My bf likes 'em 'thick'

[Jen10]

sooo. ..I got back with my longtime bf over christmas. We had a long indepth talk about our relationship and our likes and dislikes. When we first met I was about 155 and in ok shape. For some reason I got in my head that he liked skinny super in shape girls seeing that hes a personal trainer and trains fitness competitors. So I started doing tons of cardio and got down to 135. We grew apart about that time for a number of reasons. Finally when talking this weekend he told me that he really liked when i was bigger. Im not naturally a small girl and its really hard for me to maintain being under 145 so that made me kinda happy knowing that i dont have to be a bikni model with him. But, I like being toned and muscular. I want him to be happy but I dont want to be as soft as I was in feb. Im thinking instead of just eating everything in sight like i did this week while i was sick (and still lost weight btw, down to 143 but soft) I'm thinking i need to concentrate on eating alot of protein and good carbs so I can gain lots of lean muscle. or I am I just crazy? lol

 

[kc17]

He has to like you for who you are not by how you looked before ...

 

[socaljack]

First off, good for you on both how you feel and look as well as how you got there! How you feel and look to YOU must trump how he thinks you look. You gotta be comfortable in your skin. You both have something in common: fitness. And you got to your current goal without him in the picture. If he doesn't accept you as you are--and want to be--then you will spend many cycles trying to please him, potentially at your own expense.

Be YOU. Let him accept you as you are. If you are meant to be, it will happen. Otherwise, there is a special someone out there. Just keep the door open.

Have a great year and congratulations on your personal achievements!

 

[Colstreamer]

First off, good for you on both how you feel and look as well as how you got there! How you feel and look to YOU must trump how he thinks you look. You gotta be comfortable in your skin. You both have something in common: fitness. And you got to your current goal without him in the picture. If he doesn't accept you as you are--and want to be--then you will spend many cycles trying to please him, potentially at your own expense.

Be YOU. Let him accept you as you are. If you are meant to be, it will happen. Otherwise, there is a special someone out there. Just keep the door open.

Have a great year and congratulations on your personal achievements!

^^^ agree with this. I've spent ages trying to please others. In the end the most important thing is that you're happy with YOU.

 

[overgreen]

He has to like you for who you are not by how you looked before ...

I second this. He should be happen that you're staying in shape and never has to worry about you blowing up. Do what makes you happy.

 

[dmk777]

Yeah I got that too you look how you feel comftable not how someone else wants you too. We know you love building and that's how your comftable .

 

[caligirl85]

I agree with everyone else about needing to be happy with yourself and that is definitely easier said than done. It sounds like you got some relief, though, knowing the pressure was off to maintain that 135 mark!! (Isn't it amazing what gets stuck in our heads about how we "should" look). I think if you keep focusing on building some lean muscle you will look differently at 145-155 then you did before and you can both be happy!!

Happy New Year!

 

[Jen10]

thanks yall! I really appreciate the feedback. i've been thinking alot this week and i've decided that i dont like being bigger and i like to be in the shape i have been even though its harder to maintain it makes me feel much better about myself. i have eaten all kinds of bad things this week bc of being really sick and the holidays but im back at it full force on monday! .....I broke up with him this morning bc he works alot and has never made me a priority even though he said he can right now, all my guy friends told me that no matter how busy a guy is if he loves you he will find time to be with you. so thats that then.....

 

[Jen10]

I agree with everyone else about needing to be happy with yourself and that is definitely easier said than done. It sounds like you got some relief, though, knowing the pressure was off to maintain that 135 mark!! (Isn't it amazing what gets stuck in our heads about how we "should" look). I think if you keep focusing on building some lean muscle you will look differently at 145-155 then you did before and you can both be happy!!

Happy New Year!

thanks cg. i cant maintain 135 for more than a week anyways lol. im 145 in my avatar but im going to keep building lean muscle like you said and do it for me now!

 

[caligirl85]

thanks cg. i cant maintain 135 for more than a week anyways lol. im 145 in my avatar but im going to keep building lean muscle like you said and do it for me now!

lol...I compete at 135ish and can maintain that for about 6 hours!! So I feel your pain! LOL I look totally different, now though, at 155-160 then I did a few years ago.

I hope you're ok?!? Break ups are tough, even if it's you doing it. For what it's worth...I think you look great and I know you'll see success with your goals!

 

[Jen10]

lol...I compete at 135ish and can maintain that for about 6 hours!! So I feel your pain! LOL I look totally different, now though, at 155-160 then I did a few years ago.

I hope you're ok?!? Break ups are tough, even if it's you doing it. For what it's worth...I think you look great and I know you'll see success with your goals!

awe thank you i really appreciate that. im ok. my boss is my best friend and hes been stopping by my desk to check on me and make sure i dont text him back cuz my now ex was really upset obviously. but its nice to have alot of support!

 

[RADAR]

lol...I compete at 135ish and can maintain that for about 6 hours!! So I feel your pain! LOL I look totally different, now though, at 155-160 then I did a few years ago.

I hope you're ok?!? Break ups are tough, even if it's you doing it. For what it's worth...I think you look great and I know you'll see success with your goals!

I agree 100%

 

[red crayon]

I know this is the womens forum but I feel that you ladies would appreciate a mans input at this point. When I was 20 or so I had lots of Girl friends and the most important part of all of them was the real person inside the body. Big or small it didnt matter. Thats how I selected my wife, We have been married about 30 years. The old people used to say "Dont judge a book by its cover". Thats just my 2 cents worth.

 

[caligirl85]

I know this is the womens forum but I feel that you ladies would appreciate a mans input at this point. When I was 20 or so I had lots of Girl friends and the most important part of all of them was the real person inside the body. Big or small it didnt matter. Thats how I selected my wife, We have been married about 30 years. The old people used to say "Dont judge a book by its cover". Thats just my 2 cents worth.

Thanks red crayon. We always welcome the contributions and appreciate your input!

 

[Jen10]

I know this is the womens forum but I feel that you ladies would appreciate a mans input at this point. When I was 20 or so I had lots of Girl friends and the most important part of all of them was the real person inside the body. Big or small it didnt matter. Thats how I selected my wife, We have been married about 30 years. The old people used to say "Dont judge a book by its cover". Thats just my 2 cents worth.

Thanks red. A guys input is definitely appreciated! I think Ppl with that out look on love are the ones that end up happiest like yourself, I'm going to adopt it

 

[Janbo]

Hey Jen,
I too sit comfortably at the 140 mark and I am 5' 8" . I felt great when I was at 130-135 but boy is it hard to stay there unless mass amounts of running. I am 47 and my metabolism is shifting down steadily.
What has been your diet and exercise routine...more emphasis on lifting or cardio? What is your calorie consumption?
There is something to be said though for being able to allow your body to sit where it wants to naturally and and not deprive and stress your self everyday, and still have a man who likes the way you look. I am recently divorced and have to go back out on the market....not fun.
Good Luck in life
janbo

 

[slat1]

Jen:

Keep your head up. I believe you are heading in the right direction. You have to love "you" and make the decisions that make you happy. If you cater to others and sacrifice yourself it will never work.
I am confident all the ladies and gents on the board will agree that you are very beautiful and will land on your feet. You seem very intelligent, driven and have a great sense of humor too. That combination will get you places!
Everyone in this forum is here for you while you go through this transition. Make sure you are number one and you will be more than good!

 

[jjtt]

Well it sounds like you made the right decision- that's great
just a thought about the 135 vs 140+ thing. I know when I am at my thinnest that I am more anxious and irritable due to constantly thinking about food. Maybe that's why he liked you bigger because you were mor erelaxed/ Not sure if that applies to you, but it does for me.

 

[stevesmi]

dated a girl a few years back whom had C boobs and nice hips.. she was about 145 pounds... her breasts made me melt.

she caught onto fitness bigtime after she met me and then dropped down to 113 just by eating healthier and doing some running... her boobs got smaller, hips were gone. it honestly turned me off. so i see where your bf is coming from.
i still loved her but that attraction wasn't there anymore.

 

[jennifer778]

Hey Jen...just wanted to check on ya. I agree with what everyone here is saying. Be what you want to be. And whoever that is, love her and be confident in her and not let anyone's opinion of you change her. If that makes sense. This life is way too short to try and make someone else Happy by appearances. I know...I've tried. My ex-husband always seemed to keep me in this little trophy wife box. He loved long hair and I'd had long hair the whole time I knew him..well I wanted short hair...just wanted a change..:he never would 'approve' so I finally just went and cut it all off. Pissed him off. I was so offended because his love or opinion of me should not be affected by my hair length or how many tats I have or if I weigh a few pounds more or less than I used to. Hell...he didn't even he any fricking hair but I didn't judge him! I was much happier when I looked and lived how I wanted to instead of trying to please everyone else by looks. In my own little southern and sheltered mind....If someone truly loves you for who and what you are then they should love everything about you (changes and all).

With all that said..we love ya and support you just the way you are and with whatever you decide is good for you.

 

[ConanX]

Do what makes YOU happy

Back when my wife and and I were first talking, she told me how she loved skinny guys. Well guess what I did? Dieted down ALL the way to 178lbs. She never really showed any interest or cared although the one or two comments of "you look skinny" made me happy because she told me that's what she liked. Well, I hated the way I looked. Got up to 185lbs by keeping bodyfat low and increasing muscle. She never noticed that I was leaner, she just said I look big. We were on and off for years and I would always try to appease to her and what she liked. Eventually, I got fed up of trying to make her happy. If she can't accept me for who I am, then she's not for me. So within a year I went from 185lbs to 230lbs, same bodyfat or possibly less.
Well, now we are married and I'm 235lbs and bulking. She shows me off to all her friends how she has a big strong husband and she tells me all the time how safe I make her feel.
Moral of the story is do what makes you happy. In the end, if he loves you then he will accept you for the 120lbs or 150lbs that you are happy with. I hated being skinny so I grew and now that I am 50lbs+ heavier than when we first met, she loves the way I look even though she claimed she loved skinny guys. Now when she sees someone under 190lbs at my height, she laughs at them and calls them a twig lol.

I've always told her how beautiful she looks. She has been between 118-135. Right now she is 130 but hasn't been working out for over a year due to an intense injury. I told her she looks the best she ever has. She doesn't believe me and wants to be like the skinny girls on TV. I told her to do what makes her happy but that I am happy with her body no matter how much weight she gains or loses. Which is the truth...unless she gets extreme. If she goes anorexic I'm force feeding her and if she gets HEAVY then clenbuterol, hgh, and t3 baby lol