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heavy_duty
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1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beers with the boys, and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and trying the Oprah diet. Jesus Christ.
2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call your dog... "Killer, come here buddy! I said get your arse over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Here Bun-buns, come to daddy, schnookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, suckers, Ring-Pops, popsicles or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on chicken wings, bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, or tits. Anything else, and you are in training to suck El Dicko, and are undeniably a faggot.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public washroom, or piss in a car park, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. After all, a man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases, when he pleases.
5. If you drink 'decaf coffee', you like a high hard one in the poop chute. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte, please". In fact, if you've ever put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too, you fucking poofter.
6. If you know more than six names of colours, or four different types of desserts; if you can pick out something 'chartreuse' or you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay, pal. And if you can name ANY type of material other than denim, you are faggadocious. You might as well be handing out free passes to your arsehole. A real man does not have enough memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in MLB, NFL, NHL, CFL, college ball, the PGA and boxing.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it. You're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at all the slow-arsed drivers, or to cut the punks off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station to Rock, eat a burger, hold his beer, scratch his balls, call someone important on the mobile, or play with his broad's tits in the passenger seat.
8. If you cheer for the Montreal Canadiens, you're beyond gay, you should be leading the gay parade, and you should change your name to Michel, Yvon, or Renee.
2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call your dog... "Killer, come here buddy! I said get your arse over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Here Bun-buns, come to daddy, schnookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, suckers, Ring-Pops, popsicles or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on chicken wings, bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, or tits. Anything else, and you are in training to suck El Dicko, and are undeniably a faggot.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public washroom, or piss in a car park, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. After all, a man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases, when he pleases.
5. If you drink 'decaf coffee', you like a high hard one in the poop chute. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte, please". In fact, if you've ever put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too, you fucking poofter.
6. If you know more than six names of colours, or four different types of desserts; if you can pick out something 'chartreuse' or you know what a 'fressier' is, you're gay, pal. And if you can name ANY type of material other than denim, you are faggadocious. You might as well be handing out free passes to your arsehole. A real man does not have enough memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in MLB, NFL, NHL, CFL, college ball, the PGA and boxing.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it. You're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at all the slow-arsed drivers, or to cut the punks off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station to Rock, eat a burger, hold his beer, scratch his balls, call someone important on the mobile, or play with his broad's tits in the passenger seat.
8. If you cheer for the Montreal Canadiens, you're beyond gay, you should be leading the gay parade, and you should change your name to Michel, Yvon, or Renee.
