Way tuff situation.... The girl has a lot of her own issues and obviously is scared to face them and their consequences. Frankly I would probably feel the same way, but for god's sake, she's not only not dealing w/ her problems, she's spreading a potentially fatal disease.
Let me give you a scenario and my response - I once dated a guy who I found out later had been fucking his way through two different counties. I felt damn stupid for being the last one to know, and was emotionally hurt by the breach of trust I thought we had. But guess what, I can recover from that. The first thing I did was go running off to get tested. The whole time while I was waiting for my results to come back, all I could think about is how I would chop his dick off with a rusty butter knife, then shove it down his throat and rip out his lungs for having no respect for my life at all. And then I was going to leave him to ponder the subject for a few days and then toss him in the ocean with a 50 lb cement butt plug. OK.... you get the picture... Yes, my tests came back negative. But goddam, the irresponsibility of the guy to do that. Why not just come over to my house and shoot me point blank?? Same result.
If you promised the girl that you wouldnt' say anything and then she continues to not address the situation and still keeps screwing around, that's called "being an accomplice". Minimally you can tell her that you will be there for her, but unless she lets these guys know what's up, you will have to do it for her. Whether or not these guys "deserve what they get" or not is a subjective decision. Whether or not you can live with yourself if something happens is your decision.
I think you are doing the right thing.
Regarding your wife, I agree that she is just looking out for you and is frustrated because these guys are constantly occupying your time and efforts and not giving anything back. She wants you to be appreciated and respected in the way that she knows you should be.
Do what you have to do - if she loves you, she will have to respect that and the whole thing will blow over once the dilemma is addressed.
Good luck & I hope that girl has an angel looking over her because it sounds like she needs it....
~ sassy
