What has a better chance at a second date?

[-Ariel-]

Its always a blend between the two, and not mutually exclusive between physical makeup and or personality... however, which would you rather date: a person who overwhelms you with their physical beauty, I mean they are immaculate, however their personality is not really connecting, not bad, just they really don't intrigue you...

Would you rather date a someone who can flat out move you with their personality, I mean they make you laugh, but they have an undescribable mystique that draws you in, they inspire you, make you laugh, -I've met some hilarious chics- but really understand you and you see some of yourself in them... -no joke here-.

Which have you preferred in the past... what are you moving toward now?

 

[velvett]

That latter, I can't be involved with a man prettier than me or one that spends more time in front of the mirror or in the shower than I do (been there done that).

 

[-Ariel-]

That latter, I can't be involved with a man prettier than me or one that spends more time in front of the mirror or in the shower than I do (been there done that).

Me too. j/k
Thanks V...
I don't see you with a profound steve buscemi either thou...

 

[swole]

holy hell second one by faaar

those average looks will be beautiful to me if a connection is there

 

[-Ariel-]

holy hell second one by faaar

those average looks will be beautiful to me if a connection is there

I thought so swole I remember you hitting me with some wisdom when I first got here... good to see you have moved on... sides I don't see you dating some avg chic, but what is avg anyway, if you connect the whole perception changes...
true true...

 

[velvett]

right now I'm connecting to swole's avatard

GRRRRRRRR

 

[BMK792]

second one defs

looks are not the be all and end all of a relationship but the connection between the people is

 

[-Ariel-]

second one defs

looks are not the be all and end all of a relationship but the connection between the people is

true...
I dunno I just expected more dudes to go with the first, I mean if you are overwhelmed with their looks, sometimes a so so connection can feel a lot more fulfilling.

 

[all the whey]

Best situation is you don't have a second date.

 

[princesa]

Would you rather date a someone who can flat out move you with their personality, I mean they make you laugh, but they have an undescribable mystique that draws you in, they inspire you, make you laugh, -


more like a down to earth type fo guy? Hell yeah

its all about the chemistry

 

[chris302001]

holy hell second one by faaar

those average looks will be beautiful to me if a connection is there

^^^^ stole my answer!

 

[pin]

Most smokin hot chicks are annoying.

 

[nimbus]

right now i'd take the first one and keep the second one as a friend

 

[drsketch]

Get her in the sack and show her what kind of animal you are in bed and she'll be back for more.

 

[silverstar1025]

I think looks are important, but they don't have to be the hottest in the world. I really dig on the attitude and if you can make me laugh. My hubby was very attractive to me, but most of all I loved his personality. He is silly and I love guys that can make me laugh and smile. I don't like boring people. He was always a big clown and he still has not changed he is just as crazy as ever. I get a lot of good laughs and red face when he embarrasses the crap out of me.

 

[heatherrae]

Most truly awesome looking men I've ever gone out with, I've turned them down for second dates because their personalities sucked.

 

[calveless wonder]

Best situation is you don't have a second date.

rofl...



anyways
depends how average the 2nd one is. all the men who are saying this are full of crap without knowing what the girl looks like. you know we're visually driven creatures. connection schmection. it's very important, but the physical attraction has to be there first.
unless you have low self esteem and will latch onto the first thing that comes your way.
now if she's cute, and you have a connection...that's a different story. but average can be anything. if she's a 5 or 6 i'm not wasting my time


it's plausible, and more likely, for women to have that answer. looks dont really matter as much to them. its why we're lucky to be guys. we can compensate for lack of looks in other ways (although i've always had a problem internalizing this)

 

[-Ariel-]

rofl...



anyways
depends how average the 2nd one is. all the men who are saying this are full of crap without knowing what the girl looks like. you know we're visually driven creatures. connection schmection. it's very important, but the physical attraction has to be there first.
unless you have low self esteem and will latch onto the first thing that comes your way.
now if she's cute, and you have a connection...that's a different story. but average can be anything. if she's a 5 or 6 i'm not wasting my time


it's plausible, and more likely, for women to have that answer. looks dont really matter as much to them. its why we're lucky to be guys. we can compensate for lack of looks in other ways (although i've always had a problem internalizing this)

I dig all the feedback, but my hats gotta go off to CW, he always kicks my ass when it comes to analyzing relationships... dude you should be a relationship guru...
word

 

[Grumpy Old Man]

Best situation is you don't have a second date.

Hey, I got married on my third date with BM, so it worked for me.

 

[-Ariel-]

Hey, I got married on my third date with BM, so it worked for me.

word...
I haven't formed that kind a connection... and it will be another decade before I get married... I'm 30
but I"m happy for both you and BM...
you guys rock...

 

[blueta2]

I think I threw up a little in my mouth



Marc is drop dead sexy but is really an airhead. So it's all about the looks for me

 

[-Ariel-]

I think I threw up a little in my mouth



Marc is drop dead sexy but is really an airhead. So it's all about the looks for me

I get it now, didn't get the fecetious irony there Blue, I'm moving slow this wednesday...
no you and I are on the same page... but both sides of the story have merit..

 

[Grumpy Old Man]

word...
I haven't formed that kind a connection... and it will be another decade before I get married... I'm 30
but I"m happy for both you and BM...
you guys rock...

Thanks! We really do rock, she is an amazing lady. People that go just for looks are pretty socially inept. I always dated hot chicks, so I know....

It has to be a connection cause otherwise you might as well be dry humping the couch.

 

[heatherrae]

I had a date once.

 

[calveless wonder]

I had a date once.

what was it like back in 1970?

 

[heatherrae]

what was it like back in 1970?

I had a date with the doctor who slapped my butt in 1970...lol March 4, 1970

 

[calveless wonder]

I had a date with the doctor who slapped my butt in 1970...lol March 4, 1970

i'm sure you'll break the drought soon. i hear 2018 is the year of the rooster

 

[blueta2]

I get it now, didn't get the fecetious irony there Blue, I'm moving slow this wednesday...
no you and I are on the same page... but both sides of the story have merit..

hehe....you're slow today my friend.
Marc's morals, kind heart and integrity are what made me love him. Looks and money are at the bottom of the list for me.

 

[javaguru]

Best situation is you don't have a second date because you hit it on the first.

fixed....

 

[heatherrae]

i'm sure you'll break the drought soon. i hear 2018 is the year of the rooster

That's what I need -- cock. lol.

 

[beachhead06]

It has to be a connection cause otherwise you might as well be dry humping the couch.

Hmm, yea I want a connection too, cuz other wise you might as well go to a brothel. Their legal in Belgium, btw but they're not my style.

 

[-Ariel-]

Hmm, yea I want a connection too, cuz other wise you might as well go to a brothel. Their legal in Belgium, btw but they're not my style.

I know no one here would frequent that brothel... EF C&C is above that...

 

[GoldenDelicious]

youre missing whats really important.

step back for a second.

what do looks do? what does personality do? what do they produce, that is important from a "date" perspective?

they produce an emotion.

looks produce attraction. they make you feel a certain thing. an awesome personality does the same thing. it makes you feel something else.

think less about the means, and more about the ends. what you want is for your sexual partner to feel emotion. you want them to feel something for you. you want that thing to be positive.

if you want to get a lot of girls, or dates, or sex, or whatever, dont be focussed on the tools that you use - instead think of the emotions that you produce.

a girls emotions will govern her choices. how you do it is unimportant. its just that you do.

also, try not to date. it clouds things. girls on "dates" are bombarded by questions like "what does he expect? am i doing this right? what is he thinking? what does it mean if i do this? or that?". they hesitate, because theyre trying to rationalize. you dont want that. what you want is for girls to feel good around you, and feel good doing things with you.

thats why girls say things like "i want a man who makes me laugh" "i want a man who takes control" "i want a man who does <insert thing here>" what theyre really saying is "i want a man who makes me feel good"

make a girl feel good, and shes yours, sexually or otherwise.

make a man feel good, and hes yours, as a friend and ally.

focus on the feelings you produce. the rest is just...details

 

[GoldenDelicious]

That latter, I can't be involved with a man prettier than me or one that spends more time in front of the mirror or in the shower than I do (been there done that).

why. is it your fear/predjudice against the stereotypical, effeminate 'prettyboy', or because of some insecurity?

blanket rejection of beautiful men without considering their other attractive qualities (being a leader of men; being desired by other beautiful women; being well groomed; having social status; being socially well calibrated etc) doesnt fit with how i see you, velv

 

[-Ariel-]

youre missing whats really important.

step back for a second.

what do looks do? what does personality do? what do they produce, that is important from a "date" perspective?

they produce an emotion.

looks produce attraction. they make you feel a certain thing. an awesome personality does the same thing. it makes you feel something else.

think less about the means, and more about the ends. what you want is for your sexual partner to feel emotion. you want them to feel something for you. you want that thing to be positive.

if you want to get a lot of girls, or dates, or sex, or whatever, dont be focussed on the tools that you use - instead think of the emotions that you produce.

a girls emotions will govern her choices. how you do it is unimportant. its just that you do.

also, try not to date. it clouds things. girls on "dates" are bombarded by questions like "what does he expect? am i doing this right? what is he thinking? what does it mean if i do this? or that?". they hesitate, because theyre trying to rationalize. you dont want that. what you want is for girls to feel good around you, and feel good doing things with you.

thats why girls say things like "i want a man who makes me laugh" "i want a man who takes control" "i want a man who does <insert thing here>" what theyre really saying is "i want a man who makes me feel good"

make a girl feel good, and shes yours, sexually or otherwise.

make a man feel good, and hes yours, as a friend and ally.

focus on the feelings you produce. the rest is just...details

I was waiting for the pimp in the box to step in...
This couldn't be any more true... like all my serious relationships started out as friends... or the girl initiated the move, all my dates have basically materialized into a couple of laughs, some awkward pauses, and lots of misconnections... so I couldn't agree with this post more...

 

[GoldenDelicious]

I was waiting for the pimp in the box to step in...
This couldn't be any more true... like all my serious relationships started out as friends... or the girl initiated the move, all my dates have basically materialized into a couple of laughs, some awkward pauses, and lots of misconnections... so I couldn't agree with this post more...

bro you need to let go of this idea that im a pimp or something special. im just a guy. sure, i understand a lot of what is said between the lines, and obviously, im willing to share that (aka beat people over the head with it in an attempt to change the way people look at themselves lol) but im just a dude really

if you want to learn more about this sort of stuff, then id suggest reading a few books and forums

the first should be Influence by dr robert cialdini, since more human behaviour hinges on that

the next thing to read would be some basic material on evolutionary psychology, becasue they help you understand why girls do what they do at different times (men are a bit simpler - they do the same thing most of the time lol)

then launch into the david deangelo double your dating advanced series, because itll help you understand how people make sexual choices, hel you understand where you fit in to the whole thing etc - and therefore put you in a position where you can start looking at your life objectively and say "ok im THAT guy...how the hell do i get from being this guy to being like that other guy <that i want to be like>" - if indeed you want to be anything different to what you are of course

oh and the bodylanguage book by the Pease couple. knowing what people are thinking by how theyre standing is always nice

after that, its all up to you - you can decide to be...whatever you want. ive seen people turn into truly awesome human beings, and others into evil lowlife scum. most go the first way though

 

[-Ariel-]

bro you need to let go of this idea that im a pimp or something special. im just a guy. sure, i understand a lot of what is said between the lines, and obviously, im willing to share that (aka beat people over the head with it in an attempt to change the way people look at themselves lol) but im just a dude really

if you want to learn more about this sort of stuff, then id suggest reading a few books and forums

the first should be Influence by dr robert cialdini, since more human behaviour hinges on that

the next thing to read would be some basic material on evolutionary psychology, becasue they help you understand why girls do what they do at different times (men are a bit simpler - they do the same thing most of the time lol)

then launch into the david deangelo double your dating advanced series, because itll help you understand how people make sexual choices, hel you understand where you fit in to the whole thing etc - and therefore put you in a position where you can start looking at your life objectively and say "ok im THAT guy...how the hell do i get from being this guy to being like that other guy <that i want to be like>" - if indeed you want to be anything different to what you are of course

oh and the bodylanguage book by the Pease couple. knowing what people are thinking by how theyre standing is always nice

after that, its all up to you - you can decide to be...whatever you want. ive seen people turn into truly awesome human beings, and others into evil lowlife scum. most go the first way though

No I just dig your style GD, I have to compliment others who I perceive share a sense of awareness... but I dig who I am, where I'm at right now... don't wanna be a different dude... I'm in a great place right now, but yeah I dig on your posts, they are packed with penetrating thoughts that reveal alot of depth... don't mean for the compliments to make you uncomfortable bro... if I perceive something, I just gotta express my appreciation for it.

 

[velvett]

why. is it your fear/predjudice against the stereotypical, effeminate 'prettyboy', or because of some insecurity?

blanket rejection of beautiful men without considering their other attractive qualities (being a leader of men; being desired by other beautiful women; being well groomed; having social status; being socially well calibrated etc) doesnt fit with how i see you, velv

I did not say I'd reject a man for his looks, I meant that if his personality doesn't match or exceed his looks and isn't compatible to my personality our time together will be brief - fun but brief.

No fear/prejustice - it's not meant as blanket statement, in my experience the pretty boys that I dated are high maintenance and I have no fascination for man that has more creams, shampoos and routines than I do, groomed yes but obsessed no.

I dated a guy that spent 1.5 hours everyday priming himself in the bathroom, 3 hours in gym and roughly 45 minutes to lay out his clothes, wore two pairs of sock because he thought his ankles were to small for his calves.

If I wanted to have a relationship with a girl I'd date girls not boys.

 

[-Ariel-]

I did not say I'd reject a man for his looks, I meant that if his personality doesn't match or exceed his looks and isn't compatible to my personality our time together will be brief - fun but brief.

No fear/prejustice - it's not meant as blanket statement, in my experience the pretty boys that I dated are high maintenance and I have no fascination for man that has more creams, shampoos and routines than I do, groomed yes but obsessed no.

I dated a guy that spent 1.5 hours everyday priming himself in the bathroom, 3 hours in gym and roughly 45 minutes to lay out his clothes, wore two pairs of sock because he thought his ankles were to small for his calves.

If I wanted to have a relationship with a girl I'd date girls not boys.

Wow, his whole regiment reminds me of American Psycho... that attention to detail... wow, my bro and dad are obssessed with a way way toned down version of what you described... 45 minutes to lay out his clothes... wtf.. thats crazy... and the socks thing... I wonder if he was controlling, someone that obsessed with that amount of detail would seem like a control freak to me... wow V.

 

[velvett]

Wow, his whole regiment reminds me of American Psycho... that attention to detail... wow, my bro and dad are obssessed with a way way toned down version of what you described... 45 minutes to lay out his clothes... wtf.. thats crazy... and the socks thing... I wonder if he was controlling, someone that obsessed with that amount of detail would seem like a control freak to me... wow V.

Remember the threesome scene in AP?

That's what sex was like, he was always looking at himself in the mirror, posing.

Don't get me wrong he was a pleasure to look at but it didn't make up for what was lacking or for what was weird.

I can't build a relationship on looks and beauty regiments.

 

[calveless wonder]

what a fuckin wierdo

 

[GoldenDelicious]

I did not say I'd reject a man for his looks, I meant that if his personality doesn't match or exceed his looks and isn't compatible to my personality our time together will be brief - fun but brief.

sure you did. just up there, when you said that you couldtn date a man that was prettier than you

...hater

No fear/prejustice - it's not meant as blanket statement, in my experience the pretty boys that I dated are high maintenance and I have no fascination for man that has more creams, shampoos and routines than I do, groomed yes but obsessed no.

shush i know. i just couldnt resist hanging a little shit on you after you making a comment that keeps popping up in my memory...something about me being the guy out to fuck all the little girls. ooohhhh rrreeaaalllllyyyyy lol

I dated a guy that spent 1.5 hours everyday priming himself in the bathroom, 3 hours in gym and roughly 45 minutes to lay out his clothes, wore two pairs of sock because he thought his ankles were to small for his calves.

which begs the question...who should we ridicule...the guy with the mental problem, or you picking him as a partner

If I wanted to have a relationship with a girl I'd date girls not boys.

oh so self obsession has to do with XY chromosomes now? eh? EH?

yeah. i thought so.

 

[velvett]

sure you did. just up there, when you said that you couldtn date a man that was prettier than you

...hater

shush i know. i just couldnt resist hanging a little shit on you after you making a comment that keeps popping up in my memory...something about me being the guy out to fuck all the little girls. ooohhhh rrreeaaalllllyyyyy lol


which begs the question...who should we ridicule...the guy with the mental problem, or you picking him as a partner

oh so self obsession has to do with XY chromosomes now? eh? EH?

yeah. i thought so.

Dude, I worry about you.

Since you've giving up being a pharmacist I don't really get who you are anymore.

As for fucking all the little girls - you bring up scoring chicks in like every post you make no matter the topic.

To each his own. I don't care to date pretty boys and you like club and score chicks.

I'm the one in a happy, solid, commited relationship with man that takes less time to shower than I do and still looks handsome (haven't thought about second dates in long time).

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Dude, I worry about you.

Since you've giving up being a pharmacist I don't really get who you are anymore.

As for fucking all the little girls - you bring up scoring chicks in like every post you make no matter the topic.

To each his own. I don't care to date pretty boys and you like club and score chicks.

I'm the one in a happy, solid, commited relationship with man that takes less time to shower than I do and still looks handsome (haven't thought about second dates in long time).

i dont know who i was back then either. ive changed just a tad in the past year, so much so that remembering things that ive done/said is difficult/blurry - but most of my bringing up girls is just me goofing off. i hang out with a lot of guys whose lives revolve around picking up girls, and so a lot of what i say is rooted in inside joking/personal contexts...even though none of them are here to read it lol) and also because a lot of how ive looked at the world in the recent past has been in the context of how to pick up girls. i joined a pickup artist community, did a lot of social dynamics stuff etc but now that thats done (ie the skills are in place so that i can get girls without really thinking about it too much) i find that my personality is shifting towards just being a guy making his way through the world, being nice to people, collecting those around me who are similarly nice in reciprocation. im in a good place, although my tone online is supposedly (according to reports lol) really harsh compared to how nice i am irl. supposedly im a bastard online. oh well

anyhow whens the wedding date. i mayyyy know a dj or 2 lol