Should I send this to the ex?

[DIVISION]

Wrong. I've dated a ton man. I've had MANY chicks fall for me, and my mom was right, I tire of most of them after 3-4 months. I'm talking about cool quality chicks...

Its not that I need someone to challenege me, I just think the chick has to be of a certain level of intelligence to really "get" me and who I am... my ex went to Duke.. incredibly smart girl.. I'll admit, with many things, she was far smarter then I was.. in other things, I was smarter.. it was a very cool dynamic.. a true partnership...

oh she was also low maintinence... down to earth.. no drama.. very cool.. got along with EVERY one of my friends like they were one of her own, and her friends and family accepted me the same.. I was like a brother to her brother and a son to her parents.

In that same fashion I am the same way as you. I'm such a specific difficult person to "get" that it would take someone dynamic for a relationship to work. I'm just too complex for the typical woman, I guess. At heart I've been told I'm a nice guy, but I'm not "user friendly" and I don't see myself ever being so. Dynamic relationships are what it's all about IMO, such that you are different enough that you don't get bored, but have similiar values so you are always able to relate to each other on some level.

Yeah, Lestat.......life ain't easy man. It's life's simple pleasures that makes everything worth it though.

DIV

 

[Lestat]

There certainly seems to be a theme developing here at EF these days.

I noticed that too.. its been a tough summer on a lot of us guys as far as relationships go.

 

[DIVISION]

I noticed that too.. its been a tough summer on a lot of us guys as far as relationships go.

But is it that you guys have picked the wrong women or that you yourselves are the problem?

It's the questions within the question.

DIV

 

[bignate73]

just a side note Lestat, i was left because i was too different. its weird. though we all know opposites in some respects attract, some people dont realize that and want someone who thinks just like them. and yes, they tire of them, because its like talking to yourself. there is no challenge to your thoughts, ideals etc. not everyone is mature enough to realize it though or see the validity in the differences.

i can relate, more than you know, about how you feel right now. i never had the distractions so i had to get on with the hurt right away. we had no reason to break up, only weak excuses that never validated a breakup. flimsy excuses to move into a distraction and run from the truth. but its a 2 sided coin. i know my side with great detail, i can only speculate what it looks like on the other side. keep that in mind.

i really think you will meet someone like this again, or maybe you 2 will reconcile. but i think because you met someone you really connected with, its hard to realize that its a 2 person game, and alot of times, there is one person who attaches a little harder than another. i thought in the beginning it would be my ex, because she was very attached through the relationship. i held back because of fear of commitment, then i let go, and gave myself 110%, and by then she had recoiled. so i fell on my face. too little too late. timing just wasnt on my side. the one that works for you will be one where you both time things right. this comes from learning experiences such as these. you learn to read signals that someone else is falling for you, and you either take the plunge or you let them off the hook before they fall too hard. or maybe they fall hard because of timing as well. its the game of life. hurt and happiness, yourself or someone else. eventually it will all come together.

 

[Forge]

I'm gonna be truly single I think for a few months and just hit the gym hard and focus on myself. I started dating like MAD right after the breakup because I needed some distraction, I needed something to boost my ego to. My ex has done a big number on my confidence and ego... she knew me better then I knew myself at times.. so now I think fuck... if SHE doesn't love me, how can I expect anyone to? It'd be like my mom saying she didn't love me anymore.. fuck.

I went through the same thing you are right now after my divorce this summer, especially the "if she doesn't love me, how can anyone else" crap. I still think of sending my ex "that letter" begging her to come back, things will change, but I realize that it would be fruitless. You just haven't moved on yet, but she has.

The truth is it's not up to you to fix this, it's up to her. If she wants you back she will let you know it. In the meantime, live your own life without her. Meet new women (you seem to have this down already), spend time doing hobbies or working out, try new things. For me some of the saviors were time with friends, rock clilmbing, country music (hah), and just working around the house. I can honestly say that I've accepted the fact that I'm single again and I'm ready to start over. If the ex-wife and I reconcile then cool, but I'm not going out of my way to pursue her anymore, it's on her now. You need to get to this place too, but sending that letter won't get you there. Ignoring her and living life for yourself will, but it will take time.

In this situation, patience really is a virtue.

 

[gonelifting]

A lot of good responses here. Lestat, anyt ime you feel like typing your shit out and it makes you feel better, go ahead bro. It`s better than doing the wrong thing in haste. Come here first . I think you`re doing a great job with all this. There is no ideal way of doing this because NO ONE has been in your exact shoes. ZYou`re doing great. IMO

 

[jh1]

Orb these threads are all so painfull to read...

Don't send her the note bro... you have closure - you are just in denial about it, and you want to open discussions in order to get more definitive closure - in the form of finding out she still wants you, or that she can't stand you.

It ain't gonna happen - what will is that she will respond in some way to let you know that she still cares about you and is sorry she hurt you, but can't be with you... at least right now. Which will just string you along more.

Even if she is trying not to string you along consciously, deep down - she wants you to be there for her in case she decides to come back. That is a sickness that many peeps have - it is nice to be wanted even if you know it is at the extreme expense of others feelings.

Don't know what else to say - you know the right answers - you know what you need to do. The only hurdle you *REALLY* have is finding someone that grabs your attention. Once that happens this will all seem so friggin silly it isn't even funny. But right now you think you have all these obstacles in your way - they are all illusions. Find someone... not some asshole licking slut....

 

[alien amp pharm]

But is it that you guys have picked the wrong women or that you yourselves are the problem?

In mine she was the problem. Her good friend (the one that actually set us up) doesn't even talk to her now because of what she did to me. My ex even said after the breakup that I have a right to be upset at her.

 

[AAP]

no beef, he just jumped on here asking why I even asked for advice because I was going to do what I was gonna do anyway.... I'm telling him, not true.

But you didn't do it did you?

See, my anti-advice reverse thingy worked didn't it?

We aint' got no beef, just fun.

 

[Becoming]

It's easy to be in a relationship when everything is peachy. I think going through hell and making thing work even when it's really challenging ends up with a more true level of happiness.

I would agree - the best realationships will be forged through challenges... but there has to be a willingness from both parties to see it through...

Good post by bignate... especially "enjoy the ladies you have around you. maybe its not the same, so what? people are all different. enjoy them for who they are."