Your assuming that your problems come from ecstasy "damage"... I wouldn't do that. First of all, when you were doing E for two years... I bet you didn't think about much else. Going to the club, dancing, loving everyone, feeling great. If you do ANYTHING that single mindedly for two years... you're going to seem "dumb" in other things for a while.
Second of all, your reaction is by no means common, in terms of its severity. I ate 5 rolls a week for two years, and took enormous quantities of acid, coke, speed, the works... I was alway a wierd kid, and I still am. But I haven't had a mental breakdown. I went through serious depression after quitting drugs. Slept for about 4 months, mostly. Then I got some help, got some good anti depressants... and fought my way out of the hole I dug for myself.
Something you have to realize... even if you did "damage your brain", its not really useful to think of things in terms of that. You and your doctor can work on your brain chemistry. You need to work on your thoughts and actions. For a long time, I was convinced that all my problems stemmed from my drug use. There is in fact a syndrome (can't think of it), where people are rendered incompetent because they think they are still affected by drugs they don't take anymore. Sounds like you have this. I started manifesting stronger signs of tic syndrome around the time I quit doing drugs. Now I have pretty regular tics. I was convinced I'd "fucked" my nervous system... and so was everyone I knew... because I had uncrontrollable tics after I stopped doing drugs. Then I read some books about tics and tourettes, and I looked at the childhood histories... about the little warning signs. ANd I realized I had em all. It was always there... and it gets worse in your late teens/early 20s. My suggestion: read like hell about your brain, and about your disorders... and you'll see that its not the E.
I'm sure you're having difficulties. But lets face it: most mental problems really start expressing themselves around your age. No, large quantities of neurotoxic stimulants don't help things... and neither does subjecting your body to the rave life. But you will get better, if its just from the E. Just takes time. And if its not... most people can deal with their disorders fairly well. Its about forming a team with your psychiatrist, and psychologist (if you got two), and working through the shit you were hiding from when you succumbed to drug addiction.
I met a guy once who literally smoked himself retarded, by doing nothing but smoking and selling weed for 10 years. He went to jail... and stopped getting high. He was known as "space cadet", a total idiot. In time, over his 5 year sentence... he read, and read. His mental capacity came back. He's now a lawyer, and a lecturer on the dangers of drug abuse to kids.
This is pretty much a worse case scenario there... this guy. And he came back.
Nerves don't regrow. But MINDS can. Hit the motherfucking books. Stimulate your brain if you want it to grow, just like muscle. In time, if your problems are from drug abuse, then you'll begin to feel more and more "normal." I can't tell you how good a feeling it was, when I realized... I didn't feel the general feelign of malaise known as "fucked up", about a year after I stopped taking drugs. Its a fight. But you can win.
Keep your head up.
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