As soon as I get back on insurance I'm sure I will get some help. This is just my outlet guys.
If you don't have insurance, find some counseling through the community. There are outlets if you are willing to look for them. Is it ideal? No, perhaps not. Is it convenient? Probably not. Can you do it if you are willing? Yes.
he attachment is almost on a subconscious level that I can't control, like an instinct, or breathing
Poppycock. You have built this shit up in your mind so much, you have made yourself the victim so much, that you are starting to latch onto this as a viable excuse to be a failure. You want a reason to fail because succeeding is hard. Nobody is sympathetic to success. Take the rose-colored glasses off and see things as they really are, not as the fantasy that you have created in your mind.
Your attachment to her is no greater or less than thousands of other ruined and unhealthy relationships that millions of people have walked away from. You always have a choice to walk away -- indeed freedom over yourself is one of the few freedoms you have.
At this point I think I am going to turn to some X for answers...
There's little point in speaking to this. You know better. I also think you are looking for a little attention here, some sign that people care about you and that they will rush up to tell you "no, no!" -- This thought is ridiculous and you know it. A couple tabs of X will buy you a therapy session by the way.
I guess it is just funny to hear just how pathetic my actions are becoming from everyone else. I don't know.
You do know. You have self-esteem issues. You seem to want people to tell you are shit, so that you can believe it and give yourself permission to live miserably; after all, it won't be your fault -- it'll be them ... Guess what? You aren't shit. You have all the power in the world. You are master of your own dominion, and what you want out of this life, you take! Stand up and do something!
You are exactly right. Her actions and mine are like we both want to hang by that thread without it breaking, it's really bizarre.
No, those are your actions. And what you want to see out of hers. Reality is, she is moving soon, you are convenient up until that point, that is all. She will string you along for as long as it suits her interest -- it has nothing to do with you.
She makes excuses for what she says then I believe them.
Subliminal slip? That's reality. She makes excuses, you believe them. Really think about what you just said for a second. Think about what that implies.
Hopefully I can just take your advice soon and be done with it...
Change that to "I can take your advice and be done with it." It's a choice, a choice you are fully capable of making. Be brave. You will be a stronger person for it in the end.
maybe I am just weak sometimes...
Everybody is weak sometimes. Do you want to be weak overall? What kind of values would you want to pass down to your child? How would you react if you had a friend going through the same thing?
Deep down, you already know everything you need to know about your situation. You've known it for a long time. It's time to act.
Listening to your gut is not always easy. Doing the right thing is sometimes terribly hard. But you will never look down on yourself if you take the steps.
Pretend to be somebody that you want to become and act as that person would act. Soon, you will become that person.
Go buy "Letting Love Go" from the bookstore. Find somebody qualified to talk to.
You will make it through this. If you want to. I don't give a shit how you've been treated, or what people have said about you, if your parents were mean to you, whatever. This is up to you and only you. Do the right thing. Cut off all contact. All contact. And move on with your life.
Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
