What characteristics do you prefer in a mate?

[MattTheSkywalker]

then we'd have an episode of Oprah or Dr. what's his name.

Phil.

It's Dr. Phil.

Carry on.

 

[milo hobgoblin]

If you cant be happy with the person you are with without money and material possesions.. you wont be happy once you have those things either..

In life they mean so little. When you die you take only memories.. I will not remember the big house I once owned or all the trinkets.. I dont remembver the fancy meals

Ill remember all the times I made love, the passion I felt, the smile on my kids faces when I did something nice for them. I'll remember a simpe picnic on the beach with someone I dearly loved.. Ill remember laughing with my friends, laughing with my lover.

I would never, could NEVER be with someone that didnt undertsand those basic things about life. Or someone who didnt appreciate those things. Some people get so wrapped up in the crap they own and the job they do.. they forget how to live their life.

Im a happier person now because I try and make the best out of the worst situation, no matter how little I may have.. I try to find something good about it and make it work for me. I want someone who can laugh in spite of the worst conditions.. someone who would walk through hell with me and hold my hand.

Some of the happiest couples in this world live in shacks.. and some of the most miserable live in mansions.

 

[Werd]

Well, I didn't say anything about how you are or how you treat people.

NO need to fret pretty lady, wasn't taking what you said out of context at all. But if this statement can be applied to me, then why can it not be applied to another?

If I am a kind loving person that treats others with respect, then why is it not possible for me to love another who is the same? Why can I not say that I love someone for who they are... which is one and the same with how they treat me?

Absolutely - yes loving someone and loving how someone treats you are two totally different AND mutually exclusive actions. If they were not how would you explain loving someone that treats you badly.

That is pretty easy for me to answer now that I am finally fixing my head. If one has been abused their entire life they are not always capable of separating who it is that IS treating them badly and who is not. Just look at my exhusband and 2 bf's. I loved them very much (w/the bf's though, I honestly was in love with who I THOUGHT they were - they both lied to me to varying degrees and I bought it hook, line and sinker. So I wasn't really in love with who they really were, but rather whom I THOUGHT they were.)

And I guess that one could say the same about my current beau, about me being in love with who I think he is, rather than who is truly is. Even though I have known him for 3 years now it isn't like I have lived with him for a considerable amount of time. Perhaps after I have lived with him, I may say something different (being honest) but based on the way that I have come to know him and seeing how he interacts with those that are very close to him I don't see how I could be that far off the mark. And since it has been such a long and caution-filled struggle just for me to allow him into my affection to the point where I would seriously date him (just because I dont post up about shiznit, does not mean that it is not going on in my life LOL) I really doubt that is the case here. Although nothing is for certain, sometimes ya just gotta get back on that horse regardless of how far and how badly you've been thrown in the past. C'est nes pas?

If I can not base my love for him on HOW he treats me (along with how I see he treats others) then what would be a better indicator?

One could go into debate that people that let themselves be treated badly don't love themselves enough to let themselves be treated well but I then we'd have an episode of Oprah or Dr. what's his name.

As for the Dr Phil arguement, that 100% explains why I loved my exhusband. It is true. I had VERY low selfesteem (if any) so of course I chose someone who treated me very badly and yet I stayed for over a decade of my life. I wanted and needed abuse as it was in my comfort zone. Now all aspects of who I allow in my life have changed, not just in the "dating arena". Who I consider to be my friend, what kind of treatment I accept from co-workers, even the way I interact with internet peeps hasTOTALLY changed.

It is very easy to fall in love with someone that treats you better than anyone else, I've done it and I'm sure others here have as well.

There are many reasons why we love people, we can admire their strength, their compassion, character, humor and sometimes it's just the chemisty and balance between you.

Just my $5

Actually I have never been in love with anyone who has treated me well, either romantically or as a friend as I was totally void of self-love so for me many aspects of my life are new and good for a change.

I fall more and more deeply in love with my current beau for all of the above and then some, but if I listed the reasons here all of ef C&C would probably drop dead of old age before I got to the end of the post LOL!

For the first time in my life LUST has zero to do with it but rather for all of the reasons you listed and then some... Though I was never "ga-ga pitter patter goes my heart crazy over him" until recently I was always attracted to his mind, how he has this great ability to be very very strong without being rude or nasty or disrespectful (I have never heard him raise his voice nor have I felt the need to raise my voice around him or because of him.), how he can stand up for himself or for what he believes in without degrading an opposing ideology, his AMAZINGLY rapier wit, his unbelievable compassion and sensitivity, his courage and strength of character, his silliness. I even love him for his faults.

Do I crave the good treatment? LIKE A DRUG! I admit it, but I dont see how this is a negative thing. And by the good treatment I am not talking about him opening doors and carrying my bags, etc - all of which I am capable of doing myself. It is just a sign of respect and how we were both raised. I had NEVER accepted financial help from him in the past regardless of how desperately I needed it, though the money would have been an insignificant amount to him. It has only been very recently that I have trusted him enough to ask for and actually accept his help. If he were not in my life I would just continue to do what I have been doing all along since the night I kicked my ex out - continue to work and make due with what I have and graciously accept the support of my family. He helps me, that is true, but he wont "do it" for me. He helps me with good ideas to get my work out there, etc but sonofabitch - HE WONT DO IT FOR ME! LOL He wants me to do it for me so that I can proud of myself when I say, "I DID THIS!"

I am talking about how he is firm with me when I am incorrect (in other words, he is not a "yes" man and he does not blow air up my skirt) without making me feel small or degraded. How he will be the first to admit when he is wrong (as do I when that is the case). How he can agree to disagree even about topics about which he feels passionate. How he always makes me feel honored and respected and never judges. And I admire how he is unafraid to express his emotions, intelligently and with passion, no holds barred.

His brilliance and success are attractive, that is true (He is TOTALLY self-made). But I had dated many many brilliant and successful men that bored me to tears or just did nothing for me. There has been always been "something about him" from the very beginning.... and I am fairly certain that there will always be "something about him" until the sad end...

I can see no other Velvett... He adores my kids and my kids grow to love him more each day. They already have us engaged and married! LOL We didn't show any signs in front of them that we were anything more than just friends and waited until one of them actually "set us up" before we let them know that we "began" dating. It was a truly funny story and I wont tell the child until she is much older!

The things that are important to me are important to him. He has seen my physical weaknesses and is not afraid of them and loves me and makes me feel beautiful regardless. I KNOW that he will never abandon me. Will he ever hurt me? Of course he will, as I will undoubtedly hurt him. But because of his character, I KNOW it would never be malicious. Which goes for me as well. Not to mention the fact that the only way for him to never hurt me is for me to not care for him.

I have made a conscious decision to love him because I am tired of keeping the world at arm's length. I feel that I have come far enough in my emotional development now to finally choose wisely. Funny thing is, he was "there" all along and actually chose me. When he came out with how he wants to take things to a higher level I was like, "Whoa pal! I am totally busy with MY LIFE and not looking for anything more than friendship." So he patiently waited until I was ready to take it to the next level.

Each time our relationship goes to "the next step" WE TALK and clearly define our expectations and redefine the relationship itself, express our fears and concerns as well as our happy emotions. He is very patient with me, gives me all the space I need but gives me reassurance as well without becoming a "doormat".

Honestly, if I did not have children I would NEVER remarry, but be satisfied to have a committed, LTR.

When he does propose I *may* accept (he has been heavily hinting for several weeks now).... or I might bust out laughing because though we are matched so well on many levels, we are SUCH an unlikely pair ...or I may just run like hell as the notion of legal marriage admittedly scares the shit out of me.

I'll let you know when that time comes. Till then I'll enjoy the ride.

 

[Werd]

Im a happier person now because I try and make the best out of the worst situation, no matter how little I may have.. I try to find something good about it and make it work for me. I want someone who can laugh in spite of the worst conditions.. someone who would walk through hell with me and hold my hand.

WERD

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Girl you know I love you but that this...

http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/showpost.php?p=3953355&postcount=73

has to be a record for longest post ever!

 

[starfish]

If you cant be happy with the person you are with without money and material possesions.. you wont be happy once you have those things either..

In life they mean so little. When you die you take only memories.. I will not remember the big house I once owned or all the trinkets.. I dont remembver the fancy meals

Ill remember all the times I made love, the passion I felt, the smile on my kids faces when I did something nice for them. I'll remember a simpe picnic on the beach with someone I dearly loved.. Ill remember laughing with my friends, laughing with my lover.

I would never, could NEVER be with someone that didnt undertsand those basic things about life. Or someone who didnt appreciate those things. Some people get so wrapped up in the crap they own and the job they do.. they forget how to live their life.

Im a happier person now because I try and make the best out of the worst situation, no matter how little I may have.. I try to find something good about it and make it work for me. I want someone who can laugh in spite of the worst conditions.. someone who would walk through hell with me and hold my hand.

Some of the happiest couples in this world live in shacks.. and some of the most miserable live in mansions.

You rule...That is awesome and I totally agree. It's too bad so many people just don't get it.

You will have a happy and fullfilled life

 

[Dial_tone]

werd, you need a tv talk show.

 

[wutangnomo]

I don't see why some of you are making it seem like there is some kind of mutual exclusivity between being responsible and loyal with romantic and spontaneous. There is absolutely nothing mutually exclusive about those two qualities. One can still be responsible and loyal, but also romantic and spontaneous. I consider myself to be that type of person.

With that being said, I want a woman who will not piss me off more then please me while remaining faithful.

 

[Smurfy]

lol

I had to give Werd some karma simply for the length of that post.I didnt even read it but Im assuming it was meaningful.

 

[Lumberg]

lol

I had to give Werd some karma simply for the length of that post.I didnt even read it but Im assuming it was meaningful.

MMMM

Making assumptions like that can get you into trouble girl.