"I REALLY want to get up to that weight again....I really want to pound the food and knock off the cardio.......just can't beat the mind over matter thing......sorry for the vent bros, but you guys are the only ones I can really "talk" to.......karma for listening! lol"
So you saying that you want to gain size, but are afraid of overeating?
Just look at it this way: If you have the discipline to eat so strictly, apply it to eating properly while bulking and just see the fat gain as a symbol of progress- the more fat you put on, you'll be gaining still more muscle. I know that sounds kind of sounds silly, but its true. And if your goal is size, you should feel rewarded for GETTING BIGGER, not trimming up.
Everyone hates gaining fat when they bulk...you could just work out with a freind who has the same size goals as you, and watch him put on some pudge with you. It'll help the mental thing
Good luck packing on the mass and getting your mom off your back.