OK, I'll bare my soul. Give me your opinion.

[WODIN]

Buddy move on. Let it go and enjoy your son and wife, she is damn hot afterall and you can guilt into anal anytime!

 

[Lao Tzu]

damn. I don't know if its just me but losing my 2 daughters and possibly depriving my son of a parent would be more important than my 'best' friend or my wife.

Shit, I have nothing to say. I have had a fucked up life (i still have flashbacks daily), but yours is even worse. losing 2 kids, losing a best friend, a wife who cheats, and an innocent son in the middle.

You'd probably want to talk to people who've been through cheating. They might have some good advice on how to handle it.

seeing how close you are/were to everyone, i don't know if the plain ol' revenge shit will cut it. Revenge on a best friend or wife who betrays you is a totally different story than revenge on a stranger.

 

[Tha One CrumCake]

Rot.

Fuck it. If the kid is yours, then you be a good father to him. Teach him the proper ways. If the kid is not yours, then you move on to new things. Leave your wife either way.

Why the fuck do you have a druggy as your best friend? Fuck all that.

This type of shit happens man, happens to alot of people. Be a beast and power your way through it. Don't let shit phase you.

How old are you? 30, 35? You're way to young to be caught up in this type of shit. You got many years ahead of you. Find a new woman. I know people like to talk shit on women, saying there ain't no good ones out there. But fuck that, there's millions of good, smart, beautiful, funny, generous, kind hearted women out there. It's your job to get rid of the one you're with now and find a good one.

That's too bad about your daughters. Perhaps they're gone for a reason. Perhaps someone did not want them to be around in a time like this. Perhaps it's for the best. At least they went to a better place and they are together.

This can be a fresh start for you. A new life.

It all can work out beautifully at the end if want it to. Choice is yours.

 

[havoc]

There are some great and honest replies in here, gotta respect that.
Rotten, beating the hell out of your "friend" would of accomplished nothing, don't go in that direction. Again, nothing whatsoever will come out of that except some "negative" occurence. You don't need that.

I personally would of left a woman to do such a thing, but that is me.

Your child is what is important, bring that whippersnapper up properly, that is your focus.

At one point in your life you were taking care of your wife, child and so called "friend", sounds like you have the "means" to do whatever. You deserve better my man, I'm truly sorry you had to go through such an ordeal. peace

 

[FLASHMAN1]

I've been "away" for awhile trying to get my head on straight. I've had a rollercoaster year, well for a few years now I guess. For those of you that don't know me I'll give you the cliffnotes version.

I had two daughter that died in December of 2000. We thought they had something wrong with them, but found out the doctor misdiagnosed them. That was the hardest thing that had ever happed to me, but I stayed strong for my wife and kept everything in so I could help her. I must have cried inside everyday for a year.

So then my best friend of ten years needs a place to live. I've got an extra bedroom, so I asked my wife and she says that's fine. I never asked anything in return and I am feeding him, paying all the bills, etc. Sometime shortly after the World Trade thing happened my wife and I aren't getting along at all. I am trying to finally deal with our daughters, plus I just start a new job that I am working 8am-9 or 10pm everynight. The corporate asskisser at the office and I are not getting along, and the stress of her trying to get me fired isn't making my life any easier.

Soon after that my wife is pregnant again, and we both start getting along great. It's like our marriage has a chance for the first time in awhile. My best friend is still living with us, but is really into drugs and we are trying to get our shit together since we have a baby on the way. Plus my wife is just wanting him out of the house all of the sudden. So we find him another person to sponge off of, but he's still staying the night alot, and I am still feeding him. So on May 31, my beautiful son is born. My job that I worked my ass off to better my family with is finally going smooth. Life is perfect.

About two months later my wife is struggling again with post partum depression and is having a really rough time. I play the good husband role and try to help her. The more I help her, the worse she gets. Finally on August 2nd she calls me crying at work. I ask her what is wrong and she won't tell me. I ask her again and she says she can't tell me at work. Now I have a million things going through my head, but I'm praying it's not what I think it is. Finally she says "I betrayed you baby", I can still hear it in my head as if it was said to me right now. My blood starts pumping. My head is spinning. I shut my office door, and ask her what she is talking about. She tells me that she fucked my "best friend" while I was at work. I hang up on her, but I can't think. I have to leave, so I have to go into the CEO's office and explain to her why I have to leave and can't give a presentation later that day. I leave the office and go straight to when the deadbeat motherfucking drug dealing piece of shit has been staying. My cell phone is blowing up from my wife calling me but I don't answer it. I get there and he's not there. I have no idea where to find him, but I know I'll kill him when I do. I go home and I want to kill my wife. Now I am doubting that my son is even mine. My whole world just collapsed. I have to leave or I am going to do something stupid. I drive around for a long time. I know he is my son because he looks just like me, but the doubt has been planted. I finally drive home and after more yelling at my wife I've already made my decision on what's going to happen between her and I. I love her too much, and even though she did that to me I couldn't live without her in my life. I swallow the last bit of pride I have left, and it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

So that was three months ago. I haven't seen or heard from the piece of shit. I feel drawn sometimes to smash his head in with a baseball bat, but I know it won't help me out any. I have dreams of the two of them together everynight. I think there is just stings holding my sanity together. I feel like a coward for not killing him.

So here's my question...did I do the right thing? Should I have wasted him, and probably spent my son's first years in prison and not get to see him grow up? Should I have left my wife? Or did I do the right thing by forgiving (but not forgetting...God I wish I could forget) her and going on with my life?

What do you think? I've laid my cards on the table for you to critique it so please don't hold back.

-Rotten

First things first, I don't care how much the baby looks just like you, GET A PATERNITY TEST!!!! If it's not your kid, there's no reason for you to get any more attached than you already are. Second, I've been there, and though my situation was a little different, you'll NEVER get that trust back after she cheats. You're better off starting over... If the kid is yours, obviously take care of him, but I'd lose her either way... A friend of mine was in a situation where his ex-girl had a kid he thought was his... poor dumb bastard paid child support and treated this kid as his own for 5 years, then found out it wasn't his... it's ugly and painful, but I believe it's something you have to do. If you want to forgive her and stay with her, go for it, to each his own, but finding out for sure whether or not the kid is yours is very important, she owes you that much at the very least...

 

[saint808]

If it were me I would get a paternity test and see where to go form there... are you realy that much in love with your wife or are you scared of being alone at this juncture? If you truly love her that much maybe... and i mean maybe i could understand staying with her, however infidelity is a mortal sin to me. I could never stay with someone who has betrayed me like that... but that's just me. Are you happy right now? I mean happy people generally don't say things like you did in that post and also don't tend to dream of their wives with other people.

 

[TEXgrl]

as someone who has been thru a partner cheating, i know how ripped apart you feel. i know the thoughts that go thru your head, the wanting to inflict pain, wanting revenge, the doubts, the mistrust, all of it, i've been there. the biggest piece of advice i can give you is to make up your mind if you still want your wife, and if you do, you have to put this behind you. dwelling on it, and plotting revenge is only going to eat you up inside and make you and your wife, and your baby very unhappy people.

forget about your "friend" he's not worth it. he'll get his in the end anyway with the life he's living.

get yourself and your wife in counseling, and take steps to get your life back.

good luck. feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

 

[Rotten]

Sorry to make this so short, but I'm at work and it's busy as hell here right now. First off thanks to everyone for the replies. I asked for honesty. I got honesty.

Leaving my wife is not an option right now. I still love her. I know I have a 50/50 chance of getting hurt again, but I'm taking the risk. She is getting help and I've found out some really fucked up things that have happened to her in her life. Not making any excuses for her, but I would have been fucked up too. Doesn't take any of my pain away. The reason she gave me for cheating was because I was spending so much time at work, and when I got home all I did was play computer games. I never talked to her. My life was crap at the time, and I was trying to get so deep into games, I wouldn't have to deal with what I felt. Maybe that is a bullshit excuse, but it makes sense.

I am happy with her to a point right now. The only thing keeping me from being totally happy is the hurt. I'm banking on that passing with time. If I left right now then my son would have a broken home to grow up in. He is my son, I know that 100% now. Sometimes you just have to try and work things out for the kids. This is such a disposible society, and there are too many divorces IMHO. I don't tell my wife about my dreams. I am trying to get her well, and then I'll worry about myself.

I am trying to put this behind me, but the hardest part is that I feel like I should have done more. He is really not worth it, but now that I look back on it I see signs I should have known something happened. He even talked about it, and I never caught on it was my wife he was talking about. Ignorance is bliss, but hindsight is 20/20. He has nothing. I have been there for him through everything he has ever happened. When the DEA kicked in his door, I was at his house everyday checking on him when all of his other "friends" bailed on him. He needed a place to live, I gave him food and shelter. Now he is a 34 year old alcoholic drug addicted fat jobless piece of shit. If you are ever in Springfield, MO his name is Kevin Green. He drives a white BMW that the bank is looking for. Do the world a favor and don't piss on him if he is on fire.

My life isn't that bad, and others have it a whole lot easier and some have it a whole lot worse then I do. I started working out again. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and a family who loves me. My son is my whole world. I look at him and know I am going to be alright.

I'll post more when I go to lunch. Thanks again.

 

[Ffactor]

Did you find out if the kid is yours? I don't think I'd have the strength to stay with your wife. She fucked your drug addicted best friend. What does that say about her? You have both been through a lot but that is just dysfunctional. Get on with your life.

 

[WODIN]

Cool to hear Rotten.