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Longhorn85
New member
I spent the better part of the month of October in the field for Army maneuvers. It was a good time, and I learned a lot about my job and my troops, but the most important lessons...
1) Taking a shit in the woods is an art. Sometimes nowadays we have port a johns, but other times it's the old fashioned way. Every soldier is issued an Entrenching tool, which is a small black foldable shovel, we call it an "E tool". When nature calls you find an isolated spot in the woods, dig a small hole then plant your etool spade in the dirt right next to the hole. After dropping your drawers, place one of your ass cheeks on the handle of the etool, aligning your anus over the hole. Spread your feet apart so that you can sit comfortably, and let it go. You can pee and poop right into the hole, then when you're done simply pile the dirt right back on and fill the hole in. If you're good you won't soil the etool at all with poop or pee. It took me years to perfect the "one cheek sneak technique" after I was taught by a young sergeant. (Must have diaper wipes for instant clean-up).
2) Army rations make for smelly farts. Again, in the modern army we usually dine on regular food, but one meal a day is cold rations that are compressed and packaged for combat. They all come with crackers, gum and candy, but some of the main meals are yucky. Topping the list is Jambalya,
spaghetti and Boneless Pork Chop, compressed. Farting is cute at first, but after a while you want to don your gas mask!
3) If you get horny, it's hard to jack off in the field. Minding my own business, comfortable in my sleeping bag under the stars on a nice night and I have horny thoughts. I haven't had sex in over a week cause I've been in the field, so I have the urge to masturbate. What's a guy to do? All I can say is that although Carmex is intended as lip balm, it also makes a very fine lubricant.
1) Taking a shit in the woods is an art. Sometimes nowadays we have port a johns, but other times it's the old fashioned way. Every soldier is issued an Entrenching tool, which is a small black foldable shovel, we call it an "E tool". When nature calls you find an isolated spot in the woods, dig a small hole then plant your etool spade in the dirt right next to the hole. After dropping your drawers, place one of your ass cheeks on the handle of the etool, aligning your anus over the hole. Spread your feet apart so that you can sit comfortably, and let it go. You can pee and poop right into the hole, then when you're done simply pile the dirt right back on and fill the hole in. If you're good you won't soil the etool at all with poop or pee. It took me years to perfect the "one cheek sneak technique" after I was taught by a young sergeant. (Must have diaper wipes for instant clean-up).
2) Army rations make for smelly farts. Again, in the modern army we usually dine on regular food, but one meal a day is cold rations that are compressed and packaged for combat. They all come with crackers, gum and candy, but some of the main meals are yucky. Topping the list is Jambalya,
spaghetti and Boneless Pork Chop, compressed. Farting is cute at first, but after a while you want to don your gas mask!
3) If you get horny, it's hard to jack off in the field. Minding my own business, comfortable in my sleeping bag under the stars on a nice night and I have horny thoughts. I haven't had sex in over a week cause I've been in the field, so I have the urge to masturbate. What's a guy to do? All I can say is that although Carmex is intended as lip balm, it also makes a very fine lubricant.
