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Rotten
New member
I've been "away" for awhile trying to get my head on straight. I've had a rollercoaster year, well for a few years now I guess. For those of you that don't know me I'll give you the cliffnotes version.
I had two daughter that died in December of 2000. We thought they had something wrong with them, but found out the doctor misdiagnosed them. That was the hardest thing that had ever happed to me, but I stayed strong for my wife and kept everything in so I could help her. I must have cried inside everyday for a year.
So then my best friend of ten years needs a place to live. I've got an extra bedroom, so I asked my wife and she says that's fine. I never asked anything in return and I am feeding him, paying all the bills, etc. Sometime shortly after the World Trade thing happened my wife and I aren't getting along at all. I am trying to finally deal with our daughters, plus I just start a new job that I am working 8am-9 or 10pm everynight. The corporate asskisser at the office and I are not getting along, and the stress of her trying to get me fired isn't making my life any easier.
Soon after that my wife is pregnant again, and we both start getting along great. It's like our marriage has a chance for the first time in awhile. My best friend is still living with us, but is really into drugs and we are trying to get our shit together since we have a baby on the way. Plus my wife is just wanting him out of the house all of the sudden. So we find him another person to sponge off of, but he's still staying the night alot, and I am still feeding him. So on May 31, my beautiful son is born. My job that I worked my ass off to better my family with is finally going smooth. Life is perfect.
About two months later my wife is struggling again with post partum depression and is having a really rough time. I play the good husband role and try to help her. The more I help her, the worse she gets. Finally on August 2nd she calls me crying at work. I ask her what is wrong and she won't tell me. I ask her again and she says she can't tell me at work. Now I have a million things going through my head, but I'm praying it's not what I think it is. Finally she says "I betrayed you baby", I can still hear it in my head as if it was said to me right now. My blood starts pumping. My head is spinning. I shut my office door, and ask her what she is talking about. She tells me that she fucked my "best friend" while I was at work. I hang up on her, but I can't think. I have to leave, so I have to go into the CEO's office and explain to her why I have to leave and can't give a presentation later that day. I leave the office and go straight to when the deadbeat motherfucking drug dealing piece of shit has been staying. My cell phone is blowing up from my wife calling me but I don't answer it. I get there and he's not there. I have no idea where to find him, but I know I'll kill him when I do. I go home and I want to kill my wife. Now I am doubting that my son is even mine. My whole world just collapsed. I have to leave or I am going to do something stupid. I drive around for a long time. I know he is my son because he looks just like me, but the doubt has been planted. I finally drive home and after more yelling at my wife I've already made my decision on what's going to happen between her and I. I love her too much, and even though she did that to me I couldn't live without her in my life. I swallow the last bit of pride I have left, and it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
So that was three months ago. I haven't seen or heard from the piece of shit. I feel drawn sometimes to smash his head in with a baseball bat, but I know it won't help me out any. I have dreams of the two of them together everynight. I think there is just stings holding my sanity together. I feel like a coward for not killing him.
So here's my question...did I do the right thing? Should I have wasted him, and probably spent my son's first years in prison and not get to see him grow up? Should I have left my wife? Or did I do the right thing by forgiving (but not forgetting...God I wish I could forget) her and going on with my life?
What do you think? I've laid my cards on the table for you to critique it so please don't hold back.
-Rotten
I had two daughter that died in December of 2000. We thought they had something wrong with them, but found out the doctor misdiagnosed them. That was the hardest thing that had ever happed to me, but I stayed strong for my wife and kept everything in so I could help her. I must have cried inside everyday for a year.
So then my best friend of ten years needs a place to live. I've got an extra bedroom, so I asked my wife and she says that's fine. I never asked anything in return and I am feeding him, paying all the bills, etc. Sometime shortly after the World Trade thing happened my wife and I aren't getting along at all. I am trying to finally deal with our daughters, plus I just start a new job that I am working 8am-9 or 10pm everynight. The corporate asskisser at the office and I are not getting along, and the stress of her trying to get me fired isn't making my life any easier.
Soon after that my wife is pregnant again, and we both start getting along great. It's like our marriage has a chance for the first time in awhile. My best friend is still living with us, but is really into drugs and we are trying to get our shit together since we have a baby on the way. Plus my wife is just wanting him out of the house all of the sudden. So we find him another person to sponge off of, but he's still staying the night alot, and I am still feeding him. So on May 31, my beautiful son is born. My job that I worked my ass off to better my family with is finally going smooth. Life is perfect.
About two months later my wife is struggling again with post partum depression and is having a really rough time. I play the good husband role and try to help her. The more I help her, the worse she gets. Finally on August 2nd she calls me crying at work. I ask her what is wrong and she won't tell me. I ask her again and she says she can't tell me at work. Now I have a million things going through my head, but I'm praying it's not what I think it is. Finally she says "I betrayed you baby", I can still hear it in my head as if it was said to me right now. My blood starts pumping. My head is spinning. I shut my office door, and ask her what she is talking about. She tells me that she fucked my "best friend" while I was at work. I hang up on her, but I can't think. I have to leave, so I have to go into the CEO's office and explain to her why I have to leave and can't give a presentation later that day. I leave the office and go straight to when the deadbeat motherfucking drug dealing piece of shit has been staying. My cell phone is blowing up from my wife calling me but I don't answer it. I get there and he's not there. I have no idea where to find him, but I know I'll kill him when I do. I go home and I want to kill my wife. Now I am doubting that my son is even mine. My whole world just collapsed. I have to leave or I am going to do something stupid. I drive around for a long time. I know he is my son because he looks just like me, but the doubt has been planted. I finally drive home and after more yelling at my wife I've already made my decision on what's going to happen between her and I. I love her too much, and even though she did that to me I couldn't live without her in my life. I swallow the last bit of pride I have left, and it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
So that was three months ago. I haven't seen or heard from the piece of shit. I feel drawn sometimes to smash his head in with a baseball bat, but I know it won't help me out any. I have dreams of the two of them together everynight. I think there is just stings holding my sanity together. I feel like a coward for not killing him.
So here's my question...did I do the right thing? Should I have wasted him, and probably spent my son's first years in prison and not get to see him grow up? Should I have left my wife? Or did I do the right thing by forgiving (but not forgetting...God I wish I could forget) her and going on with my life?
What do you think? I've laid my cards on the table for you to critique it so please don't hold back.
-Rotten
