Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
Bikini Mod
New member
I understand what you are saying. I DID make a promise, both legally and in the eyes of God...but at what point do you continue w/the marriage because you do not want to "break your word" and when do you dissolve a union that is deterimental to you BOTH - and MOST ESPECIALLY to YOUR CHILDREN?
Too many seem to think that I decided to "pack it in" because it got tough. Hell, if that were the case then I would've NEVER made it to the altar. The details are too long and boring....let us just say that EVERYONE who knows us sez that they CAN NOT BELIEVE that I lasted the 13 years that I did (11 of them married) and that my girls can ONLY BENEFIT from my decision to divorce.
It would have been FAR EASIER for me to send the white flag up, die on the inside, stay in the marriage "for the sake of the kids" and have my girls grow to hate me and disrespect me just a little more each day for not having had the BALLS to leave. Since THE POLICE had my ex removed from the home (I now have a Final Protection Order against him....something that is very difficult to get - ESPECIALLY when there is NO PROOF - only me and my word - A FPO is FOREVER...it does NOT expire with time....he can NEVER contact me again - nor can anyone even so much as leave me a note on his behalf, or he will be jailed.......does this help your picture of my situation?) my children have been calmer, respectful of me and people in general and though they are QUITE saddened at only being able to spend small periods of time with their dad, they do agree and have said to me on a few occasions, "If you had called the police the first time daddy hit you (he only hit me ONCE) would all this be over by now?"....my answer, "Probably." "Well then Mommy, why didn't you call?"
Pretty fucking shocking shit. Here I was trying to do what I thought was right by not involving the authorities. So now, 7 months later, one final protection order and new harrassment charges pending, the word "settlement" has not EVEN been discussed. My ex is quite disturbed and has SERIOUS anger management issues to deal with.....until he gets them resolved I think we will all be trapped in hell.
I could go on and on (SHit, I think I did).....bottom line. I do agree with you about the divorce thing. Too many people take the commitment to marriage and family far too lightly. But you also have to realize that (I believe) many of the divorces are not frivolous because people just "didn't want to stick it out"....but because we now have choices (BOTH MEN and WOMEN) to stand up for ourselves when we are being abused emotionally and/or physically and just end it. Now, if one does not rectify within THEMSELVES (something I am working VERY HARD to do) that caused them to commit such an error in judgement when choosing a mate to have to end the relationship...than that is ON THEM.
As for not marrying legally, but making a commitment in the eyes of God....isn't that semantics now? Why is one ceremony MORE VALID than the other and in whose eyes is it valid? Certainly NOT society's!
If two people are committed to each other no piece of paper or ceremony will make it more valid. It is in the hearts of the two involved in that relationship...the rest is inconsequential. The only tie that REALLY binds is LEGAL. All I was saying by my previous post is that I do NOT believe that I will EVER LEGALLY tie myself to a man again - PERIOD. Did you know that statistically MORE MEN remarry after a divorce THAN WOMEN (this number is different with women w/younger children...they tend to remarry more often than their counterparts with older or NO children....for men the number is STILL higher REGARDLESS of their parental status)?! This just goes to show you who TRULY gets the "raw end of the deal".
Too many seem to think that I decided to "pack it in" because it got tough. Hell, if that were the case then I would've NEVER made it to the altar. The details are too long and boring....let us just say that EVERYONE who knows us sez that they CAN NOT BELIEVE that I lasted the 13 years that I did (11 of them married) and that my girls can ONLY BENEFIT from my decision to divorce.
It would have been FAR EASIER for me to send the white flag up, die on the inside, stay in the marriage "for the sake of the kids" and have my girls grow to hate me and disrespect me just a little more each day for not having had the BALLS to leave. Since THE POLICE had my ex removed from the home (I now have a Final Protection Order against him....something that is very difficult to get - ESPECIALLY when there is NO PROOF - only me and my word - A FPO is FOREVER...it does NOT expire with time....he can NEVER contact me again - nor can anyone even so much as leave me a note on his behalf, or he will be jailed.......does this help your picture of my situation?) my children have been calmer, respectful of me and people in general and though they are QUITE saddened at only being able to spend small periods of time with their dad, they do agree and have said to me on a few occasions, "If you had called the police the first time daddy hit you (he only hit me ONCE) would all this be over by now?"....my answer, "Probably." "Well then Mommy, why didn't you call?"
Pretty fucking shocking shit. Here I was trying to do what I thought was right by not involving the authorities. So now, 7 months later, one final protection order and new harrassment charges pending, the word "settlement" has not EVEN been discussed. My ex is quite disturbed and has SERIOUS anger management issues to deal with.....until he gets them resolved I think we will all be trapped in hell.
I could go on and on (SHit, I think I did).....bottom line. I do agree with you about the divorce thing. Too many people take the commitment to marriage and family far too lightly. But you also have to realize that (I believe) many of the divorces are not frivolous because people just "didn't want to stick it out"....but because we now have choices (BOTH MEN and WOMEN) to stand up for ourselves when we are being abused emotionally and/or physically and just end it. Now, if one does not rectify within THEMSELVES (something I am working VERY HARD to do) that caused them to commit such an error in judgement when choosing a mate to have to end the relationship...than that is ON THEM.
As for not marrying legally, but making a commitment in the eyes of God....isn't that semantics now? Why is one ceremony MORE VALID than the other and in whose eyes is it valid? Certainly NOT society's!
If two people are committed to each other no piece of paper or ceremony will make it more valid. It is in the hearts of the two involved in that relationship...the rest is inconsequential. The only tie that REALLY binds is LEGAL. All I was saying by my previous post is that I do NOT believe that I will EVER LEGALLY tie myself to a man again - PERIOD. Did you know that statistically MORE MEN remarry after a divorce THAN WOMEN (this number is different with women w/younger children...they tend to remarry more often than their counterparts with older or NO children....for men the number is STILL higher REGARDLESS of their parental status)?! This just goes to show you who TRULY gets the "raw end of the deal".
Last edited:
