tell me the story

[stilleto]

the story that someone you know tells ALL the time.

the one that bores you to tears or makes you laugh every time, nomatter how many times you hear it.

Tell me the story that you hear at every family reunion. the one where the hero gets braver every year, or the fish gets bigger. the one that all your friends have heard a million times or the one that SOMEONE is always asking you to tell.

tell me the story

 

[jnevin]

no. pothead

 

[redguru]

Damn stoner sitting at home hoping someone will spin her a yarn.

 

[stilleto]

Damn stoner sitting at home hoping someone will spin her a yarn.

omg.

lol

 

[stilleto]

oh, and just tell me the fucking story.

i can't get up.

 

[reno240]

The lass I brought home was a prize,
With an alluring set of blue eyes,
Her breasts, so well kept,
Were what I'd expect,
But her penis was quite a surprise.

 

[blueta2]

bzzzzbzzzz

Ok here's one. When I was 6, my parents rented a country home. My 2 sisters, my Dad and I were in the boat in the middle of the lake. Well I had to really go poo and could not wait until we got to the beach or back to the house so I started to cry. My Mom could hear me cry from the shore and screamed "Bob, why is J crying". My Dad said "J needs to poo"
My Mom screams "What, I can't hear you". My Dad yells back "J needs to poo"
Well this went back and forth for 2-3 mins b/c they could not hear each other, in the meantime I shit my pants. And when I did, I screamed really loud "Mommy I shit my pants"
My Mom screams back "that I heard"
Still til this day, 41 yrs old and my parents still tell the story.

 

[stilleto]

bzzzzbzzzz

Ok here's one. When I was 6, my parents rented a country home. My 2 sisters, my Dad and I were in the boat in the middle of the lake. Well I had to really go poo and could not wait until we got to the beach or back to the house so I started to cry. My Mom could hear me cry from the shore and screamed "Bob, why is J crying". My Dad said "J needs to poo"
My Mom screams "What, I can't hear you". My Dad yells back "J needs to poo"
Well this went back and forth for 2-3 mins b/c they could not hear each other, in the meantime I shit my pants. And when I did, I screamed really loud "Mommy I shit my pants"
My Mom screams back "that I heard"
Still til this day, 41 yrs old and my parents still tell the story.

LOL!!!
thats a great one.

it reminded me of a story my parents used to love to tell.

I think I was 5 and was out with my mom and stepdad. I don't think they were married yet and we were walking around at a park. I was being crabby, so my parents said, "hey, stilleto, see the ducks?" and they pointed at some ducks that were at a pond.
"no," I said.
"right THERE!" My parents pointed and started walking towards the ducks.
"i don't see any ducks," I said, but i did.
"Stilleto, right THERE!" and they kept walking.
I stopped. "There's NO DUCKS!!!" and refused to look or walk anymore. I turned and started walking back to the car.

For years, and even now that they are divorced and married to other people, whenever I get stubborn about something and they find it amusing, they just say, "I DON'T SEE ANY DUCKS!"

drives me nuts.

 

[blueta2]

Your parents called you Stilleto? ;-)









I don't see the ducks either

 

[Sub-Zero]

one time, i got shania to eat chicken salad, even though she said she didnt like it! about halfway through, i got her to admit she liked it, then told her it was chicken salad and she really likes chicken salad!

 

[stilleto]

Your parents called you Stilleto? ;-)









I don't see the ducks either

yes, my parents called me by my last name. we weren't very close.

 

[DannoMight]

My buddy and his friend went to try out his new bass boat and when they got to the marina there was 2 guys putting a lime green ski boat in the water. One of the guys had a lime green wetsuit that said "ski daddy" on the back. He also had a fro with a 3 head circumference big. Well ski daddy and his partner couldn't find the handle to the rope so ski daddy had a brilliant idea to just simple wrap the rope around his wrists and take off from the end of the pier. So ski daddy had the rope around his wrists at the end of the pier and yell out to the driver "HIT THE FLIPPA SKIPPPAAAA!!" And the dude straight hit the flipper and ski daddy went instantly underwater and got drug under the water for a minute till his buddy realized what was going on. Ski daddy ended up fuggin up his shoulders badly that day.

I've heard the story many times but I still laugh everytime my buddy at work yells out "Hit the flippa skippa!" and thinking of the adventure of ski daddy.

 

[Pat_McCrotch]

I work in an ER and we have this big black guy that is one of our ER medics. This guy is jacked up has to be juicing or has to have juiced. anyaways. we had a patient die in one of the front rooms(yea dont come to my ER lol) so we pushed them back to our dead body room until they goto the morgue or the funeral home.

So the mortician comes in the back and takes the patient w/in like 20 minutes. i grab another nurse and tell her to get that guy to help push the body down to our morgue(sp). I take off my shoes and crawl under a sheet in the bed and wait.


he comes in and starts to push the gurney. I then jump up and yell. this 6ft 275lb guy screams like a littel bitch turns as white as a ghost. We are all laughing and in tears. he says " Jamie, I thought dat bitch dun came back to life"

I love telling this story.

 

[captainahole]

My furnace broke down in my home a few years back so we had to get a repair man in to fix it.
We have 3 cats at home and one of them is this dark grey cat that is really nervous of people and hides in the basement(it's an old home and it is dark and dingy in the basement) every time someone comes into our home.
Well the repair fellow goes down to the basement and over to the furnace and was trying to get the cover off the furnace and it was stuck so he smacked it with a hammer and our cats was down there and went running across his feet.
He thought it was a rat and you hear this man let out a scream that could curl your hair.
My wife and I were upstairs when it happened and we knew exactly what happened and went into a fit a of laughter. We howl about that story all the time.

 

[silverstar1025]

I work in an ER and we have this big black guy that is one of our ER medics. This guy is jacked up has to be juicing or has to have juiced. anyaways. we had a patient die in one of the front rooms(yea dont come to my ER lol) so we pushed them back to our dead body room until they goto the morgue or the funeral home.

So the mortician comes in the back and takes the patient w/in like 20 minutes. i grab another nurse and tell her to get that guy to help push the body down to our morgue(sp). I take off my shoes and crawl under a sheet in the bed and wait.


he comes in and starts to push the gurney. I then jump up and yell. this 6ft 275lb guy screams like a littel bitch turns as white as a ghost. We are all laughing and in tears. he says " Jamie, I thought dat bitch dun came back to life"

I love telling this story.

LOL!! I am surprised he didn't punch you. I HATE to be scared!! I always slap people when they try to scare me. That is my first reaction is to just slap. I guess too many horror films when I was young make me jumpy.

 

[stilleto]

I work in an ER and we have this big black guy that is one of our ER medics. This guy is jacked up has to be juicing or has to have juiced. anyaways. we had a patient die in one of the front rooms(yea dont come to my ER lol) so we pushed them back to our dead body room until they goto the morgue or the funeral home.

So the mortician comes in the back and takes the patient w/in like 20 minutes. i grab another nurse and tell her to get that guy to help push the body down to our morgue(sp). I take off my shoes and crawl under a sheet in the bed and wait.


he comes in and starts to push the gurney. I then jump up and yell. this 6ft 275lb guy screams like a littel bitch turns as white as a ghost. We are all laughing and in tears. he says " Jamie, I thought dat bitch dun came back to life"

I love telling this story.

LOL
i would have killed you dead again.

 

[blueta2]

I work in an ER and we have this big black guy that is one of our ER medics. This guy is jacked up has to be juicing or has to have juiced. anyaways. we had a patient die in one of the front rooms(yea dont come to my ER lol) so we pushed them back to our dead body room until they goto the morgue or the funeral home.

So the mortician comes in the back and takes the patient w/in like 20 minutes. i grab another nurse and tell her to get that guy to help push the body down to our morgue(sp). I take off my shoes and crawl under a sheet in the bed and wait.


he comes in and starts to push the gurney. I then jump up and yell. this 6ft 275lb guy screams like a littel bitch turns as white as a ghost. We are all laughing and in tears. he says " Jamie, I thought dat bitch dun came back to life"

I love telling this story.

love this. I love to play practical jokes, so this is funny to me,

When I was 14, I was at a friends. Well our other friend rang her apt buzzer and said "can I come up" My friend let her in. She had no idea I was there.
So I hid in the bathroom with a knife with ketchup on it and waited for her to come to the bathroom so I could jump out from the shower with the knife.
She came in, I fell out of the tub from behind the shower curtain like someone stabbed me. She jumped up from the toilet, peed down her leg and ran out of the bathroom screaming.
She didn't talk to me for a month after. Needless to say, she didn't like the joke. She loves me today though ;-)

 

[Dial_tone]

The time in high school at the Senior picnic when Jeff Harris made an obscene gesture with a Ziggy doll causing me to burst out laughing and spit grape soda all over Kelly Krawiec's (one of the 5 hottest girls in school) white top. My friend Ken tells it every time I see him and to him it gets funnier every single time. It was funny the first 863 times. We're both 43 years old now....move the fuck on.

 

[SoKlueles]

My mom loves telling this one

when i was a year old, i took a bath with my moms friend son who was also a year old
and one of us pooped in the tub, and they didnt know who did it but my mom cleaned it up
come to find out, he had eaten corn earlier

so he pooped in the tub

 

[binö]

this is an old ef tale, more legend now then anything... a older male was posting here for a while. he was married but flirtacious and he began flirting with a newbie chic, we'll call betsy2pump. they traded racy emails, she showed a bit of skin and him as well. they finally orgainized a meat, since concidentally she only lived a town over. when they finally met he was shocked to learn that his lil' playmate was his daughter, posting from her moms house a town over!!'


true story btw

 

[stilleto]

i'm liking these stories.

 

[princesa]

I work in an ER and we have this big black guy that is one of our ER medics. This guy is jacked up has to be juicing or has to have juiced. anyaways. we had a patient die in one of the front rooms(yea dont come to my ER lol) so we pushed them back to our dead body room until they goto the morgue or the funeral home.

So the mortician comes in the back and takes the patient w/in like 20 minutes. i grab another nurse and tell her to get that guy to help push the body down to our morgue(sp). I take off my shoes and crawl under a sheet in the bed and wait.


he comes in and starts to push the gurney. I then jump up and yell. this 6ft 275lb guy screams like a littel bitch turns as white as a ghost. We are all laughing and in tears. he says " Jamie, I thought dat bitch dun came back to life"

I love telling this story.

ROFL ROFL ...thats a funny story

 

[Sub-Zero]

this is an old ef tale, more legend now then anything... a older male was posting here for a while. he was married but flirtacious and he began flirting with a newbie chic, we'll call betsy2pump. they traded racy emails, she showed a bit of skin and him as well. they finally orgainized a meat, since concidentally she only lived a town over. when they finally met he was shocked to learn that his lil' playmate was his daughter, posting from her moms house a town over!!'


true story btw

give us names !!!!

 

[ponyfitness]

I'm in Montreal partying with a friend and we drank on the street and killed a 40oz. of rye in two hours between us so I was totally hammered - resulting in not remembering any of what transpired. We went to Mcdonalds and ordered some food and when my buddy came back from the bathroom he found me dipping my cheeseburger and fries in my coke and eating it.

Then walking down the street we saw two girls and one was wearing a bikini top. I decided I wanted a picture so I walked up to them and said "excuse me", whipped out my camera and took a closeup of the girls boobs and then took off running down the street. My friend found me in a parking garage five blocks away.

I then went to the bar where his girlfriend worked and met a girl, convinced her I was a lawyer from New York and got mad at my friend when he wouldn't be a good wingman so I could nail her, resulting in me throwing a glass across the bar at him.

He still tells this story even though it happened ten years ago.

 

[stilleto]

ok, here's one.

when i was 17 my father gave me some pure crystal mescaline. He didn't tell me how much to take so when i got to school (i was in college) i took some. too much though. way too much. I was hallucinating in class, then went along with some friends to the village (I went to college in manhattan). I kept seeing monsters and 2 headed people. I saw women with mustaches and vampires and I finally started crying because I was so scared.

then my friends told me it was halloween and I wasn't hallucinating.

somehow i lost them and ended up in a subway station with sarah jessica parker's husband (can't remember his name).

my dad was mad at me for taking it in school, although not really too mad cause he gave it to me and didn't tell me how much to take.

 

[princesa]

So I have this neighbor who seems to be interested in me... He is a nice guy and all but we go to the same gym, obviously the same neighborhood so its a no no. Long story short two weeks ago was the last straw for me... Its midnight Im parking my car and coincidentally i run into him. Im trying to avoid him but he already he saw me so its too late.
Me-hey whats up...
him-not much, just got back from working out
me-alright, gotta go its late
him-come over for a cup of coffee
me-(laughs) are you serious? maybe some other time I have to be up early
him-O cmon.. i have to get in the shower but i'll leave the door open for you, surprise me
me-(smiles in disbelief this is happening not only its midnight but never gave him the idea i was interested) NO its not gonna happen, Good night
him-(smiles)cmon..alright i'll leave the door open if you change your mind

So i go home, go on craigslist run a search for transexual girls in my area (rofl) i text one of them, give her the address and tell her to be there in 20 min. Rofl I get a call from him the next day, he was laughing and said that he had to pay her, she wouldn't leave.

 

[Smurfy]

So I have this neighbor who seems to be interested in me... He is a nice guy and all but we go to the same gym, obviously the same neighborhood so its a no no. Long story short two weeks ago was the last straw for me... Its midnight Im parking my car and coincidentally i run into him. Im trying to avoid him but he already he saw me so its too late.
Me-hey whats up...
him-not much, just got back from working out
me-alright, gotta go its late
him-come over for a cup of coffee
me-(laughs) are you serious? maybe some other time I have to be up early
him-O cmon.. i have to get in the shower but i'll leave the door open for you, surprise me
me-(smiles in disbelief this is happening not only its midnight but never gave him the idea i was interested) NO its not gonna happen, Good night
him-(smiles)cmon..alright i'll leave the door open if you change your mind

So i go home, go on craigslist run a search for transexual girls in my area (rofl) i text one of them, give her the address and tell her to be there in 20 min. Rofl I get a call from him the next day, he was laughing and said that he had to pay her, she wouldn't leave.

lol i had an overzealous neighbor too who was oogling me at a neighborhood Halloween party and was trying to coerce me into goinig up to his place. After telling him no many times, he finally said (drunkenly) "come on, I promise I'm not going to penetrate you"

LMAO wtf?! You're god damn right you aint penetrating me, I aint getting near you!

 

[princesa]

lol i had an overzealous neighbor too who was oogling me at a neighborhood Halloween party and was trying to coerce me into goinig up to his place. After telling him no many times, he finally said (drunkenly) "come on, I promise I'm not going to penetrate you"

LMAO wtf?! You're god damn right you aint penetrating me, I aint getting near you!

lolol @ "im not going to penetrate you"

 

[vixensghost]

I got one.

My huby is an avid hunter. He and his dad went rabbit hunting several years ago and came home with their entire limit. His dad had no room in his deep freeze, so we kept his stash in our deep freeze here at the house.

My hubby, being the smart ass that he is, wrote his dad's name on all of his dad's rabbit packages, as to keep them seperate from his own.

My mom came over for dinner one weekend. I told her to go out in the freezer to get a bag of frozen veggies. She comes into house and says, " You people eat some odd foods around here". I'm looking at her like she has two heads, "What do you mean mom?" I ask. She throws down the white freezer wrapped package, written in my hubbies handwritting in BIG RED lettering:" Rabbit-Dick's"

 

[stilleto]

I got one.

My huby is an avid hunter. He and his dad went rabbit hunting several years ago and came home with their entire limit. His dad had no room in his deep freeze, so we kept his stash in our deep freeze here at the house.

My hubby, being the smart ass that he is, wrote his dad's name on all of his dad's rabbit packages, as to keep them seperate from his own.

My mom came over for dinner one weekend. I told her to go out in the freezer to get a bag of frozen veggies. She comes into house and says, " You people eat some odd foods around here". I'm looking at her like she has two heads, "What do you mean mom?" I ask. She throws down the white freezer wrapped package, written in my hubbies handwritting in BIG RED lettering:" Rabbit-Dick's"

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

 

[vixensghost]

I try not to encourage him, Stilleto.

 

[Smurfy]

Here's a story my Dad tells a lot (among many others)

I was about 21 or 22 and working at a bar near my home. This bar was very popular locally because it was open until 4am. So at about 1-2am it got very busy with patrons from other bars which had closed. So i was working in the kitchen at this time and going to college. I got off work this one weekend night at about 1am. My friend also worked at same bar as a waitress. Well my friend and I , and some guys we knew (one was her bf i think) were chillin at one of the tables gettin our drink on ($3.50 pitchers yall) and by 3am were pretty lit up having a good ol time. The DJ was blaring some Naughty By Nature or something (lol) and we were all probably yelling to talk to each other and dancing in our seats etc. the place was pretty dark as you can imagine.

Well Im dancing around in my chair and my head turns toward the direction of the front door of this pretty big bar and I do a double take.......right in front of both of the bouncers, I see a man closely resembling my Father. Blue sweats, mocassin slippers, crewneck red sweater, glasses, hair a mess. This is DEFINITELY my Father and now I am completely HORRIFIED. How embarrassing to have you parent all up in your business at the club at 3am! WHat a buzz kill

So I quickly run up to him and push him out the front door asking him what he's doinig there. He said I hadnt' come home yet and he knew I was off work at 1am and he knew I had recently broke it off with my bf and he was worried about me and couldnt sleep. So he thought he'd come up to the bar to check and see if i was there.

Oh wow.

So I told him I was fine and I was staying to continue my partying and he should leave ASAP. And he did. But when i walked back into the bar, the big ol bouncers were like WAS THAT YOUR DAD??!?!??! I was like yeah im embarrassed but he came up here to check on me. And for some reason they thought that was totally fucking cool. At the time i didnt think it was cool at all.

 

[reno240]

I got one.

My huby is an avid hunter. He and his dad went rabbit hunting several years ago and came home with their entire limit. His dad had no room in his deep freeze, so we kept his stash in our deep freeze here at the house.

My hubby, being the smart ass that he is, wrote his dad's name on all of his dad's rabbit packages, as to keep them seperate from his own.

My mom came over for dinner one weekend. I told her to go out in the freezer to get a bag of frozen veggies. She comes into house and says, " You people eat some odd foods around here". I'm looking at her like she has two heads, "What do you mean mom?" I ask. She throws down the white freezer wrapped package, written in my hubbies handwritting in BIG RED lettering:" Rabbit-Dick's"

LOL - My father-in-law and I were playing golf last summer. He takes the game very seriously - me not so much - but both of us were upset because we were playing like crap. Anyway, as the round progressed and the more bad shots we took, we started voicing our anger. Well, my father-in-law kept yelling at himself after every bad shot. "You suck, Dick!", he would yell. I was 34 years old and I was standing on a golf course giggling because my father-in-law kept yelling "You suck, Dick!" teehee.

 

[heavy_duty]

bzzzzbzzzz

Ok here's one. When I was 6, my parents rented a country home. My 2 sisters, my Dad and I were in the boat in the middle of the lake. Well I had to really go poo and could not wait until we got to the beach or back to the house so I started to cry. My Mom could hear me cry from the shore and screamed "Bob, why is J crying". My Dad said "J needs to poo"
My Mom screams "What, I can't hear you". My Dad yells back "J needs to poo"
Well this went back and forth for 2-3 mins b/c they could not hear each other, in the meantime I shit my pants. And when I did, I screamed really loud "Mommy I shit my pants"
My Mom screams back "that I heard"
Still til this day, 41 yrs old and my parents still tell the story.

OMG for real? you said "shit" at 6?
LMAO