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when did you know he or she was the one and how long have you been happly married for now?
Married people...
- Thread starter superqt4u2nv
- Start date
I do
I would if he seemed like he wanted that but hasn't asked for it yet. You know of any good head hunters in Toronto he keeps getting offers for like 6 month contracts but wants full time.
Oh and answer the question I know you been married for like ever.
We are waiting for the backdoor answer.I do
You know of any good head hunters in Toronto he keeps getting offers for like 6 month contracts but wants full time.
I don't, but I have to pass your name along to some people like I promised I would. I keep getting busy at work and forgot about it.
XBiker
Well-known member
On first sight, yes it does happen.
Married, not that long in the big scheme of things.
Together exclusively + married? A long time and still going.
Thanks dude if he gets a job from your help we might nane a child after you.
Just promise that they'll spell alot better then you.
Now give him the keys to the backdoor and get him to post up so we can wreck your relationship...
...btw, he's cheating on you.
Now give him the keys to the backdoor and get him to post up so we can wreck your relationship...
...btw, he's cheating on you.
He has an account ...
1st marriage 14 yrs.. married too young.. wife went into the marriage saying "oh I can change him"
current relationship together 14 yrs married 9... she went into the marriage saying "I love him and want to make him happy"
see the difference??
expectations change..
Here is a question that made me take the plunge a 2nd time..
If i won the lottery tomorrow for like 50 million, would i want to take her along for the ride?? spending all that and all it would have for us to experience?? answer yes..
So i asked her to be my wife..
current relationship together 14 yrs married 9... she went into the marriage saying "I love him and want to make him happy"
see the difference??
expectations change..
Here is a question that made me take the plunge a 2nd time..
If i won the lottery tomorrow for like 50 million, would i want to take her along for the ride?? spending all that and all it would have for us to experience?? answer yes..
So i asked her to be my wife..
w-h-a-t......t-h-e......h-e-l-l?I do
mrplunkey
New member
You'll just know.
There will be a moment where you look into his eyes and realize: "This is the man I want my children spending every other weekend and Wednesday nights with."
Sorry... couldn't resist!
*ebony*
New member
I do
You know of any good head hunters in Toronto he keeps getting offers for like 6 month contracts but wants full time.
Oh and answer the question I know you been married for like ever.
so he hasn't shown any interest at all? or is it just the asking that hasn't happened?
PICK3
New member
How's that work for Mo's?
Dude knows whats good for him...that's all. I got one eye on him and it's my good eye too!
redsamurai
Banned
redsamurai
Banned
Please tell me he's someone that's been here awhile and that you didn't specifically invite him here. That would be like the dumbest move ever. Nothing ever good comes from that.
mrplunkey
New member
He shows interest in it like he likes it I know that cause every time we are the gym he lets me go up the stairs first and is like ummm mami rica. I just don't know if he has interest in putting Jr. in the back door.
Red he signed up for elite after he meet me and I have no worries what so ever that the interweb is going to ruin my relationship any good relationship is solid enough to with stand most anything.
Plunky dam brat... that was funny mean but funny.
digimon7068
New member
there is no "the one". . .there's lots of people that you can have a happy, fulfilling and meaningful life-long relationship with (my wife told me that when we were dating. . .she is muy smart). . .picking "one" is the hard part
it'll be 17 years next saturday (06/27). . .absolutely the best years of my life
it may seem hard to believe, but imho, the single most important factor for longevity?? similar (not necessarily identical) ideas about money. . .everything else you can work on/with. . .that said, not being selfish/being able to work together toward common goals/being able to compromise from time-to-time, is probably the second most important factor.
IMO, you need to get past the 6-month period at least, longer if you're in different cities and not in each other's grill 24/7/365. After that all those cute habits and quirks start to become annoyances and you have a better understanding of what you can put up with for the duration. Personally, I wouldn't even mention the subject in less than six month, wouldn't ask in less than 9-12...but that's why I'm 44 and still single despite my massive and delicious penis.
Bikini Mod
New member
I married my FIRST husband because I was madly in love with him. He was "the one."
The entire internet knows how well that went.
I married MY LAST because of the way he treated me and I REALLY liked and respected him. Oh yea and the sex was/is awesome.
I didn't fall in love with the Old Grump until after several months of marriage. If something happened to him I don't know how I would keep breathing. However, I wouldn't hesitate to walk away if he changed the way he treats me or if he did something that would make me lose respect for him.
There is no "the one."
There is: LIKE, RESPECT and COMMON LIFE GOALS.
... just my .02
(1 SEP will be 3 years since we first set eyes on one another in the flesh. 31 OCT will be 3 years of marriage. It's been very difficult, but if it weren't for my husband I wouldn't be alive.)
The entire internet knows how well that went.
I married MY LAST because of the way he treated me and I REALLY liked and respected him. Oh yea and the sex was/is awesome.
I didn't fall in love with the Old Grump until after several months of marriage. If something happened to him I don't know how I would keep breathing. However, I wouldn't hesitate to walk away if he changed the way he treats me or if he did something that would make me lose respect for him.
There is no "the one."
There is: LIKE, RESPECT and COMMON LIFE GOALS.
... just my .02
(1 SEP will be 3 years since we first set eyes on one another in the flesh. 31 OCT will be 3 years of marriage. It's been very difficult, but if it weren't for my husband I wouldn't be alive.)
He's latino? Interesting. I'm latina married to a gabacho.
In my case, it was just a slow realization. We were exclusive for 5 years total and cohabitated for over 2 of those 5 before we made it legal.
*ebony*
New member
oh. well if your sure and your ready to commit that way, then just go for it. i see no need to wait for a request(some people just have a hard time asking for anything).
i say go for it and molest the dude, rape his ass(well not his ass). beside from my experience if a guy show any interest then he definitely has interest in "putting Jr. in the back door".
Strongbow
New member
LOL @ You, I feel in love with Ole' Grump after a couple of posts.
Bikini Mod
New member
Strongbow
New member
That's funny he doesn't strike me as a snorer.That's because you don't have to listen to him snoring all night long.
Bikini Mod
New member
That's funny he doesn't strike me as a snorer.
DEWD... you have NO IDEA.
+ I am a VERY light sleeper. If it weren't for Halcion we'd be at opposite ends of the house every night.
Strongbow
New member
Damn my condolences on living with a snoring Grumpy Ole Man. Maybe he is just making Harley noises in his sleep.DEWD... you have NO IDEA.
Yes he is
DT the plan is to be living in the same city before the fall. I normally am a slow slow mover but with this one wow he treats me like a queen. He always thinks of me first. He makes an effort to make me feel special and cared for everyday. He gives so much and it makes me want to give back the the same. He is so awesome really can't help but fall for him. As for mutal interest and life goals yes we have that in spaids.
Strongbow
New member
Lotta Latina wife beaters out there, LOL Just saying.Yes he is
DT the plan is to be living in the same city before the fall. I normally am a slow slow mover but with this one wow he treats me like a queen. He always thinks of me first. He makes an effort to make me feel special and cared for everyday. He gives so much and it makes me want to give back the the same. He is so awesome really can't help but fall for him. As for mutal interest and life goals yes we have that in spaids.
He has a good character I am sure of that I mean he never posted faux pics on the internet.
Bikini Mod
New member
Damn my condolences on living with a snoring Grumpy Ole Man. Maybe he is just making Harley noises in his sleep.
You may be onto something.
Strongbow
New member
LOL Yea I guess he is a good cat then, definately a Keeper.He has a good character I am sure of that I mean he never posted faux pics on the internet.
Bikini Mod
New member
Yes he is
DT the plan is to be living in the same city before the fall. I normally am a slow slow mover but with this one wow he treats me like a queen. He always thinks of me first. He makes an effort to make me feel special and cared for everyday. He gives so much and it makes me want to give back the the same. He is so awesome really can't help but fall for him. As for mutal interest and life goals yes we have that in spaids.
As long as he worships you and he stimulates your mind, then go for it.
All you gotta do is let him bring it.
I'm guessing you didn't mean lesbian relationships.
Strongbow
New member
HUh HUH HUUHHHaa HHUhaaa you said stimulate
jnevin
New member
lol
digimon7068
New member
i send you pics all the time
oh, you meant HER mr. wonderful, not THE mr. wonderful. . .sorry. . .my bad. . .
Bikini Mod
New member
Very handsome man. I hope he continues to treat you well.
I knew when I realized that if he wasn't in my life anymore I had absolutely no reason to continue breathing, life was just frigging pointless.
I realize that sounds pretty fucking melodramatic but just about everyone here knows my situation when I fell for my current husband. We've been together 15 years now, married 8 and on vacation last week we looked at each other and said "It really doesn't seem like it's been that long ..." He still doesn't bore or annoy me; honestly, I was sick to death of #1 within a few years.
I realize that sounds pretty fucking melodramatic but just about everyone here knows my situation when I fell for my current husband. We've been together 15 years now, married 8 and on vacation last week we looked at each other and said "It really doesn't seem like it's been that long ..." He still doesn't bore or annoy me; honestly, I was sick to death of #1 within a few years.
Bikini Mod
New member
^^ That right there is VERY HARD to find.
awwwww that so sweet and awesome.
I feel like that about my husband, though Im not sure he feels that way about me. Sometimes I think mine is sick to death of me. But wont admit it of course.
Bikini Mod
New member
awwwww that so sweet and awesome.
I feel like that about my husband, though Im not sure he feels that way about me. Sometimes I think mine is sick to death of me. But wont admit it of course.
LOL My Old Grump has no difficutly whatsoever saying, "I am sick TO DEATH of your shit."
So I promptly say, "Then I will leave so fast the door won't hit me in the ass on the way out." (And mean it.)
<--- Old Grump"Baby, I didn't mean it like that."
Me : "How exactly did you mean it then?"
Grump: "I'm sorry about being a jerk."
Ergo - I (meaning BIKINIMOM) am not the one who is giving the shit.
(Trust me QT, men try to play that card every single time, that is, unless you call them on it and then their attitude changes RIGHT quick.)
We are very blessed. We were each other's best friends before we were lovers and we still laugh together.awwwww that so sweet and awesome.
I feel like that about my husband, though Im not sure he feels that way about me. Sometimes I think mine is sick to death of me. But wont admit it of course.
There honestly isn't anyone we want to spend time more with than each other. Consequently, we're both lousy friends to other people (just as well, neither of us got friend custody in the divorces). Being in a coven is good for us. It's structure forces us to be around other people so we don't get too introverted, but we don't have to be buddy-buddy constantly with other people.
spades, woman...spades. I agree that your kid needs to spell better than you do.Yes he is
DT the plan is to be living in the same city before the fall. I normally am a slow slow mover but with this one wow he treats me like a queen. He always thinks of me first. He makes an effort to make me feel special and cared for everyday. He gives so much and it makes me want to give back the the same. He is so awesome really can't help but fall for him. As for mutal interest and life goals yes we have that in spaids.
bigmann245
New member
i thought she was the one until our first year of marriage. i tried putting up with her not being the same person i thought she was. she told me everything i wanted to hear and after we were married and our son was born she felt it was safe to let me know she wasnt the way she lead me to believe she was. i fell out of love with her because it wasnt her. make sure you know he is completely up front about how he is and how he sees a future with you and make sure your on the same page.
Bikini Mod
New member
^^ Yup
I don't understand the point to this but then again I don't understand a lot of stuff, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen every day.
I take it you met this gentleman online, QT?
Yes we meet online.
When being away from him would suck, and the moment we were back together again would brighten my day (work,school,etc). when I realized he was one of the only people that stood by me during the nasty,icky,ugly moments. And when I realized that no matter how stupid, idiotic, and retarded he is I will enjoy his company rather than be without him. Lol. Seriously!
We have been married for 9 years now.
I felt he was the one but wasnt completely sure about it so being the worry wart I am decided we should first move in together and give it a try.... it's been 4 years and now I know I don't even need to get married, he's there I'm there that's all I like and we;'re both very much happy... but in all fairness neither is religious or anything and after such a long time by common law we are alreay married so no need to proceed with anything else.... we are what we are....
BNG
Well-known member
We've been married for nearly 16 years. They have not all been "happily"! I'm easy going and have always done all I can for her, in return I feel she grew lazy about our relationship, and became very controlling. When I reached a point where I was no longer happy I told her, and also let her know that I wasn't willing to continue being that miserable. She had to choose. It's been several years since, and not every day is spectacular, but I would hate to be without her. I love her enough to work through the struggles. That's how I "KNOW".
Bikini Mod
New member
So I take it the question arises from distance?
A bit trickier than if ya'll were closer geographically but not impossible.
I know of many people who met under similar circumstances and it worked out. But you won't know until you try it.
Me and the Old Grump did it in a VERY unconventional way. We took a hyuge gamble (don't recommend ya'll try it at home) and it was hard at first. I won't lie. Even if we didn't have all the tough stuff stacked against us it still would have been an adjustment. But we were both married before so we did know what to expect from that.
Either way, I hope it works out. If he doesn't want to make you (or doesn't follow through once he SEEMS to want it) the center of his universe, though, walk away.
I advise ALL WOMEN to have this attitude: you are now like Missouri, "the show me state". Let him "bring it" if he wants you.
When he grows a rediculous beard or huge rediculous side burns that are totally unattractive and I still love him. I cant believe I can love a man who looks so rediculous sometimes but he just melts my heart
He does not look like Wulfgar with his beard. He looks like the dude on the Hangover. Its rediculous.
He does not look like Wulfgar with his beard. He looks like the dude on the Hangover. Its rediculous.
Bikini Mod
New member
LOL He been hanging out with my husband, has he?
The Old Grump though he trimmed his beard (because A - his mother told him he looked "like a hoodlum" and B - he had to get "a real job"... even though his wife nagged him for MONTHS because he looked like a homeless guy) in late December. Was keeping well-manicured for a few months, now he is back to looking like a homeless guy.
*sigh*
ME: "Baby, when are you going to a barber? Please/"
HIM: "Yes." (and doesn't go)
At least he is going to the gym with me at 6:30 and eating a bit better. He quit drinking a few months ago so I have learned to choose my battles.
QT, of all the people I've polled who were married 25+ years (both male and female) and who still LIKED their spouses and didn't act/speak disrespectfully towards them each one said that the single most important component of a happy marriage was:
THEY MARRIED THEIR BEST FRIEND.
IMHO if he is that to you, and you to him then I think a couple can overcome pretty much any obstacle.
Strongbow
New member
lEAVE gRUMP ALONE. mY WIFE GET PISSED WHEN i SHAVE MY LIL CHIN HAIR OFF, SHE LIKE THE GOTEE.
Bikini Mod
New member
LOL You ever seen a pic of my husband at his *baddest*?
Strongbow
New member
Hell Yea, as bad as it gets for a PIMP like Grump.
Strongbow
New member
You girls and your strange turn ons.I love when BF leaves beard and hate it when shaved
Bikini Mod
New member
He looks so much more "genteel" when he is clean-shaven. Dontcha think?
I love when BF leaves beard and hate it when shaved
I like a little stubble or a trimmed beard
but face pubes are disgusting
Bikini Mod
New member
I do NOT like facial hair on a man but since my husband has had it nearly all of his adult life, it makes him happy and it looks ok - when it is well-kempt, I don't raise a stink. I wish that he would keep his head shaved though. I really REALLY like him when he is shaved bald sexy.
But the beard really REALLY tickles my neck though, so much so that I pull away nearly every time he hugs me.
But the beard really REALLY tickles my neck though, so much so that I pull away nearly every time he hugs me.
javaguru
Banned
Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. I fall into that category..I'm not even cut out for serious relationships.
Grumpy Old Man
Grumpy Old Biker Bastard
Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. I fall into that category..I'm not even cut out for serious relationships.
slut
javaguru
Banned
I respect my elders and their wisdom...but I've wrangled myself.
Speaking as a person whose been half of a couple longer than I've been single (does that make sense?) I've gotta ask, why?Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. I fall into that category..I'm not even cut out for serious relationships.
digimon7068
New member
Some people just aren't cut out for marriage. I fall into that category..I'm not even cut out for serious relationships.
i don't believe that's true. . .but, what do i know??
KillahBee
New member
For me, personally, I just don't see the logic in it. If you take the need/desire to have children out of the equation, I wouldn't even consider marriage in a million years. It's pretty ludicrous, from a logic standpoint. I understand that marriage/love/whateverthefuck involves many emotions and it's probably unfair to view it solely from the logical POV, but that's how my brain works. Signing a lifelong contract just seems amazingly irresponsible and immature.
I also truly, truly believe that most marriages and relationships are based largely on fears (actually, I think a lot of daily human actions are based on fears, fears we don't even recognize). Strip away all the pretty little flowers and in the end you have two people who have grown up to believe that you ARE SUPPOSED TO commit to one person for the rest of your life and that if you don't, you are an outcast. Peer pressure is not just a teenage thing.
But when all is said and done, I try to ask one simple question before I execute any action whatsoever (be it marrying someone or eating a tuna sandwich for lunch) - "Will this increase my happiness?". And I just can't imagine how marriage could possibly make me a TRULY happier person than I am now.
I do agree somewhat with what you said about marriages being based on fears, I find this to be very often true with young (under age 30) marriages. Both myself and my husband can agree on that point too, we married the people we were married to then because of underlying fears.
Now much current marriage, whole different ball of wax, but we met when I was nearly 30 and he was 40.
digimon7068
New member
you must spend a lot of time disappointed
everytime usain bolt puts his feet in the blocks, do you think he tries to lower his time, or do you think he just tries to win the damn race?? i believe it's the latter, otherwise he'd spend most of his career in utter despair. winning the race is where the satisfaction lives. . .breaking the record is just icing on the cake. for the record. . .i was referring to the "tuna sandwich" decisions that you have to make everyday, more so than the "getting married" decision.
i don't know why most people get married either. . .52% of the time it doesn't work out. . .it's worked for me for 17 years next saturday. . .i believe that it will work for another 17 years. . .but, i'm way to practical to never say never.
KillahBee
New member
you must spend a lot of time disappointed
everytime usain bolt puts his feet in the blocks, do you think he tries to lower his time, or do you think he just tries to win the damn race?? i believe it's the latter, otherwise he'd spend most of his career in utter despair. winning the race is where the satisfaction lives. . .breaking the record is just icing on the cake. for the record. . .i was referring to the "tuna sandwich" decisions that you have to make everyday, more so than the "getting married" decision.
i don't know why most people get married either. . .52% of the time it doesn't work out. . .it's worked for me for 17 years next saturday. . .i believe that it will work for another 17 years. . .but, i'm way to practical to never say never.
Dude, I'm totally confused here (haven't had the morning coffee yet...). I don't get your metaphor.
Maybe I need to explain better. The "Will this make me happier" question most DEFINITELY is not a set up for disappointment. It's actually a buddhist technique. It's used more for making choices. In other words, when that goddamn Ben & Jerry's Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch pint is eye fucking me in the freezer aisle, all I do is stop, ask "Will this make me happier" (or some derivative) and move the fuck on when the answer is clearly "no".
Not sure how that could ever lead to disappointment.
Bikini Mod
New member
I agree with a lot of what you said. I didn't marry my ex based on fear but it was more about me wanting to leave my parents house and living my own life, as an adult. Not really fear-based decision (staying married to him was 100% though).
My marriage to my last husband had nothing to do with fear and I have ZERO fear in ending the marriage if he would ever stop treating me well or do something that would make me lose respect for him.
My husband was the one that wanted to get married and he works hard to STAY MARRIED every single day.
Would I be happier had I not married the Old Grump? Hard to say. I mean I don't know how very many dead people feel.
What I am trying to say is neither one of us HAD TO get married. There was no societal pressure - the Old Grump had lived the life of a rockstar and me, hello, I was the whore of Babylon who had her entire life taken from her, I was hated by the entire freaking planet for crimes that I'd never committed, even had my freedom threatened so I had NOTHING to lose by marrying the Grump.
Neither of us had a thing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain.
As far as any female trying to say that she doesn't NEED to get married. I felt that way too. My first marriage ended long before the paperwork was signed so why should I NEED another piece of paper to begin another committed relationship? I DIDN'T.
When you've been through what I've been through it isn't about "that piece of paper" (I'd had my good name smeared forever). It is about how society treats you differently when you choose to allow your life to be connected to an honorable man whose done great things (*great* is subject to individual definition). We will never have children and it is doubtfull that we will even get to parent the children we have and yet our commitment is no less.
We WANT to be friends and partners. We WANT the rest of society to respect that above all else. When a couple enters into legal marriage, that respect is assumed. How many live up to earning that respect - now that is a horse of another color.
I guess my question to you is: haven't you ever met a woman who enhanced your life so much that if she were no longer a part of it something would be missing? Someone who was a good friend, that you trusted and respected and who reciprocated those feelings for you and that you had terrific sexual chemistry with?
digimon7068
New member
you said every decision tree in your life is governed by the question "will this INCREASE my happiness?" i guess i'm asking "how much happier can you get?" isn't there maybe a limit to it out there once in a while. . .like maybe 9.69 on 08/16/08 in beijing is as good as gets. . .at least for a while. and just being "happy" is satisfying enough, without always looking for ways to "increase" your happiness.
i suppose my analogy was a little cryptic. . .sorry. . .i did have my coffee this morning. . .apparently too much
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It's not about knowing that the other person is THE one. Marraige is a promise that you make publicly. You promise to love and honor your spouse as long as you both shall live. Even if they get hit by a beer truck the day after your wedding and become a quadriplegic.
Are you willing to make that promise to your SO and capable of honoring it? And, do you believe your SO is capable of honoring that promise to you?
That's it; it's a yes or no question. It shouldn't be just a bet that no one better will come along.
I've been very happily married for 14 years.
KillahBee
New member
For a short amount of time? Yes.
Once the unicorns and glitter fade away? Absolutely not.
Bikini Mod
New member
That is why you NEVER marry *for love*.
LOVE is what you will find along the way.
You marry for LIKE, RESPECT and COMMON LIFE GOALS.
KillahBee
New member
Shit, I get like, respect and life goals from many people in my life. Didn't have to marry Angelo, my best friend.
Bikini Mod
New member
You mean you and Angelo want to grow old together?
You want to share a household and a life?Where's Rnch?!
Ask anyone whose been married for a long time, someone who still LIKES their partner. They will tell you the reason they've gotten this far is because they really REALLY like their partner (sans sex); that they married their BEST FRIEND.
^^^ This isn't something I invented.
When do unicorns and glitter fade away? I've had the same feelings for my husband for 15 years now. In fact, the sex is better than ever, totally different intensity than we had in the beginning.
We understand each other.
I'd be so fucking lost without him.
Bikini Mod
New member
I understand completely even though it's only been 3 years for us. We've been through an eternity in that short time; real life nightmare and he's still committed to me.
My husband can still make me orgasm from a kiss.
Yeah, good call, he's 29 (I checked his profile).
Bikini Mod
New member
Won't be that long.
I don't think that most should marry much before 30. Men bout mid 30's.
Nothing wrong with Killa's POV.
NO ONE SHOULD RUSH TO MARRY - EVER.
Oh yeah I agree. I know too many people my age who are on second and third marriages..its smart to stay out of that game unless you are absolutely sure that you are ready to settle down.
I was. I started to lose my looks at 22. I knew I needed to snag a good guy while I was at my prime. (LOL).
im just kidding - sorta
KillahBee
New member
Bikini Mod
New member
Goofball...
The upshot of "losing your looks" is that you get something much more valuale. You gain wisdom, compassion, patience, the kind of self-esteem that only life experience can give you. Good thing too because if that is not the case, you just end up "an aged beauty."
It majorly sucks that physical beauty fades. Sucks even more that our society is so anti-aging. But the confidence that comes from time is VERY sexy and not replaceable by anything else.
Thats great, now we know why you don't let him kiss you all "sexy" and stuff..
you'd never get anything done..
Bikini Mod
New member
Very true.
Unless it is on and we are going to get naked right then and there, I get VERY aroused from just talking - forget touching. I find it irritating to be touched when we aren't going to get busy NOW.
as a female, the bottom line is dont get fat or ugly
