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blah...getting back together with an EX is never a good idea

calveless wonder

calveless wonder

New member
...even when it doesn't end badly persay.

started talking to the ex back in december after 2 years of no contact. we both grew up alot and changed considerably from when we dated. she got her health(emotional health also) and life under control. I was really proud of her because she became independent and just a really savvy businesswoman. We ended up reconnecting and started dating back in Feb, albeit long distance. it was intense, emotional and passionate but also tough because of the distance. she intended to move back here even before we started talking, so thats what made it us even give it a shot.

But of course life changes in a hurry. She found out recently her company is relocating in a couple of months to california, and as a result she also started having second thoughts about beign in a relationship so quickly after just ending one. She said she wanted to be on her own for a bit since she always jumped from relationship to relationship. just really too many things stacked up against the situation

I can't really blame her, logically speaking. it's pretty realistic given the situation and i know she's telling me what she feels and not what i want to hear... but it does suck because when she came to visit she acted like she really wanted to be with me. She said she got caught up in the moment and thats how she felt at the time but when she got home reality set in because she couldnt see me that often.

She said she still wants me in her life...both through phone/text/email and when she comes to visit miami.. and said she's not going to write us off completely because when she is ready and if the circumstances (location wise) were right, then she would definetely want to be with me. Of course she made it clear to take it with a grain of salt and not to put my life on hold for that.neither of us are going to put our lives on hold as a result.

i probably shouldn't be mad..but i am disappointed. seemed like things were going well, and i made the mistake of getting my hopes up a little after things did start to go well. I had no expectations until that point, and then i slipped.

i feel kinda crappy knowing she might end up with someone else...and even talking to other girls doesn't really help the situation.
At the same time it kind of lit a fire under my ass to better myself and live my life ot the fullest...and since we started talking i healed from alot of the pain i buried from when we were in a relationship. I can now go finish my degree at U of florida without any regrest and have a ton of fun next year.

i'm not going to talk to her until i can get used to the fact we're not together, which might take a couple of months when i get my social life back in full gear
 
SpyWizard said:
she moved on.. he didn't..

they are not together...

cliff notes..

he's sad
Click to expand...

naw....i don't think its easy as moving on. i do genuinely believe she wanted us to be together, but there were too many things against the situation for it to work. We both broke all our personal values when it came to exs when we saw each other and started dating again..but the connection was strong enough to give it a chance

She's a special girl..and has been through alot in her life. she deserves to be happy and when i focus on that i really don't feel bad about things.

i'll be fine/happy in a couple of weeks once im busy. my coping abilities are pretty good now, especially for something that wasnt malicious
 
calveless wonder said:
:(
Click to expand...

Nothing to be too sad about.
Sometimes break up No. 2 is better because it ends amicably.
Now she's a decent girl off on the west coast living a semi-stable life, instead of the psycho ex who fucked your head.
You can both move on, and now when you think about her you'll smile a bit instead of being overcome with anger.
 
Wow, after reading that sappy retrospective, I gotta say....you're waaaaaay north of the 'SWV line', calveless wonder

I want you to take out some lined paper and write the following out 100 times:

"The next time someone breaks up with me, they are dead to me from that moment on."

What that means is: no contact of ANY KIND whatsoever!!!

No phonecalls, texts, emails, snail mails, ect. If that person emails you, you delete it without reading it. Texts too. You screen your calls using caller ID religiously. If they leave a phone message, you erase it without listening. Getting the picture here?

If that person tries to ambush you with a face-to-face meeting, you will avoid them as if they were a you were a cat-burglar/ninja hybrid. I don't care if you have to hop a railing, scale a fence, dive-roll under a descending garage door, or straight-arm a little old lady on a dead run to avoid them...you just DO IT.

This is what will be best for you, and that's all that matters. Who gives a fuck if they 'need closure' or 'need you as a friend' or any of that other horseshit...because it isn't about them anymore now is it? Fuck no...it's ALL ABOUT YOU AND WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU. What's best for you is to make that person disappear from your life immediately...no exceptions.

Trust me on this.
 
Sorry bro, but like he ^^^ said

you won't get over her until you stop all or most contact

good luck
 
calveless wonder said:
i think i would win that debate
Click to expand...

I'd say it's 6's.

For real tho... We did all tell you so, but Stef's right. At least she didn't pull a pigslut on you again and it ended on a decent note. I think you should just let her go and not be in contact anymore. I wish I could do the same, but that whole having a kid thing prevents that.
 
calveless wonder said:
...even when it doesn't end badly persay.

started talking to the ex back in december after 2 years of no contact. we both grew up alot and changed considerably from when we dated. she got her health(emotional health also) and life under control. I was really proud of her because she became independent and just a really savvy businesswoman. We ended up reconnecting and started dating back in Feb, albeit long distance. it was intense, emotional and passionate but also tough because of the distance. she intended to move back here even before we started talking, so thats what made it us even give it a shot.

But of course life changes in a hurry. She found out recently her company is relocating in a couple of months to california, and as a result she also started having second thoughts about beign in a relationship so quickly after just ending one. She said she wanted to be on her own for a bit since she always jumped from relationship to relationship. just really too many things stacked up against the situation

I can't really blame her, logically speaking. it's pretty realistic given the situation and i know she's telling me what she feels and not what i want to hear... but it does suck because when she came to visit she acted like she really wanted to be with me. She said she got caught up in the moment and thats how she felt at the time but when she got home reality set in because she couldnt see me that often.

She said she still wants me in her life...both through phone/text/email and when she comes to visit miami.. and said she's not going to write us off completely because when she is ready and if the circumstances (location wise) were right, then she would definetely want to be with me. Of course she made it clear to take it with a grain of salt and not to put my life on hold for that.neither of us are going to put our lives on hold as a result.

i probably shouldn't be mad..but i am disappointed. seemed like things were going well, and i made the mistake of getting my hopes up a little after things did start to go well. I had no expectations until that point, and then i slipped.

i feel kinda crappy knowing she might end up with someone else...and even talking to other girls doesn't really help the situation.
At the same time it kind of lit a fire under my ass to better myself and live my life ot the fullest...and since we started talking i healed from alot of the pain i buried from when we were in a relationship. I can now go finish my degree at U of florida without any regrest and have a ton of fun next year.

i'm not going to talk to her until i can get used to the fact we're not together, which might take a couple of months when i get my social life back in full gear
Click to expand...

cmon bro, your way stronger than this. should be a non issue. up the dosage of test!
 
never a good thing
 
You people in this thread are fucking priceless. LMAO

CW- Nothing wrong with trying again or second chances. Some times people change, and situations change and relationships that did not work out previously end up working out...Then there are times where they don't.
Atleast she did not just leave you sitting there and say screw off. Her reasoning behind this makes sense kind of. Long distance relationships suck and are a shit ton of work. Surely you will be over it and move on in no time..And if not talking to her makes you feel better, than do it!
 
calveless wonder said:
...even when it doesn't end badly persay.

started talking to the ex back in december after 2 years of no contact. we both grew up alot and changed considerably from when we dated. she got her health(emotional health also) and life under control. I was really proud of her because she became independent and just a really savvy businesswoman. We ended up reconnecting and started dating back in Feb, albeit long distance. it was intense, emotional and passionate but also tough because of the distance. she intended to move back here even before we started talking, so thats what made it us even give it a shot.

But of course life changes in a hurry. She found out recently her company is relocating in a couple of months to california, and as a result she also started having second thoughts about beign in a relationship so quickly after just ending one. She said she wanted to be on her own for a bit since she always jumped from relationship to relationship. just really too many things stacked up against the situation

I can't really blame her, logically speaking. it's pretty realistic given the situation and i know she's telling me what she feels and not what i want to hear... but it does suck because when she came to visit she acted like she really wanted to be with me. She said she got caught up in the moment and thats how she felt at the time but when she got home reality set in because she couldnt see me that often.

She said she still wants me in her life...both through phone/text/email and when she comes to visit miami.. and said she's not going to write us off completely because when she is ready and if the circumstances (location wise) were right, then she would definetely want to be with me. Of course she made it clear to take it with a grain of salt and not to put my life on hold for that.neither of us are going to put our lives on hold as a result.

i probably shouldn't be mad..but i am disappointed. seemed like things were going well, and i made the mistake of getting my hopes up a little after things did start to go well. I had no expectations until that point, and then i slipped.

i feel kinda crappy knowing she might end up with someone else...and even talking to other girls doesn't really help the situation.
At the same time it kind of lit a fire under my ass to better myself and live my life ot the fullest...and since we started talking i healed from alot of the pain i buried from when we were in a relationship. I can now go finish my degree at U of florida without any regrest and have a ton of fun next year.

i'm not going to talk to her until i can get used to the fact we're not together, which might take a couple of months when i get my social life back in full gear
Click to expand...

I didn't read your post but I'll ask you one question.

What major change occurred that made you think everything would be different(promises of change don't count)?
 
javaguru said:
I didn't read your post but I'll ask you one question.

What major change occurred that made you think everything would be different(promises of change don't count)?
Click to expand...

good question.
Fact is, things (and both of us) were very different. We both matured. She became very independent and established a real career, after basically just relying on me to support her and/or bartending and relying on her looks. She's absolutely gorgeous but equally as intelligent and charismatic, and until we broke up she never really utilized the intellgence and charisma she had to its fullest. She also eliminated alot of negative influences in her life and got her health (and hormones...she had to have her ovaries removed years ago) straightened out. Not to mention karma came around and kicked her ass for all her highly reprehensible actions.

For me, even though i took a step back financially due to the industry i was in...i changed alot. From improving to my appearance and body, to my general mindset when it came to life and relationships. All the bullshit that happened as a result of her fucking me over made me a much stronger person.
I was always a great boyfriend for the most part, but my biggest problem was my idealistic views on "love". just became alot more realistic

timing and unforseen circumstances(job relocation) were really the culprits.
 
calveless wonder said:
good question.
Fact is, things (and both of us) were very different. We both matured. She became very independent and established a real career, after basically just relying on me to support her and/or bartending and relying on her looks. She's absolutely gorgeous but equally as intelligent and charismatic, and until we broke up she never really utilized the intellgence and charisma she had to its fullest. She also eliminated alot of negative influences in her life and got her health (and hormones...she had to have her ovaries removed years ago) straightened out. Not to mention karma came around and kicked her ass for all her highly reprehensible actions.

For me, even though i took a step back financially due to the industry i was in...i changed alot. From improving to my appearance and body, to my general mindset when it came to life and relationships. All the bullshit that happened as a result of her fucking me over made me a much stronger person.
I was always a great boyfriend for the most part, but my biggest problem was my idealistic views on "love". just became alot more realistic

timing and unforseen circumstances(job relocation) were really the culprits.
Click to expand...

U sound good.
Connections, one where the rhythm and persona, or the music of who U are... resonating with another... until well a new melody is created..
Just well rarer and rarer... It ain't easy.
Hope U find another Match.
 
canadianhitman said:
Wow, after reading that sappy retrospective, I gotta say....you're waaaaaay north of the 'SWV line', calveless wonder

I want you to take out some lined paper and write the following out 100 times:

"The next time someone breaks up with me, they are dead to me from that moment on."

What that means is: no contact of ANY KIND whatsoever!!!

No phonecalls, texts, emails, snail mails, ect. If that person emails you, you delete it without reading it. Texts too. You screen your calls using caller ID religiously. If they leave a phone message, you erase it without listening. Getting the picture here?

If that person tries to ambush you with a face-to-face meeting, you will avoid them as if they were a you were a cat-burglar/ninja hybrid. I don't care if you have to hop a railing, scale a fence, dive-roll under a descending garage door, or straight-arm a little old lady on a dead run to avoid them...you just DO IT.

This is what will be best for you, and that's all that matters. Who gives a fuck if they 'need closure' or 'need you as a friend' or any of that other horseshit...because it isn't about them anymore now is it? Fuck no...it's ALL ABOUT YOU AND WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU. What's best for you is to make that person disappear from your life immediately...no exceptions.

Trust me on this.
Click to expand...

I'm doubting she was the one that initiated this contact, sounds like she is pretty healthy.
 
thats sucks....things could be alot worse!! look at my drama hahahahahah
 
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