Men. any idea?

[seaking420]

I just read through most of this thread.........honestly it dosent sound good myway.....and it also sounds like he's been untrustworthy in the past and present...imo

what happened in his first marriage that he got divorced.....can this be a pattern? Im just sayin.....I do think if someone cheated in the past they may not in the future....depending on the person

 

[myway]

what was the reason he and the ex wife got divorced?

It was an ex girlfriend, not wife. This is his first marriage. They broke up because she wanted to get married and he didn't.

 

[jdynasty]

It was an ex girlfriend, not wife. This is his first marriage. They broke up because she wanted to get married and he didn't.

are they hers

 

[blueta2]

That's admirable, and a level-headed approach to the situation.

Are you worried about long-term effects of this, though? Even if this "therapy" (sorry, I don't believe in "therapy", just my personal view) works in the short term, I'd imagine there would be many lingering ill feelings inside you that may not even show themselves for years to come. Are you the type of person who will truly be able to give 100% trust to him for the rest of your life, given this situation? Or will you be creating your own personal prison?

Either way, best of luck to ya.

Therapy can be whatever you make it. It doesn't have to be with a licenced therapist but maybe a "leader" or a "guide" in some sense.
We all lose our way and sometimes need an outside force to see the bigger picture and to adjust thinking

 

[myway]

Therapy can be whatever you make it. It doesn't have to be with a licenced therapist but maybe a "leader" or a "guide" in some sense.
We all lose our way and sometimes need an outside force to see the bigger picture and to adjust thinking

I agree. I think we mostly need one to translate. Right now, we are not speaking the same language.

 

[velvett]

She answered that here:

are they hers

Actually, I'm kinda just chillin'.
I feel more calm than I would have guessed.
At first, he was just saying he didn't know where the stray panties came from. Now, he's making more guesses about how they could have ended up in our house/laundry. Meanwhile, I'm calling bullshit.
He said maybe they have just been stuck behind the dryer from when his ex lived here before we were married. Nope. We have a new dryer.
Next, he said that maybe the unknown undies were just under a piece of furniture from when his' ex lived here(4 years ago). Nope. We had every inch of our flooring replaced about a year ago. Plus, our furniture is all new from about 2 years ago. If I allow myself to get too pissed off, I won't think straight enough to make good decisions. It's getting hard because these lame excuses are insulting, plus, they make him seem MORE guilty. For the sake of my family, I am willing to give the therapy a try. I did explain to him that therapy won't really work if he can't be honest while we are with the therapist.

 

[The Race The Hunt]

Therapy can be whatever you make it. It doesn't have to be with a licenced therapist but maybe a "leader" or a "guide" in some sense.
We all lose our way and sometimes need an outside force to see the bigger picture and to adjust thinking

Agree and disagree. Of course, anything is what you make it. I don't agree on the "outside force" thought though. How many couples do you know that have gone through therapy and managed to sustain the positive results forever (marriage is forever, correct?)? Not many, no doubt. I tend to lean towards the good ol "look inside" approach.

The main issue I have wiht therapy is that it becomes a quick fix band-aid in many cases. Once again, you're correct, it is what you make it. But in reality, it tends to help initially then the feelings creep back up over time.

 

[myway]

Agree and disagree. Of course, anything is what you make it. I don't agree on the "outside force" thought though. How many couples do you know that have gone through therapy and managed to sustain the positive results forever (marriage is forever, correct?)? Not many, no doubt. I tend to lean towards the good ol "look inside" approach.

The main issue I have wiht therapy is that it becomes a quick fix band-aid in many cases. Once again, you're correct, it is what you make it. But in reality, it tends to help initially then the feelings creep back up over time.

I don't plan on going to "fix" anything. I'm not even sure about what can or should be "fixed". My main goal will be communication.
Married or divorced, we will STILL need to listen to/respect one another for our son's benefit. I'm trying to keep an open mind. This man was one of my best friends for YEARS before we were married. Things seem to have been derailed, somehow. He knows what I expect from a relationship. I know what he expects. If one of us is no longer able to live up to what's expected, hopefully we are able to get on the same page about the reality of the sittuation.

 

[The Race The Hunt]

I don't plan on going to "fix" anything. I'm not even sure about what can or should be "fixed". My main goal will be communication.
Married or divorced, we will STILL need to listen to/respect one another for our son's benefit. I'm trying to keep an open mind. This man was one of my best friends for YEARS before we were married. Things seem to have been derailed, somehow. He knows what I expect from a relationship. I know what he expects. If one of us is no longer able to live up to what's expected, hopefully we are able to get on the same page about the reality of the sittuation.

Good woman. Mad respect to you.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I don't plan on going to "fix" anything. I'm not even sure about what can or should be "fixed". My main goal will be communication.
Married or divorced, we will STILL need to listen to/respect one another for our son's benefit. I'm trying to keep an open mind. This man was one of my best friends for YEARS before we were married. Things seem to have been derailed, somehow. He knows what I expect from a relationship. I know what he expects. If one of us is no longer able to live up to what's expected, hopefully we are able to get on the same page about the reality of the sittuation.

You know... Based on the whole computer trashing incident I questioned your judgment. But based on this post (and the whole thread really) I have to say that I am forced to rethink my original assessment.

You actually seem level-headed and quite rational.

I hope for your son's benefit that ya'll can find some sort of middle ground. I can't think of many more things that can damage a child the way an ugly divorce/custody battle can.

I sincerely wish the best for you all.