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needtogetaas
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It’s finally here. The week before Spring Break. A time for sweating, railing chicks, lifting and f*cking slamming brews. Spring Break to a frat boy like me is sweeter than f*cking Christmas morning when you’re in first grade. It allows the true frat stars to get tan, get f*cked up, hit on skeezers and fight people who aren’t in frats.
One of the bros performing Step 4. Don't let this one slide, it's f*cking mandatory.
My brain hurts when I think of all the people out there who aren’t in f*cking frats. I mean what else is there? The rest of this article is dedicated to teaching the outside world of how a true f*cking frat boy prepares for the greatest week of his life: f*cking Spring Break. WOOOOO WOOOOOO!!
The first mistake that all you non-frat star kids make is that you attend all your classes the week before God’s best gift to this world. Yes, I’m talking about Spring Break. When you attend these classes that don’t teach you sh*t about getting hammered and how to f*ck a chick with great tits, you lose vital time of tanning, working out and eating protein. These three activities are crucial in spring break training — without them you will just be another piece of sh*t who’s not in a frat.
I’m thinking about getting a class added to IU’s roster basically teaching freshman how fun it is to get f*cked up and to pick out a slut with great tits. So let’s get things f*cking straight— if you want to get ready for Spring Break ’08, you will shut the f*ck up and listen to what my frat bro’s have to say. These men are professionals in slamming brews, spotting great tits, lifting, and spotting great tits. So here’s your f*cking list, compiled by my bros of how to get laid and it’s also your first step to not being a pussy b*tch.
Step 1
As I said before, you must under no circumstances attend your classes.
If you have a test, go into the room, drop your pants and piss all over the paper and say, “IT’S F*CKING SPRING BREAK!”
Step 2
Make as many appointments as you possibly can at the local tanning salon. If they tell you they are busy, tell them to shut the f*ck up and go there anyway and get your pale ass body into that bed. A tan body is a great body — your first step to landing a hot chick with great tits.
Step 3
Make sure your protein intake for this week is 10,000 grams per day.
You’re not going to look like a true frat star until you eat like one.
If you want to look like a little b*tch for the rest of your life that’s not my problem, but I seriously think you should take our advice.
Step 4
Get your lazy ass to the gym and work the f*ck out. It’s really not hard. We have only two exercises for you, and they are curls and bench press. It’s all that f*cking matters and chicks know it. You also should name your biceps something f*cking sweet — I mean the biceps are the most important part of the male body so they deserve a little bit of credit. I personally named my biceps “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “House of 1000 Corpses.”
Step 5
So look here, your testosterone is going to be at a record high and there’s going to be little f*cking bitches that you’re going to want to fight. It’s completely normal that whenever a strong male sees a weakness in another he has to attack it — no questions asked, nor is an explanation needed. To prepare for these inevitable fights, grab a frat buddy and take turns slamming each other in the face until you realize how serious it’s going to get. Second step, watch Scarface, Rambo, The Godfathers and Blade. These movies will teach you how to kick ass and take names, a mandatory mission for any frat star.
Step 6
If you have a f*cking mirror or see a mirror in the room get used to seeing your f*cking ass in it. Constantly tell yourself how f*cking sweet you are, how much pussy you’re going to get and how much ass you are going to kick. A small detail that I forgot to leave out was that under no circumstances may your shirt be on while looking at yourself. Flex your body and make yourself believe that you are God’s gift to f*cking fratting.
Step 7
Prepare yourself to hit on chicks with great tits. For this spring break, we have made it mandatory for every frat boy going on our trip to f*ck at least 10 chicks with tit size of no smaller than D.
You may be asking yourself, “How the f*ck am I going to complete all these tasks in one week?” I’ll tell you how: don’t be a f*cking pussy and get your sh*t together. You were put on this earth for three reasons, and they are to crush beers, f*ck chicks with great tits and lift heavy objects. If you can’t complete these tasks, f*cking transfer to St. Mary’s reform school for girls.
That’s all I got for you — the beers, the weights and the chicks with great tits are all in your court. Make it happen and always remember: "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." Langston Hughes said that.
Don’t let me down B-Town,
Brett “Beachbody” McMillan
One of the bros performing Step 4. Don't let this one slide, it's f*cking mandatory.
My brain hurts when I think of all the people out there who aren’t in f*cking frats. I mean what else is there? The rest of this article is dedicated to teaching the outside world of how a true f*cking frat boy prepares for the greatest week of his life: f*cking Spring Break. WOOOOO WOOOOOO!!
The first mistake that all you non-frat star kids make is that you attend all your classes the week before God’s best gift to this world. Yes, I’m talking about Spring Break. When you attend these classes that don’t teach you sh*t about getting hammered and how to f*ck a chick with great tits, you lose vital time of tanning, working out and eating protein. These three activities are crucial in spring break training — without them you will just be another piece of sh*t who’s not in a frat.
I’m thinking about getting a class added to IU’s roster basically teaching freshman how fun it is to get f*cked up and to pick out a slut with great tits. So let’s get things f*cking straight— if you want to get ready for Spring Break ’08, you will shut the f*ck up and listen to what my frat bro’s have to say. These men are professionals in slamming brews, spotting great tits, lifting, and spotting great tits. So here’s your f*cking list, compiled by my bros of how to get laid and it’s also your first step to not being a pussy b*tch.
Step 1
As I said before, you must under no circumstances attend your classes.
If you have a test, go into the room, drop your pants and piss all over the paper and say, “IT’S F*CKING SPRING BREAK!”
Step 2
Make as many appointments as you possibly can at the local tanning salon. If they tell you they are busy, tell them to shut the f*ck up and go there anyway and get your pale ass body into that bed. A tan body is a great body — your first step to landing a hot chick with great tits.
Step 3
Make sure your protein intake for this week is 10,000 grams per day.
You’re not going to look like a true frat star until you eat like one.
If you want to look like a little b*tch for the rest of your life that’s not my problem, but I seriously think you should take our advice.
Step 4
Get your lazy ass to the gym and work the f*ck out. It’s really not hard. We have only two exercises for you, and they are curls and bench press. It’s all that f*cking matters and chicks know it. You also should name your biceps something f*cking sweet — I mean the biceps are the most important part of the male body so they deserve a little bit of credit. I personally named my biceps “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “House of 1000 Corpses.”
Step 5
So look here, your testosterone is going to be at a record high and there’s going to be little f*cking bitches that you’re going to want to fight. It’s completely normal that whenever a strong male sees a weakness in another he has to attack it — no questions asked, nor is an explanation needed. To prepare for these inevitable fights, grab a frat buddy and take turns slamming each other in the face until you realize how serious it’s going to get. Second step, watch Scarface, Rambo, The Godfathers and Blade. These movies will teach you how to kick ass and take names, a mandatory mission for any frat star.
Step 6
If you have a f*cking mirror or see a mirror in the room get used to seeing your f*cking ass in it. Constantly tell yourself how f*cking sweet you are, how much pussy you’re going to get and how much ass you are going to kick. A small detail that I forgot to leave out was that under no circumstances may your shirt be on while looking at yourself. Flex your body and make yourself believe that you are God’s gift to f*cking fratting.
Step 7
Prepare yourself to hit on chicks with great tits. For this spring break, we have made it mandatory for every frat boy going on our trip to f*ck at least 10 chicks with tit size of no smaller than D.
You may be asking yourself, “How the f*ck am I going to complete all these tasks in one week?” I’ll tell you how: don’t be a f*cking pussy and get your sh*t together. You were put on this earth for three reasons, and they are to crush beers, f*ck chicks with great tits and lift heavy objects. If you can’t complete these tasks, f*cking transfer to St. Mary’s reform school for girls.
That’s all I got for you — the beers, the weights and the chicks with great tits are all in your court. Make it happen and always remember: "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." Langston Hughes said that.
Don’t let me down B-Town,
Brett “Beachbody” McMillan
