Question for people w/ kids

[FitFossil]

Do you ever like to go out without your kids, or do you always take your kids wherever you go?

My husband and I do not have kids. Our house is not childproof. We invited another couple over for dinner, and lo and behold they surprise us with a 4 year old in tow, and not a very well-behaved one at that. It was a barely endurable evening to say the least. The kid was probably the most miserable of all, and the parents practically ignored her. I don't blame the kid, just the parents.

It would NEVER occur to me to bring another person (be it a kid, grandmother, or the Queen of England) to someone's house without an invitation, nor would I DARE even ask to bring another person.

So tell me - if someone asks you and your spouse for dinner, do you assume that it includes the kids? Is there any polite way for me to invite someone over and make sure it means just the husband and wife?

 

[sh4dowf4lcon]

It definately depends on the people and whether or not they have children and whether or not they will be there.

Once my wife and I invited her mom and dad over for dinner. I cooked 4 t bones on the grill we had four huge baked potatoes the table was set for four...and the door bell rang. They had invited my wife's siblings, neitehr of which still live at home. They just thought it was okay to invite her brother and sister. So we had six adults instaed of four and instead of having more than enough, we had to divvy up the steak and potatoes. I was appalled, I did not say anything until after they left. My wife and I were both surprised by their ignorance and rudeness.

I would say it was rude for them to bring the kids without your prior knowledge. I agree the kid was probably the most miserable. Maybe they did not have a sitter and did not want to stand you up? A phone call to let you know they did not have a sitter and would bring the kid would have been the polite way to handle it IMO.

 

[Werd]

Um NO, there is no polite way to ONLY invite a husband and wife over to the house.

But if the parents have any sort of respect for the people they are visiting THEY WILL ASK - IS IT OK IF I BRING THE KIDS? I have even said many times - "Is it ok if I leave my kids home?"

A four year old should have been a pleasure to entertain.

My advice to you? This will sound harsh, but if the child is THAT ill-behaved and these parents are so rude as to just assume that their child is included in the invitation, perhaps you and your husband should seriously consider socializing with these "freinds" less.

IMHO when parents improperly parent their children, they are people that I really don't want to be very friendly with anyway.

just my .02

 

[velvett]

So tell me - if someone asks you and your spouse for dinner, do you assume that it includes the kids? Is there any polite way for me to invite someone over and make sure it means just the husband and wife?

It's in good practice to mention it to the host so that the host can make any adjustment if neccesary.

 

[Longhorn85]

They definitely screwed up. I guess a lesson for you would be that if you know they have kids, somehow bring it up such as: "I figured you guys would want to come over next week instead of this week since I know it takes time to find a good baby sitter"

 

[FitFossil]

Um NO, there is no polite way to ONLY invite a husband and wife over to the house....

Have things really changed that much? When both my husband and I were growing up, our parents went to countless parties, and there was never a question of bringing kids along unless kids were specifically invited. As kids, going to a "grown-up" party was the last thing we wanted to do.

 

[Code]

Most people know I have a little girl. And of those folks who *would* invite me over, would do so just to hang out with her. She's infinately cooler and better behaved than I am.

But if I go somewhere, so does she. I think last night for my birfday dinner was the first time in 2-3 years I've been out without her.

 

[Werd]

Have things really changed that much? When both my husband and I were growing up, our parents went to countless parties, and there was never a question of bringing kids along unless kids were specifically invited. As kids, going to a "grown-up" party was the last thing we wanted to do.

Things are a lot less formal these days.

I would NEVER think to bring my children somewhere without asking first. I have several but they are very well-behaved. However, the bottom line is courtesy. I would even ask one of my children is invited somewhere if circumstances arose would it be ok if I had to bring the others.

It is courtesy and common sense - pure and simple.

Conversely I ALWAYS invite children. I even made it a point at my wedding back in the day to tell my guests that if they wanted to bring their children - they were MOST CERTAINLY WELCOME TO.

have several and I enjoy the company of children regardless of the event. If the people that I am considering inviting have children that are NOT well-behaved or who I feel would influence the behavior of my children negatively guess what... I DON'T INVITE THE PARENTS = PROBLEM SOLVED.

 

[Code]

Also, a house shouldn't have to be child-proofed for a 4 year old.

 

[Werd]

Also, a house shouldn't have to be child-proofed for a 4 year old.

WERD

The only chid-proofing I ever did in my home was to close the bathroom doors and make sure the toilet lid was closed - this is a drowning risk for toddlers (that is about 1 - 3). They are naturally curious and very topheavy. So they fall into buckets, toilets, etc and WILL drown.

Other than that everything stayed the same. No outlet covers, or gates or such nonsense.

I spent my time with my children teaching them boundaries, what is and what is not allowed.

I was a stay-at-home mom for 7 years. My job was my family.

 

[cutiepie04]

I have two children, and I would never take them to someones house without their knowing about it. If I was invited to dinner it would be a joy to go without having to yell at the kids to sit down, eat, be good, and all the wonderful stuff that goes along with having children. Dont get me wrong, children are a blessing and I love mine dearly, but it is nice to get out without them once and awhile.

What those people did was inconsiderate, not to mention just downright rude. Next time make sure you specify that it is a dinner for adults only. Say something like, "how would you like a night out without the kid/kids"? Trust me, most parents would jump on that.

 

[Code]

3 months before I had Zoe, I put those locking things on the cupboards.
Put plastic covers over electrical outlets. Took the knives from the knife drawer to a cute bread box thing and put it on top of the fridge.

And put one of those gate things in front of the basement stairs.

WERD

The only chid-proofing I ever did in my home was to close the bathroom doors and make sure the toilet lid was closed - this is a drowning risk for toddlers (that is about 1 - 3). They are naturally curious and very topheavy. So they fall into buckets, toilets, etc and WILL drown.

Other than that everything stayed the same. No outlet covers, or gates or such nonsense.

I spent my time with my children teaching them boundaries, what is and what is not allowed.

I was a stay-at-home mom for 7 years. My job was my family.

 

[Raina]

This is along a slightly different line, but we aren't having kids at our wedding. It's a an evening party that wouldn't be too child-friendly. I've had quite a few people argue with me that it's not fair to do what we're doing. I don't feel like it's wrong though since we're paying a babysitter to be at my mom and dad's house about 10 minutes away.

 

[Werd]

We had a ranch but didn't get a fence around our yard until we had 3 kids. That meant I was ALWAYS with my kids 24/7... in addition to running our business and taking care of the household. I had no help from anyone and it was priceless... I wouldn't change a thing... except perhaps having chosen a man that would have said, "thank you" on occasion.

Seriously, I never childproofed a thing. My children were with me every minute of every day. They came with me to the grocery store, post office, doctor - you name it. I wouldn't trust anyone to watch them (except close family on rare occasions) until my oldest was 5 and could speak and comprehend "good and bad touch" and other situations that a younger child could not vocalize.

 

[Longhorn85]

I've had quite a few people argue with me that it's not fair to do what we're doing.

When they get married, they can do it their way. This is going to be your day, do it how you like.

 

[velvett]

This is along a slightly different line, but we aren't having kids at our wedding. It's a an evening party that wouldn't be too child-friendly. I've had quite a few people argue with me that it's not fair to do what we're doing. I don't feel like it's wrong though since we're paying a babysitter to be at my mom and dad's house about 10 minutes away.

I totally agree with this.

My girlfriend's wedding was ruined by her brother in law's 3 screaming, crying and running around the church children.

The wedding actually had to come to stop for over 20 minutes so that the brother in law, his wife and the grandparents (both sides) could chase, catch, soothe and remove the outrageously misbehaved children from the church.

As irony would be had my girlfriend had wished to have a child free wedding (which would have included her sister's child - same as one of the in-law's kids) but the future husband was against the idea.

Four years later it's still a sore topic.

 

[jenscats5]

Yeah, my first wedding I wanted no kids at all & my hubby insisted on his sister's having their kids & no other kids -- so that po'd people. To me if you're going to invite some you need to invite all, but anyway.....the kids were ill behaved and shortly into the reception he told his sister to "Take her kids the hell home." As someone else said -- it's your day, not anyone else's. Do what you want.

But it is funny -- I don't want children, never had & never will. I've actually had people argue with me about that!! Hello? It's not your life, it's mine & why is it your business??

But I do agree with others...it was tact-less and rude to assume & just show up with their kid. I wouldn't show up with my cat....

Oh, and most people I know (I'm being specific & not saying everyone who has kids does this) will NOT go anywhere without their kids & cannot have a conversation that doesn't include their kids. They have no life other than the kids.

 

[RADAR]

This is along a slightly different line, but we aren't having kids at our wedding. It's a an evening party that wouldn't be too child-friendly. I've had quite a few people argue with me that it's not fair to do what we're doing. I don't feel like it's wrong though since we're paying a babysitter to be at my mom and dad's house about 10 minutes away.

I agree 100% That is your Day PEROID!
If they don't like it tough!


RADAR

 

[Sub-Zero]

It definately depends on the people and whether or not they have children and whether or not they will be there.

Once my wife and I invited her mom and dad over for dinner. I cooked 4 t bones on the grill we had four huge baked potatoes the table was set for four...and the door bell rang. They had invited my wife's siblings, neitehr of which still live at home. They just thought it was okay to invite her brother and sister. So we had six adults instaed of four and instead of having more than enough, we had to divvy up the steak and potatoes. I was appalled, I did not say anything until after they left. My wife and I were both surprised by their ignorance and rudeness.

I would say it was rude for them to bring the kids without your prior knowledge. I agree the kid was probably the most miserable. Maybe they did not have a sitter and did not want to stand you up? A phone call to let you know they did not have a sitter and would bring the kid would have been the polite way to handle it IMO.

damn dawg that shit would PISS ME OFF!!.. i would order a pizza for the party crashers, and wrap up the extra 2 steaks and potatoes, and then let them pay for the pizza themselves.

 

[Raina]

I cringe at the thought of a child screaming through the whole ceremony etc. The only kid at the wedding is going to be his 4 year old nephew...but that's just during the ceremony. His mom is looking forward to having a kid-free night to have fun with her husband.

As for people telling you that you have to have kids Jen, ask them if you're willing to raise it for you. lol That's what I keep asking my mom and dad and they usually drop it.

 

[Rex]

It's not wrong to want to have an adult only party. My parents would go out with their friends without me and my brother. I'm glad they did for the most parrt. The last thing I wanted to do was waste my night being on my best behavior being somewhere I did not want to be. I'd much rather have their kids over my house playing floor hockey in the basement with a baby sitter.

Tell the people who are pissed about kids not being wanted at the wedding to go fuck themselves. The kids who behave are a blessing to have at the wedding, but you're nuts to think every kid will behave.

 

[pitbullstl]

Most people know I have a little girl. And of those folks who *would* invite me over, would do so just to hang out with her. She's infinately cooler and better behaved than I am.

But if I go somewhere, so does she. I think last night for my birfday dinner was the first time in 2-3 years I've been out without her.

This would be my exact reply......although my wife and I do get out plenty without our daughter. Mostly because her parents want to see her as often as they can, so she has sleepovers at NaNa and PaPa's house at least once every couple weeks.

The question at hand though is easily answered, if these people can't figure out when kids would be an assumed invite, and when they wouldn't, ya might find some new friends as they don't seem to bright.

 

[Y_lifter]

Unless you know or are told in the invitation specifically that this will be an adult party (alchohol served or only Adults attending), it is assumed it is a family event IMO..

And Yes BM, there is a polite way of only inviting adults.
By simply adding 3 words to the invitation "Adults Only Please"..

You are not saying NO KIDS, but in fact you are..
in a polite way, letting them know you intend this to be an adult party that
would be inapropriate for children to attend..

Then, make sure as good neighborhood or friend hosts that you also have a family
party as well soon afterwards or before the adult party for those that may
not be able to leave their kids..

Yes, some people don't have or like baby sitters.

Nothing torques me off more than people showing up at a clearly defined childrens party with booze and adult party language.. I've seen people roll in with a cooler
of booze at a 10 yr old girls soccer league end of the season party at the coaches house ready to get wild..
I'm talking cases of stuff in there..

 

[FitFossil]

Being that I was an "older" bride, most of my wedding party consisted of my nieces and nephews, ranging in age from 3 to 16. Other than the ring bearer trying to get under his sister's bridesmaid dress, they were perfect angels. I didn't see any of it, but it was caught on tape and is really funny.

No other kids came to the wedding. Not because they were banned, but because their names weren't on the invitations. Where I grew up, that is not considered rude or unusual, and no one questioned it. Besides, it was a late night dinner dance and kids would've been miserable there. As for my youngest wedding attendants, they went home after getting some cake - which is what they were most interested in anyway.

I'm still of the belief that it is within the host's rights to invite whoever they choose. There are times I entertain in a kid-oriented fashion, but other times I want to do something more formal - but I don't want to be made to feel like a meanie child-hater because of it.

 

[ChefWide]

I have no problem getting invitations to 'adults only' occasions: I generally don't go. I think my kids are for the most part better company than the vast majority of folks out there and only on the rare occasion that my wife and I zip out for a bite or a movie, do I even leave with family (babysitter).

I really don't drink anymore as a sport, and most Icelanders DO, so most 'adult' events are drink fests, I can really do without that atmosphere of drunken idiots almost as much as I can do without the hangover.

As to bringing my kids to a house where Mrs. Chef has cajoled someone to including me in the invite? Not without asking, not even a thought. Anyone who does is a bit off their rockers.

As to having an adult only wedding? It's your day and if things go as planned it will be the only time you will ever do this in your lifetime, so if they don't like it, don't come.

 

[Werd]

I dunno I guess since I get along with children more than I do adults, the thought of negating other peoples' kids would seem odd to me. But I do NOT force my kids on anyone EVER... I respect other people.

If I was invited to a wedding I would assume that it meant "adult only" and would not be the least offended that my children were not invited. Even if they were invited I might not opt to bring them. It would depend on the affair... although now my kids are older and would be quite charming at such an event. People actually request that I bring my kids to events that I normally wouldn't think to bring them. I am very blessed to have such great kids. People who know me also know how sensitive I am to children, but as I said, MY SENSITIVITY DOES NOT COME BEFORE THE RESPECT DUE OTHERS.

There is no reason whatsoever that you should feel odd not wanting kids at your affair. Sadly American children are THE MOST ill-behaved in the world (that is a statistical fact). As I said, if the parents are poor at thier job parenting, chances are you will not want to be friends with them.

If I ever make the fatal mistake of jumping the broom it would be VERY informal - we are talking bare feet on grass - kids running around with koolaid moustaches - adults laughing and celebrating life for many days... the way it is tradition in my country.

If I ever get remarried... this would be the only way.

But as I said, that is ME.

Raina - you and your fiancee do what you feel is correct. This is YOUR LIFE. You will see. This will be a pretty accurate indicator of who loves you (I am talking about "you" as a couple now) and supports you regardless of what THEY want and who only cares about themselves.

 

[milo hobgoblin]

any good parent would know better.

Doesnt say a lot for the person if they brought their kids over without asking

 

[jenscats5]

As for people telling you that you have to have kids Jen, ask them if you're willing to raise it for you. lol That's what I keep asking my mom and dad and they usually drop it.

Yeah LOL I can see it now...give birth & Here ya go!! One of the funniest arguments is when people say "Don't you want someone to take care of you when you're old?" Like that's a reason to have a child...


One thing I have to disagree about regarding invitations is that if the invitation is to an event other than an obvious children's party and the invitation doesn't specify "adults only" or "children included" NEVER ASSUME -- call & ask the host. Just because it doesn't specify adults only doesn't make the event a family affair. Especially a dinner invite. Dinner doesn't always equal the whole family. Plus if the host wanted anyone other than whose name is on the invite, then their names would also be on the invite.

We all know what ASSUME means.....

 

[Taps]

Children are expensive, ugly, smelly, annoying little things. I always have to urge to kick them, like I would a yippy little dog. Why the hell would anyone want one?