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If once upon a time you caught your partner cheating but they do not know you know, and you just decide to look the other way, rewind and you are the one in a cheating position, would u do it? would you feel you are entitled to it?
Would you?
- Thread starter nangiggles
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digimon7068
New member
i've never felt any sense of entitlement toward anything so, no.
plus, i would have been out the door when i caught them the first time.
stosstruppe
Well-known member
Wouldn't find myself in that situation as I'd be off like a shot once I found out anyway. No second chances, no blazing rows, just grab my gear & split.
How the fuck do you look the other way.
There's a song I like about a guy who embraces a woman he loved after he had been gone in war, and when he returned she slept with another.
It's a beautiful song, that fucking moves me... dropping ego, and living, with that weird conquering yourself, ego, and brings up the question of what do you value. That said, did this person love their S O, so much, they had the restraint, strength, and faith to feel that it was just a one night fuck thing, and forgive? Was it loneliness, financials, or all of the above... depends on the ratio or balance.
I feel I've gotten closer. That said, in the current situation, fuck man. That Chris Rock bit, OJ's crazy and wrong, but I understand, comes to mind.
However, I feel this if U love, U don't cheat.
There's a song I like about a guy who embraces a woman he loved after he had been gone in war, and when he returned she slept with another.
It's a beautiful song, that fucking moves me... dropping ego, and living, with that weird conquering yourself, ego, and brings up the question of what do you value. That said, did this person love their S O, so much, they had the restraint, strength, and faith to feel that it was just a one night fuck thing, and forgive? Was it loneliness, financials, or all of the above... depends on the ratio or balance.
I feel I've gotten closer. That said, in the current situation, fuck man. That Chris Rock bit, OJ's crazy and wrong, but I understand, comes to mind.
However, I feel this if U love, U don't cheat.
redshirt27se
New member
if you look the other way you are weak and have no self value.
it's better to be alone, than to be treated poorly.
it's better to be alone, than to be treated poorly.
Ezekiel
New member
Depends, if you're willing to meat me in BC Canada then you're entitled, otherwise no!
If someone cheated on me, even once... I'd leave. Unless of coarse we were swinging, which isn't cheating...
If your partner cheated and you're thinking of cheating... time to re-evaluate the reltionship...
LOL, who said it was me? with the sacrifice Im making of coming here if I found out my husband was dicking around not only would I drop him in a heartbeat I would probably notify the embassy too....
Underwraps
New member
Everything is case by case when there are kids and financial codependency involved and the affair was not an emotional affair. No kids, I would leave. What would you do pregnant w/your 2nd child and you find out you have chlamydia when 7 years ago at the last STD check you were negative and clean going in to the relatinship. But, your spouse swears it must have been the clinic that messed up the original negative results and that you came IN with the STD yourself. BUT, the last STD test before that one was also clean, but you had slept with him in between the two? So, if I did get it, but he was only an "item" when I got it and not yet a boyfriend, or a live in boyfriend or a husband, what do yo do then? Don't need and answer. Stick to answering Nan's question. The point is....case by case, when there's kids and such, no?
how will being resentful and angry at their dad be a good relationship for my kids to grow up seeing?
Underwraps
New member
EDITED
Yes, that is a good point. If I were being angry and resentful all the time that would not be healthy. We're at a stalemate on the issue of where the STD came from so at the time I had to try and drop it and forgive and forget- a baby was on the way. But, years later other things piled up. I literally made a list of 100 things before I cheated. Then found out that was pointless and unfulfilling and my spouse was willing to humble himself as well and try harder.
I am in forgiving and forgetting try #2. Besides, I got my revenge. I didn't bring it up, but in my case I have a special needs child as well (as you all know
) and it's almost not an option at all to divorce for his sake. Would you guys marry a woman w/a child that will live with you for the rest of your lives??? I have met women with stepdad spouses and I am in awe of these men. My initial thought: Secret pedophiles! But, I had to let that suspicion go and see that there are amazing genuine huge hearted men that are willing to do this for a woman they fall in love with. But, that's besides the point. Fear of being alone is not a good reason alone to stay in an unhappy marriage. There are those that can forgive and forget- many. Many will have many meaningless sex trysts before marriage. Some will be more reserved and sort of save themselves. I can understand sexual betrayal being just the same as emotional betrayal for group 2 b/c sex IS emotional for them and one and the same. But for group 1, come on. Suddenly sex has meaning? Well, yes it does when it's an expression of love when they DO fall in love. But for this group, it's meaningless again when it's with a NSA type of tryst. No, it doesn't have meaning then, but it's the PRIDE and respect issue that comes with sharing your body w/another person that is maddening. A couple of my lovers LOVED their wives!? But, they just wanted meaningless SEX. That's why it's easy. They seperate SEX away from an expression of love and bring it back to just sex again. That's how they can do it. My last lover got to feeling guilty though and I do too now.
If there wasn't the PRIDE, it would be easier to forgive even for the formerly whoring around Group 1 crowd. It's all about the pride and disrespect. That's huge, I know.
Oh, and if I can't fully forgive him and the resentment and suspicion comes back and I am not able to be the wife HE deserves, yes, I will have to consider divorce. I'm giving this an earnest chance though. I think giving chances is hard, but necessary in some cases.
p.s. Divorce is rampant among couples w/children w/special needs.
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Speaking from personal experience; having turned the cheek and overlooking it because of my love for her ended up hurting me even more in the end because she just turned around and did it again a year later...peoples nature never changes for the most part if they are willing to do something once they will do it again. No. Never ever again.
mrplunkey
New member
Somehow I can't help but think you don't believe in the soul-mate concept.
Just post silver star, velvett, bitterness...
Underwraps
New member
Do you think people think it's okay to cheat during certain levels of relationships, but become loyal after marriages? Like, they cheat during "dating", or maybe even more serious dating, but would never after marriage? Was this during a marriage she cheated twice or a long term relationship? Live in?
Yes, that is a good point. If I were being angry and resentful all the time that would not be healthy. We're at a stalemate on the issue of where the STD came from so at the time I had to try and drop it and forgive and forget- a baby was on the way. But, years later other things piled up. I literally made a list of 100 things before I cheated. Then found out that was pointless and unfulfilling and my spouse was willing to humble himself as well and try harder.
I am in forgiving and forgetting try #2. Besides, I got my revenge. I didn't bring it up, but in my case I have a special needs child as well (as you all know
There are those that can forgive and forget- many. Many will have many meaningless sex trysts before marriage. Some will be more reserved and sort of save themselves. I can understand sexual betrayal being just the same as emotional betrayal for group 2 b/c sex IS emotional for them and one and the same. But for group 1, come on. Suddenly sex has meaning? No, it doesn't, but it's the PRIDE and respect issue that comes with sharing your body w/another person that they care about.
If there wasn't the PRIDE, it would be easier to forgive even for the formerly whoring around Group 1 crowd. It's all about the pride and disrespect. That's huge, I know.
Oh, and if I can't fully forgive him and the resentment and suspicion comes back and I am not able to be the wife HE deserves, yes, I will have to consider divorce. I'm giving this an earnest chance though. I think giving chances is hard, but necessary in some cases.
p.s. Divorce is rampant among couples w/children w/special needs.
I'm confused.... U have forgotten and forgiven, and are with 'stalemate' guy?
I"m sorry. Udub, just slow today.
I've always felt this way. I can respect people trying to make things work for the sake of kids, but growing up in a house with parents who fight all the time never did anyone any good. Better to split, find someone who loves and respects you, and be able to demonstrate to your child what marriage worth fighting for looks like.
I might try.....depending on the circumstances...MIGHT. But I would only give it so long and if I couldn't get past feeling angry and hurt, I would try to end things as peacefully as possible and try to maintain a reasonable friendship for the sake of the kids.
The breaking up is hard on the kids....bitterness and parental alienation is worse. My mom stayed very civil with her ex. I've even had thanksgiving at his place a few times. We're all one somewhat bigger happy family now, with his new wife and her fam, and my dad and his fam.
slimjim1985
New member
its all about the revenge sex.
Except for you, sweetheart.
Bah. I'm angry at a lot of things right now, but (fortunately) none of it has to do with this place. The people are temporary. Before Silver, there was Vel. Before Vel, there was Ezulie and so on and so on.
It comes and goes.
Be well friend. Hell, You have managed well to this point, it's not like things are going to go to shit for U any soon.
Right now, I'm pissed because I'm at a conference and found out that my boss decided to fuck over my project. The worst part is that I found out via a non-official channel. FUCK!
I wouldn't have looked the other way, it ends if I caught them.
underwraps brings up a lot of good points and is answering in a thought out, honest manner.
It's easy to say, "hell no, never could I stay with them after that!" But, throw in a kid or two, and take the selfishness out of the way a little bit and if it actually happened to you, you might just have to think about it for a while.
If it was a drunken one night stand and you found out and your partner was truly remorseful and swore it would never happen again and you had some kids in the mix...could you consider forgiving? I think that would be an easier one to forgive than a 6, 8, 12 month long emotional love affair.
and nan...he's cheating on you.
It's easy to say, "hell no, never could I stay with them after that!" But, throw in a kid or two, and take the selfishness out of the way a little bit and if it actually happened to you, you might just have to think about it for a while.
If it was a drunken one night stand and you found out and your partner was truly remorseful and swore it would never happen again and you had some kids in the mix...could you consider forgiving? I think that would be an easier one to forgive than a 6, 8, 12 month long emotional love affair.
and nan...he's cheating on you.
No this was during a marriage. She actually seemed more dedicated and into me prior to the marriage...after six months or so she kind of just flipped a 180 out of fucking nowhere.
No, I'd leave the relationship. Even if there were kids involved. A husband who cheats is not a very good role model for children. Even if they were special needs. I'd make it work somehow.
mrplunkey
New member
Good. You had me worried there for a moment.
