You don't need steroids, you need to learn how to train and eat first. They are not magic and you are going to get tons of more benefits from juice if you know what the fuck you are doing and you are ready for them. I know it is frustrating but shit aint easy and if you can't pay your due you will always be an average schmuck.
If you want to get big hook up with some serious powerlifters, EAT A LOT, and learn how to workout. I am willing to bet you bench every fucking day. I was able to stomp on the typical gear head well before I got on the juice. There is no easy way to become a monster.. Pay your dues.