Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
Subzeero
New member
Have any good jokes to share?
Here are some to start.
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time.
As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG! ”
The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “BITCH!”
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen. (not that i am against my own sex or anything)
------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”
The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.
“Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.
The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.
He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”
“That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”
------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn’t hear her correctly and says, “Come again?”
The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, “Oh, no it’s just mustard this time.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to the doctor for test results. The doctor says, “I have good news and bad. Which do you want first?”
“Give me the good,” the man says.
“They are going to name a disease after you.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A married couple is driving down the interstate at 55 mph with the husband behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.”
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you.” Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.
She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.
She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.”
The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”
The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.“
She asks, “What’s that?”
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!” The wrestler nodded in acknowledgement.
As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t even watch the ending.
Suddenly, there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to watch the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian’s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”
The wrestler answered, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”
“So,” the trainer exclaimed, “that finished him off, did it?”
“No, but you’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!”
===========================================\
Thats all for today.. a lot more coming up.. Cheers
Here are some to start.
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time.
As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG! ”
The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “BITCH!”
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen. (not that i am against my own sex or anything)
------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”
The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.
“Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.
The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.
He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”
“That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”
------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn’t hear her correctly and says, “Come again?”
The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, “Oh, no it’s just mustard this time.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to the doctor for test results. The doctor says, “I have good news and bad. Which do you want first?”
“Give me the good,” the man says.
“They are going to name a disease after you.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A married couple is driving down the interstate at 55 mph with the husband behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.”
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you.” Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.
She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.
She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.”
The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”
The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.“
She asks, “What’s that?”
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!” The wrestler nodded in acknowledgement.
As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t even watch the ending.
Suddenly, there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to watch the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian’s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”
The wrestler answered, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”
“So,” the trainer exclaimed, “that finished him off, did it?”
“No, but you’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!”
===========================================\
Thats all for today.. a lot more coming up.. Cheers
