Whats the point of mariage?

[digimon7068]

If I did not have enough money / ability / to have a decent (not crazy expensive) wedding and did not have enough to purchase a home I would have waited to get married.

There is no rush ya know. I would not have gotten married if we were too broke to buy a house. I dont know if its a good idea to start a marriage off broke like that.

I'm lucky that my parents paid for the wedding ; but I would have had the wedding anyway. It was not that expensive. Church's are free ya know most of the time.

my wife and i spent a fair amount on our wedding. . .we bought our first house a couple of years after we got married. . .it took us that long to figure out where the hell we wanted to live anyway. . .if a big wedding is important, by all means, have one. . .however, i think that the people involved ought to save their money and pay for it themselves. . .the most costly part of ours was the reception. . .we wanted to have a kick-ass party, so the booze was topshelf and the food was top notch. . .everyone in attendance had a great time. . .shit. . .my cousin had so much fun he ended up spending the night in the pokey. . .big fun. . .great stories that we'll chuckle about for the rest of our lives. . .spent a lot. . .no regrets. . .

 

[cindylou]

my wife and i spent a fair amount on our wedding. . .we bought our first house a couple of years after we got married. . .it took us that long to figure out where the hell we wanted to live anyway. . .if a big wedding is important, by all means, have one. . .however, i think that the people involved ought to save their money and pay for it themselves. . .the most costly part of ours was the reception. . .we wanted to have a kick-ass party, so the booze was topshelf and the food was top notch. . .everyone in attendance had a great time. . .shit. . .my cousin had so much fun he ended up spending the night in the pokey. . .big fun. . .great stories that we'll chuckle about for the rest of our lives. . .spent a lot. . .no regrets. . .

YES. Now if I was to marry again I would never have that type of wedding again but it was one of the best days of my life.

My wedding was not cheap cheap ; but it was not crazy expensive either. The actual ceremony was in a free church! I had an outdoor tent "first" reception where I served a light lunch and cake (and the food was catered by HyVee a local grocery store! lol) very cheap! the second reception all the food was made by family and friends and we served keg beer and a just two signature drinks and if they did not like those options ; they could bring their own booze. It was not redic. expensive at all. My wedding dress and the tent reception were the most expensive part. The party reception was not that bad at all.

 

[seaking420]

Sounds like a partnership to me.

I truly do not understand why you haven't made this woman your wife.

My first marriage was a NIGHTMARE. The divorce was even worse and we won't even go into the custody nonsense...

You can imagine that marriage was THE LAST THING on my mind. I couldn't imagine seeing a man more than twice a week, forget about living together and FUCK MARRIAGE.

Then I met my Old Grump. We weren't supposed to get married at all. It was supposed to be an arrangement to be quite honest. It was HE that brought up taking it further to a REAL relationship, then MARRIAGE shortly thereafter. And quite honestly, I was like - OK, why not? <---- talk about a TOTAL turnaround.

Neither of us really cared too much about a wedding. Matter of fact, he still hasn't even formally proposed, and I still haven't gotten an engagement ring. We were supposed to have a lavish traditional Indian wedding in India, but for many reasons, it didn't happen... I am hoping that we will be able to do it for our first anniversary and have ALL of our family present.

So many people accused me of being a gold-digger, that I only married "a foolish old man" for his money.

LOL

I married my husband when he was in THE WORST FINANCIAL shape of his entire life.

So I suppose I married him because A - he asked me to and B - I wanted to show to society that HE is the man I chose to be my life partner.

I am not talking out of my behind when I tell you that EVERYONE treats you differently when you are legally married. A legal marriage is a serious commitment. It means that you trust each other 100%.

Now whether those that are married live up to that commitment and how they treat each other AFTER the wedding clothes come off... that my friend, is a horse of another color.

The reason I havent married her is that I hear too many people that were happy BEFORE marriage and then the shit hit the fan. That shit gets me nervous about it. Im an agnostic so I dont care about the whole religion thing.
I hear that alot from people that get divorsed---they will never marry again, but they usually do years later. Which is good to see that people can move on with their life after divorse. Its nice to see you're happy with gom and he is too. Im happy for the both of you.

 

[seaking420]

Word. House or a car makes sense. You can sell your house or car years after and get something out of it. A wedding ? It's all gone. Everyone drink and eat like pigs and they leave. Wow...

I agree about the house but not the car. After a few years with the car it depreciates a bit and it ends up being worthless. With a wedding at least you have the memories for the rest of your life. Around here (tri state area) the weddings are very lavish and expensive. People try to outdo the next. I love weddings, I always have a good time at them, at least around here, I've been to other weddings outside this area that were lame and boring. If I get married I want to remember it and enjoy it, I also want my guests to enjoy themselves too. However for the people that get married a 2nd time, I think it should be small and only close friends and family

 

[Bikini Mod]

The reason I havent married her is that I hear too many people that were happy BEFORE marriage and then the shit hit the fan. That shit gets me nervous about it. Im an agnostic so I dont care about the whole religion thing.
I hear that alot from people that get divorsed---they will never marry again, but they usually do years later. Which is good to see that people can move on with their life after divorse. Its nice to see you're happy with gom and he is too. Im happy for the both of you.

I wont lie there is an "adjustment" you go through after you get married regardless of whether or not you lived together first. I was warned about this and went through it myself the first time around. It is a mental state that I can only explain by saying that it is "final" once you make it legal so your expectations of each other seem to change. The second time around I didn't live with my husband... well, sorta. Our first date lasted two weeks, the second date lasted two more and we were married on the third. Now six months have passed and though we have been through hell and back (not an exaggeration) our relationship is solidified with every new hurdle that we go over TOGETHER.

My second wedding was supposed to be just the justice of the peace, a civil ceremony but we couldn't find a local official to perform the ceremony. Thank goodness we found the reverend from my sister's church to perform the ceremony in my apartment. The notice was VERY short. He insisted that we go through counseling before he agreed to marry us as he said he could not in good faith join people who he felt had an unhealthy relationship. When he mailed us the certificate he enclosed a very moving letter telling us why it was that he did agree to marry us, even though our circumstances were VERY unusual.

You know, I thought about your question since you posted it up and the only thoughts more that I can offer to explain to you why get married... is because it is the most powerful way that you express to the world and to your partner, most importantly of all just how important YOUR PARTNER IS TO YOU.... THAT YOU VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE ONE ANOTHER FORSAKING ALL OTHERS and if all is as it should be then it will be till death parts the two of you.

As I said, how seriously a couple treats this commitment after the wedding clothes come off is another story.

You are already obviously committed to your family, your actions thus far have proven it. To say that you fear "everything will change" after a ceremony is not a realistic fear. But to say that your expectations of each other will change - that IS a real fear. Perhaps if you talked about it from that point of view with your lady a very productive conversation will follow.

Ms Vixenbabe (now posting as VixensGhost) said it quite well once many years back here on the boards. She has been happily married to the same man for over 15 years (I believe it is at least that long, if not longer). She said she believes the reason that her marriage lasted so long was because they never fell out of love at the same time. <---- I thought that was quite poignant and REAL.

Thanks for your well-wishes. May I extend mine and my Old Grump's in kind?

Good health, all of life's blessings and the strength to weather the storm!!!