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Your most sexually embarassing moments !!

aquatic_glories

New member
Guys, be honest and confess your most emberassing moments about sexual relationships.

What happened?
Why did it happen?
How did it affect you afterwards??

I posted this thread because I sometimes hear interesting things. I even heard about a guy couldn't get it up and he was literally chasing the girl for a long time. And what was his answer for this??
He said that he was stressed at that time. lol

I have also heard of guys horny as hell who couldnt even get fully erect for an hour in their first few tries , lol

Everybody needs a good laugh so make this thread funny.

Also you can always act like it happened to your friend instead of you, right?? We will all believe :evil:
 
woman started crying, she felt she was being too much of a slut.. i finished though

another woman passed out while having an orgasm, i didn't finish, i should have..

another time, had a girl handcuffed, double teaming her on the hood of a truck in a parking lot, the cops cruised the lot and almost caught us.. she volunteered.

I faked having an orgasm so i could get some sleep.

18yrs old, was having sex in my car with a girl in front of her home, a guy that was drunk came up to the car and stuck his head inside and was surprised by us and said "wow man, sorry about that".. and left..
 
faked a orgasim because i was getting road head for a hour and a half and i had shit to do, so i just pretended by grabing a shirt in the back of the car and putting it over my dick and in a very soft voice said "oohh". i was a terrible faker but she believed it.

other time i really really wanted to fuck this girl so bad, when it came down to it i tried stickin my dick in when it was soft and i couldnt get it hard. She eneded up slaping my dick and saying gross because it was soft lol, and she got turned off. :( that was the end of that.
 
probably my first time...
i was no less than 16 years old, went to a christmas party round a school frineds house. there was only about 20 of us there and we were all having a good time, drinking, playing spin the bottle, you know, stuff you do when your 16 years old lol.
then the girl who was hosting the party, her mum and 2 of her friends came home, properly drunk. they started getting rowdy and getting more drink out and stuff. my friend was annoyerd that her mum had crashed the party, but i was quite glad because i thought one of her mums friends was really sexy, and she kept flashing her tits at me, it was great!
so anyway, time gets on and people have started to ko, but me and this lady are still downstairs, chatting, having a drink and stuff. both absolutely wankered. so said i just come right out with it and say "i think you are really sexy" and she says "thats sweet. do you know what i think?" so i say "what" she says "i think you should fuck me" i was absoulutely speechless. remember, im 16 years old, this lady is in her late 20's and has just told me to fuck her.
i just about manage to mutter a feeble "errrrr....ok" and we get down to business. kissing, taking eachothers clothes off. she starts sucking me, and i was like "holy fuck, i had no idea it feel this good!" after i dont know how long, she tells me "your turn" so down i go. now i literally have no idea what i am doing down there, but i lick the pink bits and slide 2 fingers in. she actually started moaning and writhing around (whether this was just to make me feel better i dont know, but it made me feel pretty fucking good at the time) after another while, she just looks at me and says "i want you inside me"
so im like yes!!!!! its on!!! so i postion myself over her, (shes on a big old armchair, hips just ver the edge) and slide into her. start hammering away. it was the most amazing thing, i was loving it, anyway, i was so excited that i was finally having sex, and with a quite attractive late 20 something, that i blew in probably 2-3 minutes lol. tbh i wasnt that bothered, i was 16 years old and had just lost my v's, i was so happy. until i heard a giggle behind me-a few of my friends had been in the room the whole time and i hadnt even noticed them!!!
im sure they could have snuck out at any point, but they thought they would stay for a free show, cheeky fuckers lol.
well anyway the most embarrasing part was not blowing my load in fewminutes in front of my friends, but after i went back to school after the xmas holidays. i remember i was late to my first class on the first day back, i walked in and the whole class just started going "uhh, uhhh, uhhh" like making hardocre sex moans lolololol. i got the piss taken out of me for weeks after that. but i think it was worth it.
 
probably my first time...
i was no less than 16 years old, went to a christmas party round a school frineds house. there was only about 20 of us there and we were all having a good time, drinking, playing spin the bottle, you know, stuff you do when your 16 years old lol.
then the girl who was hosting the party, her mum and 2 of her friends came home, properly drunk. they started getting rowdy and getting more drink out and stuff. my friend was annoyerd that her mum had crashed the party, but i was quite glad because i thought one of her mums friends was really sexy, and she kept flashing her tits at me, it was great!
so anyway, time gets on and people have started to ko, but me and this lady are still downstairs, chatting, having a drink and stuff. both absolutely wankered. so said i just come right out with it and say "i think you are really sexy" and she says "thats sweet. do you know what i think?" so i say "what" she says "i think you should fuck me" i was absoulutely speechless. remember, im 16 years old, this lady is in her late 20's and has just told me to fuck her.
i just about manage to mutter a feeble "errrrr....ok" and we get down to business. kissing, taking eachothers clothes off. she starts sucking me, and i was like "holy fuck, i had no idea it feel this good!" after i dont know how long, she tells me "your turn" so down i go. now i literally have no idea what i am doing down there, but i lick the pink bits and slide 2 fingers in. she actually started moaning and writhing around (whether this was just to make me feel better i dont know, but it made me feel pretty fucking good at the time) after another while, she just looks at me and says "i want you inside me"
so im like yes!!!!! its on!!! so i postion myself over her, (shes on a big old armchair, hips just ver the edge) and slide into her. start hammering away. it was the most amazing thing, i was loving it, anyway, i was so excited that i was finally having sex, and with a quite attractive late 20 something, that i blew in probably 2-3 minutes lol. tbh i wasnt that bothered, i was 16 years old and had just lost my v's, i was so happy. until i heard a giggle behind me-a few of my friends had been in the room the whole time and i hadnt even noticed them!!!
im sure they could have snuck out at any point, but they thought they would stay for a free show, cheeky fuckers lol.
well anyway the most embarrasing part was not blowing my load in fewminutes in front of my friends, but after i went back to school after the xmas holidays. i remember i was late to my first class on the first day back, i walked in and the whole class just started going "uhh, uhhh, uhhh" like making hardocre sex moans lolololol. i got the piss taken out of me for weeks after that. but i think it was worth it.


your fuckin right it would be worth that ribbing
 
farting while getting rimmed is close to the top of my sexual embarassment list.
 
farting while getting rimmed is close to the top of my sexual embarassment list.

ewww dude, did you have to lol?
you reminded me of something though, to be fair this was probably more embarrasing for her, but i had a girl i had only been seeing a few weeks back at mine, just downstairs having a glass of wine, started getting a little freaky, as i am going down on her i slide a finger in her arse, well, she is LOVING that, so i try my luck "can i put it in your arse?" she is in the throws of passion and just tells me yes, so i tell her to turn around and tell her to get on her knees, well of i go, takes a while to get going mind, but its great when i do. pumping away for about 30 mins, i go to pull out and she shits on my sofa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! complete natural reaction-her arsehole must have been so relaxed a bit of shit just came out, and to make things worse i got a little nugget sat right on my bellend lololol. quite sickening at the time, but i see the funny side now.
 
ewww dude, did you have to lol?
you reminded me of something though, to be fair this was probably more embarrasing for her, but i had a girl i had only been seeing a few weeks back at mine, just downstairs having a glass of wine, started getting a little freaky, as i am going down on her i slide a finger in her arse, well, she is LOVING that, so i try my luck "can i put it in your arse?" she is in the throws of passion and just tells me yes, so i tell her to turn around and tell her to get on her knees, well of i go, takes a while to get going mind, but its great when i do. pumping away for about 30 mins, i go to pull out and she shits on my sofa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! complete natural reaction-her arsehole must have been so relaxed a bit of shit just came out, and to make things worse i got a little nugget sat right on my bellend lololol. quite sickening at the time, but i see the funny side now.




hahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
anyone else got any embarrasing sekkshuall experiences they care to share?
this thread has great potential for my amusement lololol
 
man that is so gross. thats why i dont want to do anal, just the possiblity i pullout a shit stick
 
I hooked up with this chick in a bar. (We'd been flirting for a while before this). We're both drunk and slip off upstairs to this storage place. Anyway we’re 69ing away and then she’s saying “sorry.” and she’s wiping my dick. I’m like OK, I must have cum and I’m too drunk to know.
I pull up my pants and off I go.
The next morning, I’m sitting on the can and I’m like “Why do I have peas and carrots and crap in my pubic hair”?
She had puked.
 
man that is so gross. thats why i dont want to do anal, just the possiblity i pullout a shit stick



exactly,

imagine you are taking her doggie, and stroking away, well, that smell and heat are rising up into your face and nose..

no thanks.. i'll pass.. "it's tighter than her vagina you say"???

I say then you have a small penis or your girl is a road whore that has vibrators that are too big..

either way.. the throat is small..
 
I hooked up with this chick in a bar. (We'd been flirting for a while before this). We're both drunk and slip off upstairs to this storage place. Anyway we’re 69ing away and then she’s saying “sorry.” and she’s wiping my dick. I’m like OK, I must have cum and I’m too drunk to know.
I pull up my pants and off I go.
The next morning, I’m sitting on the can and I’m like “Why do I have peas and carrots and crap in my pubic hair”?
She had puked.

holy f**k lol, thats worse than the girl shitting on my sofa!
you must have been properly wasted lol
 
its not like she dropped half a gallon of diarhhoea all over my sofa! its leather anyway, cleaned up a treat.
i would rather that than go to bed with vomit encrusted in my pubic hair and over my cock and balls.
 
exactly,

imagine you are taking her doggie, and stroking away, well, that smell and heat are rising up into your face and nose..

no thanks.. i'll pass.. "it's tighter than her vagina you say"???

I say then you have a small penis or your girl is a road whore that has vibrators that are too big..

either way.. the throat is small..

its just a different sensation. im not an anal freak, just like to try different things from time to time.
 
its not like she dropped half a gallon of diarhhoea all over my sofa! its leather anyway, cleaned up a treat.
i would rather that than go to bed with vomit encrusted in my pubic hair and over my cock and balls.

how much would you say? a couple quarts? pint?
 
its not like she dropped half a gallon of diarhhoea all over my sofa! its leather anyway, cleaned up a treat.
i would rather that than go to bed with vomit encrusted in my pubic hair and over my cock and balls.

Id take dried vomit over a shit covered dick AND sofa anyday.
 
Id take dried vomit over a shit covered dick AND sofa anyday.

lol...people need to get away from the idea that i pulled out and she started gushing shit like a hose all over the place. that is not how it happened. i pulled out and a tiny little turd followed.
 
lol...people need to get away from the idea that i pulled out and she started gushing shit like a hose all over the place. that is not how it happened. i pulled out and a tiny little turd followed.

Apparently people prefer my vomit covered dick to your shitty dick.
Go figure.
 
You should have made your disgusting whore of a girlfriend clean it up.

excuse me? she was hardly my girlfriend, just a girl i had been seeing for a few weeks and started sleeping with. calling her a "disgusting whore" is a bit extreme. for being such a nasty little potty mouth im comin to your house to shit on your sofa.
 
this was meant to be a light hearted thread, and as per usual, some one has to ruin it by throwing insults around. why are you so angry? is it because you dont actually have any sexual moments to share? its ok bro, it will happen one day. but not if you keep being so rude.
 
Dude Im just fucking with you.

You are trying way too hard, just laugh at your nasty ass experience with the rest of us.
 
yo that throw up on the dick is fucking gross. shit or throw up on dick either way is pretty much the same thing but one is more digested then the other. Now leaving throw up on your dick overnight and wakin up to carrots and peas incrusted in your pubs is gross. a little shit turd on your couch gross also, but its not like a dog never shat on the couch before or the floor. the fact is who had the gross shit on their dick longer. If it was a instant wipe right after her takin the shit on your dick then i dont think it would be that bad as sleeping with vomit on your dick and pubs to allow it to crust up and seep into you. eitherway their both fucking gross and that sucks major balls for the both of u. Id say if u instantly cleaned your dick after the barf, then the shit dick is worse but u didnt, and who knows how long u stayed at the bar partying with ur vomit dick.
 
exactly,

imagine you are taking her doggie, and stroking away, well, that smell and heat are rising up into your face and nose..

no thanks.. i'll pass.. "it's tighter than her vagina you say"???

I say then you have a small penis or your girl is a road whore that has vibrators that are too big..

either way.. the throat is small..

yea i didnt even think about the friction and heat, even grosser. i think ill pass on anal for sure unless the girl gets a asshole cleanse by a professional that day and doesnt fart or have any shit shes holding in, then id think about it
 
probably my first time...
i was no less than 16 years old, went to a christmas party round a school frineds house. there was only about 20 of us there and we were all having a good time, drinking, playing spin the bottle, you know, stuff you do when your 16 years old lol.
then the girl who was hosting the party, her mum and 2 of her friends came home, properly drunk. they started getting rowdy and getting more drink out and stuff. my friend was annoyerd that her mum had crashed the party, but i was quite glad because i thought one of her mums friends was really sexy, and she kept flashing her tits at me, it was great!
so anyway, time gets on and people have started to ko, but me and this lady are still downstairs, chatting, having a drink and stuff. both absolutely wankered. so said i just come right out with it and say "i think you are really sexy" and she says "thats sweet. do you know what i think?" so i say "what" she says "i think you should fuck me" i was absoulutely speechless. remember, im 16 years old, this lady is in her late 20's and has just told me to fuck her.
i just about manage to mutter a feeble "errrrr....ok" and we get down to business. kissing, taking eachothers clothes off. she starts sucking me, and i was like "holy fuck, i had no idea it feel this good!" after i dont know how long, she tells me "your turn" so down i go. now i literally have no idea what i am doing down there, but i lick the pink bits and slide 2 fingers in. she actually started moaning and writhing around (whether this was just to make me feel better i dont know, but it made me feel pretty fucking good at the time) after another while, she just looks at me and says "i want you inside me"
so im like yes!!!!! its on!!! so i postion myself over her, (shes on a big old armchair, hips just ver the edge) and slide into her. start hammering away. it was the most amazing thing, i was loving it, anyway, i was so excited that i was finally having sex, and with a quite attractive late 20 something, that i blew in probably 2-3 minutes lol. tbh i wasnt that bothered, i was 16 years old and had just lost my v's, i was so happy. until i heard a giggle behind me-a few of my friends had been in the room the whole time and i hadnt even noticed them!!!
im sure they could have snuck out at any point, but they thought they would stay for a free show, cheeky fuckers lol.
well anyway the most embarrasing part was not blowing my load in fewminutes in front of my friends, but after i went back to school after the xmas holidays. i remember i was late to my first class on the first day back, i walked in and the whole class just started going "uhh, uhhh, uhhh" like making hardocre sex moans lolololol. i got the piss taken out of me for weeks after that. but i think it was worth it.
lol good one
 
shot so hard it hit my eye and was bruised for 4 days.
 
never, I have no conscience, disgusting is funny, and first you'ld have to give a shit what happens....

I've posted some good stories that come under "strange" or "funny", the funny one most people may find embarassing, the gist of it, I was fucking this chick in a club on the dance floor that was closed off and the manager opened a sliding partition and 50 or so people saw us laying there nekkid before he noticed us.... lol
 
I'd take dry crusty vomit over shit on my dick any day. - just saying.

I've had a girl vomit on my dick while attempting to deep throat while giving me road head while driving through New Mexico in a 26ft Uhaul.
 
I call BS! Uhaul doesn't use 26ft trucks :P

I'd take dry crusty vomit over shit on my dick any day. - just saying.

I've had a girl vomit on my dick while attempting to deep throat while giving me road head while driving through New Mexico in a 26ft Uhaul.
 
I'd take dry crusty vomit over shit on my dick any day. - just saying.

I've had a girl vomit on my dick while attempting to deep throat while giving me road head while driving through New Mexico in a 26ft Uhaul.

So you can feel my pain............or she can feel the other girls pain...................or whatever...........you know what I mean.
 
I was drunk and heading back to my room after a party at school and met this girl while walking back. And for some reason I just asked her if she wanted to fuck and she said yes so I took her into the laundry room at LSU. I am hitting it for about 20 minutes before I realise that a female security guard is just standing at the door watching. But as drunk as I was I didn't care and kept going but then she yelled stop and the girl ran out. Now here is the weird part...while I am pulling up my pants to leave the security officer comes in closes the door and starts giving me head. Long story short I fucked her about 5 more times....and that is why I love LSU
 
I was drunk and heading back to my room after a party at school and met this girl while walking back. And for some reason I just asked her if she wanted to fuck and she said yes so I took her into the laundry room at LSU. I am hitting it for about 20 minutes before I realise that a female security guard is just standing at the door watching. But as drunk as I was I didn't care and kept going but then she yelled stop and the girl ran out. Now here is the weird part...while I am pulling up my pants to leave the security officer comes in closes the door and starts giving me head. Long story short I fucked her about 5 more times....and that is why I love LSU

Epic !!!
 
this chick i was screwing around with was giving me head one day and just out of the blue she was like "i want you to cum on my face!!" i had never done that before so i was like fucking sweet and totally excited. so she's still sucking me off and i tell her i'm almost "there" so she pulls her mouth off it and starts stroking it towards her face and then i shot one of those power shots that completely missed and went into her hair :( scared me for life. how the fuck do you miss????

another time with my ex. we were sitting on the couch and i had my head in her lap and she starts playing with my dick. so i pull it out and she starts jerking me for a while. i tell her i'm about to cum and she just said ok tell me the last second. so i did. she lets go and i shot but it flew slow motion like the matrix and hit her dead center on the botton lip/chin. fucking funny and hot at the same time. she was super pissed. i kinda miss that silly bitch
 
this was meant to be a light hearted thread, and as per usual, some one has to ruin it by throwing insults around. why are you so angry? is it because you dont actually have any sexual moments to share? its ok bro, it will happen one day. but not if you keep being so rude.

Oh it's happened for him. But it was him shitting on the sofa.
 
Hmm from all the girls over the years I've been with: getting puked on twice, pissed on (unintentionally), going limp (alcohol). I wouldn't call pulling out a shit dick embarassing though. Makes for some really funny sputtering flatulence on her part afterwards.
 
I am a tool...lets just get that outta the way.

when I was 16 I went on a date with a girl I worked with. She wanted to drive and neither of us could think of anything to do. We ended up sitting in a parking lot for freaking hours.

She kept trying to get me to put on this girly chap stick shit and I was to naive to realize she just wanted me to kiss her and get it on me that way. Eventually she drives to the end of this dirt road in the middle of nowhere and I finally got the balls to kiss her. We were making out pretty good when i realized I hadn't taken a piss in like 9 hours.

So I tell her I'll be right back and head off into the trees. I was in the middle of the longest piss of my life when I look down and see that the piss was running down the plant and all over my pants. I was running around forever trying to get it to dry.

30 minutes later she come and finds me and I'm all sweaty. She was late for her curfew and had to go home.

There was no sex with her....ever. That was kinda embarassing.
 
Shit on the dick? been there done that laaaaaaa

Gone down on her and the fuckin bitch forgot to tell me she was on the rag...ewe but laa

My buddy says his GF wants to do a tag team 2 guys on her so I am like ok cool whatever I am down...her roomate comes in..I say dude fuck your own girlfriend I got this handled. She sucks..the most...amazing suck..My buddy (fukstik) pulls her head off my cock and starts fucking her..his girl sprawled out on the bed..Fucker left his girl to fuck her roomate...that was just greedy imho.

Fucking in my driveway when I psycho hose beast roomate starts Pounding on the window telling me to put my dick away...( I was couch surfing with a family at the time and the mom wasn't as impressed)
 
some fawking hilarious stories in this thread. glad to know im not the only one who has had and "shitty" (lol, see what i did there?) experience
 
Okay......was doing this girl I was dating in the ass and she shit tipped it. I pulled out and the smell and clump of excrement on the head of my cock made me throw up all over her ass and back. That is just embarrassing top to 'bottom'.......pun intended.
 
Ok how about sexual embarassing without even screwin her yet...I'm hitting on this chick she starts feeling up my naughty bits in denny's yes In Denny's under the table. I am enjoying it naturally so just as when dawn comes you raise the flag up the pole. She screams out...No I dont' mean says out loud

this bitch screamed out

OMG You want to stuff that thing in my what? THere's no Fucking way that things going to fit in me" I will end the quote there and not mention the families reactions around us....Not trying to say I'm walkin around with a tuba stuck in my pants but It's definetly no flute...That was one of the first times in my life I was ever really truly embarassed.
 
It was just us at the table. I took her out for some food first..But there were families all around..and I don't mean she Said it..Bro it sounded like a shoved a 2x4 up her ass...And my 2 female friends (non romantic relationships) were sitting across the table...Only thing one of them said was..holy shit dude..i've never seen you blush before...My nickname is DD or Double D...Dirty dan....I have a mouth that would make a hooker blush but I just believe there is a time and place lol.

OH last experience perhaps..high school girlfriend I never got over her..she was beautiful back then..110 lb cheerleader type with an ass that would crush granite. I won't attempt to tell you how pretty her eyes and smile were because the male language doesn't contain words descriptive or appropriate..Just know she was all that and a bag of chips with nacho cheese..yah....The NACHO CHEESE!!! Never had sex with her in high school she was a virgin...GOT DAMN Close. Tried a couple times but she said it was too painfull. Angry inch not bragging just saying that's why I didn't get it back then.

SO I find her 10 years later on Myspace...SWEET!! I go to San Clemente and we hang out for a weekend..She is still FUGGIN HOT!! Green eyes smile that would bring laughter and joy to hells whore house..Just an amazing person..We go have a few drinks I get a hotel room because I can't ride my 10r back home..she comes in...lays down...I do the gentlemen thing because a part of me is dumb as fuggin rocks. Sitting next to her bed on the floor (yes I got a 2 beds instead of one big one) On the floor with one arm up and over her as she is going to sleep...she starts sucking my fingers....Ok...first of all rule 1 that just fucking cheatin if I am being a gentlemen...next thing I know I am on the bed we start making out..Hot and heavy clothes fly off like 2 teenagers all over again..I dont' even have her pants off and I can feel her legs squeezing and flexing..

She squeezes my shit in...Telling me how its still so huge (she said it not me but fuck if I am gonna complain or call her a liar) now someone here said..2 minutes? It took 1 minute to squeeze it in..She was sooo HOT inside..literally her body heat must all focus in her accessory box..and SO FUGGIN Tight!!!! AS i was going in...I feel my balls go OH OH..I squeeeeeeeeeze for the LOVE OF EVERYTHING RIGHT IN THIS WORLD DO NOT BUST YOUR NUT!!!!

I calm it down...she starts moving straight up and down..I can see the muscles in her thighs and her...twisting and sqEEEEZING me..3 seconds later it's like a machine..Her body just starts HAMMERING Down on me..Jackhammer status...I mean TIGHT AS everything glorious..

You all may think..oh what a n00b...this guy finally got a girl that actually screws back and he busts a nut...No dude...she didn't just ride me...She put John Wayne to shame I don't claim to have the BEST game but I got my name for a reason this is...BY far....the singular...defining moment in the sexual history of the world...SHE Squeezed my shit so tight and so hot and so good it dented my dna.

It was like my cock was on 20 tabs of acid and my balls were the starship enterprise Enterprise....GIVE'R ALL SHE GOT SCOTTIE!!!

ok so long story short..she hammers me for a good 20 seconds I started to blow so hard I threw up straight up in the air with one hand nailed her with the first shot before she hit the bed....

The second shot hit me on the neck/chin area and hell no I didn't taste it..I never seen something move like that..straight out of a sci fi movie.....She put her hand on my chest after and my heart was beating so fast she actually got worried I was having a heart attack....I wish I had that on film...seriously...So I got whipped called her wanted to hang out all the time for like a week..she said "man you gotta go" I said OH GOD I WANNA DIE" then I left grew up a little....So....anyone can top that?
 
My first most embarrasing moment was my first time with whiskey dick, the second was my second bout with whiskey dick, and my third was my third bout with whiskey dick.

Since then I've learned not to drink so damn much if I'm talking to a nice chick. lol!!

Every time though I came back for seconds and made it worth their while...After they tell me I have magic fingers!!!!!
 
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