am I wrong here?

[stilleto]

Last night, my boys asked if 2 friends could stay over. I said sure.

They stayed home, I got them pizza, they didn't go anywhere.

Keep in mind, my son's are 16 and 17. Their friends are between 16-18 and all have cell phones of course.

This morning, one of the kids who was here - his mother called me. She asked if she could have my son's cell phone and I said that her son and the other boys were all still sleeping. She started crying- apparently, she didn't know where her son was.

I said he had been at my house all night. She started yelling at me, saying "did you even ask if i said it was alright for him to stay there?"

I said, "No. I assume when a kid wants to stay here, that they've asked their mother." I asked if her son has a cell phone and she said he does, but he must not get service at my house (he does. this house gets great reception because it's so high up). She tried blaming me- and then said I sound like a very irresponsible parent.

I was mad at that point and chuckled and said, "*I* sound irresponsible? I knew where my son was last night.. you didn't."


so now I feel bad that she was so upset, but I still fail to see how it's my fault. If the boys were little- then i understand. They are going to college soon- is it still MY responsibility to contact their parents??

 

[tracemhunter]

It's not your responsibility. You are right.

 

[mountain muscle]

No.

You should run her over with your vehicle.

 

[Dial_tone]

Last night, my boys asked if 2 friends could stay over. I said sure.

They stayed home, I got them pizza, they didn't go anywhere.

Keep in mind, my son's are 16 and 17. Their friends are between 16-18 and all have cell phones of course.

This morning, one of the kids who was here - his mother called me. She asked if she could have my son's cell phone and I said that her son and the other boys were all still sleeping. She started crying- apparently, she didn't know where her son was.

I said he had been at my house all night. She started yelling at me, saying "did you even ask if i said it was alright for him to stay there?"

I said, "No. I assume when a kid wants to stay here, that they've asked their mother." I asked if her son has a cell phone and she said he does, but he must not get service at my house (he does. this house gets great reception because it's so high up). She tried blaming me- and then said I sound like a very irresponsible parent.

I was mad at that point and chuckled and said, "*I* sound irresponsible? I knew where my son was last night.. you didn't."

CLICK!..................oooh, Leave It To Beaver reruns are on!

 

[layinback]

stilleto,

i have 16 and 17 yr old boys. what you are experiencing is the utterly self involved world of teenagers. you were not at fault. the mother in question was out of line and she was projecting her frustrations on you.

 

[stilleto]

CLICK!..................oooh, Leave It To Beaver reruns are on!

that would be funny if i understood it.

 

[FriendlyCanadian]

fuck totally not your fault still.

that's bs that this woman is irrational enough to even blame you for her short comings as a parent, very unfortunate you had to have a conversation like that. I hope she isn't ignorant enough to let something like this ruin the friendship between your son and her son.

you're totally in the right, it's sad how some people never blame themselves and find excuses to blame everyone around them.

 

[stilleto]

stilleto,

i have 16 and 17 yr old boys. what you are experiencing is the utterly self involved world of teenagers. you were not at fault. the mother in question was out of line and she was projecting her frustrations on you.

thanks.
i realize that now, but i feel bad that I was obnoxious to her. even though she was being twice as obnoxious back.

I think if she calls me again, I'll apologize. i mean, for being sarcastic, not for not calling her about her 17 year old son staying at my house for the night.

 

[eddymerckx]

from a legal standpoint--you became in loco parentis by default but i don't see where you woud have had to ask her permission. her issuse is with her kid, not you

 

[mountain muscle]

thanks.
i realize that now, but i feel bad that I was obnoxious to her. even though she was being twice as obnoxious back.

I think if she calls me again, I'll apologize. i mean, for being sarcastic, not for not calling her about her 17 year old son staying at my house for the night.

Nah, give her number to Smurfy, she'll straighten her out.

 

[Dial_tone]

that would be funny if i understood it.

That would be the sound of you hanging up the phone and moving on to more important things. I'll be sure and add the glossary up front next time.

 

[needtogetaas]

Last night, my boys asked if 2 friends could stay over. I said sure.

They stayed home, I got them pizza, they didn't go anywhere.

Keep in mind, my son's are 16 and 17. Their friends are between 16-18 and all have cell phones of course.

This morning, one of the kids who was here - his mother called me. She asked if she could have my son's cell phone and I said that her son and the other boys were all still sleeping. She started crying- apparently, she didn't know where her son was.

I said he had been at my house all night. She started yelling at me, saying "did you even ask if i said it was alright for him to stay there?"

I said, "No. I assume when a kid wants to stay here, that they've asked their mother." I asked if her son has a cell phone and she said he does, but he must not get service at my house (he does. this house gets great reception because it's so high up). She tried blaming me- and then said I sound like a very irresponsible parent.

I was mad at that point and chuckled and said, "*I* sound irresponsible? I knew where my son was last night.. you didn't."


so now I feel bad that she was so upset, but I still fail to see how it's my fault. If the boys were little- then i understand. They are going to college soon- is it still MY responsibility to contact their parents??

Well if the kid was 18 then it don't matter.

 

[Raptorex]

In the future, don't let them stay unless they do, why put yourself thru that shit.

 

[Spartacus]

circle jerk

 

[GUARDIAN]

u did nothing wrong. the parents of the other kids need to be responsible for there whereabouts not you.

 

[ceo]

you were not in the wrong.

 

[Gymgurl]

her fault for not knowing where her kid was

 

[digimon7068]

is it still MY responsibility to contact their parents??

hell no. . .parenting by cell phone is bullshit. . .they probably didn't even no he wasn't home until this morning. . .friggum. . .

 

[Smurfy]

Nah, give her number to Smurfy, she'll straighten her out.

eh, Im a total pushover and a chicken in real life.

Stilleto. I would definitely NOT apologize. Well, unless she concedes first.

 

[stilleto]

eh, Im a total pushover and a chicken in real life.

Stilleto. I would definitely NOT apologize. Well, unless she concedes first.

thats my exact plan. I'm not going to call her, but if she calls me, i'll apologize too... I feel bad about being snippy.

 

[digimon7068]

thats my exact plan. I'm not going to call her, but if she calls me, i'll apologize too... I feel bad about being snippy.

meh. . .i think the next time you see her, you should kick her in the cooch. . .use your other foot, though. . .not the one that you bludgeoned the bum with. . .

 

[Burning_Inside]

You did nothing wrong IMO. She sucks at being a parent and getting a handle on her kid and she is loking to blame everyone but herself. No stable person does that shit.

 

[lartinos]

that bitch is out her goddamn mind.

 

[RachelEFC]

Last night, my boys asked if 2 friends could stay over. I said sure.

They stayed home, I got them pizza, they didn't go anywhere.

Keep in mind, my son's are 16 and 17. Their friends are between 16-18 and all have cell phones of course.

This morning, one of the kids who was here - his mother called me. She asked if she could have my son's cell phone and I said that her son and the other boys were all still sleeping. She started crying- apparently, she didn't know where her son was.

I said he had been at my house all night. She started yelling at me, saying "did you even ask if i said it was alright for him to stay there?"

I said, "No. I assume when a kid wants to stay here, that they've asked their mother." I asked if her son has a cell phone and she said he does, but he must not get service at my house (he does. this house gets great reception because it's so high up). She tried blaming me- and then said I sound like a very irresponsible parent.

I was mad at that point and chuckled and said, "*I* sound irresponsible? I knew where my son was last night.. you didn't."


so now I feel bad that she was so upset, but I still fail to see how it's my fault. If the boys were little- then i understand. They are going to college soon- is it still MY responsibility to contact their parents??

you were totally right.

 

[stilleto]

ok, thanks guys.

btw, her kid is totally cool, so she may be a little strange, but she raised him right.

She's probably still cursing me out though. lol

 

[needtogetarmy]

You are not at fault. It is the kids and his mom's fault.

 

[Mr. dB]

Isn't that too old for sleep overs?

 

[Spartacus]

Isn't that too old for sleep overs?

circle jerk

 

[stilleto]

circle jerk

dude. don't even go there.

they all stay at eachother's houses- I live too far from anything for them to walk, and nobody wants to be out on the road driving their kids around as late as they stay up, and I don't want him being in some teenagers car at midnight.

plus, we have snowmobiles and quads-they get up and go out.

 

[-SD-]

My ex gave me shit for asking for advice about stuff on EF. I kinda feel vindicated now that a prestigious member does the same thing.

 

[stilleto]

My ex gave me shit for asking for advice about stuff on EF. I kinda feel vindicated now that a prestigious member does the same thing.

who you callin' "prestigious"?


advice- well I ask people here for their opinions. i figure its kind of a cross cut of society, minus the old people. and sometimes I ask for advice- I know i'll get some honest answers here, not just what I want to hear.

I wouldn't really ask for relationship advice- that's something between you and your SO, I think. but people do.

 

[EnderJE]

Isn't that too old for sleep overs?

Stiletto needs action from time to time and she's jealous of the school teachers in the area.

 

[jackangel]

she mentioned poor reception? i assume she had tried to reach him and couldn't. i see no reason to call her a bad mother (not that you did). she overreacted, but that's its own issue. who knows what's happening in her life. in the past, someone in your place quite possibly would have asked if a kid sleeping over did in fact have permission. obviously, at least some parents still do. however, that doesn't make it your fault for not doing so. if the kid didn't bother to contact his parents to inform them of his whereabouts, the responsibility rests primarily on his shoulders (assuming he was taught that by his parents in the first place).

there are at least two perspectives here. from an ordinary, normal one...it's understandable that you responded in kind to her rudeness. very few of us (myself included) would have done differently, i think.

from another perspective (which one often finds retrospectively), we probably both agree that there's a better way.