Well, my ex is is under the impression she can...

[heatherrae]

For arguement's sake:

Let's say that she moves without permission from the court.

What will happen? I am not talking what SHOULD happen. I am talking what will MOST LIKELY happen. The gender of the custodial parent doesn't matter anymore, even though people still think it does. Which IMO is sad... but that is another discussion altogether.

Besides, it is impossible for us to discuss this intelligently not knowing:

A - what the status quo has been as far as custody/visitation. (Though I can tell ya'll there are times when this doesn't matter regardless)

B - what Chesty is alleging that his ex is doing that makes her unfit.

In Kentucky there is a criminal charge called "custodial interference" if you move out of state without court permission. Here, it is EASY to get a court to grant you permission to move out of state. Here, you wouldn't need court permission to move around within the state.

 

[Bikini Mod]

In Kentucky there is a criminal charge called "custodial interference" if you move out of state without court permission. Here, it is EASY to get a court to grant you permission to move out of state. Here, you wouldn't need court permission to move around within the state.

Makes sense. Too bad it isn't like that all over. Would make life a helluva lot easier for the kids being used as pawns and make it a heckuva lot harder for fucktard parents who can't discern between what is truly in the best interest of their own child and using that child to grind an axe with their ex (whether they are morally justified or not).

 

[Tytan]

Women are freaks. Its too bad I'm addicted to their gummy holes

TRUTH, I agree.

 

[chesty]

I am protecting my right to parent my children. Yeah, at one point we were good friends , not sure what happened.

Anyway, I did not fight to keep my daughters because I didn't want to drag them into the battle. Hindsight, I wish I would have fought for them. I won't lose out again. Not just for me, but for my kids. I know it affected my daughters as I have talked to them. It hurt them and they don't understand.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I am protecting my right to parent my children. Yeah, at one point we were good friends , not sure what happened.

Anyway, I did not fight to keep my daughters because I didn't want to drag them into the battle. Hindsight, I wish I would have fought for them. I won't lose out again. Not just for me, but for my kids. I know it affected my daughters as I have talked to them. It hurt them and they don't understand.

I know that you gave in with your first set of children to spare them grief.

So you are saying that if your ex moves away then you will not be able to maintain the 50/50 arrangement that has been in place for the last 3 years and there is no alternative to her moving, just battle it out in court?

 

[chesty]

Yep, that is exactly what I am saying. She is moving 90 miles away. There is no way to maintain a 50/50 espcecially during the school year.

And to give you an idea of how she thinks. My oldest son just informed me that she is engaged to the guy and she told him about it at the same time she informed him she was moving which was a week ago or more. She told me she was moving because she couldn't afford to live here any more. She never said she was moving in with him or engaged or anything. Just that she couldn't afford to live here any more.

She was most likely holding that info in reserve as her "trump" card to say to the courts that a two parent family is more stable etc than living with me. However, she has not told the oldest what date they are looking at and she either hasn't told my youngest son or if she did she ordered him not to tell me.

She is playing the same game as my first wife. First let's move as far away as possible, then lets make it impossible for me to see the kids, then lets try to take him for everything he has and offer him to let her hubby adopt him with an open visitation schedule so I can still see them. Then when adoption goes through disappear and never let me see them again.

I know this bitch way to well. There is only one reason for hiding the facts, she is a cunt, plain and simple.

I may lose, but my kids will know I fought for them. Right now the burden of proof is on her to prove taking them away from me and moving 90 plus miles away is more benificial and such for the kids than for them to stay where they have lived for the last 7 years and that taking them from me and the 50/50 shared custody and anytime access to me will not harm the children, but would be in their best interest.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Yep, that is exactly what I am saying. She is moving 90 miles away. There is no way to maintain a 50/50 espcecially during the school year.

And to give you an idea of how she thinks. My oldest son just informed me that she is engaged to the guy and she told him about it at the same time she informed him she was moving which was a week ago or more. She told me she was moving because she couldn't afford to live here any more. She never said she was moving in with him or engaged or anything. Just that she couldn't afford to live here any more.

She was most likely holding that info in reserve as her "trump" card to say to the courts that a two parent family is more stable etc than living with me. However, she has not told the oldest what date they are looking at and she either hasn't told my youngest son or if she did she ordered him not to tell me.

She is playing the same game as my first wife. First let's move as far away as possible, then lets make it impossible for me to see the kids, then lets try to take him for everything he has and offer him to let her hubby adopt him with an open visitation schedule so I can still see them. Then when adoption goes through disappear and never let me see them again.

I know this bitch way to well. There is only one reason for hiding the facts, she is a cunt, plain and simple.

I may lose, but my kids will know I fought for them. Right now the burden of proof is on her to prove taking them away from me and moving 90 plus miles away is more benificial and such for the kids than for them to stay where they have lived for the last 7 years and that taking them from me and the 50/50 shared custody and anytime access to me will not harm the children, but would be in their best interest.

Now we get the the crux of the matter. It took a bit to get it out of you, but this clarifies things quite a bit.

On the one hand I can understand your fears whether they are real or just your estimation, no one can take that away from you because it happened to you once and you dont want it to happen again. I suppose you will get as down and dirty as you feel necessary in order to win as you feel losing 50/50 = you losing EVERYTHING. I knew of more than one man that lived the "losing everything" alternative and in the end, though they were good men and did everything they could to remain a force in the lives of their children, ultimately they could not. The children grew up without them and now they have little/no relationship w/their grown or pretty much grown kids. Very sad for the men but necessarily tragic for the kids as the kids turned out OK, at least from the outside looking in, I suppose.

But I have to say that this invalidates you saying why she is a bad mother, and all the other inflamatory stuff. You should have merely spoke this fear of yours from the beginning w/out all the other hate-filled rhetoric.

Maybe you were advised by your lawyer that you should try to anhilate her in court in the hopes that you will at the very least have things remain the same?

I don't know what to tell you as far as *this is what I would do* because I know that depriving a man of his children for no good reason is not any more right than depriving a woman of her children for no good reason.

But your seething hatred for her is clear and is most likely filtering down to your kids which will not impede the relationship between your children and their mother necessarily - it will most likely come back around to bite YOU in the ass. NO CHILD NEEDS TO HEAR HOW THEIR MOTHER IS A FILTHY WHORE, etc, etc ....ANYMORE THAN THEY NEED TO HEAR THAT THEIR FATHER IS A WORTHLESS SHIT WHO DOESNT CARE ABOUT THEM.

As for her hiding her engagement, etc I think that you are imagining more than is the case, but as I said, you lived this once before and the outcome was very sad so I am not sitting in judgement of you.

Ultimately what will be will be whether it is right or wrong. This YOUR life so none of us has any business telling you what path is the *moral* path. I chose the *moral* path and my kids and I and my entire family got fucked... however, we would have got fucked regardless. Once the current judge came on there is NOTHING I could have done differently to change the outcome - and I mean NOTHING.

All I have now is the ability to say that I did do the moral thing so my consciense is clear. Truth be told we all went through hell and my children (at least the younger three who aren't emotionally beyond reach right now) KNOW IT TOO as they express to me all the time and they cling to me in any way they can even though we have not seen each other for nearly a year. <--- just think on that for a bit. Not lambasting you, I am being very soft-spoken.

I can tell you all I want that the *moral* thing to do would be to NOT mudsling but to stick to the facts and sue for everything to remain unchanged. But would that be good enough to have you win that request? I don't know... anymore than I would know whether or not getting malicious, causing unbelievable contention and dragging the kids through hell in the process would win it for you either.

I understand your position very well and all I can say is what people have said about my children for years... I truly feel sorry for the kids. No matter who wins - they will get fucked.

Having said that I hope that you and your ex can come to some sort of agreement WITHOUT DRAGGING THE KIDS THROUGH ANOTHER CUSTODY BATTLE that is good for the both of you but most importantly truly IS what is best for the kids.

I'm sorry that you all are forced to go through this. It sucks all the way around.

 

[mrplunkey]

There are "tests" for conditions in which you can relocate children.

In Tennessee, if the mother has a dominant time split (i.e. 10 out of 14 days) she can usually move them for just about any reason (i.e. job change, closer to family, better living conditions, boyfriend/marriage).

But... if the time split is 50/50, some courts in TN have said a mother can't relocate the children even to get remarried. The thinking is that the mother should factor the ramifications of marriage/relocation into the parenting plan beforehand.

And yes, it works that way for the father too, but the reality is the courts are a little tougher on dads moving the kids under the same circumstances.

And finally, even in the case of sole and dominant custody (i.e. 14 out of 14) the parents still has to request the right to move from the court.

 

[chesty]

There is nothing to get out of me. She is moving, trying to take my kids.

Whether or not I had been married once and had a bad experience or been married 50 times, I would be doing the same thing to keep my kids. The fact that I experienced what I have in the past only helps to keep my eyes open to the fact of what she is attempting to do.

Move as far away as possible, take my kids, make it impossilbe for me to see them and pretend I never existed so she can have her happy little pretend family. White trash is white trash and that is what she has become.

She has to prove it is in their best interest to be relocated and have their time with me cut to almost nothing from a 50/50 schedule where I have always provided all of the medical/dental care, schooling needs, etc. She has never paid for anything and has on many occasion asked me to watch the kids extra so she could run off to where ever and for help with things.

I learned from my mistakes of the past plain and simple. I will not make the same mistakes again.

 

[Bikini Mod]

There is nothing to get out of me. She is moving, trying to take my kids.

Whether or not I had been married once and had a bad experience or been married 50 times, I would be doing the same thing to keep my kids. The fact that I experienced what I have in the past only helps to keep my eyes open to the fact of what she is attempting to do.

Move as far away as possible, take my kids, make it impossilbe for me to see them and pretend I never existed so she can have her happy little pretend family. White trash is white trash and that is what she has become.

She has to prove it is in their best interest to be relocated and have their time with me cut to almost nothing from a 50/50 schedule where I have always provided all of the medical/dental care, schooling needs, etc. She has never paid for anything and has on many occasion asked me to watch the kids extra so she could run off to where ever and for help with things.

I learned from my mistakes of the past plain and simple. I will not make the same mistakes again.

It is so very sad for the children when one or both of the parents REFUSE to see how their behavior is hurting the kids.

I hope that your custodial situation remains intact. If it has been working for 3 years and her only reason to move so far away is because she wants to get married then that isn't really fair to the children as you have been there for them so much. The fiancee should move to THEIR town or they should try to stay as close to you as possible. It is sad that your ex does not realize the importance of YOUR children maintaining their relationship with you.

The law may or may not support you, be prepared for there is NO JUSTICE. But if you have been there for your children then they will NOT abandon you, no matter what as they are old enough to know what is going on. Having said that, adolescense and constant interviews may actually make the situation worse and cause the children to become manipulative power-hungry monsters through no fault of their own. Beware of that.

I wish you and your children well. That is all I ever wished then and all I ever wish in the future.