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Question on relationships

chesty

chesty

Bodybuilding Competitor
Elite Moderator
Why is it that when a girl or a guy decides they don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend and just want to be your friend and want you to be their friend they automatically expect the other party to just shut down and go into friend mode like nothing is wrong and it is totally natural for you to just do that with no problem.

I have been through this before and now I have my best friend trying to figure it out and for the life of me I can't. It seems that it is the girl who usually expects you to just do a 180 and not have a single problem with it and if you do they always get pissed off like your a child and just not getting it.

From my experience going from being intimate to beer buddies just doesn't work.
 
chesty said:
Why is it that when a girl or a guy decides they don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend and just want to be your friend and want you to be their friend they automatically expect the other party to just shut down and go into friend mode like nothing is wrong and it is totally natural for you to just do that with no problem.

I have been through this before and now I have my best friend trying to figure it out and for the life of me I can't. It seems that it is the girl who usually expects you to just do a 180 and not have a single problem with it and if you do they always get pissed off like your a child and just not getting it.

From my experience going from being intimate to beer buddies just doesn't work.
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Women say lots of silly things.

Just ignore it the same way you would driving advice ;)
 
i went thru the same exact thing recently...there is one explanation. Women are fucked up and evil.
 
jerseyart said:
Women say lots of silly things.

Just ignore it the same way you would driving advice ;)
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Exactly! They always try to make it out like your the childish one when they used you and then decided they no longer needed your services.

Bitches, all of them.
 
chesty said:
Why is it that when a girl or a guy decides they don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend and just want to be your friend and want you to be their friend they automatically expect the other party to just shut down and go into friend mode like nothing is wrong and it is totally natural for you to just do that with no problem.

I have been through this before and now I have my best friend trying to figure it out and for the life of me I can't. It seems that it is the girl who usually expects you to just do a 180 and not have a single problem with it and if you do they always get pissed off like your a child and just not getting it.

From my experience going from being intimate to beer buddies just doesn't work.
Click to expand...

ive been struggling with this issue myself the past few weeks
except both people have feeling but most likely it wont work..

is it even possible for men/women to be freinds after theyve been together??
 
wnt2bBeast said:
ive been struggling with this issue myself the past few weeks
except both people have feeling but most likely it wont work..

is it even possible for men/women to be freinds after theyve been together??
Click to expand...
I really don't think so. The one I hate is that they say they still have feelings/attractions towards you, but only want you as a friend.

An example is my friend was hearing this crap and asked if he should move on or keep trying, she wouldn't tell him one way or the other and kept saying she wouldn't/couldn't tell him what to do. So then he asks if he should just go away and she gets pissed off at him and tells him she has moved him successfully into the friends column and tells him his question is a question that ends friendships, blah, blah, blah. So he asked her the same question about moving on or to keep trying (since apparently one reason she wanted space was cause she thought he was still trying to be proactive in his pursuit of her) she still wouldn't answer the question and gave the same crap.

I told him he should just drop her like a bad habit and not talk to her any more.
 
chesty said:
Exactly! They always try to make it out like your the childish one when they used you and then decided they no longer needed your services.

Bitches, all of them.
Click to expand...


Not bitches, just wired differently.

They also have a special talent for seeing and recalling whatever they choose to bor.;)

The trick to women is actually listening to what they say.

For example, when they say

a) Im a strong independent woman

translation: Im a psychotic emotional mess

b) Im not the jealous type

translation: I will stalk you , rifle through all your stuff, and question you endlessly. I will also make your life a living hell for whatever I imagine you might be doing

c) I dont believe in casual sex

translation: Ive screwed so many guys I cant even recall their faces, now Im looking to settle down and get married.

Just smile and move on.
 
chesty said:
I really don't think so. The one I hate is that they say they still have feelings/attractions towards you, but only want you as a friend.

An example is my friend was hearing this crap and asked if he should move on or keep trying, she wouldn't tell him one way or the other and kept saying she wouldn't/couldn't tell him what to do. So then he asks if he should just go away and she gets pissed off at him and tells him she has moved him successfully into the friends column and tells him his question is a question that ends friendships, blah, blah, blah. So he asked her the same question about moving on or to keep trying (since apparently one reason she wanted space was cause she thought he was still trying to be proactive in his pursuit of her) she still wouldn't answer the question and gave the same crap.

I told him he should just drop her like a bad habit and not talk to her any more.
Click to expand...

good advice seems like she just into the game
 
jerseyart said:
Not bitches, just wired differently.

They also have a special talent for seeing and recalling whatever they choose to bor.;)

The trick to women is actually listening to what they say.

For example, when they say

a) Im a strong independent woman

translation: Im a psychotic emotional mess

b) Im not the jealous type

translation: I will stalk you , rifle through all your stuff, and question you endlessly. I will also make your life a living hell for whatever I imagine you might be doing

c) I dont believe in casual sex

translation: Ive screwed so many guys I cant even recall their faces, now Im looking to settle down and get married.

Just smile and move on.
Click to expand...


True, but that's only half of it.......it would be wise to pay more attention to what they do, not what they say.
 
I don't think they make a course on translation that will ever effectively let a man know what in the hell they are thinking or feeling or saying.

We just gotta run far, fast and never stop.!
 
u need to sort through feelings before a friendship can be had
 
hanselthecaretaker said:
True, but that's only half of it.......it would be wise to pay more attention to what they do, not what they say.
Click to expand...


Smart bor

And never forget it maing, no matter how "different" she seems
 
chesty said:
Why is it that when a girl or a guy decides they don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend and just want to be your friend and want you to be their friend they automatically expect the other party to just shut down and go into friend mode like nothing is wrong and it is totally natural for you to just do that with no problem.

I have been through this before and now I have my best friend trying to figure it out and for the life of me I can't. It seems that it is the girl who usually expects you to just do a 180 and not have a single problem with it and if you do they always get pissed off like your a child and just not getting it.

From my experience going from being intimate to beer buddies just doesn't work.
Click to expand...

No it doesn't. Not for me either. Someone always gets hurt.
 
That is what he was telling me. He was saying she is sexually attracted to him, but can't act on those impulses, so I told him to run!
 
chesty said:
Exactly! They always try to make it out like your the childish one when they used you and then decided they no longer needed your services.

Bitches, all of them.
Click to expand...

Someone sounds very bitter. I havent' had any success in relationships either. Well maybe in the short run, but they've all ended. Maybe a lot of it has been me. I'm not certain.
 
theres one thing ive learned about women...they can make up their minds to grieve loss without you ever knowing- until, it is their time to go or stop it...they have an ability to do this silently with only very close friends having knowledge....so what we as men may think as "sudden", is actually- already History.
 
that is true as well. but women do have an ability to just shut it off or at least hide it very well.
 
chesty said:
Why is it that when a girl or a guy decides they don't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend and just want to be your friend and want you to be their friend they automatically expect the other party to just shut down and go into friend mode like nothing is wrong and it is totally natural for you to just do that with no problem.
From my experience going from being intimate to beer buddies just doesn't work.
Click to expand...

IMO although women on the face of things when involved are the more openly emotional of the two sexes I find that women are so much better than men at detaching themselves emotionally once they have decided the relationship is over.

They flip that switch in their head and say, "I think we should just be friends."
 
If you Let it Go and it Comes Back, Then it was Meant to Be....

Girls whos say they want to be friends ARE clearly just going to be friends. You cannot do anything to convince them otherwise. Hanging out with them untill they eventually realize they have feelings for you does not ever occur. It just will not happen.

When they say they Friends its FRIENDS!
 
friend mode means she's spotted her next conquest...fuck that.
 
wnt2bBeast said:
we need some more bitches to chime in here :)
Click to expand...

I've said my piece. ;)
 
wnt2bBeast said:
we need some more bitches to chime in here :)
Click to expand...

we need more bitches, period.
 
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...how about when a guy does it.....but then wants you back and then does it again...but doesn't like you talking to other guys
 
Gymgurl said:
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...how about when a guy does it.....but then wants you back and then does it again...but doesn't like you talking to other guys
Click to expand...

thats a stalker baby...run the other way
just like a woman to change the scenario around and make it about them :)
 
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and how about when they thin you should just get over them and be their friend and pretend like you never had any feelings for them at all
 
girls are so much better at that then guys are.
 
Gymgurl said:
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and how about when they thin you should just get over them and be their friend and pretend like you never had any feelings for them at all
Click to expand...

did you hit the wrong button, surely you menat to PM right? :rolleyes:
 
You guys are so good at just shuting off everything and moving on....well maybe your pretending but your damn good at it.....maybe I just always picked the non-emotional type
 
Gymgurl said:
You guys are so good at just shuting off everything and moving on....well maybe your pretending but your damn good at it.....maybe I just always picked the non-emotional type
Click to expand...

i guess most women need an emotional type of man?
some guys may not be emotional and mushy but they do show there emotions through their actions..i think a lot of times that goes overlooked by most women
 
Okay I have to agree on that....you might be right...but some are very closed off and wont show anything...............................

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH and how about the ones that tell you they love you but won't talk about it or anything feeling wise after
 
No shit, men are emotionally shut off, they dont want to talk bout what bothers them. They just act mad and dont tell you what is wrong.
I dont know about alot of the women, but Im a woman that needs to be shown that im loved. I dont mean just....touchy feely stuff but showing in general. I think i show my emotions too freakin well and that sucks on my part.
 
This is one big one sided thread!

I'm not gonna even attempt to go off.. cause surely I could..

chesty.. she's wrong for doing that to your friend.. no doubt. If you want to let go then hell let go. shes stringing him along "just in case" Tell him to drop her like a bad apple.. he deserves better.

This plays both ways.. and being independant.. or sexual partners and all that jealousy bull shit JA spewed on here has nothing to do with how people handle break ups. I for one can say that I am Independant... What single mom isn't, Am not jealous, it gets no one anywhere, and I'm not a whore.. :rolleyes: Some don't like confrontations.. and have a hard time just saying... 'We won't work'.. others like this gal just want to 'make sure something better comes along' before she burns the bridge.

Tell your boy to scoot... nothing good can come from hanging on to a relationship thats just not there.
 
SoKlueles said:
No shit, men are emotionally shut off, they dont want to talk bout what bothers them. They just act mad and dont tell you what is wrong.
I dont know about alot of the women, but Im a woman that needs to be shown that im loved. I dont mean just....touchy feely stuff but showing in general. I think i show my emotions too freakin well and that sucks on my part.
Click to expand...

yes some men are very shut off..i know i am..i had a very stressful job where you needed to have very thick skin, mistakes would cost lots of money, and you neede to be prepared to get screamed at and berrated in front of everyone, but you also needed to get back on the horse and work no moping around and crying about it..it led me to keep everything bottled up inside and un til the bell rang and i had a few guinnesses was when i was able to have my release..it wasnt a healthy situation but it was hard to go home and tell someone about your day..dont get me wrong there were some very good days but for the most part there was always something going wrong..just the nature of the biz it was a hell of a lot easier/better to talk about something else..so maybe those guys that are closed off are made to be that way because of other things
 
you.jpg
 
I have told him and I think he is finally listening. He just doesn't get it that she is stringing him along in case her "chosen" path doesn't work for her then she still has him waiting in the shadows. Like we are friends now, but I am sexually attracted to you, but I can't let that get in my way of my goals. blah blah blah.
 
chesty said:
Yes, but was it loud enough to be heard?
Click to expand...

:whatever: Should I care? ;)
 
Yeah forget that crap - women can change sides so fast for some unknown reason. One minute you have them bent over your couch and are giving it to them and then another moment they "just want to be friends"

Last girl I was with did the same thing - I just said "nope, aint gonna work" she was pissed off, I was pissed off. It was awesome.
 
nah i would rather a guy show it then tell me.. actions speak louder then words
wnt2bBeast said:
i guess most women need an emotional type of man?
some guys may not be emotional and mushy but they do show there emotions through their actions..i think a lot of times that goes overlooked by most women
Click to expand...
 
Jay Cartwright said:
IMO although women on the face of things when involved are the more openly emotional of the two sexes I find that women are so much better than men at detaching themselves emotionally once they have decided the relationship is over.

They flip that switch in their head and say, "I think we should just be friends."
Click to expand...


I agree 100% with this statement! However, the problem I'm having is with her complete denial of the seriousness of our relationship and the level of intimacy. It's like she's re-written the entire relationhip in her own mind. At least she admits that she's screwed up in her personal life.

Unfortunately for her, I have statements she made in writing and to third parties that directly contradict her interpretation. When confronted she dodges with a statement like, " You're reading too much into what I said/wrote." How exactly does one read too much into, " I've met the man I'm going to marry", "you're the only man I've met in four years I think I can have a long term relationship with", "I've never become so close so quickly with anyone before, you know more baout me than my best friends" and "I think you're my soulmate." Was I completely off base planning for a long term relationship??????

It's not like I want her back, I just want vindication..... :)
 
Last edited:
I do credit my ex-wife with teaching me how to express my emotions and not be so closed off. Hmmm...maybe I should blame her...:lmao:
 
JavaGuru said:
I agree 100% with this statement! However, the problem I'm having is with her complete denial of the seriousness of our relationship and the level of intimacy. It's like she's re-written the entire relationhip in her own mind. At least she admits that she's screwed up in her personal life.

Unfortunately for her, I have statements she made in writing and to third parties that directly contradict her interpretation. When confronted she dodges with a statement like, " You're reading too much into what I said/wrote." How exactly does one read too much into, " I've met the man I'm going to marry", "you're the only man I've met in four years I think I can have a long term relationship with", "I've never become so close so quickly with anyone before, you know more baout me than my best friends" and "I think you're my soulmate." Was I completely off base planning for a long term relationship??????

It's not like I want her back, I just want vindication..... :)
Click to expand...
dude, my ex gf said exactly the same thing. and was always nervous about me keeping the stuff she wrote. As late as Valentines day she gave me a card about how the two of us were meant to be together, then wham, two weeks later I get the I can only be your friend for now.

took me a few weeks, but I finally started moving on.
 
Yep, it's amazing and yet she got mad when she found out I was on the dating scene again. This is after I made her state there was no chance of us being together in the future..so I could move on. Amazing stuff.
 
Hell I asked my ex just the other day if she wanted me to go away and leave her alone. What I thought was a simple straight forward yes or no answer question turned into a 20 minute ass chewing from her. I told her I was asking simply because I was getting mixed signals from her. Like when I asked her if I should move on or keep trying. Her reply was I can't give you confirmation on anything and I won't tell you what to do it is up to you. then she was like if you were to quit trying what would you do differently?

I mean really come on. If you ask the other party involved that is pushing you away what you should do based on how they feel and they can't give you a straight answer tells me they are burning the candle from both ends.

Even after my tongue lashing she calls back later and apoligizes and even makes it a point to tell me that she is sexually attracted to me without a doubt. (this after I told her I was moving on and like her I will successfully put her in the friend category)

Women! Why do you do that to us?
 
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