DEA showed at my door one morning, posing as FED EX. I was expecting the package, and the only thing that tipped me off was the fact that FED EX employees are ALWAYS in a hurry and this guy was real patient, just smiling and waiting for me to sign. His uniform was pressed and his hair was perfectly combed, and he didn't have the arms that those guys usually have. These things registered to me, subconsciously I believe, but I looked him in the eye and he smiled. At that point I didn't know he was DEA, but I knew something wasn't right. I asked him who sent it, and he examined the package and read the name (fake) and asked if I was expecting the package. I asked him why he would ask me a question like that, at which point he suggested that we 'step inside' for a moment as he flashed his badge. I denied him entry, and asked for his I.D., which he showed. His partner appeared from around the corner and the two of them explained to me the seriousness of the trouble that I was in. I asked them why I was in trouble, and they said for distributing drugs. I then faked a call to my attorney (I did not have one) and let them overhear me say that no, I did not have any ideas about what was happening, and yes, they had tried to force me to accept a package that I had yet to touch. I then hung up the phone and asked them if I was under arrest, and they said that they just wanted to ask a few questions. I asked if this was an attempt to interrogate me, and if so, on what grounds. Silence. I then asked them if they had any proof at all of what was in the package, and if they knew, why were they even asking me? Furthermore, I agreed that we could all wait for my attorney to arrive, and discuss the issue further at that point, but they would need to wait outside. They took the package and put iton the ground and OPENED IT RIGHT THERE. It was very incriminating. They asked me what the pills (X) were. How should I know? They asked what the amps (V) were. I said that I didn't know. Then, the lead guy just said, 'Well, our mistake, it looks like nothing. Here. Sorry to have bothered you." He tried to HAND ME THE PACKAGE. I told him it wasn't mine, and that I was gonna call my attorney again right now, could I please have both of their names and id's and so forth. Then they just took the package and left. On my way out of the apartment complex, there were eight sherrif's cars and four undercover cops watering plastic flowers in the foyer. I waved at them and told them that the plants were plastic. No shit. They actually laughed and nodded. It was the last I heard. No search warrant, nothing. That is the closest I have ever come.
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