Seriously though - I need advice.

[velvett]

I must say something to my boss or invest in anger management.

I have an amazing tolerance until I've had enough and that evil side comes out and I'll try my best to destroy you verbally.

I don't want to go there - I'm better than that.

How do I make it clear, diplomatically, that the following behavior is not becoming or appropriate for a boss and business person.

Or do I just deal with it?


*****************************


My boss (female) tries to be cute in the manner in which she says something but only really succeeds at being condescending, belittling, racist or insulting.

Take for example - she hates blonds thinks they're all stupid. So she'll say "hey Blondie can you remember if we did.... " – “Are we having a blond day?” - "Do we have our thinking cap on?"
(While knocking on your head) “Hello? Anybody in there?”

Have a mountain of paperwork on your desk? - she'll tell everyone you're "Watergate" and everything is missing.

When she doesn’t know something, understand something or did not make a final decision on something she will change it even when she knows full well that she is making the wrong decision so that she can have final say. When it comes to be the wrong decision - it's everyone else's fault for letting it happen or not pointing it out to her.

Instead of saying, “I need you to do this…” she’ll say in a 5 year old voice “Can impose….”

When she realizes that you know more than she does she will start a speech, “Well, for your edification this is how we do things, or how this work, or why t his or that is this or that way…”

Instead of listening to you at a meeting or reading memos left for her she’ll leave notes requesting the very same information that was either told or left for her to read.

When she finds a new hot client to suck up to she drops everyone else and expects you to do as well – then has a tamper tantrum that everyone else is falling behind.

And in summation, every accomplishment is only due to her association and every failure is because someone made her do it that way.

 

[Big Jroy]

Your boss is an ass wad. Go talk to your Human Resources rep about this.

 

[bdog527]

Get a new job.

Have you talked to your coworkers about this? Do they agree with you?

 

[ZKaudio]

i bet you work for my mom =/ are you in insurance by chance?

 

[p0ink]

well,

a. i'm no good at dealing with women.
b. i've only had shitty part time work, and i loathed pretty much every job i had. (i'm only 21)
c. i'm no diplomat; i burn bridges rather than create them.

however, you might want to to take this as an opportunity to consider getting another job outside of NY so you can avoid the outrageous taxation and horrible political environment.

 

[The Shadow]

my advice - come to Atlanta next week.



She is too old and set in her ways to change for you or anyone else at this point.

You can:

1 - Ignore it.

2 - Choose to ask why she is condescending.

3 - Look for work elsewhere.


I would ask her about it personally....do it alone with no one else present.

 

[strangebrew]

I would push her down the stairs, and act like shes stupid and clumsy, then knock on her head and say "hello? anybody in there?"

 

[velvett]

It's a very small company - the bosses own the company.

I work for the two bosses and I have someone working under me that I have convinced (begged) not to quit becuase of the female boss and we have a bookkeeper that works for us as an independent contractor.

Everyone feels the same way - it took me months to find someone that would stay more than two weeks and in the past 5 years I've gone through 9 sales people and 2 lasted 2 years a piece.


The male boss is romantically involved with the female boss - during the day he sides with you but after the night and morning with her - he comes back castrated.

 

[Deleted member 33117]

Honestly? Its time to look for a new job. It sounds like she is really getting to you, and everyone else you work with, and obviously it isn't going to get better. So start looking elsewere, and just try your best not to kill her until you find a better job.

 

[velvett]

I would ask her about it personally....do it alone with no one else present.

You can never do that - she will take what you say twist it around into something completely different and cry to her other when they get home.


I never speak to her without him present regarding sensitive information.

 

[The Shadow]

lol

 

[Lumberg]

Velvett you just need to take her aside after an episode of the blonde joke thing and just explain to her that you find that behavior demeaning and unaccpetable. If you need to let her know that any unwanted physical contact can be prosecuted as assault.

As for the other behavior there's no real fix for that. One fix might be to set her up somehow.

I think in this case you're talking about the owner of your company right? Cos otherwise I would have gone to her supervisor and/or higher by now.

 

[big4life]

She has no right to treat you like that, or say the things that she has said. When you get them both together sit them down and tell them that it either stops or you will have to look elsewhere for a job. Knowing all the work they throw on you, I am willing to bet that she will at least treat you with respect, something that she's not doing right now.

 

[velvett]

I would push her down the stairs, and act like shes stupid and clumsy, then knock on her head and say "hello? anybody in there?"

She's pretty clutzy on her own - she has broken two bones and split open her lip without my help.

 

[The Shadow]

I pmed you the solution.

 

[biteme]

You can never do that - she will take what you say twist it around into something completely different and cry to her other when they get home.


I never speak to her without him present regarding sensitive information.

I had a boss like this, but far more evil than than yours. I had to put up with him for 4 years.Many times I felt like taking my clipboard and smashing it over his head. He recently got fired for beating his wife and losing his license. Maybe she will hang herself eventually.

 

[velvett]

I had a boss like this, but far more evil than than yours. I had to put up with him for 4 years.Many times I felt like taking my clipboard and smashing it over his head. He recently got fired for beating his wife and losing his license. Maybe she will hang herself eventually.

Perhaps I should take up prayer.

 

[strangebrew]

Perhaps I should take up prayer.

I think some form of voodoo would help you more.

 

[biteme]

Perhaps I should take up prayer.

Everyone always says, "What goes around comes around." Being the skeptic that I am, I demand proof of that. I don't think that's always the case. But I have seen it happen many times. Being forced to be around people you can't stand is not healthy. Sometimes there just not a better alternative other than to wait it out.

 

[PolishHammer1977]

You can only control YOUR actions Velvett. Ignore hers or leave.

 

[flexygrl]

Velvett,

You're a blond? I thought you were a brunette. My advice, look for another job. It is not going to get better. Unfortunatly, women like that give us a bad name. You are not going to win against her. It's her company. Find a new job, if you can!!!

 

[Dial_tone]

My boss is an unamericanized Chinese man. I want him to die a horrible death.

 

[TheProject]

Okay, if you HAVE to talk to them both together...

Have a calm, rational discussion with the both of them, where you mention specific incidents that upset/anger/offend you, explain that this is making it difficult for your subordinate as well, and that some things need to change.

Don't make ultimatums unless you really want to leave.

It sounds to me like she's petty and childish enough that having the conversation could make things worse, to the point where she tried to force you to quit.

Bottom line: don't discuss it with her unless you're absolutely prepared for the WCS of having to find a new job.

 

[gotmilk]

There's nothing you can do without creating a rift.

It's kind of like when I called the Maine Economic Development Coordinator an asshole. Do you think they want to bend over backwards to help me again?

Just because someone acts like an asshole, smells like an asshole, has a big asshole, does not mean you can call them on their being an asshole.

There are people in the world who act the way they do and do not realize they are doing it...until no one is paying attention to them anymore.

Her attitude will bring karmic payback someday.

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

Try to maintain the high road if you like your job. She is obviously threatened by you and it could be that trying to run you off is part of the attitude. It is very difficult to be the mature and rational person when there is someone demeaning you. Try to look at the situation a little deeper. For example, when she "pops off" try to think of it as, she has an inferiority complex and she is trying to pump herself up, because she feels badly about herself.

If the job is not important to you, then find another one. If the job is important to you, take the high road. Talking to them will probably give them something to mock you about later - when you aren't present.

It doesn't sound like anything will come out of you having a discussion with them.

SF

 

[velvett]

Flexy - I'm a brunette.
When she refers to "blond" she's saying, "are you stupid today?"

It's all very deep rooted - her ex husband is remarried to a blond and it eats at her constantly.

 

[XBiker]

You can only control YOUR actions Velvett. Ignore hers or leave.

True dat.

If you can't take it anymore, use your feet to express your distaste.

If that's not an option, then buy a punching bag.

 

[jackangel]

Kick her in the fuckin' tits.

 

[Mandinka2]

Only 2 possible course of action for u Velv:

1. Go blond yourself and try and freak her out totally by hitting on the boss she is having the thing with , he seems like a flake anyway. You'll provide him with the emotional stability to stand up to her and make her isolated.

2. Leave - you'll never go far underneath someone with such emotional needs.

 

[gorillab0y]

Is she hot? If so make out with her and send the pics to [email protected]

Thanks

 

[velvett]

Everyone,

I just want to thank all of you for your answers - I appreciate every last one. I'm going take all of your answers and mix them into something I can work with - or not work with as it were.

She is a very talented woman yet horribly insecure with an everybody owes me uncurrent running through her.

I have survived this long for many varied reasons and even though I want to choke the living crap out of her I will not regret this experience - I just have to get through til next spring.

Again - THANK YOU


You have no idea how much better I feel to have read all your replies.

 

[Testosterone boy]

Some solutions are best resolved at 3000 f.p.s.

Cost is 5K




















j/k

 

[jackangel]

You have no idea how much better I feel to have read all your replies.

Hey, listen, I'm just really glad that I could help. If you need any more advice, please do not hesitate to ask. Also, if you want to learn some Yogic mind control techniques, PM me for details.

 

[hellorhih2o]

I must say something to my boss or invest in anger management.

I have an amazing tolerance until I've had enough and that evil side comes out and I'll try my best to destroy you verbally.

I don't want to go there - I'm better than that.

How do I make it clear, diplomatically, that the following behavior is not becoming or appropriate for a boss and business person.

Or do I just deal with it?

Hey velvett, I know you're done with this thread but I just read the entire thing and I have to spell it out: she's not going to change no matter what you say. If this is really because of her own insecurities, it'll probably take years for her to change (if ever). No "discussion" with her is going to change her here and now. I think you already know that. And if she's romantically involved with one of the other owners, I think there's very little you can do. You just can't change people that easily (at work or at home). I think you have two options: 1) shrug your shoulders, put up with her nonsense and go on with your day (easier said than done) or 2) find another gig.

I'm willing to bet good money that you don't have 3rd option (changing her). It's just not that simple.

Sorry, girl... Wish I could be more supportive of your efforts to "fix her" but I just don't buy it...

 

[Lumberg]

Everyone,

I just want to thank all of you for your answers - I appreciate every last one. I'm going take all of your answers and mix them into something I can work with - or not work with as it were.

She is a very talented woman yet horribly insecure with an everybody owes me uncurrent running through her.

I have survived this long for many varied reasons and even though I want to choke the living crap out of her I will not regret this experience - I just have to get through til next spring.

Again - THANK YOU


You have no idea how much better I feel to have read all your replies.

Hey I just thought of something. Is she ever flicks at your hand just whip your hand up and grab her hand. Show that you are in control physically adn say DON'T do that. Continue working.

 

[jerkbox]

what ever you express to your boss, do so in writing, signed and dated... and present her with it. this will help you collect unemployment if you decide to quit, or are fired etc....you know the whole hostile work environment thing. but needs to be documented.


i would say start looking for a new job....working for assholes is only worth it if doing so puts you in the position to move on to bigger and better things. If you are staying there just because it is more comfortable than looking for a new job, then it's not worth it.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I am really a "Johnny-come-lately" here, but everything happens for a reason.

It is either A. Time to look for employment elsewhere (maybe NOW is a good time for whatever reason).

or

B. Toughing it out till the Spring will teach you some new skill that will help you in the future.


I know it isn't much help but I wanted to let you know I read ya and I hope it all works out well for you.

I still have the book, incidentally. I have it with me always. I still open the front cover when I am really down and read the inscription.... It helps me to TRY to focus.

Someday soon I will make you proud!

 

[Parabellum]

Move one toe greener pastures. Tale the client list with you and bury the hag.

Is this job really worth your health?

 

[bwood]

velvett...you need a cheap discardable blender, bought with cash in another city...

some mescal beans, acetone, coffee filters, and some dmso all bought in the afore mentioned method at seperate stores...

and then you just...

 

[Testosterone boy]

velvett...you need a cheap discardable blender, bought with cash in another city...

some mescal beans, acetone, coffee filters, and some dmso all bought in the afore mentioned method at seperate stores...

and then you just...

wood choppers are more fun. Like in Fargo............great movie btw.

 

[fistfullofsteel]

what you need is somebody to relax you. somebody with great hands and great to help you get your mind off of her. i'm here for you.

 

[Generic MALE]

I have been self employed luckily since about 1990. Although I am in school full time, I still have a business I run - although it is sort of tanking now. I really don't know how to deal with bosses - thats why I work for myself.

I don't know what to say. But I feel for you. I would have a hard time dealing with that...I have an easier time being that.

Actually my employees usually work for me for years and become good friends whom I discuss everything with in their lives and mine - they are almost family. I try to be the boss I would want. I am pretty laid back, they tease me alot, and we all think work is a 4 letter word.

I could give you advice on mean tricks you could play on her. I am pretty good at paybacks. Otherwise I guess suck it up. I am of the opinion that you should not criticize your boss - if you are at a point where you criticize the person who writes your checks its time to leave.