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My child will not go to school.

gonelifting

gonelifting

Elite Mentur
EF VIP
Well, she`s 2.5 years old and started in school as of 3 weeks ago. She`s still crying her eyes out everytime I drop her off. It`s come to the point where I have to stay INSIDE the classroom with her all day and slowly distance myself to the hallway, then eventually out to the parkinglot, then home. We`ve been trying this and it`s still not working.

The next approach is to try the tough love again like in the beginning where I just drop her off and eventually she`ll get the idea that she needs to stay there until the end of the day. This is really getting to us now because she`s been sorta sick for the past 2 weeks from crying every other day and getting stuffed and congested. DR. appt. tomorrow.

If this keeps up until the end of the month, I was told she could`nt stay in school. I agree if it does`nt stop, it may be too early for her.
 
she's so cute I can't believe she isn't eating up all the attention from the other kids
it's usually the ugly ones who don't want to go back isn't it?
 
Y_Lifter said:
She is working you sooo bad..
Click to expand...



Yeah....I agree.


My Mom tells me when I was little and she and my Dad were going out for an evening alone. The babysitter would show up and I would stand in the driveway and cry. She felt awful and gulity for leaving me.

It didn't work though because the babysitter told them as soon as they were out of sight, I turned around and was ready to play.

:verygood:
 
I need more people! Give me something that`ll learn me!

The teacher`s are on top of things. We`re working together constantly to make this work, they`ve been very atient with us and it was their suggestions for staying in the class with her and stuff.
 
starfish said:
Yeah....I agree.


My Mom tells me when I was little and she and my Dad were going out for an evening alone. The babysitter would show up and I would stand in the driveway and cry. She felt awful and gulity for leaving me.

It didn't work though because the babysitter told them as soon as they were out of sight, I turned around and was ready to play.

:verygood:
Click to expand...


Yeah that`s how she used to be with mom when she left for work. We were hoping that would be the case with school too, but she does`nt stop. I really think that she thinks too much for her own good. Her mind is working a mile a minute. She`s gotta relax and enjoy being 2. lol
 
just wait till she discovers the boys in class, then she wont be able to wait to go and she'll be sneaking halter tops and skirts out of the house to change into once she gets to school
 
Spank her ass.


Sorry bro, didn't read your post at all. I just saw the words "child" and "will not" in the thread title.

Everyone knows a good whupping will change a "will not" into a "will so".
 
gonelifting said:
Yeah that`s how she used to be with mom when she left for work. We were hoping that would be the case with school too, but she does`nt stop. I really think that she thinks too much for her own good. Her mind is working a mile a minute. She`s gotta relax and enjoy being 2. lol
Click to expand...



Has she ever been in an environment like that? Maybe, she is overstimulated by everything new.

Can you go and then leave....but come back in a short period of time and then just keep adding to it?

Maybe, she just needs to "absorb" all the new stuff going on around her or maybe, she is still to young?
 
She's old enough to talk straight up with her.


Tell her that you wish you could stay with her because you love her so very much.

But Daddy has to go now but will be back later and she needs to stay here and learn stuff and have fun and make new friends

*Crying will not change that at all, no matter how much she does it.

Once she realizes that everything will be cool and that you are not going to give in, she will move onto Working You on some other issue..
 
Tell her the boiler room monster is going to have her for lunch if she don't shut up.

Or join in with the other kids laughing at her until she stops.
 
Drop and go. It sucks, but you have to do it. SHE KNOWS that crying gets what she wants.. it has to NOT get what she wants.

Good luck man. It's a gut wrenching ride.
 
Y_Lifter said:
She's old enough to talk straight up with her.


Tell her that you wish you could stay with her because you love her so very much.

But Daddy has to go now but will be back later and she needs to stay here and learn stuff and have fun and make new friends

*Crying will not change that at all, no matter how much she does it.

Once she realizes that everything will be cool and that you are not going to give in, she will move onto Working You on some other issue..
Click to expand...




You sound like a good Dad... :)
 
Y_Lifter said:
She's old enough to talk straight up with her.


Tell her that you wish you could stay with her because you love her so very much.

But Daddy has to go now but will be back later and she needs to stay here and learn stuff and have fun and make new friends

*Crying will not change that at all, no matter how much she does it.

Once she realizes that everything will be cool and that you are not going to give in, she will move onto Working You on some other issue..
Click to expand...


Sounds solid... real solid.

She is just testing you...

I need to utilize this on my g/f....
 
3 words

electroshock behavior modification
 
so don't send her. Whofuckin cares. She's 2 for chrissakes!!!

I went to nursery school. I cried. I didn;t sit on my floor mat like the other kids. So my parents pulled me out. I ended up OK.
 
i hope this isn't a public school you are sending your child off to. haven't you learned enough about them from EF?
 
p0ink said:
i hope this isn't a public school you are sending your child off to. haven't you learned enough about them from EF?
Click to expand...

seriously - she is going to come home someday and tell you that everyone who is jacked takes roids and that roids are illegal and you should be tested...

then she will call the gestapo on you.

home school bro.
 
kids at 2.5 should be home in front the tv watching Barney. My parents sent me to school early and I still hate 'em for it. I coulda used those 2 years of growth to kick more ass on the gridiron.
 
i dont have kids, but i think that you should wait out the first month. she's gonna have to make friends before she will be comfortable there. if she has any interests see if you can find another little one that likes the same stuff. if she just can't get the hang of it, its not a big deal in the long run. wait a few more months and try again. it sounds like she is taking it really traumatically right now. did you tell her in advance that she would be going to preschool?
 
IMO, staying in the classroom with her is worse for her. Your daughter has not had any previous formal interaction with children prior to starting at this center, correct?

Every child goes through this. It is normal. It's called seperation anxiety. Be assured that after you walk out that door and start driving home your daughter will stop crying. Over time it will get easier for her. It will get to a point where your daughter will not even cry anymore. She may even tell you to leave as soon as you bring her to school. It takes time for children to adapt. Every child is different. How long has she been attending?

I remember back when you were asking if you should send your child to a center, I posted then that your child would go through seperation anxiety, that it may take her a few weeks, even a month or more to adapt to the change. The best thing you can do for her is tell her that everyone has a job. It's mommy and daddy's jobs to go to work and it's her "job" to go to school. Assure her that you will be back to pick her up at a certain time (say after your nap, after you have your afternoon snack or after lunch- something she will understand not a numerical time figure), tell her you love her, and walk out the door, get in your car and go on about your day. You can call to speak to her teacher's if you are concerned.

It could also be that she is not ready for school. Sometimes that's the case but they should allow her at least a month and a half to adapt to this new change in her life. Do you talk about school with her? Do you ask her if she has any friends? What she does all day? Etc? That could help her tremendously.

I believe crak went through this same thing with his son. If I remember correctly after about a month his son didn't even want him to walk him to his class anymore.
 
Dial_tone said:
kids at 2.5 should be home in front the tv watching Barney. My parents sent me to school early and I still hate 'em for it. I coulda used those 2 years of growth to kick more ass on the gridiron.
Click to expand...

A 2.5 year old has no business spending their day in front of a tv. It does nothing to stimulate their intellectual development. Television should not be introduced to children until they are old enough to read. Too bad it's an easy way for parents to entertain their children these days.
 
All she'll learn there is how to roll a joint and hack the parental controls on your tv remote.
 
My Daughter is fitting right into Public School at 12 after years of small private christian schools. It's a good school, but we were still worried.

Learning to talk like a sista in da hood and to stare down some biotch that
stole her seat next to her #1 girlfriend..
 
gonelifting said:
Well, she`s 2.5 years old and started in school as of 3 weeks ago. She`s still crying her eyes out everytime I drop her off. It`s come to the point where I have to stay INSIDE the classroom with her all day and slowly distance myself to the hallway, then eventually out to the parkinglot, then home. We`ve been trying this and it`s still not working.

The next approach is to try the tough love again like in the beginning where I just drop her off and eventually she`ll get the idea that she needs to stay there until the end of the day. This is really getting to us now because she`s been sorta sick for the past 2 weeks from crying every other day and getting stuffed and congested. DR. appt. tomorrow.

If this keeps up until the end of the month, I was told she could`nt stay in school. I agree if it does`nt stop, it may be too early for her.
Click to expand...

Eh, gonelifting.......

I know it's hard, but you've got to have a talk with you kid. Explain to her in basic terms that it's a transition she's gonna have to make, just another stage in life, ya' know? You've got to tell her that you'll always be there for her if she get's scared, but that she has to stay in school for the whole day.

You've got to make her understand that she must spend time without you for her own betterment.

Good luck, bro.


DIV

:chomp:
 
drop her off at one of AAP's pool parties instead of school one time, and damned if she'll ever complain next time she seems the classroom
 
nvrbuffenuff_girl said:
IMO, staying in the classroom with her is worse for her. Your daughter has not had any previous formal interaction with children prior to starting at this center, correct?

Every child goes through this. It is normal. It's called seperation anxiety. Be assured that after you walk out that door and start driving home your daughter will stop crying. Over time it will get easier for her. It will get to a point where your daughter will not even cry anymore. She may even tell you to leave as soon as you bring her to school. It takes time for children to adapt. Every child is different. How long has she been attending?

I remember back when you were asking if you should send your child to a center, I posted then that your child would go through seperation anxiety, that it may take her a few weeks, even a month or more to adapt to the change. The best thing you can do for her is tell her that everyone has a job. It's mommy and daddy's jobs to go to work and it's her "job" to go to school. Assure her that you will be back to pick her up at a certain time (say after your nap, after you have your afternoon snack or after lunch- something she will understand not a numerical time figure), tell her you love her, and walk out the door, get in your car and go on about your day. You can call to speak to her teacher's if you are concerned.

It could also be that she is not ready for school. Sometimes that's the case but they should allow her at least a month and a half to adapt to this new change in her life. Do you talk about school with her? Do you ask her if she has any friends? What she does all day? Etc? That could help her tremendously.

I believe crak went through this same thing with his son. If I remember correctly after about a month his son didn't even want him to walk him to his class anymore.
Click to expand...




She`s been going for over 3 weeks, maybe 4. We do talk with her about it and ask if she made a friend or friends. We ask what she did and everything about her day.

We started out as dropping her off and leaving but they called us to come pick her up because of her crying, then we finally decided to stay in the class with her from the teacher`s suggestion.

We are now just dropping her off again. They`re giving it to the end of the month to see if it works. That would be a total of 2 months. We also tried to say "You go home after snack" then we graduated to "Go home after lunch" etc. She says "OK" and 20 minutes later just starts crying again. She`s so traumatized that she does nothing in class. She just sits there sobbing, not even looking at the teacher while the class is going on. It`s weird because sometimes when she gets home, she recites a whole song that they went over in class while she was`nt even paying attention. lol

She woke up the other day and while still in bed, she was making the letter "B" with sign language with her hand. "Look daddy, B". lol As soon as she woke up! It must always be on her mind. Time will tell what happens. I don`t mind keeping her home for another year. I just wanted her to make friends and be social with other kids. She`s very smart without school, but you can`t really teach her to be social wiothout other children around.

Thanks for the replies. It seems I can`t give anyone k because I must have already.
 
gonelifting said:
She`s been going for over 3 weeks, maybe 4. We do talk with her about it and ask if she made a friend or friends. We ask what she did and everything about her day.

We started out as dropping her off and leaving but they called us to come pick her up because of her crying, then we finally decided to stay in the class with her from the teacher`s suggestion.

We are now just dropping her off again. They`re giving it to the end of the month to see if it works. That would be a total of 2 months. We also tried to say "You go home after snack" then we graduated to "Go home after lunch" etc. She says "OK" and 20 minutes later just starts crying again. She`s so traumatized that she does nothing in class. She just sits there sobbing, not even looking at the teacher while the class is going on. It`s weird because sometimes when she gets home, she recites a whole song that they went over in class while she was`nt even paying attention. lol

She woke up the other day and while still in bed, she was making the letter "B" with sign language with her hand. "Look daddy, B". lol As soon as she woke up! It must always be on her mind. Time will tell what happens. I don`t mind keeping her home for another year. I just wanted her to make friends and be social with other kids. She`s very smart without school, but you can`t really teach her to be social wiothout other children around.

Thanks for the replies. It seems I can`t give anyone k because I must have already.
Click to expand...

I think you need to keep on the same track as far as dropping her off and explaining to her that she needs to stay in school and participate in classroom activities. Explain to her that you and your wife need for her to do this for you guys. Comfort her by saying that you are only a phonecall away if she should ever need you guys.

I hope thangs work out for her.


DIV

:chomp:
 
I'm surprised they asked you come pick her up. That's interesting! At this point she has learned that crying brings daddy to school to pick her up. It's a game to her and she is winning!

Have you asked the teacher if any other children acted the same way when they first started? I imagine many of her classmates moved up from a younger age group class, so they've had prior experience in a preschool setting. But sometimes there are children, like your daughter, who are experiencing preschool for the first time ever.

You could also try making a game out of going to school, letting you leave without crying, and enjoying her day without crying much. Stickers are a 2 year old's best friend! Go to a dollar store and let her pick out some stickers she likes. Every morning when you take her into her classroom, put a sticker on her shirt. Have her teacher remove her sticker if she cries non-stop after you leave or refuses to engage with her classmates. Tell her that if she has a good day with little to no crying (gets to keep the sticker on) once you leave she will get something special when she gets home. The first few weeks you will have to make it a daily thing. Reward her daily based solely on that day. Make it something small, like getting to take a bath with her favorite doll or two dolls instead of one. Keep it simple!

After a few weeks change it. Instead of just having to be good for one day make it an entire week. If she keeps the stickers every day that she goes to school at the end of the week take her out for ice cream or something special. It will get to where she will no longer need the stickers daily.

She also only attends school part-time, correct? If so, staying home with you some days out of the week instead of having to go to school make it harder for her to adapt. Has the center taken this into consideration?
 
starfish said:
Yeah....I agree.


My Mom tells me when I was little and she and my Dad were going out for an evening alone. The babysitter would show up and I would stand in the driveway and cry. She felt awful and gulity for leaving me.

It didn't work though because the babysitter told them as soon as they were out of sight, I turned around and was ready to play.

:verygood:
Click to expand...

LOL. I used to cry, unless I was distracted. Babysitter would take me for water ice, or to the park. Come back and my folks were gone with me none the wiser.
 
By school he means preschool/daycare. Some children start attending such centers when they are 6 weeks old. She isn't chronologically too young.
 
nvrbuffenuff_girl said:
By school he means preschool/daycare. Some children start attending such centers when they are 6 weeks old. She isn't chronologically too young.
Click to expand...

AH.

Then one should specify day care and not school (for those of us that don't have kids and aren't up to the lastest baby/infant school/baby sitting lingo).

When I hear 2.5 year old in school my first reaction is government assisted babysitting. :worried: (no offense GL)


My Godson is not 2.5 years yet and he goes to a playschool every Monday for an hour with is mother. He gets to interact with other babies in his age group with his mommy by his side (as are all the other kids) which sounds to me like a great way to go from being with mommy, daddy, friends and family to a classroom type setting.
 
Last edited:
velvett said:
A 2.5 year old in school?!


...somehow I can't get beyond this part.
Click to expand...


It started out us looking for a daycare and it gradually went the direction of the school. We figured daycare is one big babysitting party and school would have some structure, so we went with it.

This particular school has a minimum age of 2.5 years old to attend. My daughter just missed the cutoof date by one day but they let her in, no big deal but my point is there are`nt really any younger kids there. There RE different age groups such as 3 yo and older in other classes but the 2.5 stay together. This particular school went up to grade 4 at one time. Now it`s just to K or grade 1.

Neverbuff, We`ve done all those things you`ve mentioned except for the stickers but quite honestly she`s too far gone for that. She starts crying and is at full bore without hearing what anyone has to say. She gets to a point of no return. lol It`s hard to explain, but she does`nt want to eat her snack, lunch, drink anything... She does`nt even nap there, but when she gets in the car on the way home, she conks out in 2 minutes.

Like I said, time will tell. We`ll try the leaving part again. Today was OK. She cried a lot but at least she stayed most of the day.

Also...funny story, she`s very smart and the teacher tells me this as well. The teacher tells her "Mommy goes to work and daddy goes to work and they`ll come back to get you."
She tells the teacher "Daddy does`nt go to work, he goes home." lol

Damn kid! lol jk
 
Playgroups are also a great alternative in situations where one or both parents are able to stay home with their child but still want to encourage their child to develop socially and emotionally. Which will never be something they can provide if they keep their child at home without interacting with others their age.

In GL's thread where he was deciding whether to place his daughter in school I suggested he look into a playgroup since mainly he wanted encourage social and emotional development. If she can no longer stay at her current center the setting of a playgroup may be great for her. She may be one of those children that benefit from attending a playgroup prior to fully transitioning into a preschool setting.
 
nvrbuffenuff_girl said:
By school he means preschool/daycare. Some children start attending such centers when they are 6 weeks old. She isn't chronologically too young.
Click to expand...

Lil Spanish girl is right!

Some kids literally go from the womb to daycare in a matter of months......it's kinda scary how routine this is becoming...

From the Cradle 2 tha Daycare......life ain't never been easy...


DIV

:chomp:
 
gonelifting said:
It started out us looking for a daycare and it gradually went the direction of the school. We figured daycare is one big babysitting party and school would have some structure, so we went with it.

This particular school has a minimum age of 2.5 years old to attend. My daughter just missed the cutoof date by one day but they let her in, no big deal but my point is there are`nt really any younger kids there. There RE different age groups such as 3 yo and older in other classes but the 2.5 stay together. This particular school went up to grade 4 at one time. Now it`s just to K or grade 1.

Neverbuff, We`ve done all those things you`ve mentioned except for the stickers but quite honestly she`s too far gone for that. She starts crying and is at full bore without hearing what anyone has to say. She gets to a point of no return. lol It`s hard to explain, but she does`nt want to eat her snack, lunch, drink anything... She does`nt even nap there, but when she gets in the car on the way home, she conks out in 2 minutes.

Like I said, time will tell. We`ll try the leaving part again. Today was OK. She cried a lot but at least she stayed most of the day.

Also...funny story, she`s very smart and the teacher tells me this as well. The teacher tells her "Mommy goes to work and daddy goes to work and they`ll come back to get you."
She tells the teacher "Daddy does`nt go to work, he goes home." lol

Damn kid! lol jk
Click to expand...


AH! So you didn't go with that one preschool you PM'd me about. ABC I believe? Is this setting a montesorri school? Or are you calling it school because they have scructured schedule daily?

You may think the sticker idea won't work but truly you'll never know unless you try. If stickers really won't work try modifying it to find something similar that will work.
 
nvrbuffenuff_girl said:
AH! So you didn't go with that one preschool you PM'd me about. ABC I believe? Is this setting a montesorri school? Or are you calling it school because they have scructured schedule daily?

You may think the sticker idea won't work but truly you'll never know unless you try. If stickers really won't work try modifying it to find something similar that will work.
Click to expand...

Why are people obsessed with those Montesori schools? What's the dealie on that?


DIV

:chomp:
 
DIVISION said:
Lil Spanish girl is right!

Some kids literally go from the womb to daycare in a matter of months......it's kinda scary how routine this is becoming...

From the Cradle 2 tha Daycare......life ain't never been easy...


DIV

:chomp:
Click to expand...


I worked with a girl that put her infant in day care not long after popping the kid out. She was convinced that she was real estate's future star. Hubby spent 12k a year on day care (6 days a week 8:30 - 5/6pm), 6k a year on a new car for her to shuttle clients around, cell phone, pager, new clothes, RE supplies.

Bottom line they spent 18k for her to work as a RE agent (before selling any houses - except the one she convinced hubby to buy) while that poor kid was shoved in day care all day long. She was constantly sick, doped up on antibiotics and by the time she was two she had chronic ear infections.
 
nvrbuffenuff_girl said:
AH! So you didn't go with that one preschool you PM'd me about. ABC I believe? Is this setting a montesorri school? Or are you calling it school because they have scructured schedule daily?

You may think the sticker idea won't work but truly you'll never know unless you try. If stickers really won't work try modifying it to find something similar that will work.
Click to expand...


Yes we did go with that school. That`s not the name of it though. Unless it`s a suffix or prefix or something...to the name. It`s not a montessory school.

We do say she can do anything she wants if she does well there, like go to the playground afterwards which she loves to do and is always her first choice. We give her ANY reward she wants and tell her beforehand what it will be or just say "You`ll get a very nice surprise when you get home..." It never really works because she just gets caught up in the moment there and gets very overwhelmed.

The teachers there are so nice to her. Everyone calls her by her name and is very friendly with her. I love that fact about the place. It`s not just a friendly smile or good morning, but a genuine interest in what she`s doing or how she`s doing. It`s a very friendly place.

We were thinking of enrolling her in a gymnastics class for kids at some point because she loves that stuff and has way too much energy. We`ll see what happens if this place does`nt work out. I have a feeling it will though. It has to!


thanks again everyone.
 
ABC were the initials, I thought. I can't remember the name of the place anymore. I was referring to the one I had a friend in NJ look up to see if they had any previous problems of any kind before.
 
velvett said:
I worked with a girl that put her infant in day care not long after popping the kid out. She was convinced that she was real estate's future star. Hubby spent 12k a year on day care (6 days a week 8:30 - 5/6pm), 6k a year on a new car for her to shuttle clients around, cell phone, pager, new clothes, RE supplies.

Bottom line they spent 18k for her to work as a RE agent (before selling any houses - except the one she convinced hubby to buy) while that poor kid was shoved in day care all day long. She was constantly sick, doped up on antibiotics and by the time she was two she had chronic ear infections.
Click to expand...

I'm not saying it's RIGHT, Velvetteer...

I'm just amazed at the population who steer their kids from the cradle 2 daycare in a matter of months.....

I'm glad I'm not in that situation with kids, wives......etc....

DIV

:chomp:
 
DIVISION said:
Why are people obsessed with those Montesori schools? What's the dealie on that?


DIV

:chomp:
Click to expand...

I don't know much about Montessori schools. If I remember correctly they are based on the individual child. Meaning just because a child is chronologically 10 years old doesn't mean he has to be in 5th grade. In Montessori schools he could be in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and so on. It's based on his individual developmental readiness. I also don't think they teach in the same traditional form children at other schools are taught. They don't have a teacher teaching children a specific subject. They learn pretty much on their own in a hands-on type of way.

I guess it can have its benefits but to me it's a bit out of there.

My sister in law wants to send my niece to Montessori school next year when she turns two. Her decision is more of a status thing. She is a doctor. Her physician friends send their children to Montessori schools so to fit in she feels her child must attend the same type of school. :rolleyes:
 
DIVISION said:
I'm not saying it's RIGHT, Velvetteer...

I'm just amazed at the population who steer their kids from the cradle 2 daycare in a matter of months.....

I'm glad I'm not in that situation with kids, wives......etc....

DIV

:chomp:
Click to expand...


Oh I didn't mean that you were your post just sparked that memory.
This happened like ten yars ago.
 
nvrbuffenuff_girl said:
My sister in law wants to send my niece to Montessori school next year when she turns two. Her decision is more of a status thing. She is a doctor. Her physician friends send their children to Montessori schools so to fit in she feels her child must attend the same type of school. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

That's a REAL trip.......

Peer Pressure in Parenting 101........

That's just fucked up shit.....

DIV

:chomp:
 
my little brother went to school too early. He is twelve years old now. I remember the teachers had to literally drag him like a mad man trough the floor into the classroom, and my dad would just leave. I think it might be a little too early for your child to attend school. Especially if all she has seen is you and mommy all her life and you are the only two people she can trust and interact with. My advise will be to take her out,make her talk with other people (like little kids) help her get acquinted with other kids her age... just to make her realize that it could be fun. So much that she is busy with other people and she is not paying attention to you anymore.Then you know she is ready for school. Typical nuclear american families make this hard. The other main problem i can think of is the duration of the schooling. If its two to three hours then thats just fine, but, if its like 8 - 3pm then you should give the kid a break. Eventually she will be fine. Look at us now... we don't see our parents in weeks/months. I moved out three months ago. I still miss em but i am sure i will be fine. Good luck man.
 
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