I love the way my BF pushes...

[Mr. dB]

I can't remember for sure but I think Ledhead might actually be a DSM know it all...

I think his picture is printed in the margin.

 

[blueta2]

I agreed with everything you said until I saw your edit. One of the most disturbing parts of NPD that you didn't mention was lack of empathy, and magical thinking...the grandiosity gap between what the narc thinks of himself and his accomplishments and actual reality of who he is/his accomplishments. They might actually feel inferior somewhere deep down but they are usually not introspective enough to realize what is really going on. Someone with narcissistic traits can change someone with NPD can't.

Narcs (people with NPD or a narcissistic personality...not just some narcissistic traits) can't change any more than someone with a handicap can change that they have a handicap, but anyone who is being abused by a narc will probably try and change them at first because they care about them. It's a harsh reality to accept that someone you loved didn't/couldn't care about you at all and everything about them was a lie. Once you understand that your partner has a mental illness and is dragging you down with them, to keep your sanity and mental health of course you have to abandon them and rebuild your self esteem. But it's hard to abandon someone you care about because usually the mask does not slip until they have their claws deep into you and by then you are addicted to the roller coaster of the idealization/devaluation cycle. Usually people have to recover from this, usually these people end up in therapy it's not a normal breakup. Already mad at themselves for being naive, missing red flags and putting up with abuse, labeling them narcissists at this point is just cruel and not true. Deceiving themselves? Yes. In denial? Yes. Automatically narcissists? No.

You don't think that a partner of a narc thought that maybe they were the narcissists while their narcs were projecting their mental illness onto them? Of course they did. Yes, a victim can become a narcissist as a defense to the abuse...a terrible nightmare for someone that was born experiencing true empathy, but that's not the same thing as denial, and trying to change your narc. At the point they become self-centered, lose empathy, become abusive and exploitative then they've become a narcissist themselves.

This is my last post in this thread. I'm with blueta on this one. It's depressing to think about!

"Battle not with monsters
lest ye become a monster
and if you gaze into the abyss
the abyss gazes into you."

Cindy, this is bang on accurate! And as you know, trying to explain this to anyone who's not lived it, is futile!


Nannagiggles; You've obviously never experienced anyone like this.
Believe me, you do not have to be a qualified professional to diagnose this. Think about it; a therapist who has exposure to these people for what, an hr a week for a few months or a spouse who's had YEARS of exposure! Who do you think it more qualified to diagnose these people?!
The mask doesn't fall off with a therapist, but it does with their "loved" ones.

And again, this is all I will say b/c not only do I want to move on, but also b/c the ex I refer to posts and reads here and he is getting high on the narc supply of me talking about this. Would have not shared otherwise, but the thread appeared and had to share. And just maybe (though I highly doubt it) he learns something from this!

 

[ceo]

This is my last post in this thread.

lol!

 

[cindylou]

lol stfu ceo I deleted my post

 

[ledhead]

Of course you think your definition is better. lol

I just went back and read over my post..I don't know where you got that I was trying to make anyone out to be jack the ripper. I tried to be really careful about how I worded my posts to distinguish between narcissistic traits and pathological NPD. He has not been diagnosed with NPD. Plus, we are on good terms. I do not think he is a piece of trash. Do you think we should go ahead and diagnose him with malignant narcissism? loll

stfu?

Listen Rose! You were the one hanging by a thread from the back of the ship and I was the one who came to your emotional rescue. You are the one who got me involved in this garbage. Remember, I specifically told you not to get involved in my affairs, but you did anyway, so I felt obligated to help you. Mission accomplished! Objective complete! Everything we set out to do worked, thanks to me! You can buzz off now! I am not diagnosing anyone with anything, I can careless! All I know is that you are the reason dude trolled me for 3 months.. Which is very strange! Good, I am glad you two are on good terms, now you two should run off together.

My post was for Blueta to read because we talked a little about psych disorders. I was expounding on her post. You felt the post was directed towards you, that goes to show you narcissism is contagious!

Lol@ you diagnosing me with a psych disorder. You make Sybil Dorsett look sane...

 

[cindylou]

Lol@ you diagnosing me with a psych disorder.

I was kidding I'm sorry

 

[nangiggles]

my point is that not every abusive asshole that puts you down or is mean/demeaning has NPD, I'm not saying they dont have it either, one does not diagnose over the internet
I'm just saying people gotta be very careful with the labels they put on other people, I know abuse is real and being mistreated is awful, doesnt matter if the person doing it is NPD, psychopathic, bipolar, etc abuse is abuse and it must not be tolerated, however a lot of people like "analyzing" others and labeling them in order to explain those pesky the behaviors that they may or may not like

Just sayin'

 

[ledhead]

my point is that not every abusive asshole that puts you down or is mean/demeaning has NPD, I'm not saying they dont have it either, one does not diagnose over the internet
I'm just saying people gotta be very careful with the labels they put on other people, I know abuse is real and being mistreated is awful, doesnt matter if the person doing it is NPD, psychopathic, bipolar, etc abuse is abuse and it must not be tolerated, however a lot of people like "analyzing" others and labeling them in order to explain those pesky the behaviors that they may or may not like

Just sayin'

I never read your posts other than when you find the urge to insult me. I have to admit this is an astute post. Excellent analysis!!

 

[cindylou]

I was just trying to suggest that maybe her bf didn't actually have NPD...but I couldn't say for sure of course.

NPD is serious and no one here could say unless they were a professional, but sometimes people try to label behavior they don't understand.

If he does turn out to have NPD then she either needs to leave him or accept it and learn to love him unconditionally, with no delusions about how he is going to act. Having NPD does not mean you're not human. I can't imagine it being satisfying for someone that is healthy but not everyone is healthy.

I made my disclaimer on page two so I figured I could say whatever the fuck I wanted for the rest of the thread.

Ledhead, I really was joking...it kinda went with the theme of the thread I thought it would be funny...I really was kidding though

 

[ceo]

that goes to show you narcissism is contagious!

too bad awesomeness isn't contagious!

Lol@ you diagnosing me with a psych disorder. You make Sybil Dorsett look sane...

I lol'd