post up your best jokes

[*The_West*]

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have
to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.'
What about you Peter, how would you say it?'
Peter said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny replied, 'I would say - Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner.'

(The teacher fainted)

lol...that reminded me of one

 

[Lestat]

this is my favourite, not only because it is hilarious, but you could tell it to grandma over a sunday lunch.
an englishman, an irishman and a chinese man are looking for work. they go to the local building site to see if there is anything going. the foreman says "yeah, i got a bit of work you can do-see that massive pile of dirt (points to big pile of dirt) i want it moving over there (points to empty space)."
he says to the englishman "ok mate, you are in charge of the hard work, its your job to actually move the dirt"
he says to the irishman "you are in charge of the whole operation, the supervisor, if you like"
he says to the chinese man "and you are in charge of the supplies for the job, ok?" chinese man says "yes, i in charge of supplies"
so the foreman says "i have to go take care of something, i will be back in 2 hours, and when i am, i want to see half of this dirt moved, ok?"
so he goes away and comes back in 2 hours, but when he returns he sees the dirt hasnt even been touched.
he sees the englishman and the irishman standing by the dirt and asks them "what the fuck, i said i wanted half of this dirt moved by the time i got back, whats going on?"
the englishman says "well you know that chinese guy, he was meant to bring us our supplies, but he just disappeared and we cant find him"
so the foreman says "right im going to find and sack that little fucker" and walks round the side of the pile of dirt
all of a sudden, the chineseman jumps out from behind the pile of dirt and yells "SUPPLIES!!!!"

you say fuck to your grandma over lunch?

 

[*The_West*]

little dave is at school, and his teacher is so impressed with the picture he drew she lets him pin it on the wall "ouch" he says as he accidentally catches his finger on the drawing pin "quick, we have to put it in cider"
bemused by his knowledge of alternative first aid , his teacher asks him "how did you learn that dave?"
"my sister says when she gets a prick in her hand she always puts it in cider"

 

[*The_West*]

you say fuck to your grandma over lunch?

now thats just being pedantic lol

 

[110%]

Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind person?























Leave the plunger in the toilet

 

[*The_West*]

Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind person?























Leave the plunger in the toilet

ouch

 

[jnevin]

Two sociology professors are walking down one of the paths on their campus one day, when they see a group of teens beating up an old lady and stealing her purse. One prof turns to the other and says "Poor kids".

 

[Lestat]

now thats just being pedantic lol

you said lunch and grandma! I expected clean.

 

[*The_West*]

you said lunch and grandma! I expected clean.

my bad. im a potty mouth, i will go wash my mouth out with soap!

 

[Basikstylz]

How did Hellen Keller burn her ear?







She answered the iron.


How did she burn her other ear?



Bastard called back!