what would you do when a relationship isn't enough?

[Redrocker13]

^^^This.

If you marry a man just because you're afraid of being alone, I guarantee you the "right" guy WILL come along, sooner or later, usually at just about the worst time possible (oh, say about a year after you've just settled on your new house and the kids are settling into their new school) and then you've got a whole world of shit on your hands.

Let love grow out of a great mutual friendship and it will take root and flourish forever.

BRAVO!!!! Well stated! I have heard it said that the high divorce rate isn't simply a matter of people getting out too easy. They're getting in too easy.

 

[crew9]

BRAVO!!!! Well stated! I have heard it said that the high divorce rate isn't simply a matter of people getting out too easy. They're getting in too easy.

There is definitely a lot of truth to that.

 

[EnderJE]

Marriage isn't about happiness. It's about suffering, settling and rage.

 

[wootoom]

swing

 

[Sub-Zero]

Believe what you will, I can only speak from my personal experience and observations of others.

Walking down the aisle with even nagging concerns about your s/o is an enormous mistake. You think that little worry is the barest ripple in a pond. After the stressors of life begin to crowd in, that ripple turns into a full blown tsunami.

My first marriage was a very ugly mistake, the only good that came out of it was my son (who now, at age 26, will have nothing to do with his father).

entering into a shitty marriage is a whole other monster.

 

[musclemom]

entering into a shitty marriage is a whole other monster.

No argument there, honey. But by the same token, never forget, I didn't walk down the aisle thinking "Oh man, this is going to be great, this marriage is gonna be a fucking train wreck!" You get married with hopes, dreams and expectations. The whole idea is to marry a person whose philosophy meshes with yours. When you've got someone whose telling you one thing and it turns out they were fudging just to make you happy, that's where things start to disintegrate.

I've seen plenty of guys on the forums who admit to telling women lies, whether to be with them, to get them in bed, or even to keep them in relationships. Then they either laugh at the woman for falling for their lines, or are confused when she finds out he lied to her and dumps him. So what happened to me isn't all that uncommon.

I fully admit I have a major personality flaw that I simply can't shake: I believe people and believe the best of them. Despite the fact I come off bitter or cynical here, the truth is, IRL, no matter how many times I've been hurt, taken advantage of and lied to, my initial instinct is still to trust

 

[nimbus]

spend all your time with the guy who's lacking and then sneak off to bang the guy who's too much at night

 

[Spartacus]

these questions suck.

the scenarios and the ambiguity

tellin' it like it is since may '03

 

[wootoom]

i could go on for hours on this thread

 

[wykedengel]

and when its too much.

question 2:
is it better to have one that is lacking or one thats kinda overwhelming?

I don't claim to know you or your situation, so I won't pretend to. I will say that is sounds like you have some soul searching to do on your own. If's your BF's a great guy, yet somehow you feel you cannot reciprocate his love and affection, then you need to be honest with him.

Back in the day, folks used to "learn to love one another", those days are dead. We live in a time where frustrated folks end up doing desperate things for a variety of reasons. If you love him, and if you value him as a friend, then you owe it to him to be honest.

...with that said. Also, don't use this as a means to keep him on the back burner while you are figuring out what you want. It's not fair to either of you.

No matter what your decision, be strong of heart as you are in mind and body.