Anyone here have estranged members in their Immediate Family?

[Bikini Mod]

The last time I saw/spoke to my brother was in the courthouse the day my parents finally divorced. I was several months pregnant with my baby. She is now 10 1/2. The only words he had for me was to threaten me and my family.

He is an abusive, violent, drug addict/alcoholic so neither my sister nor I have anything to do with him. If he were to show up one day saying he is going to AA or some such and wants to try to make ammends, I would try to salvage the relationship. My sister, on the other hand, would not. They were never really close.

 

[AAP]

Yes, I have e-strangled members of my immediate family. Came close rl-strangling a few too until they managed to get their foot on the ropes and Nanny made me break the hold.

 

[digimon7068]

strange? yes.

estranged? no.

hell. . .i've tried to chase a few of them away but they keep friggin coming back. . .

 

[cindylou]

yes. when you cant forgive someone it turns to bitterness and it poisons your life and the lives of everyone around you.

 

[musclemom]

You know it's funny you say that...on one occasion in the past the father in law and I were talking and somehow the topic of "being wrong" was brought up. He told me flat out that never in his 55 years he has ever been wrong and that he has never apologized to anyone. These facts were indeed substantiated by both my wife and her brother. Imagine trying to resolve a fight with a being of such blatant ignorance...

It is impossible, short and sweet. To never be wrong would imply perfection, and NO ONE is perfect. Someone who refuses to admit their own shortcomings, no matter WHAT they are, is being utterly unreasonable (and very, very immature). Anyone who can sit there and tell you that in 55 years they've never been wrong, is by default, wrong. It's a very tricky logical argument, but it can be done. The problem is, once you crosswire him and make him realize that, not only has he been wrong, but he has been wrong many, many times, his head will explode.

Like I said, outside intervention is about the only thing that will repair the situation. He's actually got a sort of illness, and he has a brother in law and wife sitting there being enablers because they'll do anything to keep the big baby happy.

 

[Mr. Black]

In the past he has done this before, with both my wife and her brother sometimes lasting close to 2 years with no contact. If you were to break it down, should you get into an argument with him or don't do as he says, fuck ya, your disowned. In the end though the only way to reconcile is for the kids to phone him up, grobble and apologize to him. This time will be different though. The fucker will not get his way...

 

[nefertiti]

yes. when you cant forgive someone it turns to bitterness and it poisons your life and the lives of everyone around you.

I wish I could forgive him, and eventually I will. I'd have an easier time forgiving if his transgressions were against me. I carry a grudge like no other if you hurt someone I love and he has fallen short when it has come to both my sister and mother in their times of need. When he mans up, grows a pair of nuts, and acts like he's a part of this family, then I will treat him as such.

 

[musclemom]

In the past he has done this before, with both my wife and her brother sometimes lasting close to 2 years with no contact. If you were to break it down, should you get into an argument with him or don't do as he says, fuck ya, your disowned. In the end though the only way to reconcile is for the kids to phone him up, grobble and apologize to him. This time will be different though. The fucker will not get his way...

That's wrong. It's a form of abuse. Who needs that shit in their life? I'd purposely come up with incontrovertable evidence that he was wrong, and other people to back it up, stage and intervention and tear into him like a fucking wolf, but I've got a bad temper

I take it he's well to do? People who have a couple of bucks like to use the "disowned" crack, a lot. Assholes. They can't be reasonable and decent, they lack the ability to communicate and cooperate, as bullies they use money as a weapon.

 

[Mr. Black]

That's wrong. It's a form of abuse. Who needs that shit in their life? I'd purposely come up with incontrovertable evidence that he was wrong, and other people to back it up, stage and intervention and tear into him like a fucking wolf, but I've got a bad temper

I take it he's well to do? People who have a couple of bucks like to use the "disowned" crack, a lot. Assholes. They can't be reasonable and decent, they lack the ability to communicate and cooperate, as bullies they use money as a weapon.

Ya you are right it is a form of abuse. What kind of parent uses their love of lack of as a form of punishment? Really though the guy is fucked in the head and does suffer from sort of mental illness. Funny that you mention the $$$ factor. Yes he does alright and funny enough this whole fight started over $140.00 that he owed us. I bought him some golf clubs through ebay when he was down visiting us from Australia. He agreed to re-pay me whatever the duty on the clubs would be. Well when I contacted him a month later to tell him how much he owed us shit hit the fan. A slew of other lies and accusations followed suit and voila we no longer communicate. We've asked him several times why he is actually upset and that we would prefer to hash things out like adults. However, he refuses to acknowledge any points that we addressed. Took the pussy way out and walked away...Intervention would be pointless as he flat out refuses to have any contact with us in any form. Not to mention he's simply tell everyone they are wrong anyways and we'd be back to square one.

 

[SoKlueles]

You know it's funny you say that...on one occasion in the past the father in law and I were talking and somehow the topic of "being wrong" was brought up. He told me flat out that never in his 55 years he has ever been wrong and that he has never apologized to anyone. These facts were indeed substantiated by both my wife and her brother. Imagine trying to resolve a fight with a being of such blatant ignorance...

i wish everyone was as perfect as your father in law, he should be president or ruler of the world, then it wouldnt be in the shape its in now
i couldnt imagine not talking to my dad, hes the greatest. i dont care what your FIL thinks
im so sorry for your wife and what hes putting her thru