What to do when you don't trust your woman?

[Fl.BlackBear]

You gotta believe in yourself. Your jealous feelings stem from feelings of insecurity. It has nothing to do w/ this particular women. If not her, then the next one, and the next one, and on and on 'till you break the cycle. Jealousy leads to control or at least an attempt to control which only makes things worse and will just push the two of you apart eventually. Feel good about yourself and be yourself and if someone cannot accept you for who you really are, you don't want to be wasting your time on her to begin with. If she can't totally love you, cut your losses and move on. You gotta love yourself first, and if you do, nothing anyone else says or does will make a damn bit of difference. If on the other hand she is doing things to get under your skin, she doesn't really care about your feelings anyway in which case you should just send her down the road. Life is too short to be playing games.

 

[Spunky]

I know I know.. I need to just chill out. It's just so hard. Thats all I think about when shes out with her friends... "I bet some guys hitting on her." Cuz guys always hit on her. She works in a mall, and that makes it worse cuz all the guys walk by and flirt with her. It drives me insane.

 

[Hannibal]

Dude...let it slide. Consider the alternative. If NO other man would even look at her...that would freak you out worse. Take it as a compliment...she's WITH you not them. Besides if you genuinely have to worry about her cheating on you...is she really YOUR girl??!

 

[Bikini Mod]

ok my brotha and to all of the jealous brothas and sistas out there sit up and pay REAAAAAAAAL close attention.

JEALOUSY IS NOT THE SAME AS LOVE. When you love someone you trust and respect them - PERIOD! There is no room for insecurity or doubt.

My husband is an attractive man. I have been with him my ENTIRE adult life (since the age of 21). MANY years of marriage and four children later I have NEVER had a singular jealous feeling over him. We met in a gym. He is not the hyugest guy, but still looks waaaaaaaay better than 99% of the men his age or even a decade younger I dare say. I always made sure that his haircut and clothing, etc were up to date because I wanted him to look his best always as he represented us. He was the SOLE wage earner in our relationship once I stayed home with the children. I NEVER ONCE checked his work tickets against bank deposits (We are self-employed. He is an electrical contractor.), NEVER ONCE asked him why it took him so long to come home, NEVER ONCE looked into his wallet ....NOR DID THE THOUGHT EVER CROSS MY MIND. He worked in peoples' homes for God's sake! Tell me that there is NOT ONE neglected horny housewife who wouldn't just DIE to have him turn her "on"?! I would PUSH HIM OUT THE DOOR to go out and socialize and make DAMNED SURE that he was one of the finest looking men at the club/restaurant/whatever. I never asked him why he was out so late. Hell, the only thing I asked if that if he had too much to drive, call a cab or ring the phone. I would rather get the kids out of bed at 3AM and drive wherever than to get a call that I needed to bail his sorry ass out of jail for a DWI - God forbid he kill someone!

He could never understand. He said that I must not care about him because I never gave him a hard time and questioned his whereabouts. How come I could sleep not knowing EXACTLY WHERE HE WAS GOIN AND WHAT HE WAS DOING AND WHO HE WAS DOING IT WITH?!

Sadly, he CONSTANTLY GAVE ME SHIT for the most ridiculous crap.....regardless of the fact that I WORSHIPPED HIM and HIM ONLY! I was faithful even in my dreams (and it's not like I didn't have ample opportunity in REAL LIFE). I ate, slept, breathed, him and our girls. I cooked, cleaned, sewed, played, painted, supported, listened, guided - you name it, I did it.

........and what did it get me in the end?

 

[Fl.BlackBear]

Hey, B.M. sounds like you did everything right. Tough to tell if everything turned out ok. I detect a bit of 'not'. Just be true to yourself. In the long run, sometimes really long, you'll be glad you were. Some people just don't realize what they got. A sad lesson to learn, esp. when it's too late.

 

[Spunky]

I agree in a way BM. But.. see I do love this girl, with all my heart. But I've been cheated on before and its hard to get that thought out of the back of my mind. No matter how hard I try and how much I know she loves me I am so afraid of it happening again. That hurt me for a long time. It took me forever to get to the point where I even wanted to talk to a girl... I will never completely get over that because I was in love with the girl that cheated on me.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Spunky, I am not questioning the validity of your feelings. I was cheated on in the past by a boy that I loved. You MOVE ON.

Listen to me. The reasons for your jealousy are not because of someone cheating on you in the past. It is a serious issue that stems from childhood. Go talk to a counselor and FIX THIS SHIT NOW - trust me, it will be your demise sooner or later.

If you are secure then yes, there is fear of someone you love breaching your trust and hurting you, but it does not consume or limit you. And guess what? I also am a very firm believer that infidelity is NOT A REASON to end a marriage. Once a trust is broken, it does not mean that it can never be repaired.

So now, heed my advice. You think that the pain you felt by being cheated on by a girl that you loved very much was devastating? Try having your entire world come crashing down around you because of another's jealousy and insecurity! Try having innocent children dragged down along w/you......tell me how devastating all THAT sounds?! If that doesn't sound so bad, then by all means, continue.

If this warning sounds serious...it is because IT IS!

 

[Austin316]

not saying anything bad bout her, but I personally won't put all my trust into ANYBODY, it can open you up for a world of hurt. Trust must be earned, and even then I don't know if Id wanna trust someone completely

 

[Maximum Intensity]

You guys have issues within yourselves that need to be delt with -- severe jealousy is usually a sign of insecurity. You need to get over that or you will lose every women that you try to get close to. I was cheated on as well -- I actually walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another guy in "our" bed. Guess what, with a little time I got over it. I trust my significant other with not only my life, but my heart. Look not to the other person, but within yourself -- that is where the problem lies.

 

[tomcat]

Dude, I love it when my woman gets Hit on.
It's especially outstanding when in the middle of the hit, I walk up. The look on most guys face is worth a mint especially when she introduces me and the guy is all fumble shit..