Thing is though, I'll give ya this, most peeps would have crumbled with your obstacles...
I mean you've seen the dark, continue to see it, but you understand it and balance it out.
You remind me of the book by Sun Tzu the Art of War, no need to read it, as you embody it
The Gita is Hindu Sacred Story about duty, I recommend you read the Penguin Version, anyway, the story is awesome, like this warrior finds out he has to kill in war and battle all his old teachers, cousins, friends, and those that he got 'comfortable' with.
I'll leave the rest for you to discover.
Work, and your dedication to what you do, is not a weakness...
It's like your job, once you discover the ratio of a problem, there isn't any problem, just the ratio.
Sides, the newborn gives you life....
Most peeps would choose the easy way out in your story and die...
Either way, How bout that Marquez fight?
Still not immune to the Messican Killa.
LOL