Sexually active now, and have some questions

[Waka]

ha.... ok well most of you seem pretty open about this stuff, so I'm just going to come out and ask

If a guy ejaculates sooner... or vice versa can't ejaculate at all, would this be at all the girls fault ? I'm pretty embarassed and confused to be asking this. 3 weeks ago was my first time and he lasted 20 minutes... it was pretty disappointing.. lol

I am also having a problem whereas the first guy I have ever been sexually active with, he seems to prefer me on top...and i'm not sure i really find it as arousing for me as much as it is for him... HMMM... anyways, the stupid question above, could someone answer it?

 

[bluetwistedsteel67]

20 minutes of actualy fucking or 20 minutes from clothes off to done? 20 minutes of fucking after alot of forepaly is about average to better than average. If you're disappointed that it was so quick it was because he didn't take enough time to get you really worked up from the beginning. Now for girl on top. The visual is excellent which is why we love it. Most women enjoy it because they get to control the speed, depth, rythym, etc and get to make sure that cock is angled right where it needs to be to hit that spot. I wouldn't worry about the 20 minutes I would just work with him to make the 40minutes before the 20 minutes really great.

 

[Sassy69]

THe guy lasted 20 minutes? Shit, some are good for maybe 3 minutes. What does it mean 'lasted 20 minutes"?

I couldnt' tell u what is "better" for guys - or that particular guy - how experienced was he? Its a give & take - I dont think what guys & girl consider the "best" position is the same for both - so that's why you have a lot of give & take & making it great for the other person, then they make it great for you. Also communicatoin is important. Maybe he doesn't knwo what you "like" - since it was your first, how do you know what you "like"?

Its a whole learning experience. I think the two best things you can do to better understand yourself are

1) dont' just go have sex w/ someone --one-niteres suck and you aren't going to get the consideration of someone doing what is "good for you". And you won't get the chance to learn what is good for 'both of you' - - I'm hoping this guy is your bf and I hope you are using protection.

2) Make sure you talk to the person - again one-nighters suck for this -- you need to have a trusting relaionship to be able to talk about what you like or feel comfortable saying what you don't like and findin what works the best for BOTH of you . It takes 2 peopel to make it enjoyable. If its more like YOU and HIM, then only one party is going to be satisfied and the other will be let down. And don't let him make you feel like you have to do thing a certain way. Its critically important to your comfort w /yourself to be able to talk to the guy & get the respect from him that would make the experience mutually enjoyable.

 

[H_T_]

ha.... ok well most of you seem pretty open about this stuff, so I'm just going to come out and ask

If a guy ejaculates sooner... or vice versa can't ejaculate at all, would this be at all the girls fault ? I'm pretty embarassed and confused to be asking this. 3 weeks ago was my first time and he lasted 20 minutes... it was pretty disappointing.. lol

I am also having a problem whereas the first guy I have ever been sexually active with, he seems to prefer me on top...and i'm not sure i really find it as arousing for me as much as it is for him... HMMM... anyways, the stupid question above, could someone answer it?

No. please don't get a complex over that. i take a super long time to nut, it's just how i am and my ex used to freak out thinking she didn't turn me on enough. if the guy is getting rock hard, you're doing wonderfully. and that's all you should worry about.

 

[Waka]

THe guy lasted 20 minutes? Shit, some are good for maybe 3 minutes. What does it mean 'lasted 20 minutes"?

I couldnt' tell u what is "better" for guys - or that particular guy - how experienced was he? Its a give & take - I dont think what guys & girl consider the "best" position is the same for both - so that's why you have a lot of give & take & making it great for the other person, then they make it great for you. Also communicatoin is important. Maybe he doesn't knwo what you "like" - since it was your first, how do you know what you "like"?

Its a whole learning experience. I think the two best things you can do to better understand yourself are

1) dont' just go have sex w/ someone --one-niteres suck and you aren't going to get the consideration of someone doing what is "good for you". And you won't get the chance to learn what is good for 'both of you' - - I'm hoping this guy is your bf and I hope you are using protection.

2) Make sure you talk to the person - again one-nighters suck for this -- you need to have a trusting relaionship to be able to talk about what you like or feel comfortable saying what you don't like and findin what works the best for BOTH of you . It takes 2 peopel to make it enjoyable. If its more like YOU and HIM, then only one party is going to be satisfied and the other will be let down. And don't let him make you feel like you have to do thing a certain way. Its critically important to your comfort w /yourself to be able to talk to the guy & get the respect from him that would make the experience mutually enjoyable.

Hey Sassy!! thanks so much for your post. I felt i should comment on what you just said... Well, we've known each other for a month. I waited for as long as I did for the sole purpose of not feeling ready, or old enough to have sex. Only have known him for a month but i still dont feel like i made a mistake.
I havent spoken to him about being his girlfriend. We go on dates, to his place, and his family and friends call me his girlfriend sometimes because i am over there so much. But i havent actually spoken to him about it lol

And we do use protection This definitely is a learning experience... I suppose the only choice i have right now is to talk to him about it.

 

[Waka]

No. please don't get a complex over that. i take a super long time to nut, it's just how i am and my ex used to freak out thinking she didn't turn me on enough. if the guy is getting rock hard, you're doing wonderfully. and that's all you should worry about.

Thank you for your input. I really have been worrying about it, and i didnt really want to ask him myself about this.

 

[Wulfgar]

Come over to my house and Ill hook u up..














Itll be the best 25 seconds of your life

 

[Kashi]

20 minutes I am impressed. JK. My ex could last all night, drove me crazy and not in a good way. So worry too much about it.

 

[Gymgurl]

There are SO many factors in this area.....I have had guys that lasted 2 min....guys that have lasted HOURS...30 min seems pretty average and if he likes you on top it might be to stop him from cumming......

 

[Sassy69]

LOL @ Wulfgar - always ready to lend a helping ... appendage...

Waka - its really just part of getting to know the guy & yourself --everyone is so different. Esp women develop a complex when they start having sex becaues you don't really know what is "expected", what is "normal", etc. Most of it is just "what happens" - whatever happens shouldn't be taken as anyone's fault. Sometimes stuff just doesn't work how you expect and no one is the same. I guess the point is to talk to the guy - don't feel embarrassed -- hell, you're letting him in on a pretty intimate part of your life & he, you. You'd also be surprised at how "matter of fact" the discussions can become when you just bring it up instead of being scared of it, or feeling stupid or whatever. At least that's what I've come to discover -- I was so uncomfortable talking about that stuff for yrs -- finally I was just like, whatever. Its sex. If I want to understand why the guy does this or that, or what feels good, or what's normal or whatever w/o me or him feeling like I'm implying there's somethign wrong - I just ask. That also seems to remove so much of that level of shyness as well - pretty much its all hanging out & sex is more fun. If its not fun, I dont' think I really want to share it w/ that person then.

 

[Wulfgar]

Sassy...your next after her...

 

[PBR]

LOL @ Wulfgar - always ready to lend a helping ... appendage...

Waka - its really just part of getting to know the guy & yourself --everyone is so different. Esp women develop a complex when they start having sex becaues you don't really know what is "expected", what is "normal", etc. Most of it is just "what happens" - whatever happens shouldn't be taken as anyone's fault. Sometimes stuff just doesn't work how you expect and no one is the same. I guess the point is to talk to the guy - don't feel embarrassed -- hell, you're letting him in on a pretty intimate part of your life & he, you. You'd also be surprised at how "matter of fact" the discussions can become when you just bring it up instead of being scared of it, or feeling stupid or whatever. At least that's what I've come to discover -- I was so uncomfortable talking about that stuff for yrs -- finally I was just like, whatever. Its sex. If I want to understand why the guy does this or that, or what feels good, or what's normal or whatever w/o me or him feeling like I'm implying there's somethign wrong - I just ask. That also seems to remove so much of that level of shyness as well - pretty much its all hanging out & sex is more fun. If its not fun, I dont' think I really want to share it w/ that person then.

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