Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
Victorian guy
New member
Brothers,
Yesterday, a really horrible thing happened.
As I sat down to watch my copy of 'Pumping Iron' for the 151st time, the screen suddenly went fuzzy, and a strange noise came from my VCR. Investigating the matter, I found, on examining the tape, that it had snapped! Worn to an infinetesimal thinness from heavy use, the tape simply broke. I stood, trying to hold back tears, then, raising my hands in the air, screamed " FUCK NOOOOOO!!!" so loud it was heard across England. Hands trembling, I reached for my copy of 'Conan the Barbarian' and the same thing happened! I quickly summoned Nobby, and, on informing him of the disaster, he began slitting his wrists.
"Nobby- we can rent them both!" I cried, the idea coming to me suddenly, as all great ideas do. "LETS FOOKIN MOVE!" Nobby thundered, and we ran at top speed along the hallways, down the marble steps, and leapt into the Rolls.
Flooring it, we sped at light speed along arrow streets, horn blaring as pedestrians dived out of the way. One fellow in a wheelchair was a tad too slow, but, luckily, we only clipped the rear of his wheel, sending him and his chair flying into the air, landing ultimately in a ditch, but still alive and intact!
Arriving at the video store, we ran in, throwing the door open with such force that it swung all the way into the wall, the glass panes shattering. Shoving a few pencil- necks aside, we reached the clerk, panting. "Pumping Iron...Conan the Barbarian...where are they?" I asked, as I tried to catch my breath.
"We do have those titles, Sir.."
"Capital! Well, I want to rent them both, indefinitely!" I roared.
"Sorry, Sir, but someone rented them both yesterday. Sorry. May I interest you in something...." his nasal voice was cut off by Nobby's chain, which in a flash had been wrapped around his neck.
"Where is the bastard? Name. Address. NOW!" I screamed.
The clerk, his face turning purple, turned the computer to face us. We noted the address, released the clerk, and dashed out to the Rolls. "Nobby, we are looking for one 'Myron Poindexter' at 122 Bag Steet" I snapped, as we sped at full speed towards the low-income part of town.
Arriving at the address, I noted what an utter shit hole this 'Myron Poindexter' lived in. Nobby rammed his shoulder into the front door, sending it flying off its hinges. We stormed into the house, and soon found ourselves in the shabby front room, where a measly, 150 poundish lad was sitting- his pants down-doing indecent things with himself, while a gay porn video played in the background. I recognized him as the little wanker who trained at my gym and always wore a T-shirt with 'Dumbell 150' written across the front. I grabbed him by the throat with one hand, lifted him up and hissed "Where are my fucking tapes? Pumping Iron? Conan?" I dropped him to the ground, and he quickly got up and ran, whimpering, to get the tapes. He handed them to us, and before leaving Nobby turned and, screaming "FOOKIN POOFTAHHHH!!!", clotheslined 'Dumbell 150' with such mighty force that his feet were lifted above the height of his head, and he crashed to the floor like a rag doll.
Later that evening, as we sat watching 'Pumping Iron', sharing a bottle of whiskey, and smoking Cohibas, I remarked to Nobby "Remind me to inform the video store that from now on they are never to rent any bodybuilding videos to that little wanker!". Nobby grunted in approval.
Yesterday, a really horrible thing happened.
As I sat down to watch my copy of 'Pumping Iron' for the 151st time, the screen suddenly went fuzzy, and a strange noise came from my VCR. Investigating the matter, I found, on examining the tape, that it had snapped! Worn to an infinetesimal thinness from heavy use, the tape simply broke. I stood, trying to hold back tears, then, raising my hands in the air, screamed " FUCK NOOOOOO!!!" so loud it was heard across England. Hands trembling, I reached for my copy of 'Conan the Barbarian' and the same thing happened! I quickly summoned Nobby, and, on informing him of the disaster, he began slitting his wrists.
"Nobby- we can rent them both!" I cried, the idea coming to me suddenly, as all great ideas do. "LETS FOOKIN MOVE!" Nobby thundered, and we ran at top speed along the hallways, down the marble steps, and leapt into the Rolls.
Flooring it, we sped at light speed along arrow streets, horn blaring as pedestrians dived out of the way. One fellow in a wheelchair was a tad too slow, but, luckily, we only clipped the rear of his wheel, sending him and his chair flying into the air, landing ultimately in a ditch, but still alive and intact!
Arriving at the video store, we ran in, throwing the door open with such force that it swung all the way into the wall, the glass panes shattering. Shoving a few pencil- necks aside, we reached the clerk, panting. "Pumping Iron...Conan the Barbarian...where are they?" I asked, as I tried to catch my breath.
"We do have those titles, Sir.."
"Capital! Well, I want to rent them both, indefinitely!" I roared.
"Sorry, Sir, but someone rented them both yesterday. Sorry. May I interest you in something...." his nasal voice was cut off by Nobby's chain, which in a flash had been wrapped around his neck.
"Where is the bastard? Name. Address. NOW!" I screamed.
The clerk, his face turning purple, turned the computer to face us. We noted the address, released the clerk, and dashed out to the Rolls. "Nobby, we are looking for one 'Myron Poindexter' at 122 Bag Steet" I snapped, as we sped at full speed towards the low-income part of town.
Arriving at the address, I noted what an utter shit hole this 'Myron Poindexter' lived in. Nobby rammed his shoulder into the front door, sending it flying off its hinges. We stormed into the house, and soon found ourselves in the shabby front room, where a measly, 150 poundish lad was sitting- his pants down-doing indecent things with himself, while a gay porn video played in the background. I recognized him as the little wanker who trained at my gym and always wore a T-shirt with 'Dumbell 150' written across the front. I grabbed him by the throat with one hand, lifted him up and hissed "Where are my fucking tapes? Pumping Iron? Conan?" I dropped him to the ground, and he quickly got up and ran, whimpering, to get the tapes. He handed them to us, and before leaving Nobby turned and, screaming "FOOKIN POOFTAHHHH!!!", clotheslined 'Dumbell 150' with such mighty force that his feet were lifted above the height of his head, and he crashed to the floor like a rag doll.
Later that evening, as we sat watching 'Pumping Iron', sharing a bottle of whiskey, and smoking Cohibas, I remarked to Nobby "Remind me to inform the video store that from now on they are never to rent any bodybuilding videos to that little wanker!". Nobby grunted in approval.
