clocktastic

[MarthaStewart]

Being the head of a large corporation and also being phenomenally wealthy means that I'm brilliant in many areas.

Amongst those areas are the fine art of pastry design, linen tasting, and I'm also a level 5 DJ.

Therefore, it is with great authority that I can speak with when I say that this server's clock seems to be hosed.

As a CEO, I would advise "George" to have his minions look into the CMOS battery of the server since the clock seems to be more fucked up than my gardener after I hit her the first time with my Navigator.

It is feasible that it is simply dead, or somehow came unseated.
Or perhaps the motherboard is fried or had sausage left on it at some point.

I would also suggest putting up a poster of Grover in the colocation facility, and maybe a dried floral arrangement.
Maybe make that SuperGrover.

 

[from zero]

Who are you?

 

[MarthaStewart]

Who are you?

Good afternoon Captain Obvious, I'm Martha Stewart - nice to meet you.

 

[Y_lifter]

"Tickle me elmo" would be more in line with George's FENG SHUI..

 

[Nathan]

They also make all the doorways shaped like Mexicans. Those sons of bitches.

 

[flexygrl]

Hey Martha,

Can you tell me how to fold a fitted sheet? I tried last night, but it came out looking all retarted so I just rolled it into a ball and through it in my linen closet! HELP!

 

[john937]

Marth is it true? I heard a rumour you were guest host on the show Trading Spaces ?
They're going to call it Insider Trading Spaces?

 

[Lumberg]

Marth is it true? I heard a rumour you were guest host on the show Trading Spaces ?
They're going to call it Insider Trading Spaces?

haha, I'm gonna use that one

 

[MarthaStewart]

Hey Martha,

Can you tell me how to fold a fitted sheet? I tried last night, but it came out looking all retarted so I just rolled it into a ball and through it in my linen closet! HELP!

You want to fold it and then put it into your closet? Or you want to know the proper way of putting it on your bed?

I will assume that you meant the first, since the latter is something that I think most anyone can figure out, even after snorting mushrooms.

First, you will want to lighten up the room with an accent of color that matches the sheets. Bring in a nice dried floral arrangement and place that in a basket nearby - ideally on any antiques that you have.
Then, go to the kitchen and make a nice lobster bisque. Add extra butter to give it a rich and satisfying taste.

Afterwards, wash your hands and go back to your newly enlivened room with the floral arrangement and the bedding.
Take two deep breaths and orient your Chi so that you feel most comfortable.
Then run your hands inside the sheet and press out to two corners of the sheet. Press them taut and then make a sharp crease, folding them over towards each other.
If you squeeze a lemon on your hair while doing this, you will feel energized and have a fresh scent that will enliven your mood.
Then tuck the top corners into the bottom corners and lay the sheet out flat. Fold it in half and then look around the room to see if there are areas that could use repainting - you don't want them to slip by you.
Fold it again lengthways and then fold it over multiple times the normal way and keep making sure you have nice crisp folds. Spray it with a light misting of water if need be.
Then smooth it out and press the last folds into place, and you will have a nice square of fabric that is pleasing to the eye and fits easily on your shelf.

 

[Lift Chief]

You want to fold it and then put it into your closet? Or you want to know the proper way of putting it on your bed?

I will assume that you meant the first, since the latter is something that I think most anyone can figure out, even after snorting mushrooms.

First, you will want to lighten up the room with an accent of color that matches the sheets. Bring in a nice dried floral arrangement and place that in a basket nearby - ideally on any antiques that you have.
Then, go to the kitchen and make a nice lobster bisque. Add extra butter to give it a rich and satisfying taste.

Afterwards, wash your hands and go back to your newly enlivened room with the floral arrangement and the bedding.
Take two deep breaths and orient your Chi so that you feel most comfortable.
Then run your hands inside the sheet and press out to two corners of the sheet. Press them taut and then make a sharp crease, folding them over towards each other.
If you squeeze a lemon on your hair while doing this, you will feel energized and have a fresh scent that will enliven your mood.
Then tuck the top corners into the bottom corners and lay the sheet out flat. Fold it in half and then look around the room to see if there are areas that could use repainting - you don't want them to slip by you.
Fold it again lengthways and then fold it over multiple times the normal way and keep making sure you have nice crisp folds. Spray it with a light misting of water if need be.
Then smooth it out and press the last folds into place, and you will have a nice square of fabric that is pleasing to the eye and fits easily on your shelf.

HAHAHA

Funniest poster on Elite.

 

[MarthaStewart]

What is the best way to trim and accent my pubes?

Young lady, this is exactly the type of thing that I was getting at on that other thread.

 

[beastboy]

What is the best way to trim and accent my pubes?

 

[Y_lifter]

What is the best way to trim and accent my pubes?

Cornrows

 

[flexygrl]

OMG...this is the funniest thread I ever read!

 

[Crazy Ivan]

Young lady, this is exactly the type of thing that I was getting at on that other thread.

Show us your tits

 

[CAESAR7]

I feel like I'm high when reading Martha's posts....