Married and Divorced People - Please Read

[WODIN]

if still married:

1. have you thought about divorce - YES
2. were you scared prior to getting married - YES
3. did you have any doubts whatsoever - YES
4. are you happy because of your marriage (not because of kids) - YES
4. would you be happier if you had never married - No
5. has your marriage been good or bad for the most part -Good
6. how was your relationship prior to marriage - Rocky
7. how long did you date prior to marriage - Two Years, on and off
8. have you ever been or are you now attracted to other women - Do dogs piss on a trees?
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married? - No

 

[decem]

Funny how now HE is the one that WILL NOT LET GO.

bikinimom.. thx for the reply.. some of the things you mentioned ring so true it's scary.. every time i broke up with her.. after so many months.. it was me that could not let go.. and i'd have to get her back.. only to end up questioning the strength of my love for her once more.. but most of these questions arose when i was checking out the grass on the other side.. and seeing how green it was.. and see how much fun my friends were having etc.. so i'd break up with her.. (which everytime.. btw.. felt like i was breaking my own heart.. but i thought it was what needed done) fuck around with different women.. live "the single" life... only to find out that i really don't like the single life at all.. and that i would never meet someone i cared about so much.. never meet someone i was such good friends with (we really are best friends).. etc etc.. no matter how pretty they are or how smart they are... it all REALLY kicked in this time when i was apart from her.. and before.. i used to never be able to picture her having my kids.. or being married to her.. but i was sitting at the dinner table alone one night.. and all of a sudden.. my mind was filled with images of a kid in a highchair.. her being pregnant.. marriage.. all that... anywho.. i went to see her.. and everything was all good.. so i asked her to marry me..

anyway.. there's SOOOOOOO much more to it than that.. so much that i'd never be able to write it all out on here.. but even my mom.. who i've always talked to about my relationship.. and who i've told everything.. and who's been through a divorce herself.. knows that i'm doing the right thing.. and that we'll be happy.. etc etc.....

and to tell you the truth.. i know i'll be happy..

 

[pushing_fe]

1. could you give a very brief explanation of what happened
2. why it happened
3. if you think it could have been avoided
4. if you knew it was going to happen all along (if not, how long it took you to realize it just wasn't gonna work)
5. what type of relationship you had prior to marriage
6. if you looked back on it - could you clearly see that you should have never gotten married in the first place
7. how long did you date prior to marriage
8. if you were scared as fuck prior to marriage
9. if the divorce was the biggest pain in the ass you ever went through or if it was relatively painfree, etc etc....
10. did you ever cheat on your partner prior to or while married?

Divorced for 6 months.

1. Not exactly sure, she says I was mean to her, but I think that she just wanted to hang out with her friends and party all the time.
2. We started drinking a lot and having parties and didn't attend church or have children.
3 I don't know. I would like to think that it could have been, but I'm not the one that wanted a divorce in the first place.
4. No idea, I made it very clear to her before we ever got married that marriage was very important to me, and if she wasn't in it for the long haul then we shouldn't get married at all.
5. Very good, we were with each other almost every day.
6. I would still have married her.
7. 3 years
8. Only slightly
9. It was very easy legally, but emotionally it was the most difficult thing that I have ever or will ever go through.
10. Never

We are still good friends, and I am still in love with her. We have talked about getting back together, but she has changed a lot and I don't know if I want to go through that again.

 

[decem]

thx to everyone for their replies.. i'm just happy to see so many variations to everything.. i was scared that everyone would say "i had no doubts.. and i'm happily married". etc..

machine.. i'm not rushing into to it.. i have given myself the time away from her to explore and be with other women.. live the single life (about 10 months out of 2.75 years).. only to learn that i can't live without her.. i too.. just now realized that that "in love" feeling is cyclical... before i used to get caught up in wanting the bells and whistles..and wanting them all the time.. but i've finally come to the realization that i can't have those all the time.... and lastly.. was it just a coincidence that you only answered the question "have you ever cheated PRIOR to marriage?"

beastboy.. regarding your #2,3, and 9.. all i gotta say is.. pppheeeeewwwww.. i was afraid i'd see no to all those questions.. i too am overcoming my doubts.. in fact i find that i'm overcoming alot of shit i had doubt about.. my problem is that i get caught up in the what-if's... and the way i look at "cheating" prior to marriage.. is that you're never going to really really KNOW that you did the right thing.. or that you're with the right person.. unless of course you experience other people.. etc..

y_lifter.. thx for the reply.. she'd never try to change me.. i might try to change her a little.. not really change her.. but help her to show more of her good qualities more of the time.. (i.e. inner strength.. she's lacking sometimes.. but she has it.. i'd just try to get her to have it all the time - does that make sense? it's not bad is it?)

wodin.. thx man... it's good to hear that even YOU had doubts...

 

[beastboy]

beastboy.. regarding your #2,3, and 9.. all i gotta say is.. pppheeeeewwwww.. i was afraid i'd see no to all those questions.. i too am overcoming my doubts.. in fact i find that i'm overcoming alot of shit i had doubt about.. my problem is that i get caught up in the what-if's... and the way i look at "cheating" prior to marriage.. is that you're never going to really really KNOW that you did the right thing.. or that you're with the right person.. unless of course you experience other people.. etc..

decem,

I feel the cheating was what actually helped me...it showed me that I couldn't feel the same way about another women then the way I felt about my wife. Now when I am tempted, I just think about what I felt in the past....does that make sense?

 

[THeMaCHinE]

was it just a coincidence that you only answered the question "have you ever cheated PRIOR to marriage?"

This is a cut and paste of the question:
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married -- No


Did I miss something? Just so there is no confusion, no, I've never cheated on my wife. Cheating is the most despicable form of human behavior.

P.S. I'm glad you're examining yourself and your relationship very closely. That's great and I wish you the best in your marriage. I do hope that you take my advice on entrance counseling. It really is a very excellent thing to do, and is another sign of commitment to the marriage. Even if you don't think you need it, you will be suprised at how much it helps. It's better to have some things answered and thought out before you are approached with them.

 

[decem]

Now when I am tempted, I just think about what I felt in the past....does that make sense?

that makes PERFECT sense man.. cuz i do the SAME thing.. not so much with the cheating matter.. cuz that was 2 years ago.. and we'd only been dating a few years.. but.. during the last month before i left her for the second time.. when i was in san fran.. i had been talking to a girl i worked in the gym with. FUCKING HOT AS HELL.. and cool as fuck (or so it seemed).. and after we'd agreed that we were over. and i'd go home when my semester was over.. we started going out.. chilling.. go to starbucks.. etc.. i was almost falling for this girl.. but we never did do anything.. so i come home.. and continue to talk to her.. and the more i talked to her.. (she was going to come out and see me).. the more i disliked her.. the same goes for all the people i've dated during our breakups.. it's cool as fuck at first.. mostly cuz it's new... but when it comes down to it.. i will never meet another one like my fiancee..

 

[decem]

oops.. in that last post.. i said i'd cheated after we'd been dating a few years.. i meant to say a few months..

This is a cut and paste of the question:
9. did you ever cheat prior to or while married -- No

P.S. I'm glad you're examining yourself and your relationship very closely. That's great and I wish you the best in your marriage. I do hope that you take my advice on entrance counseling. It really is a very excellent thing to do, and is another sign of commitment to the marriage. Even if you don't think you need it, you will be suprised at how much it helps. It's better to have some things answered and thought out before you are approached with them.

sorrry... i missed the "or while" in your post.. i thought it just said "prior".. sorry..

and thx... and you're right.. about having things answered and thought out before approached with them.. that's why i'm kinda happy we've been through a few break ups now.. and didn't go through with the first time i proposed to her (oh yeah.. we've been engaged before.. but i bailed.. that was apr. of 2000).. cuz now this shit won't come up when i'm married...

thx again machine..

 

[THeMaCHinE]

de nada Good luck and Godspeed...

 

[decem]

Re: Re: Married and Divorced People - Please Read

Divorced for 6 months.

1. Not exactly sure, she says I was mean to her, but I think that she just wanted to hang out with her friends and party all the time.
2. We started drinking a lot and having parties and didn't attend church or have children.
3 I don't know. I would like to think that it could have been, but I'm not the one that wanted a divorce in the first place.
4. No idea, I made it very clear to her before we ever got married that marriage was very important to me, and if she wasn't in it for the long haul then we shouldn't get married at all.
5. Very good, we were with each other almost every day.
6. I would still have married her.
7. 3 years
8. Only slightly
9. It was very easy legally, but emotionally it was the most difficult thing that I have ever or will ever go through.
10. Never

We are still good friends, and I am still in love with her. We have talked about getting back together, but she has changed a lot and I don't know if I want to go through that again.

pushin_fe.. i'm sorry to hear that man.. i really am.. and while i know i can't really say for sure.. but the way i THINK i'd look at it if i got divorced.. was that it was just another relationship that didn't work. and wouldn't get caught up in the "divorce" thing.. ya know? cuz.. essentially.. that's all it is.. a relationship.. and clearly not all of them work.. anyway man.. i'm sure that doesn't help you at all.. i just wanted to say it..

if you don't mind.. i'd like to ask you some more questions.. if you don't want to answer them.. that's cool too.

1. how long were you married?
2. did you have any doubts at all about your love.. or hers.. prior to marriage?