Open relationships: Your opinion.

[jd_uk]

Do you believe it is possible to completely love someone and still have sex with oither people without there being problems in the relationship?

Personally i don't get jealous any more so that is not a problem and think that as long as both couples are consenting then there is no 'cheating'. I actually think there is more strain involved in a 'closed relationship' because then there are many urges which have to be suppressed.

All opinions welcome.

 

[Stefka]

Re: Open relaitionships: Your opinion.

It is all good in theory, but someone always ends up getting hurt.
But then again, someone always ends up getting hurt in "closed" relationships too.
You're screwed either way.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I know many who swear by swinging. Not for me personally but I also don't judge others. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, who gets hurt?

 

[KillahBee]

YES

Likely? No.

Common? No.

Easy? No.

Doable for the common man/woman? No.

Possible? Certainly.

 

[jd_uk]

Re: Open relaitionships: Your opinion.

It is all good in theory, but someone always ends up getting hurt.
But then again, someone always ends up getting hurt in "closed" relationships too.
You're screwed either way.

I'm sure i have heard/read of many people who have had loving and successful open relationships and even marriages. If the couple aren't insecure/don't get jealous and realise sex as just sex then why should there be a problem?

 

[jd_uk]

I know many who swear by swinging. Not for me personally but I also don't judge others. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, who gets hurt?

I don't like the term 'swinging'. It reminds me of seedy, old and unattractive (to me) couples who don't have much in the way of standards for who they have sex with.

 

[javaguru]

Re: Open relaitionships: Your opinion.

I'm sure i have heard/read of many people who have had loving and successful open relationships and even marriages. If the couple aren't insecure/don't get jealous and realise sex as just sex then why should there be a problem?

Because it rarely stays just sex. One reason I stopped having booty calls is they would always develop feelings and want more. I know several relationships that were nearly ruined by a one time experiment with a threesome.

 

[Stefka]

Re: Open relaitionships: Your opinion.

I'm sure i have heard/read of many people who have had loving and successful open relationships and even marriages. If the couple aren't insecure/don't get jealous and realise sex as just sex then why should there be a problem?

Everytime I've seen it in action, something goes very wrong. People are weird.

 

[jerseyrugger76]

It's kinda like communism, it looks great on paper but never works in practice.

From everything that I've seen, "open" is a synonym for "over."

 

[needtogetarmy]

I know many who swear by swinging. Not for me personally but I also don't judge others. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, who gets hurt?

I agree. I have an open relationship and I have no problems whatsoever.

 

[digimon7068]

Do you believe it is possible to completely love someone and still have sex with oither people?

imho? no. i need the closeness, trust, totality, familiarity and, yes, safety that only exists for me in a monogamous relationship. do i still find other women attractive? of course! but i honestly don't feel the need to bang any of them.

my wife and i have been together for 18 years TODAY. . .15-plus married. . .and our sex life is still very exciting. . .almost pulled a hat trick last night. . .if not for my age (43) and the couple of extra jim beams before bed i'd have pulled it off too!!

 

[Bikini Mod]

I don't like the term 'swinging'. It reminds me of seedy, old and unattractive (to me) couples who don't have much in the way of standards for who they have sex with.

That is FAR from the truth... just another misconception. Believe me when I tell you (my Old Grump used to bigtime swing) that swingers are far more discriminate than 98% of single men in any bar.

With the exception of his first wife, I am THE ONLY wife/gf of his to NOT SWING.

And jealousy/insecurity has nothing to do with it. I am the least jealous/most secure woman you will meet. I just refuse to share what is mine with any other woman. I am not bisexual or even bicurious... been there/done that.... the most it did for me is "meh".

I told my husband pointblank - "Are you willing to accept the fact that I refuse to engage in any sort of sex with other women?" He claimed he was down and so far I have no reason to believe otherwise.

'Course he also claims that I am the only woman that he has ever loved. And as I stated, so far he's given me no reason to doubt.

I know of several married couples (we are talking over 10 years) who are committed and love each other very much but because the woman is bi-sexual they actually have "long term girlfriends". Still others that will swing with other couples if all the planets are in alignment. Works for them... just not for me.

 

[eddymerckx]

I know of several married couples (we are talking over 10 years) who are committed and love each other very much but because the woman is bi-sexual they actually have "long term girlfriends". Still others that will swing with other couples if all the planets are in alignment. Works for them... just not for me.

for me, i think the idea versus reality could be different so i am not sure i would risk the relationship i have---though if i knew the outcome would not hurt the current--done in a ny minute

 

[jd_uk]

That is FAR from the truth... just another misconception. Believe me when I tell you (my Old Grump used to bigtime swing) that swingers are far more discriminate than 98% of single men in any bar.

With the exception of his first wife, I am THE ONLY wife/gf of his to NOT SWING.

And jealousy/insecurity has nothing to do with it. I am the least jealous/most secure woman you will meet. I just refuse to share what is mine with any other woman. I am not bisexual or even bicurious... been there/done that.... the most it did for me is "meh".

I told my husband pointblank - "Are you willing to accept the fact that I refuse to engage in any sort of sex with other women?" He claimed he was down and so far I have no reason to believe otherwise.

'Course he also claims that I am the only woman that he has ever loved. And as I stated, so far he's given me no reason to doubt.

I know of several married couples (we are talking over 10 years) who are committed and love each other very much but because the woman is bi-sexual they actually have "long term girlfriends". Still others that will swing with other couples if all the planets are in alignment. Works for them... just not for me.

I'm sure that not all swingers are like i said but that is what i am reminded of having met/seen many swingers before. Also that is the impression most people probably get when they hear the term.

Jealousy/insecurity may not be anything to do with it in your case but most people are way too jealous/insecure to contemplate an open relationship. I am neither insecure or jealous and i don't like to refer to my gf as if she were something i owned.

 

[jd_uk]

I agree. I have an open relationship and I have no problems whatsoever.

How is it for you? How do you deal with the judgements of friends who consider your kind of relationship to be morally wrong?

 

[Cal_21]

YES

Likely? No.

Common? No.

Easy? No.

Doable for the common man/woman? No.

Possible? Certainly.

Agreed.

 

[flexed1]

my motto is one on one... to a fault i will not allow friends in my life who have open relationships... to me its an insecurity, someone always gets hurt... and i dont beleive in them... want to be open then simply be single otherwise you are robbing a person of a soul mate.. of course my opinion only..

 

[jd_uk]

my motto is one on one... to a fault i will not allow friends in my life who have open relationships... to me its an insecurity, someone always gets hurt... and i dont beleive in them... want to be open then simply be single otherwise you are robbing a person of a soul mate.. of course my opinion only..

So you're saying you wouldn't even be friends with someone who had an open relationship?? How it it an insecurity? How robbing someone of a soulmate?

Btw flexed i sent you a PM...just cos i remembered your name from a long time back...

 

[jd_uk]

YES

Likely? No.

Common? No.

Easy? No.

Doable for the common man/woman? No.

Possible? Certainly.

Nicely summarised. Think you could have one?

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Do you believe it is possible to completely love someone and still have sex with oither people without there being problems in the relationship?

Personally i don't get jealous any more so that is not a problem and think that as long as both couples are consenting then there is no 'cheating'. I actually think there is more strain involved in a 'closed relationship' because then there are many urges which have to be suppressed.

All opinions welcome.

This is a big reason why I'll probably be alone forever. This whole issue is a big clusterfuck that's simply not worth the hassle. I've been through enough hell as it is.

 

[jd_uk]

Re: Open relaitionships: Your opinion.

Everytime I've seen it in action, something goes very wrong.

Like? The hardest part in my opinion would be dealing with the close minded judgments from friends. I've had women tell me that i "You must not like your gf very much" simply because i've pointed out other attractive women. Seperating emotions from sex would be the easy part i think. Even if there is some emotion involved...who cares? I don't believe the idea that it's only possible to love one person but obviously that is something else altogether.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

I know many who swear by swinging. Not for me personally but I also don't judge others. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, who gets hurt?

Too many fucking diseases these days too. Sometimes I wonder why we struggle trying to keep order when chaos rules.

 

[jd_uk]

Too many fucking diseases these days too. Sometimes I wonder why we struggle trying to keep order when chaos rules.

Yep that'd be a big isssue too.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

I don't like the term 'swinging'. It reminds me of seedy, old and unattractive (to me) couples who don't have much in the way of standards for who they have sex with.

This is increasingly the norm for pretty much any age.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

It's kinda like communism, it looks great on paper but never works in practice.

From everything that I've seen, "open" is a synonym for "over."

Good post. Too bad "closed" is also a synonym for "doubt" or "temptation".

 

[stephen4327]

that shyt dont work

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Basically I say if someone is planning on swinging, they want your cake and to eat it too. They lack discipline and aren't ready for the commitment a relationship takes, and they are better off single. Both for their sake and any potential partner.

 

[jd_uk]

Basically I say if someone is planning on swinging, they want your cake and to eat it too. They lack discipline and aren't ready for the commitment a relationship takes, and they are better off single. Both for their sake and any potential partner.

but what is the need for rules and is it really natural at all for couples to only be with each other. Like i said...i think there is more stress on a relationship when urges have to be concealed from your partner. I was out with a friend and his gf the other day and if he was caught checking another girl out then his gf would look pissed off. Those type of couples will just end up hating each other. If i see a girl i find attractive i usually just tell my gf and she does the same if she finds a guy hot. There's no jealousy or insecurities. It's natural to want to have sex with other people sometimes.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

but what is the need for rules and is it really natural at all for couples to only be with each other. Like i said...i think there is more stress on a relationship when urges have to be concealed from your partner. I was out with a friend and his gf the other day and if he was caught checking another girl out then his gf would look pissed off. Those type of couples will just end up hating each other. If i see a girl i find attractive i usually just tell my gf and she does the same if she finds a guy hot. There's no jealousy or insecurities. It's natural to want to have sex with other people sometimes.

You can do that in a closed relationship. What's different is if you cross the line and act on it. Pointless to be in a relationship then, closed or open. Why not just be single if you want to have sex with other people? It makes the very point of a relationship....pointless.

 

[javaguru]

You can do that in a closed relationship. What's different is if you cross the line and act on it. Pointless to be in a relationship then, closed or open. Why not just be single if you want to have sex with other people? It makes the very point of a relationship....pointless.

Yeah, cultivate a friends with benefits and leave it at that....

 

[velvett]

It's kinda like communism, it looks great on paper but never works in practice.

From everything that I've seen, "open" is a synonym for "over."

Nicely phrased

 

[nefertiti]

What's wrong with a little jealousy? Forget my own, I'm not sure I'd want to date a guy that would be cool with me banging other dudes. Scratch that, I know I wouldn't want to.

But, that's just me.

 

[jerseyrugger76]

Good post. Too bad "closed" is also a synonym for "doubt" or "temptation".

Point well taken.

 

[JayC9]

From everything that I've seen, "open" is a synonym for "over."

euphemism

 

[GoldenDelicious]

seen it work, so yes.

 

[doc holliday]

If it works for both fine, but it could never work for me. When i love someone i want to be with them, and only them, and i dont wanna share!!!! MY CANDY!!! lmao. -DOC

 

[jd_uk]

Nicely phrased

But not true.

 

[jd_uk]

If it works for both fine, but it could never work for me. When i love someone i want to be with them, and only them, and i dont wanna share!!!! MY CANDY!!! lmao. -DOC

So if your gf who you loved was happy with you having sex with another girl (because she realised it as only sex) you're saying you would never want to or be tempted to?

 

[Longhorn85]

Do you believe it is possible to completely love someone and still have sex with oither people without there being problems in the relationship?

Personally i don't get jealous any more so that is not a problem and think that as long as both couples are consenting then there is no 'cheating'. I actually think there is more strain involved in a 'closed relationship' because then there are many urges which have to be suppressed.

All opinions welcome.

Yes, I think this is possible. I think this was probably the norm for traditional families in the past. Not unusual for a man married with children to have a mistress with his wife's consent, for example, but keeping things discreet so as not to embarass anyone.

 

[biteme]

Do you believe it is possible to completely love someone and still have sex with oither people without there being problems in the relationship?

Personally i don't get jealous any more so that is not a problem and think that as long as both couples are consenting then there is no 'cheating'. I actually think there is more strain involved in a 'closed relationship' because then there are many urges which have to be suppressed.

All opinions welcome.

Yes it's possible, but it's a dangerous game for most people.

 

[biteme]

It's kinda like communism, it looks great on paper but never works in practice.

From everything that I've seen, "open" is a synonym for "over."

Never say never. I've known couples that it has worked for.. I don't advocate it for religious purposes, I"m just saying that people are wrong when they say it never works. People will believe what they want to believe despite the facts.

 

[biteme]

Re: Open relaitionships: Your opinion.

Like? The hardest part in my opinion would be dealing with the close minded judgments from friends. I've had women tell me that i "You must not like your gf very much" simply because i've pointed out other attractive women. Seperating emotions from sex would be the easy part i think. Even if there is some emotion involved...who cares? I don't believe the idea that it's only possible to love one person but obviously that is something else altogether.

You are a progressive thinker and a realist, most people choose to live a life filled with illusions. I keep to myself because I"ve found that in general people are very judgemental and I don't care to listen to their shit.

 

[Gymgurl]

This is a really good question...I don' know. Are you talking having a woman or man join once in a great while....or being able to go out and do your thing with out your partner caring?

 

[velvett]

But not true.

I think it's just a matter of opinion.

 

[KillahBee]

I personally think it's the height of emotional maturity, true love and self awareness (as long as both partners are 100% free participants).

That's why it's so rare.

 

[Cutiebaby]

Do you believe it is possible to completely love someone and still have sex with oither people without there being problems in the relationship?

Personally i don't get jealous any more so that is not a problem and think that as long as both couples are consenting then there is no 'cheating'. I actually think there is more strain involved in a 'closed relationship' because then there are many urges which have to be suppressed.

All opinions welcome.

I think it all depends on that person. Each individual is different..However, I myself know that I could never have an open relationship.

 

[AAP]

Yes, I think this is possible. I think this was probably the norm for traditional families in the past. Not unusual for a man married with children to have a mistress with his wife's consent, for example, but keeping things discreet so as not to embarass anyone.

But doesn't this contradict the so called Traditional (read : Christian) Family Values?

 

[nefertiti]

So if your gf who you loved was happy with you having sex with another girl (because she realised it as only sex) you're saying you would never want to or be tempted to?

So it's cool with you if your girl has other dicks in her, then? You'd be down with kissing her knowing her mouth had been on someone else's wang earlier?

 

[Raptorex]

How about women who use sex toys - those things get me so jealous.

 

[yonkers weights]

I had many threads about this when I first came on and learned to keep to myself about it. Everyone has their own views and have their rights to have them. Each is own!

 

[nefertiti]

I had many threads about this when I first came on and learned to keep to myself about it. Everyone has their own views and have their rights to have them. Each is own!

This I agree with. I have no moral issue with open relationships and would not think someone in one necessarily loved their partner less than I do. I do think this "enlightened" nonsense is...well...nonsense. And I also think half the time guys who talk about open relationships are just talking about their half and thinking "open" means they get to watch two girls and not actually mentally adding another dick into the equation.

 

[KillahBee]

And I also think half the time guys who talk about open relationships are just talking about their half and thinking "open" means they get to watch two girls and not actually mentally adding another dick into the equation.

it doesn't??

 

[gonelifting]

Aren't divorce rates like 60%? How about people who aren't married, I'm sure the number skyrockets. These people can't seem to stay together with TWO people in the relationship. How the hell can they bring a third person and make it work? Seriously think about it.

Sure there would be SOME that work out, but there are also people who stick baseball bats up their ass. We're talking about the 'general public' here, right?

I say "no".



My personal view, sure if it works for both people, do it. That's the great thing about being an adult. KB said it right, you need to be mature enough to do it. I don't see many mature people around. I don't even see that many sexual people around. Except for people here. Yes, I need to get out more.

 

[Cutiebaby]

How about women who use sex toys - those things get me so jealous.

lol...Sex toys are supposed to be toys for the pair of you!

 

[cindylou]

Aren't divorce rates like 60%? How about people who aren't married, I'm sure the number skyrockets. These people can't seem to stay together with TWO people in the relationship. How the hell can they bring a third person and make it work? Seriously think about it.

Sure there would be SOME that work out, but there are also people who stick baseball bats up their ass. We're talking about the 'general public' here, right?

I say "no".



My personal view, sure if it works for both people, do it. That's the great thing about being an adult. KB said it right, you need to be mature enough to do it. I don't see many mature people around. I don't even see that many sexual people around. Except for people here. Yes, I need to get out more.

I think divorce rates are just a little over 50%

a good portion of the rest of those 50% are still married but have had infidelity ruin a period of their marriage.

a lot of people cheating

 

[H_T_]

greed. and no respect. and lol @ the fact that some of you are cool with another dude smearing his jizz all over your gals jaw and being cool with it....i believe the term is cuckold....

 

[Bikini Mod]

greed. and no respect. and lol @ the fact that some of you are cool with another dude smearing his jizz all over your gals jaw and being cool with it....i believe the term is cuckold....

Naw... as soon as the broads that my Old Grump was married/committed to started fucking other dudes and not just other broads it was "game over".

As I told him, "I don't share what's mine. If that is an issue we don't need to go there."

It's interesting how people that swing have different definitions of what is acceptable/unacceptable. As I said, I don't judge as long as there is no deception going on amongst the adults involved. Sometimes it is a couple looking for a male/female for bi and heterosexual sex. Others just want to partner swap. Still others actually want to watch their partner having sex with another - this goes for both the man wanting to watch his wife with another man and/or woman and the wife wanting to watch her partner with another woman/man and not engage in the act but just watch and maybe masterbate.

I say, whatever floats their boats. If it works for them... cool.

Funny so many people think my husband and I swing because

A - we are a lot of fun and have very few hang-ups

and

B - women are ALWAYS wanting to come home with us. (I'm sure you all have seen the threads).

I can't tell you how many times we have had to set the record straight. No, we don't swing. But I would say a good percentage of the time we get that *suuuuuuuuuuuuure you don't wink* look with very negative feelings. So fuck 'em. I TOTALLY understand about others judging, but hell after having been judged my whole life for UTTER BULLSHIT I could really give a fat fuckin rat's ass what anyone else thinks is "right or wrong" in my life as they aren't walking in my shoes. And the ones that are MOST judgemental? Are either the biggest freaking hypocrites themselves or those who just don't have a clue...

Either way, why would anyone allow another to decide THEIR reality?

 

[Longhorn85]

But doesn't this contradict the so called Traditional (read : Christian) Family Values?

Maybe if more Daddy's were getting a little discreet side pussy the divorce rate would drop and more kids would live in two-parent households.

 

[cindylou]

Maybe if more Daddy's were getting a little discreet side pussy the divorce rate would drop and more kids would live in two-parent households.

oh really? So maybe some of us "wives" could get some discreet side dick as well -or are cheating husbands are the only ones responsible for one parent households nowadays?

 

[-SD-]

Maybe if more Daddy's were getting a little discreet side pussy the divorce rate would drop and more kids would live in two-parent households.

Come on bor, theres no way this is going to help any divorce rate and you know it. No need to circle the wagon here just because AAP had a good point. I think the best response is maybe if more wives were giving their husbands good sex often enough the divorce rate would go down. Certainly you agree that is a lot more practical option than a husband running around on his wife.

 

[nefertiti]

greed. and no respect. and lol @ the fact that some of you are cool with another dude smearing his jizz all over your gals jaw and being cool with it....i believe the term is cuckold....

lol....my thoughts exactly (though if we're being technical about terms, a cuckold is expected to remain faithful). I'm not buying for even a second that any guy in this thread hailing open relationships as the cure for societies relationship woes is considering his woman, a woman he loves, being with other men.

 

[H_T_]

lol....my thoughts exactly (though if we're being technical about terms, a cuckold is expected to remain faithful). I'm not buying for even a second that any guy in this thread hailing open relationships as the cure for societies relationship woes is considering his woman, a woman he loves, being with other men.

yeah, leave the term love out of it. indecisive, full of shit, etc. are appropriate. if animals can understand the concept, i'd think humans could do likewise....

 

[Bikini Mod]

lol....my thoughts exactly (though if we're being technical about terms, a cuckold is expected to remain faithful). I'm not buying for even a second that any guy in this thread hailing open relationships as the cure for societies relationship woes is considering his woman, a woman he loves, being with other men.

Believe it or not, there is a certain segment of the male population who actually gets off on watching his wife have sex with other men (and women). I do understand why they are this way, just another sexual fettish. If everyone is consenting then what could be the harm?

Who are WE to define someone else's relationship if everyone is ok with THEIR parameters?

I have to chuckle at my Old Grump though. He would LOVE to see me with another woman but would DIE if he saw or even thought of me with another man. I told him he needed worry about either scenario as it just ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

 

[nefertiti]

Believe it or not, there is a certain segment of the male population who actually gets off on watching his wife have sex with other men (and women). I do understand why they are this way, just another sexual fettish. If everyone is consenting then what could be the harm?

Who are WE to define someone else's relationship if everyone is ok with THEIR parameters?

I have to chuckle at my Old Grump though. He would LOVE to see me with another woman but would DIE if he saw or even thought of me with another man. I told him he needed worry about either scenario as it just ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

My comment wasn't about society in general. I'm fully aware there are some fetishists who would enjoy that. I just have intense doubts that anyone in this thread is one of them. The fact that none of them have come out and said, "Yeah, I don't mind a girl I love having sex with other men" further confirms it. This isn't about open relationships. It's about having your cake and eating it too. Just saying.

 

[Scotsman]

Why would you want to try and stay with someone if you have to go looking for something else that's missing?

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[Grumpy Old Man]

Believe it or not, there is a certain segment of the male population who actually gets off on watching his wife have sex with other men (and women). I do understand why they are this way, just another sexual fettish. If everyone is consenting then what could be the harm?

Who are WE to define someone else's relationship if everyone is ok with THEIR parameters?

I have to chuckle at my Old Grump though. He would LOVE to see me with another woman but would DIE if he saw or even thought of me with another man. I told him he needed worry about either scenario as it just ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

I don't want to see you with anyone except the gnome home 2some... If I wanted to have another woman it would take about the time to dial the phone. But you are the only ONE for this old dude... So as far as another person male or female nope, not net, nietz no no.. Nothing to do with being jealous just being committed to one person and not wanting to have a third party involved... So no more of this other woman stuff from you, ya old bat.



Besides other people can play as long as it doesn't hurt anyone or their relationship. Some people actually have done better when having a third party involved either male or female... my .02

 

[Raptorex]

lot of boasters in this thread...try for one first.

 

[princesa]

Do you believe it is possible to completely love someone and still have sex with oither people without there being problems in the relationship?

Personally i don't get jealous any more so that is not a problem and think that as long as both couples are consenting then there is no 'cheating'. I actually think there is more strain involved in a 'closed relationship' because then there are many urges which have to be suppressed.

All opinions welcome.

"NO" I strongly believe in Monogamy. You are either 100% committed to your partner or you're not. There is no having the cake and eating it too! Open relationships, in my opinion, send up a big signal that there is something critical missing in that relationship. If you are having urges to be with other people then maybe you are with the wrong partner..IMO...It just opens the door to some major problems down the road. Personally, I am a very loyal and jealous person and I do not "share my toys" willingly at all! Also being intimate with someone else other then my "so" wouldnt work for me as i have to have some feelings invested...meaningless sex doesnt do much for me!

But if this works for you then go for it, im certainly not judging anyone..to each is own. It may work for some people, but probably not for most. Then you also have to consider the increased risk for getting STDs. The cons extremely overweight the pros. Like I said this is only my opinion..

 

[KillahBee]

"NO" I strongly believe in Monogamy. You are either 100% committed to your partner or you're not. There is no having the cake and eating it too! Open relationships, in my opinion, send up a big signal that there is something critical missing in that relationship. If you are having urges to be with other people then maybe you are with the wrong partner..IMO...It just opens the door to some major problems down the road. Personally, I am a very loyal and jealous person and I do not "share my toys" willingly at all! Also being intimate with someone else other then my "so" wouldnt work for me as i have to have some feelings invested...meaningless sex doesnt do much for me!

But if this works for you then go for it, im certainly not judging anyone..to each is own. It may work for some people, but probably not for most. Then you also have to consider the increased risk for getting STDs. The cons extremely overweight the pros. Like I said this is only my opinion..

Meh

 

[Tytan]

That`s a ticking time-bomb. Someone will get hurt.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

yeah, leave the term love out of it. indecisive, full of shit, etc. are appropriate. if animals can understand the concept, i'd think humans could do likewise....

We're an "advanced" species though, with more "intelligence".

 

[nefertiti]

We're an "advanced" species though, with more "intelligence".

Which kills the whole, "slave to my instincts" bs.

 

[javaguru]

Which kills the whole, "slave to my instincts" bs.

I'm actually offended when a wimminz says, "i know how you guys are." Like we're enslaved by our penis/sex drive and incapable of resisting temptation.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Which kills the whole, "slave to my instincts" bs.

Nobody ever said the ability to rationalize would make it any easier. Quite the opposite actually. It only creates more options that could get us into trouble, for both genders. I swear all the animals in the world, they probably look at us and go, "LOL you think you're so smart."

 

[jd_uk]

This is a really good question...I don' know. Are you talking having a woman or man join once in a great while....or being able to go out and do your thing with out your partner caring?

Either. It all depends on how the couple are with each other. I actaully see the latter as a great sign of trust. Below is my opinion on the matter and also how I view other more traditional relationships: -

------

People form close relationships for various reasons. Physical attraction, friendship, security etc. As a relationship grows and the bond gets stronger then things change. The friendship gets stronger, trust increases and sex also changes. Basically the couple "fall in love".

Sex becomes more familiar. In many ways it gets much better (e.g. both partner knows 'what works' for the other and fantasies that you wouldn't tell just anyone can be shared. The sex becomes more loving). However it is undeniable that at times the excited feeling that the couple had when they first had sex will at times decrease as the familiarity grows. The couple work on the sex to make it better (hence the popularity of sex aids including toys and lingerie) but usually also each partner starts fantasising about sex with other people or simply just notices other attractive people. This is the point at which I think people in a more open relationship are usually much happier. In closed relationships this is where feelings of jealousy and deep rooted insecurities really begin to surface. This is where the girlfriends get upset or insecure if their boyfriend looks or thinks about another girl and where the boyfriend starts thinking things like “I'm gonna knock him out if he looks at MY girl again".

Basically, having completely normal physical sexual desires causes problems between a couple who are supposed to 'love each other'. At the same time, the couple in the open relationship are having a lot of fun and probably feel even more deeply in love because not only do they have each other and the great sex that comes between them but also they do not have the insecurities and jealousy of the every day couple. Now of course it is possible to have this open attitude without actually having a fully open relationship but if the couple do choose to have a fully open relationship and sex with different partners then the excitement that comes with this will only add to the sexual relationship.

I agree with those people who say it takes a great level of maturity to be in an open relationship. It needs a couple to have both trust and a basic security in themselves. I honestly don't believe that monogamy is completely natural. I really believe that monogamy can place strain on otherwise excellent relationships/friendships unnecessarily. But that is just my opinion. For me the only downside to an open relationship is the reaction of general society. I believe the reaction to the idea of open relationships to be so strong for two reasons:-

1) Tradition and religion. Although we live in a decreasingly religious society, the average persons still judges it to be very morally wrong to be in anything other than a monogamous relationship. The average person can't get past the concept that having sex with someone other than an official partner isn't cheating anyone if the other partner is ok with it.

2) The average person is usually both insecure and possessive. The average person just can not comprehend the idea that it is possible for them to not feel jealousy at the thought of THEIR partner having sex with someone else. I've been both the jealous and possessive partner before and it is suprisingly easy not to feel either of those emotions.

The hardest part of having an open relationship in my opinion is/would be simply this strong reaction from close minded friends and relatives. People mention STD's and that is very important but also very easy to manage if safe sex is practiced. Also I don't consider an open relationship to be the kind where ach partner just fucks anything that moves just for the fun of it. That as somebody already pointed out is a very common misconception.

Not many couples tell each other EVERYTHING. From my experiences and from what I have seen and heard, couples in open relationships are often the most truthful, loving and closest couples alive. They feel no need to tell lies or hide completely natural emotions. I am constantly reminded that lying is something that couples in more traditional relationships do on a consistent basis.

 

[jd_uk]

Nobody ever said the ability to rationalize would make it any easier. Quite the opposite actually. It only creates more options that could get us into trouble, for both genders. I swear all the animals in the world, they probably look at us and go, "LOL you think you're so smart."

I respect your view but at the same time i also think it is a very basic one.

To the contrary, i think the lies that come with more traditional relationships presnt far more trouble. I'm constantly amazed at the 'real' cheating that goes on. When i go touring with the teams i play sport with i'm always amazed at the proportion of otherwise happily married family guys who 'play away from home' without the wives and girlfriends knowing.

Same goes for the fairly large proportion of women who have cheated/lied (Cheating to me is just a lying....it is not the actual act of having sex with another) in the past.

 

[jd_uk]

lol....my thoughts exactly (though if we're being technical about terms, a cuckold is expected to remain faithful). I'm not buying for even a second that any guy in this thread hailing open relationships as the cure for societies relationship woes is considering his woman, a woman he loves, being with other men.

Traditionally i think a cuckold is simply a man with a wife who has cheated. i.e. just having sex with other men whether he liked it or not. That is not what an open relationship is in my opinion.

To answer your slightly childishly phrased question nefertiti. If in a completely open relationship then i wouldn't like another man to 'jizz over my gf' but that is purely for health reasons and prevention of STD's. If she wants to have safe sex with another guy that she finds attractive then sure, that is fine with me as long as she is safe. I'm very, very confident sexually and i don't get the insecurities of most people. I know how to satisfy my gf better than any other guy and that i am certain of but at the same time i am realistic in the knowledge that she could have a lot of fun with another guy and that is fine with me, even fun for me. The same works the other way too. Less restrictions feels quite good. Life is too short to have too many rules in my opinion.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Either. It all depends on how the couple are with each other. I actaully see the latter as a great sign of trust. Below is my opinion on the matter and also how I view other more traditional relationships: -

------

People form close relationships for various reasons. Physical attraction, friendship, security etc. As a relationship grows and the bond gets stronger then things change. The friendship gets stronger, trust increases and sex also changes. Basically the couple "fall in love".

Sex becomes more familiar. In many ways it gets much better (e.g. both partner knows 'what works' for the other and fantasies that you wouldn't tell just anyone can be shared. The sex becomes more loving). However it is undeniable that at times the excited feeling that the couple had when they first had sex will at times decrease as the familiarity grows. The couple work on the sex to make it better (hence the popularity of sex aids including toys and lingerie) but usually also each partner starts fantasising about sex with other people or simply just notices other attractive people. This is the point at which I think people in a more open relationship are usually much happier. In closed relationships this is where feelings of jealousy and deep rooted insecurities really begin to surface. This is where the girlfriends get upset or insecure if their boyfriend looks or thinks about another girl and where the boyfriend starts thinking things like “I'm gonna knock him out if he looks at MY girl again".

With all due respect you are misinformed. This may be true for some people or maybe even for most. I don't know. I can only speak from personal experience. I was faithfull to my exhusband for 13 1/2 (11 1/2 married) and NEVER did the thought cross my mind to feel the way that you listed. No sex toys, no boredom, no desire for stranger... hell I was even faithfull in my dreams. Not saying that my marriage was perfect by any stretch - hell it was a nightmare... but I was still "happily monogamous" and wanted sex from my husband at least 6 nights per week, sometimes even more... and he was LOUSY in bed. The most important factor was that I am wired to be faithful and didn't really know any better.

Now that I do know better, I am still wired to be with one. It is my preference and I dont see that changing any time soon.

Different strokes for different folks. I only had an issue with the bolded sweeping generalization and nothing more.

It IS possible to have a long term faithfull and committed sexually satisfying relationship with one other... if that is what BOTH parties choose.

I wish Musclemom would get in here. She would surely give us all some food for thought.

 

[jd_uk]

"NO" I strongly believe in Monogamy. You are either 100% committed to your partner or you're not. There is no having the cake and eating it too! Open relationships, in my opinion, send up a big signal that there is something critical missing in that relationship. If you are having urges to be with other people then maybe you are with the wrong partner..IMO...It just opens the door to some major problems down the road. Personally, I am a very loyal and jealous person and I do not "share my toys" willingly at all! Also being intimate with someone else other then my "so" wouldnt work for me as i have to have some feelings invested...meaningless sex doesnt do much for me!

I think this is a very common and understandable view albeit a naive one in my opinion.

 

[nefertiti]

Traditionally i think a cuckold is simply a man with a wife who has cheated. i.e. just having sex with other men whether he liked it or not. That is not what an open relationship is in my opinion.

To answer your slightly childishly phrased question nefertiti. If in a completely open relationship then i wouldn't like another man to 'jizz over my gf' but that is purely for health reasons and prevention of STD's. If she wants to have safe sex with another guy that she finds attractive then sure, that is fine with me as long as she is safe. I'm very, very confident sexually and i don't get the insecurities of most people. I know how to satisfy my gf better than any other guy and that i am certain of but at the same time i am realistic in the knowledge that she could have a lot of fun with another guy and that is fine with me, even fun for me. The same works the other way too. Less restrictions feels quite good. Life is too short to have too many rules in my opinion.

Look, to each their own - that's cool if you feel that way. But just because I or others don't doesn't mean we're naive, or insecure. What's right for one isn't always right for another. I do not wish to be with other men when I am committed to someone. I may have bodily urges but I personally see the benefits in resisting them as being greater than the benefits of acting on them.

And cuckolding can be seen as a man who's been cheated on but in the sense of him being aware and ok with a woman being with other men, it is a fetish practice in BDSM, so your correction does not apply to what we were talking about.

 

[jd_uk]

With all due respect you are misinformed. This may be true for some people or maybe even for most. I don't know. I can only speak from personal experience. I was faithfull to my exhusband for 13 1/2 (11 1/2 married) and NEVER did the thought cross my mind to feel the way that you listed. No sex toys, no boredom, no desire for stranger... hell I was even faithfull in my dreams. Not saying that my marriage was perfect by any stretch - hell it was a nightmare... but I was still "happily monogamous" and wanted sex from my husband at least 6 nights per week, sometimes even more... and he was LOUSY in bed. The most important factor was that I am wired to be faithful and didn't really know any better.

Now that I do know better, I am still wired to be with one. It is my preference and I dont see that changing any time soon.

Different strokes for different folks. I only had an issue with the bolded sweeping generalization and nothing more.

It IS possible to have a long term faithfull and committed sexually satisfying relationship with one other... if that is what BOTH parties choose.

I wish Musclemom would get in here. She would surely give us all some food for thought.

Firstly that's great for you and i'm not going to question how you believe you are wired.

What i will say is that i don't think those highlighted lines are really untrue. I really dont think that anyone can seriously and truthfully deny that sexually touching their partner for the 'thousandth' time is always as exciting as it was the first few times. The sex can be much better, but better in different ways. I just used the popularity of sex toys/lingerie as an example of how popular it is for couples to 'spice things up' and get back that exciting feeling.

 

[jd_uk]

Look, to each their own - that's cool if you feel that way. But just because I or others don't doesn't mean we're naive, or insecure. What's right for one isn't always right for another. I do not wish to be with other men when I am committed to someone. I may have bodily urges but I personally see the benefits in resisting them as being greater than the benefits of acting on them.

...and i'm sure many others will say the same but there is some naivety in certain opinions and most definately some insecurities showing. Having said that, i'm not going to comment on what is right for you or anyone else here.

And cuckolding can be seen as a man who's been cheated on but in the sense of him being aware and ok with a woman being with other men, it is a fetish practice in BDSM, so your correction does not apply to what we were talking about.

I was only given the traditional meaning of the word. I'm very aware of what you're talking about and the reason i gave that traditional meaning is because the people who practice that fetish want to believe that their wife/gf want to do it against their will even if in reality it is not actually the case. That is where the BDSM element comes in. There is some confusion on here between what is an open relationship and what is 'being a cuckold' which is why i provided the traditional definition. Those guys who practice cuckolding as you speak of it want to be cheated on and 'hurt'. That is not necessarily what an open relationship is about.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

I respect your view but at the same time i also think it is a very basic one.

To the contrary, i think the lies that come with more traditional relationships presnt far more trouble. I'm constantly amazed at the 'real' cheating that goes on. When i go touring with the teams i play sport with i'm always amazed at the proportion of otherwise happily married family guys who 'play away from home' without the wives and girlfriends knowing.

Same goes for the fairly large proportion of women who have cheated/lied (Cheating to me is just a lying....it is not the actual act of having sex with another) in the past.

I meant that human beings end up being dumber than animals in any case, because of their mostly failed attempts at capitalizing on their ability to rationalize. It'd almost be better for our species if we didn't have that ability. The odds mankind destroys the earth are nearly unequivocal compared to any other life form. Relationship dynamics are a minuscule contributing factor. Well, maybe not if you factor in cause and effect, and feelings.

 

[jd_uk]

Re: Open relaitionships: Your opinion.

You are a progressive thinker and a realist, most people choose to live a life filled with illusions. I keep to myself because I"ve found that in general people are very judgemental and I don't care to listen to their shit.

Thanks. I usually keep it to myself also because i've seen how it upsets people, but this thread was supposed to make people think so what the hell.

 

[nefertiti]

...and i'm sure many others will say the same but there is some naivety in certain opinions and most definately some insecurities showing. Having said that, i'm not going to comment on what is right for you or anyone else here.

I don't see anything insecure in saying I don't want to be with more than one partner at one time. Actually, it takes a good amount of self awareness to realize that I am protecting myself emotionally by not taking on multiple lovers.

 

[jd_uk]

I don't see anything insecure in saying I don't want to be with more than one partner at one time. Actually, it takes a good amount of self awareness to realize that I am protecting myself emotionally by not taking on multiple lovers.

Hey i'm not suggesting you should take on mutiple lovers. The insecurity is showing with the strength of people's reactions. What your saying here is fine but i know from my own experiences and from seeing/hearing about other people every day that people with your views get very insecure from time to time. Personally i don't feel the need to protect myself from anything emotionally btw. If you struggle to seperate physical desires from deeper emotions then you're going to have some difficulty seeing a different point of view.

 

[biteme]

Bunch of dumbfucks up in this thread who think they know what's best for everybody else... As I've said numerous times, people are judgemental, so I keep to myself.. Despite the facts, people will believe what they want... People can be happy in all kinds of relationships. What works for you, may not work for another.. Why is it so hard for dumbass people to understand this?

 

[biteme]

Re: Open relaitionships: Your opinion.

Thanks. I usually keep it to myself also because i've seen how it upsets people, but this thread was supposed to make people think so what the hell.

I know, but people in general are idiots.

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

...and i'm sure many others will say the same but there is some naivety in certain opinions and most definately some insecurities showing. Having said that, i'm not going to comment on what is right for you or anyone else here.

This is interesting discussion. First of all I understand that monogamous relationships aren't biologically natural per se. I can also understand what angle you're coming from to conclude people in monogamous relationships are less secure than swingers, but I don't agree with it. You can be in a 1 on 1 relationship and no matter what happens in regards to unfaithfulness, be secure with the outcome, whether you reconcile or move on. And if you are a sucker then 1. You deserve it and 2. You aren't exactly in a monogamous relationship anymore.

Swinging is a whole different ballgame. There is the civil relationship aspect, and then there is the primal urges aspect. They (swingers) still choose to be in a "relationship", but whether out of fear to commit to a deeper emotional level between two people, a flat out emotional void that leads to sole focus on primal instincts, or something else, they want the best of both worlds-the security of a real relationship, as well as the free pass to compromise its integrity by adding a third party-all the while retaining the unwillingness to let one or the other go. That is insecure. If swingers were truly secure, they wouldn't be swingers, they'd be single.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Firstly that's great for you and i'm not going to question how you believe you are wired.

What i will say is that i don't think those highlighted lines are really untrue. I really dont think that anyone can seriously and truthfully deny that sexually touching their partner for the 'thousandth' time is always as exciting as it was the first few times. The sex can be much better, but better in different ways. I just used the popularity of sex toys/lingerie as an example of how popular it is for couples to 'spice things up' and get back that exciting feeling.

I humbly agree to disagree.

Sex toys/lingerie are just *fancy window dressing*. I am telling you that if both partners continue to mentally stimulate one another such implements, while fun, are hardly a necessity.

Remember, our most powerful sex organs are between our ears.... not our legs.

If I didn't get bored of a HORRIBLE lover after 13 1/2 years what makes you think that I would get bored of a WONDERFUL lover after any amount of time?

 

[eddymerckx]

Bunch of dumbfucks up in this thread who think they know what's best for everybody else... As I've said numerous times, people are judgemental, so I keep to myself.. Despite the facts, people will believe what they want... People can be happy in all kinds of relationships. What works for you, may not work for another.. Why is it so hard for dumbass people to understand this?

2nd--i care not what goes on in any other bedroom b/w consenting adults save my own---

 

[healother]

Do you believe it is possible to completely love someone and still have sex with oither people without there being problems in the relationship?

Personally i don't get jealous any more so that is not a problem and think that as long as both couples are consenting then there is no 'cheating'. I actually think there is more strain involved in a 'closed relationship' because then there are many urges which have to be suppressed.

All opinions welcome.

even as a Christian I still wonder if maybe it could work. I mean think about it, as long as both couples gave each other priority first and they only hooked up with someone else just for the physical pleasure then it seems like it could work. The problem would be if one night, one parter denied the other, to sleep with another person instead, that would be bad.

but if they are out of town and you just need to satisfy the urge and can do so, then that would be nice.

 

[Smurfy]

even as a Christian I still wonder if maybe it could work. I mean think about it, as long as both couples gave each other priority first and they only hooked up with someone else just for the physical pleasure then it seems like it could work. The problem would be if one night, one parter denied the other, to sleep with another person instead, that would be bad.

but if they are out of town and you just need to satisfy the urge and can do so, then that would be nice.

she's cheating on you already

 

[KillahBee]

I'm alone like a virgin in this city full of fucks

 

[doc holliday]

So if your gf who you loved was happy with you having sex with another girl (because she realised it as only sex) you're saying you would never want to or be tempted to?

No i wouldnt do it. I do believe in monogomy, im old school like that. I wouldnt do it, but i would be concerned if my girl didnt care. It would kinda hurt me and would make me trust her less. However to each their own, im only presenting my opinion here. I want a girl that wants me to herself and i want her to myself, then everything is peachy. Does that mean i wont think other girls attractive? of course i will, but if i love someone i wouldnt think of doing that to someone i love. If you can not have bitter feelings go for it, whatever makes one happy. btw if it goes one way the chick will probably expect you to let things swing the other way, her doing another guy, then nothing could really be said cause you did it....why cant she...vicious circle.... oh im single now so...haha. -DOC

 

[jd_uk]

I humbly agree to disagree.

Sex toys/lingerie are just *fancy window dressing*. I am telling you that if both partners continue to mentally stimulate one another such implements, while fun, are hardly a necessity.

Remember, our most powerful sex organs are between our ears.... not our legs.

If I didn't get bored of a HORRIBLE lover after 13 1/2 years what makes you think that I would get bored of a WONDERFUL lover after any amount of time?

I think you're misunderstanding. I'm not talking about getting bored. Also i never said anything was a necessity. Best to end this discussion here.

 

[jd_uk]

Swinging is a whole different ballgame. There is the civil relationship aspect, and then there is the primal urges aspect.

Like i said i dn't refer to it as 'swinging' because i think that term has become misunderstood. Swingers that we often hear about are the people who go to big sex parties and have sex with anyone there. That is not what i'm talking about so i deliberately avoid the term.

They (swingers) still choose to be in a "relationship", but whether out of fear to commit to a deeper emotional level between two people, a flat out emotional void that leads to sole focus on primal instincts, or something else, they want the best of both worlds-the security of a real relationship, as well as the free pass to compromise its integrity by adding a third party-all the while retaining the unwillingness to let one or the other go. That is insecure. If swingers were truly secure, they wouldn't be swingers, they'd be single.

This is interesting, because i actually think you may have a point in some cases, but not most. In most cases it is not about 'compromising the integrity of the relationship' (because it simply doesn't) or about noy being able to commit emotionally. As i've already said, i think that people in open relationships are far closer emotionally than those in more traditional relationships. There are no lies, jealousy or insecurity - instead they just share what is fun and don't compromise anything in doing so because frankly with anyone else, sex is just sex.

 

[jd_uk]

No i wouldnt do it. I do believe in monogomy, im old school like that. I wouldnt do it, but i would be concerned if my girl didnt care. It would kinda hurt me and would make me trust her less. However to each their own, im only presenting my opinion here. I want a girl that wants me to herself and i want her to myself, then everything is peachy. Does that mean i wont think other girls attractive? of course i will, but if i love someone i wouldnt think of doing that to someone i love. If you can not have bitter feelings go for it, whatever makes one happy. btw if it goes one way the chick will probably expect you to let things swing the other way, her doing another guy, then nothing could really be said cause you did it....why cant she...vicious circle.... oh im single now so...haha. -DOC

That's cool but actually i think you would feel differently if you and your future partner were more able to seperate the physical act of sex from any emotions. It is clear that you wouldn't be able to do that very easily.

 

[Longhorn85]

I think the best response is maybe if more wives were giving their husbands good sex often enough the divorce rate would go down. Certainly you agree that is a lot more practical option than a husband running around on his wife.

Yes, you are correct here.

 

[biteme]

Yep it's their wifely duty to give up the pussy at least once per day on average. If they fail in this duty, that's when men mostly stray.. I don't have a need to stray because all my needs are met.