You guys have been great

[bigpokey]

Pretty sure he's not gonna answer my questions.

oh well, big LOL @ him tryin to cry on your shoulder after he pulled the robbery on u

 

[cindylou]

LOL @ Cindy playing the victim card....she has a bigger ego than I do....she would argue that 2+2=5 if she chose that position...I know from experience. She actually tried to argue that her abusive language was a "joke we both made up"??? It wasn't a joke and I'm not trying to make friends on EF...I call it as I see it; That's why I hung up on her last night...I can't abide lies....I know EF just buys her bullshit and It's interesting our feminist at large.....Musclemom acts like a stereotypical passive aggressive female by bombing me but that's just childish...if she had balls she would have challenged me on the open forum....

yeah, you can hang up on me..call our relationship fake..call me an alcoholic an abuser..a snake..post on EF while I'm on the phone with you..post on EF about my problems at all..post about how many times I called you...yeah I'm "playing" a victim. I feel like a victim..you victimized me by making me believe you loved me and then put me through the last two days as a knee jerk reaction because I hurt you. You are more fucked up than I ever anticipated. I was wrong for doing what I did and I take responsibility for that but what you did to retaliate was worse. cindylou is so fucked up lets discuss her problems on elitefitness thread..it was entertainment to you. I'm just waiting for you to start posting IMs and Kmsgs at this point...

I didn't lie to you...I can't remember the situation behind what happenened. I can remember what I saw when I said those words..where I was standing and what I can see..but I don't remember what I was thinking/feeling. I don't remember. I don't know. My mind wasn't working correctly...I'm just trying to understand my own motivation for why I said that but I can't...I"m trying to figure out what I was thinking and right now when I go back in my memory and put myself in that position..I thought we were making entertainment for EF...thats all I can come up with.. I know that sober cindy would never want to hurt you...I don't like to hurt anyone...but you can't pull from that..you can only remember where I hurt you and your need for me to be punished for it.

I feel horrible that I hurt you and I'm beating myself up for that right now. That's what you want..that's what you've got. And I know you don't care anymore and I know you enjoyed putting me throught what "you thought I deserved" because you got to see that I wasn't perfect. You told me that it was okay for me not to be perfect and that you'd work w/ me on anything but you wouldn't tolerate me cheating..well that was a lie. You told me yourself you didn't have a problem with how much I drank..but you fell for some fantasy cindy who was perfect and never did anything wrong in your mind. I could never live up to that fantasy..I knew I wouldn't be able to. Which is bullshit because you've told me stories of ex's who have hit you while drunk...so... you got to see a side of me that wasn't good..Maybe I'm the reason I'm alone..I'll accept that...all I can do is work on it and move on..not much else I can do besides sit here and try and sort it all out....I tried to warn you.. I have had this conversation with you many times...I'm not always nice. Remember how bad I felt the next morning after the whole getting an A conversation and I was worried I was eventually going to do something to fuck this up...

You wanted me to act in a manner which is impossible for me right now..emotionally stable and ready for a relationship...secure..confident..trusting you wouldn't break my heart if I gave it to you..which I did. You promised me everything and broke all of those promises to me. You promised that you wouldn't hurt me and that you wouldn't leave me. You deny our relationship even being real..which is so fucked up..I don't even want to think about it because it sucks so much...I confided in you things I have not told anyone...I trusted you to protect me...even when Im not showing you my best side all the time.

So..yeah..I definately wont do an erelationship again. The guy can promise you the world and then take it all back and say it wasn't real. Take away any opportunity for normal closure too. Like normal people would do so they could both sort out what was happening and say their peace and move on. Someone who has had closure does not post like this on EF but what else am I supposed to do..I have to get these feelings out of me..and I'm still trying to decide if the relationship was even real? If it wasn't real..how pathetic does that make me that I'm hurting over it?

I knew there was a reason behind why you were invisible..I just wanted you to tell me why.....lol @ perfect melody's excuse for breaking your heart and abandoning you..pathetic....like your "reason" for doing the exact same thing to me...why didn't you just tell me that? I knew there was a reason

and lol @ me having a bigger ego than you. Sure I can argue a little but you've always been better than I am at the arguments that actually have something behind them...legit conflict. You have cut me down to size. lol@ me having any pride..are my posts the post of a girl who has any pride? All you'd have to do is call me or IM me and my heart would soften in two seconds...yeah I have an ego bigger than you do enough to write this book of a post on ef and showing you and everyone my misery over all of this when I could easily act like I don't care... You're not the first guy who felt the need to humiliate me in a public manner

I just wasn't good enough for you...I never ever at any point said that I was perfect..on here I've never done that. I won't drink a drop until I figure out how I can make sure I never hurt somsone else while I'm drinking...and maybe that means never drinking again..idk what that means. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'll carry that guilt with me for awhile....but it does not excuse what you've done to me in the past 3 days and it does not excuse you just abandoning me...denying me and purposely ripping my heart out and putting it on display for this forum.

 

[ledhead]

Remember what I told you and even thou the rest of these ass wipes think I'm crazy as hell you know the truth Stay it would never be the same without you. If you left I may possibly flip out and fist fuck somebodies eye socket

Dude, I love your terminology! Your classic....LoL

 

[the.gladiator1987]

I like cindy cuz shes real, i like girls that are OK with having downfalls tho, Cindy would be the best and easiest e-relationship to have with on this site

and everytime i think of java i think of old man lol idk why maybe cuz half his posts contain words i dont even know.. but were in 2011 now, i mean kids are havin sex in 5th grade so i think im doin OK

 

[blueta2]

Cindy, drinking like you have been goes way farther than just when you're drunk. Realize it or not, it's affecting your every day mood, temper, decisions, etc. Are you slow and grumpy in the morning when you weren't? Do things bug you faster than they did before? Do you get anxiety at times when you didn't before? I know all of these things could go hand in hand with the stress of divorce, but I promise you 1000% you'll be better off if you cut that poison out of your life and talk to someone. Go to a womens' group (trust me on a womens' group, AA is a meat market) and just be truly honest with yourself and whoever you tslk to. I lied to myself for years and will never get them back. Don't put yourself through what I put myself through.

^ this
Not all AA meetings are meat-markets, but many are filled with what's called "13 steppers".
Last AA meeting I went to, we went a few girls from my Al Anon group and two diffeent guys tried to make a move on me. Some men use AA as a pick up joint cause they are seriously desperate
An all-women's group is better.
Cindy, addiction is not about stopping the drink, it's about why you need the drink. And like Bill says, it will effect your daughter overtly.
Think about it, but you can only do it when you're ready. There is NO SHAME in looking for help.
hug

 

[cindylou]

lol@ me meeting teh man of my dreams at an AA meeting

I'm cool with not dating until my divorce is final...and not dating for a long time after that...if I ever date again. I can't possibly see how I could trust someone right now.

 

[the.gladiator1987]

lol@ me meeting teh man of my dreams at an AA meeting

I'm cool with not dating until my divorce is final...and not dating for a long time after that...if I ever date again. I can't possibly see how I could trust someone right now.

but cindy we have so much in common

we have a kid
were christian
were young
were good looking
we both have jobs
we both like to cuddle and shit

 

[blueta2]

There are a lot of amazing beautiful people in AA, it's just that dating or being in a relationship with someone else in recovery leads the to possibiltiy that if one person relapses, the other may follow.

 

[cindylou]

but cindy we have so much in common

we have a kid
were christian
were young
were good looking
we both have jobs
we both like to cuddle and shit

I'm YOUNG?!

lol..I've never dated a Christian before...maybe I need to try that kind next I'll quiz you on the books of the bible tonight.... I want you to know them in order so you can find a book easily while we are at church. Can't have my guy not knowing how to find Obadiah.... at least java knew his christianeese...

hahaha I'm kidding...glad you are too good looking for me cutie I want to find one of those sweet nerds...only sans issues this time....one who will love me forever and have patience to work with me through my issues...I wish I didn't have any...

this never would have happened if I hadn't pushed back our meetup...we would have been together and not binge drinking on teh phone

 

[billfred]

I like cindy cuz shes real, i like girls that are OK with having downfalls tho, Cindy would be the best and easiest e-relationship to have with on this site

and everytime i think of java i think of old man lol idk why maybe cuz half his posts contain words i dont even know.. but were in 2011 now, i mean kids are havin sex in 5th grade so i think im doin OK

Classic