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Does Anyone....

someone didn't heed my warning.
 
it is. when you're gritting your teeth as hard as possible but you can still say i love you? and they're like "omg, you give the best hugs!" it's because you're actually trying to hurt them....
 
stilleto said:
someone didn't heed my warning.
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i always listen to you, but don't remeber you saying anything. i was just musing, if i were to write a ballad, a love song if you will, it would have to be called, "I love you so much, i hate you." and i thought i'd get some input on it...
 
theres a few people i love to an extent where i used to have trouble having fun with them cause if the fun was something risky (no, not sex,- like breaking stuff or playing dangerous wrestling or sports games) i would be too worried about them and their safety and it would just make me antsy and pissed off and worried
 
avidinternet said:
Yes it is... and magic as in "poof" I made him disappear.

Love/Hate relationships, forget it.

Love/Love is actually possible and so mucher better.
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disappear? like shallow grave in an orchard disappear?
 
HumanTarget said:
disappear? like shallow grave in an orchard disappear?
Click to expand...

That would have been my preference...but no... just disappear and go on to marry 2 other women and become their problems, not mine.

It was actually the best thing that ever happened to me truth be told.
 
avidinternet said:
That would have been my preference...but no... just disappear and go on to marry 2 other women and become their problems, not mine.

It was actually the best thing that ever happened to me truth be told.
Click to expand...
as long as you don't have a butt tattoo of his name....
 
nothing like seeing "TONY" in bold Old English blocks on a girls ass for the first time.
 
HumanTarget said:
nothing like seeing "TONY" in bold Old English blocks on a girls ass for the first time.
Click to expand...

Ironically, if I had gotten his name tattooed it would have been ok because my husband has the exact same name. What are the odds on that?
 
avidinternet said:
Ironically, if I had gotten his name tattooed it would have been ok because my husband has the exact same name. What are the odds on that?
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tony?
 
Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
When I said I'd like to smash every tooth
In your head
 
HumanTarget said:
i always listen to you, but don't remeber you saying anything. i was just musing, if i were to write a ballad, a love song if you will, it would have to be called, "I love you so much, i hate you." and i thought i'd get some input on it...
Click to expand...

i could remind you of what I said, but not publicly.
it had to do with you staying guarded.
 
stilleto said:
i could remind you of what I said, but not publicly.
it had to do with you staying guarded.
Click to expand...
it happens. i gotta let it down once in a while. but i do like the idea of having my self plexi-glassed in, like a cabby or bank teller.
 
HumanTarget said:
it happens. i gotta let it down once in a while. but i do like the idea of having my self plexi-glassed in, like a cabby or bank teller.
Click to expand...

i'm not saying to stay behind a plexiglass shield like a loan officer.
i'm said that you should make sure that your "bank customer" is ... an actual candidate for a loan...

but, whatever. i'm sure you and your hate will be fine.
 
stilleto said:
i'm not saying to stay behind a plexiglass shield like a loan officer.
i'm said that you should make sure that your "bank customer" is ... an actual candidate for a loan...

but, whatever. i'm sure you and your hate will be fine.
Click to expand...
i'm not hating anyone, Buttercup. i swear. but i do agree that being selective in who you provide "service" for is key.
 
I swear to god, sometimes I wonder if I even really feel love, or hate, or anything, or if I've always just stayed numb and have the shit confused with just not wanting to be alone. Been thinking about that a lot lately.
 
jnevin said:
I swear to god, sometimes I wonder if I even really feel love, or hate, or anything, or if I've always just stayed numb and have the shit confused with just not wanting to be alone. Been thinking about that a lot lately.
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i've been trying to figure that out to this day. isn't real love supposed to be eternal and all that? how come i only feel it for a little while....so it goes....
 
HumanTarget said:
i've been trying to figure that out to this day. isn't real love supposed to be eternal and all that? how come i only feel it for a little while....so it goes....
Click to expand...


I really thought I'd feel more when I stopped drinking.
 
filthy, grubby smokers. in their little "smokerariums" they've created so the poor little smokers can be sheltered from the elements.
 
HumanTarget said:
yeah. i hear ya. it's like trying to manufacture your own emotions.
Click to expand...


Yeah. I think I've been trying and then I just get disappointed. I don't know. It's getting on my nerves though.
 
jnevin said:
What does that mean though? Am I stuck this way? I hate it.
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it's complicated. exhaustion, fatigue, defeat. when shit is just getting the best of you despite your best efforts. so, what i did was just find a nice safe routine to hide in. as miserable & predictable as it is.....it's safe. i can step outside of that comfort zone anytime i want but i just don't. no matter how many times you get kicked in the balls, people expect you to get back up. which, is what you just gotta do...i've done this so many fucking times i finally learned that booze and dope only make it worse & that is prolly the most important thing i've reaped. at least no one can call me a junkie anymore....
 
HumanTarget said:
it's complicated. exhaustion, fatigue, defeat. when shit is just getting the best of you despite your best efforts. so, what i did was just find a nice safe routine to hide in. as miserable & predictable as it is.....it's safe. i can step outside of that comfort zone anytime i want but i just don't. no matter how many times you get kicked in the balls, people expect you to get back up. which, is what you just gotta do...i've done this so many fucking times i finally learned that booze and dope only make it worse & that is prolly the most important thing i've reaped. at least no one can call me a junkie anymore....
Click to expand...


See, that's a frustrating thing for me right now. The best successes I've had have been from stepping out of my comfort zone. All work related, but whatever. With everything else, I've always just kind of gone on, not dealt with anything, and just put anything that bugged me or didn't feel I was getting out of a situation on the back burner. Now I just feel numb all the time. Like, someone dies, and I really try to feel bad about it and I don't feel anything. that happened at work a few weeks ago. I just didn't feel anything. I wanted to, I couldn't make it happen. I'm not about to medicate myself either, like crazy pill medicate. I just want what I see other people have.
 
jnevin said:
See, that's a frustrating thing for me right now. The best successes I've had have been from stepping out of my comfort zone. All work related, but whatever. With everything else, I've always just kind of gone on, not dealt with anything, and just put anything that bugged me or didn't feel I was getting out of a situation on the back burner. Now I just feel numb all the time. Like, someone dies, and I really try to feel bad about it and I don't feel anything. that happened at work a few weeks ago. I just didn't feel anything. I wanted to, I couldn't make it happen. I'm not about to medicate myself either, like crazy pill medicate. I just want what I see other people have.
Click to expand...
i don't think meds are made for people in your situation. they shouldn't be, at least. it'd just be another thing masking or shielding you from whatever. you're just on a hunt of sorts, i think. and it's best for everyone to just leave you alone and not be judgemental until you find what your looking for or until you ask for help.
 
jnevin said:
What does that mean though? Am I stuck this way? I hate it.
Click to expand...

no, you're not stuck. your shell shocked. things get back to normal, but for right now, its easier not to feel anything than to allow yourself to feel.
 
stilleto said:
no, you're not stuck. your shell shocked. things get back to normal, but for right now, its easier not to feel anything than to allow yourself to feel.
Click to expand...


Not feeling feels good sometimes
 
stilleto said:
no, you're not stuck. your shell shocked. things get back to normal, but for right now, its easier not to feel anything than to allow yourself to feel.
Click to expand...
but you know those feelings can be so hard to let go of? that you get common recurrances when speaking with others, or being exposed to it second handed? it's like not drinking but being around drinkers. your values change. and that's the bad part.
 
HumanTarget said:
but you know those feelings can be so hard to let go of? that you get common recurrances when speaking with others, or being exposed to it second handed? it's like not drinking but being around drinkers. your values change. and that's the bad part.
Click to expand...

yeah, i get it.
i deal with something similar, although maybe the exact same, a lot.
 
stilleto said:
no, you're not stuck. your shell shocked. things get back to normal, but for right now, its easier not to feel anything than to allow yourself to feel.
Click to expand...


I'm having a hard time with this. It's why I used to drink. Now I'm doing it without the booze. It's fucking stupid.
 
jnevin said:
I'm having a hard time with this. It's why I used to drink. Now I'm doing it without the booze. It's fucking stupid.
Click to expand...


this is definately NOT the time you want to numb your feelings though.

its like taking a tylenol when you hurt your knee, so you keep walking on it, thinking its fine. then the tylenol wears off and you're fucking crippled.
 
stilleto said:
this is definately NOT the time you want to numb your feelings though.

its like taking a tylenol when you hurt your knee, so you keep walking on it, thinking its fine. then the tylenol wears off and you're fucking crippled.
Click to expand...


That's the thing. It's like I'm doing it and not realizing. Then sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose it over nothing. That's when I push it back.
 
jnevin said:
That's the thing. It's like I'm doing it and not realizing. Then sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose it over nothing. That's when I push it back.
Click to expand...
when's the last time you took a break? a vacation. and i mean leave the house out of town vacation.
 
jnevin said:
That's the thing. It's like I'm doing it and not realizing. Then sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose it over nothing. That's when I push it back.
Click to expand...

i could talk to you more, but privately. i think you do need some time to reflect. time to think clearly and either give your heart a rest and let your head do some of the work, or let everything rest.

maybe you need to just spend a few days with your SELF. you have a place you can be alone for the weekend? even, like with mom and dad? go there.
 
stilleto said:
i could talk to you more, but privately. i think you do need some time to reflect. time to think clearly and either give your heart a rest and let your head do some of the work, or let everything rest.

maybe you need to just spend a few days with your SELF. you have a place you can be alone for the weekend? even, like with mom and dad? go there.
Click to expand...
some of your reflections might help.
 
HumanTarget said:
some of your reflections might help.
Click to expand...

his situation has one major difference from mine.

HER.

but, i still had to come to terms with some things for a while, and I'd be happy to tell him what helped me cope.
 
Oceano said:
lol, why would you hate someone you like?
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Love and Like are not the same thing.

I loved my first husband, however, I did not like him -- there was passion, but not necessarily a meeting of the minds.
 
stilleto said:
his situation has one major difference from mine.

HER.

but, i still had to come to terms with some things for a while, and I'd be happy to tell him what helped me cope.
Click to expand...
i mean like frontal nudity.
 
stilleto said:
i could talk to you more, but privately. i think you do need some time to reflect. time to think clearly and either give your heart a rest and let your head do some of the work, or let everything rest.

maybe you need to just spend a few days with your SELF. you have a place you can be alone for the weekend? even, like with mom and dad? go there.
Click to expand...


I don't have anyone here.
 
No, but I'd like to love on someone so hard that they would think that I hate them.

:lmao:
 
something deep does ail you HT..........starting to see "the matrix" huh?




by the way, dope is only bad if you use it in a bad way.......ie trying to "escape". You can't.......you should let the weed help find your way through it.......think about what's painful. I find it very difficult to confront my demons with a full head........meaning all the bullshit I am inundated with from all these cretins on a daily basis. Weed, when I was getting some and now desperately need more of..........helped me alot. But I did when I was alone, and used it to meditate. I don't do rec drugs........that's where you fall into trouble.


hope this helps even just a little.
 
HumanTarget said:
it's tastefully done. like an Ansel Adams...
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Yes, if ansel adams made mini pics, like the ones that go in keyrings at the carnival.

:)
 
stilleto said:
just get away for a few days and clear your mind.
a cheap motel if you have to.
Click to expand...


Not abad idea. Take the dog and go to Southern Utah for a couple of days. Check out some whatever you check out when people camp.
 
stilleto said:
woahhhhhhhhhh nelly.

i was not expecting johnson to be there.

!!
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Yeah. WTF??? I was looking so I could tell people on that other thread about your back being all tore up.

Jerk.
 
jnevin said:
Not abad idea. Take the dog and go to Southern Utah for a couple of days. Check out some whatever you check out when people camp.
Click to expand...

of course it's a good idea.

i thought of it.

:)
seriously, just clear your head. enjoy the scenery, go do something you've been wanting to do, be alone. but ENJOY it. if that means not thinking about anything... then don't.
 
stilleto said:
of course it's a good idea.

i thought of it.

:)
seriously, just clear your head. enjoy the scenery, go do something you've been wanting to do, be alone. but ENJOY it. if that means not thinking about anything... then don't.
Click to expand...


I honestly don't know if I'd know what to do with myself if I was alone with my brain piece for an extended period of time. Worth a shot, I guess.
 
i have a dog and fish. 2 of the best parts of my life. appreciation and relaxation the second i walk in the door.
 
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