circusgirl said:
Shit like this happens because many folks (men and women) lack assertiveness. Assertiveness is saying "no" when you mean no.
"no, I don't want to go on a date, there are cute chicks over there, try them".
"no, you can't borrow my chainsaw, coz you broke my lawnmower the last time you got it".
"no, I don't want another beer, I am driving home".
If you have to keep saying "No" it doesn`t sound like it works that well.
circusgirl said:
I have done an assertivenss course which teaches you to keep saying no until the person gets it. Westerners are taught that saying "no" is rude and you should always accede to a request. Therefore, they will make an excuse rather than say "no".
Assertive, by atleast some recognized definitions, is not a good thing. To be assertive is often defined as "Too confident and foward.". Such as someone always insisting on their own rights and opinions. That is a bad thing.
Assertive can also be defined as "Confident and foward.". Such as someone who is unafraid to voice his rights or opinions. I`m sure you can see the difference.
Assuming you want the latter, does being assertive mean it`s okay to disregard other people's view? Certainly isn`t your job to try and protect anyone`s feelings, but just because you do does not mean you`re not assertive.
circusgirl said:
Many guys are this bad too - "I'll call you tomorrow" - yeah, right! Basically, people are spineless and many of them suck.
That`s not always the same thing. Could be because he doesn`t want to bother(read: Not worth the time). How this could be confused with someone making up an excuse in an attempt to let you down easy(weither in vain or not) is beyond me. Don`t blend action and reason. Too many people do this. They are not the same thing.
Trying to let someone down easy is not spineless. My spine might be a little out of wack, but I assure you, it`s there.
MD:
For real bro, Here`s some truth. Forgive me if it`s too polite, but I`m not angry with you.
What do you expect from your relationships? "I have a boyfriend" should ring clear as a bell. What do you expect other than to get screwed over if the kind of person you`re trying to get with doesn`t give a damn that she`s already seeing someone? If these are the women you go after, you`d have to be pretty dumb to be suprised when they screw you over. Sometimes it can be hard to judge if someone isn`t interested from an off key response, but that isn`t one of them... And guess what. It might actually be true. If you aren`t sure she`s not interested, then, by all means, keep talking. You keep saying you want her to break it to you straight, maybe she will.
If you`re so tough, how can it bother you that someone tries to protect your ego? Actually, I guess that`s the answer. You`re saying you want women to treat you like an untouchable god who is so far superior that you cannot be harmed. Your actions are making it quite clear you are not. If it truely didn`t bother you, you wouldn`t complain about it regardless of what she said. Saying she is the one acting like she has a superiority complex is hypocritcal.
There are most definetly bitches. I`ve had trouble with some myself... Well they caused trouble for me. But to say all women are bitches is a far cry from the truth...
I dunno dude, maybe I got it all wrong, but I don`t see the problem with being nice. It generally costs you nothing and seems to make life more enjoyable.
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