Was this jealousy then?

[HighIntensity]

o.k. things are great with my GF these days. She is very loyal, carring everything I could ask for.

But a situation arose this weekend that made feel uncomfortable and I was wondering if it is jealousy. I use to be super jealouse in my past relationships so I am working really hard to not let jealousy occur in this courtship.

So we are eating dinner, laughing ect. and she says to me.

Hey " can I spend alot of time at your place on the weekend of Nov. 28th"

I am like sure, we were suppose to go see my family that weekend which was nixed for traffic reasons.

Then I am like "Why"

Her: "Well Chris called the other day and said he was going to be in town for the weekend and was wondering if it be be o.k. for him to come by."

Now Chris is her ex bf that she dumped in Jan. for cheating on her. He was very close to her family, and they dated for a while, with her even contemplating marrige to him and she lost her virginity Chris as well.

Now of course I was startled by the news because I thought Chris was definatly out of the picture. But she insists that he is only comming by to see her Grandparents and will not be there.

Telling me that Chris is like a son to them.,

Now a couple things that bother me and I don't think it's jealousy.

(side note chris is 210 pounds of non muscle, so pysically there are no worries)

1. How will her Grandparents take me serious with her ex popping in and taking them out to dinner ect.

2. Clearly no man comes just to say "HI" to 70 year old grandparents, he is attempting to stay in her life through them. He also knows I am in the picture.

3. By allow him to come by it just opens the door for him to pop by anytime.,

What are your thoughts, jealousy or muture concern.

 

[from zero]

WE can't tell you if you're jealous, borly. Only you can.

Is he a threat to your relationship? i.e. Are you worried you'll lose your girl?

 

[fsupat70]

no respect if she is asking you if its ok, people that break up go their seperate ways period, unless there are children involved

 

[Irie]

1. How will her Grandparents take me serious with her ex popping in and taking them out to dinner ect.

Grandparents are typically respectable and have much wisdom behind them, they won't be doing any comparing, you're a good guy, Chris is a good guy, that's all

2. Clearly no man comes just to say "HI" to 70 year old grandparents, he is attempting to stay in her life through them. He also knows I am in the picture.

Honestly, I have visited some of my ex's parents, grandparents just because they treated me with respect, these were visits without any contact with my ex's or means to be in contact with them, it is also Chris' way of showing homegirl that he is still the nice guy she always knew, so yes there is a little "playing games" going on by Chris when visiting Momma and Poppa Geritol

3. By allow him to come by it just opens the door for him to pop by anytime.,

Not really, she is trying to get out of the situation by asking if she can stay with you, if you're the man you make yourself out to be then no worries homes. peace

 

[HANSEL]

You are sounding insecure man, but I feel you I wouldnt want that guy around as well.

He doesnt really have any business there, but at the same time they should be able to remain friends.

Thats a ruff one... Make sure you give her the monster fuck of her young life before you go meet him so that she will have no regrets upgrading

 

[HumorMe]

Is this the first time he has popped back into her life?

If it is, I think he will find out as soon as he gets there and talks about 15 minutes that he no longer has anything in common with her family and her probably.

 

[thx9000]

that bother me and I don't think it's jealousy.

(side note chris is 210 pounds of non muscle, so pysically there are no worries)

1. How will her Grandparents take me serious with her ex popping in and taking them out to dinner ect.

2. Clearly no man comes just to say "HI" to 70 year old grandparents, he is attempting to stay in her life through them. He also knows I am in the picture.

3. By allow him to come by it just opens the door for him to pop by anytime.,

What are your thoughts, jealousy or muture concern.

I don't think you sound jealous, just not completely secure. Perhaps this is a new relationship and you aren't entirely secure in it yet? This is why jealousy and insecurity are not mirror images of each other. Jealousy comes next, though, if you cannot rationalize insecurities and accept flaws (sorry, poor choice in words) in yourself or this relationship.

 

[HighIntensity]

WE can't tell you if you're jealous, borly. Only you can.

Is he a threat to your relationship? i.e. Are you worried you'll lose your girl?

No, she wants nothing to do with him.

But it just is about me and her Grandparents likeing me. They have fallen into the sterotype of "meathead" BB and don't seem to take me as serious even though I treat their grandaughter like gold.

 

[HighIntensity]

1. How will her Grandparents take me serious with her ex popping in and taking them out to dinner ect.

Grandparents are typically respectable and have much wisdom behind them, they won't be doing any comparing, you're a good guy, Chris is a good guy, that's all

2. Clearly no man comes just to say "HI" to 70 year old grandparents, he is attempting to stay in her life through them. He also knows I am in the picture.

Honestly, I have visited some of my ex's parents, grandparents just because they treated me with respect, these were visits without any contact with my ex's or means to be in contact with them, it is also Chris' way of showing homegirl that he is still the nice guy she always knew, so yes there is a little "playing games" going on by Chris when visiting Momma and Poppa Geritol

3. By allow him to come by it just opens the door for him to pop by anytime.,

Not really, she is trying to get out of the situation by asking if she can stay with you, if you're the man you make yourself out to be then no worries homes. peace

Very cool response

 

[Gideon]

(side note chris is 210 pounds of non muscle, so pysically there are no worries)

LOL

 

[sk*]

Re: Re: Was this jealousy then?

I don't think you sound jealous, just not completely secure. Perhaps this is a new relationship and you aren't entirely secure in it yet? This is why jealousy and insecurity are not mirror images of each other. Jealousy comes next, though, if you cannot rationalize insecurities and accept flaws (sorry, poor choice in words) in yourself or this relationship.

 

[PHATchik]

I think if she was asking you if she could spend some time with him, then you would have more cause to worry. Although, that's not really a reason to worry either, if you trust her. I maintained a friendship with my ex, but that's as far as it goes. Just be secure in her and the relationship until SHE gives you a reason to doubt, not the ex.

 

[Becoming]

I would say there is nothing to worry about at this point, though I would keep an eye on it... 1) the kid is a lame a$$ if he is visiting his ex's GPs- he needs to seriously get a life, but no need to worry about it- I would just be content in the fact he is such a loser... 2) your girl apparently doesn't want anything to do with him or does not want to run into him at all, wanting to stay at your place, etc, so that is cool 3) maybe your girl thinks he is a lame a$$ too, and thinks he is a jerko, but does not want to be mean... I would ask her what SHE thinks about it... she already said she will not be there, and it does not seem like she wants to be, hell if the guy cheated on her, she might be pissed this is going on too, and might have bad feelings she is just getting reminded of... if this is the case, be on HER side 4) just cause people are old does not mean they are wise... tons of people's GPs are morons, I still give em respect they deserve for being older, but that does not mean they know what the f they are talking about

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

He has violated her trust by cheating. I can understand your apprehension. I would say over the next few weeks casually mention to her you would never violate her trust in you by cheating on her. Without making a major scene remind her he has hurt her deeply in the past.

Be confident and humble at the same time, and let her know how grateful you are that she is in your life. Also do not be afraid to be honest with her about your feelings of losing her.

Honesty is the best policy.

 

[Lestat]

God Kev.. too much estrogen man.

 

[Gambino]

I've been in similar situations, cause for a little concern. On one hand she could be completely over with this douche. On the other hand, she still could be into this guy. Jan wasn't that long ago, esp considering tight they were. Getting invovled with women who have recenlty been in a serious gig can be a bit sketchy...sometimes hard to tell what they feel towards their ex. I'd say keep your eyes peeled and feel out the situation...

 

[AAP]

1. How will her Grandparents take me serious with her ex popping in and taking them out to dinner ect.

In comparision to a man with a fake spray on tan? I would vote for the dude buying my dinner.

 

[XBiker]

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

Good luck HI, and do let us nosey EF Members know how it goes.

 

[Fonz]

o.k. things are great with my GF these days. She is very loyal, carring everything I could ask for.

But a situation arose this weekend that made feel uncomfortable and I was wondering if it is jealousy. I use to be super jealouse in my past relationships so I am working really hard to not let jealousy occur in this courtship.

So we are eating dinner, laughing ect. and she says to me.

Hey " can I spend alot of time at your place on the weekend of Nov. 28th"

I am like sure, we were suppose to go see my family that weekend which was nixed for traffic reasons.

Then I am like "Why"

Her: "Well Chris called the other day and said he was going to be in town for the weekend and was wondering if it be be o.k. for him to come by."

Now Chris is her ex bf that she dumped in Jan. for cheating on her. He was very close to her family, and they dated for a while, with her even contemplating marrige to him and she lost her virginity Chris as well.

Now of course I was startled by the news because I thought Chris was definatly out of the picture. But she insists that he is only comming by to see her Grandparents and will not be there.

Telling me that Chris is like a son to them.,

Now a couple things that bother me and I don't think it's jealousy.

(side note chris is 210 pounds of non muscle, so pysically there are no worries)

1. How will her Grandparents take me serious with her ex popping in and taking them out to dinner ect.

2. Clearly no man comes just to say "HI" to 70 year old grandparents, he is attempting to stay in her life through them. He also knows I am in the picture.

3. By allow him to come by it just opens the door for him to pop by anytime.,

What are your thoughts, jealousy or muture concern.

I'd be concerned.

You summed it up best here:

2. Clearly no man comes just to say "HI" to 70 year old grandparents, he is attempting to stay in her life through them. He also knows I am in the picture.

Fonz

 

[Gideon]

Re: Re: Was this jealousy then?

In comparision to a man with a fake spray on tan? I would vote for the dude buying my dinner.

 

[Gambino]

Re: Re: Was this jealousy then?

In comparision to a man with a fake spray on tan? I would vote for the dude buying my dinner.

 

[gtrcivic]

Looks like the ex wants to get back with your gf. What else is the best way, besides going to visit her grandparents???

Oh dear, he's such a nice guy. Coming to visit us and you aren't together with him. Grandma saying "He's much better than that tan muscle head that you are dating now".....I'm sure your gf won't tell her grandparents that he cheated on her with another girl.

Just hope your gf is letting him stay at her place over the weekend and thats why she wants to spend it over at your place... If so, he need to rent a hotel or sleep in his car.

 

[Heahy Minister]

The dude is clearly playing games on your girl.

Seems like your girl has feelings for him still. Come on man, if she lost her virginity to him and was contemplating MARRIAGE with him, there is still a lot of deep feelings residing within her. Yes she may have told you what happened, but the ONLY reason why she wants to stay at your place is to AVOID re-hashing her feelings, which seems like she has not fully gotten over.

If she didn't care for him anymore she wouldn't have given a shit whether he was coming or not, but the fact that she wants to elude him by staying at your place that weekend she is basically saying, "Hey HI I'm afraid to bump into this guy I still care for so can I avoid him by staying at your place."

Dude is playing mind games and it's working. Guaranteed she will be thinking of him that weekend.

 

[supersizeme]

hey mister made some very good points

your best bet is to make sure the two of you have the time of your lives that weekend. do something out of the ordinary that will take her mind off the situation at hand and will also present you in a new light.

 

[AAP]

If I were you, I would put on a fresh coat of Jan Tana Body Paint and go over to the grandparents house the day before he arrives and streak up everything. Doorknobs, plates, remote controls, etc...

Then blame it on him.

 

[vinylgroover I]

I wouldn't worry Kev.

Jealousy comes about as a result of not completely trusting your partner. Do you trust her?......it sounds like you do.

Women are different to us........they can still have feelings for ex's and still desire to be friends WITHOUT having any feelings of attraction or arousal.

She asked you openly and put her cards on the table. Chris could have come to town, not stayed with you guys and she could have met him for a coffee secretly without you knowing........then you would have valid cause for concern. At least she's being upfront.

Sure it's naural to be a little concerned, but i think your girl will respect you far more if you show her that you trust her.

 

[Citruscide]

Tough call. On one hand, it would really piss me off... I mean, who attempts to stay in someone's life like THIS after a breakup? Not me, hell, I don't think I've ever talked to my EX's after a breakup...

On the same token, you don't want to be overly jealous here... just because it will show you don't really trust her... by not blowing a handle on it... you'll show more confidence in her.

I just think this guy is fishy... that's all... I don't like him... nor do I like any ex-meddling-boyfriend!

C-ditty

 

[AAP]

shit man, just go over to his girlfriends grandparents and spent the day with them. call it even then.

 

[HighIntensity]

The dude is clearly playing games on your girl.

Seems like your girl has feelings for him still. Come on man, if she lost her virginity to him and was contemplating MARRIAGE with him, there is still a lot of deep feelings residing within her. Yes she may have told you what happened, but the ONLY reason why she wants to stay at your place is to AVOID re-hashing her feelings, which seems like she has not fully gotten over.

If she didn't care for him anymore she wouldn't have given a shit whether he was coming or not, but the fact that she wants to elude him by staying at your place that weekend she is basically saying, "Hey HI I'm afraid to bump into this guy I still care for so can I avoid him by staying at your place."

Dude is playing mind games and it's working. Guaranteed she will be thinking of him that weekend.

Good points but knowing her she has no feeling left for him. She even dated a guy for 3-4 months after this ex. She is just somewhat sympothetic that his grandparents died a long time ago and hence he views her Grandparents as his.

She views the whole situation as weird but does not want to rock the boat.

 

[velvett]

SO - does this mean her parents know that you are dating their daughter?



I missed a chapter somewhere.

 

[Spartacus]

Not me, hell, I don't think I've ever talked to my EX's after a breakup...

same here