is first class treatment.

Now I wait to see what happens at Christmas, which is really the season for giving.

The one person showing a hint of understanding is the Mother of the older adult children. She is a high school Principal and gives me insights into the teen mind.

As for telling "strangers" here about these problems, I get excellent response from people here. I get comments from Moms and Dads at various ages. Everyone seems to know what is important and what is just for fun here.

As for toughing this out ... Yes, I can do that. I don't want to, but I can start all over with just this kid as my reason. I can literally create a new family with a new wife, even more children, and probably new grandchildren from this new daughter when she marries.

Would I look ridiculus? LOL Yes. Should I blame aas? LOL No ...

 

[nefertiti]

Interesting.

This is the advice I consistently get from females. And I do see their point.

I get a lot of support from males or those who had no Dad and picture this happening to them. And I get support from females who want to take the SO's place.

I am now giving the family a lot of room and time to think and adjust. I have made myself available to them for as much as they want so they feel more secure.

However .... how much time is enough before I can reasonably expect these 30 somethings to show compassion and understanding for me and their sister? I am not young and my clock is ticking. This rejection hurts the new daughter. She is just 16.

We (family) got together for Thanksgiving ( a bit early due to schedules) and the tension was thick. I almost set a place/plate for her next to me at the table so it would be vacant. But I did not. Instead I took the new daughter out for a night on the town with me on Friday.
- New gown
- Small limo
- Dinner at the Detroit Whitney
- Ride back through the Hines Light Festival.

Any of you in the Detroit area knows this is first class treatment.

Now I wait to see what happens at Christmas, which is really the season for giving.

The one person showing a hint of understanding is the Mother of the older adult children. She is a high school Principal and gives me insights into the teen mind.

As for telling "strangers" here about these problems, I get excellent response from people here. I get comments from Moms and Dads at various ages. Everyone seems to know what is important and what is just for fun here.

As for toughing this out ... Yes, I can do that. I don't want to, but I can start all over with just this kid as my reason. I can literally create a new family with a new wife, even more children, and probably new grandchildren from this new daughter when she marries.

Would I look ridiculus? LOL Yes. Should I blame anabolic androgenic steroids? LOL No ...

This sentence is the root of why your other children are reacting the way they are. I have nothing else I can say that is of use here. Age is only so relevant. Again, consider that's you've known about this other child for 16 years. To them, regardless of how old they are, that's like 16 years of a HUGE lie.

 

[all the whey]

This sentence is the root of why your other children are reacting the way they are. I have nothing else I can say that is of use here.

You were too nice.

If my dad would come up to me today and tell me he had a 16 yr old daughter he has been paying child support for. (meaning he knew about her for 16 yrs)

Talking about her prom, new family, protecting his daughter on dates, etc.

I would at least never talk to him again.

 

[nefertiti]

You were too nice.

If my dad would come up to me today and tell me he had a 16 yr old daughter he has been paying child support for. (meaning he knew about her for 16 yrs)

Talking about her prom, new family, protecting his daughter on dates, etc.

I would at least never talk to him again.

Believe me, it was difficult to stay that civil, which is why I kept it short.

 

[all the whey]

Believe me, it was difficult to stay that civil, which is why I kept it short.

I figured you kept it short, because you had sooo many guys texting you and trying to add you as friends on Myspace.

 

[nefertiti]

I figured you kept it short, because you had sooo many guys texting you and trying to add you as friends on Myspace.

hahaha, naturally, that too.